Musings on Marriage

Category: Just thinking (Page 2 of 8)

Benevolent Detachment

Have you ever seen a gnarly tree?  They are not particularly attractive – they twist, turn and look like they’ve been injured.  If you’ve seen the Lord of the Rings, you may remember Treebeard, one of the Ents (the living and walking trees) who befriended Merry and Pippin and let them ride in his branches as he walked along to assist them in their hunt for Frodo. Treebeard was a gnarly tree…  

It is a gnarly time to be a human being.  And God cares about your humanity… 

John Eldredge writes these words, and gnarly is a good descriptor of the era in which we live.  Twisted, rough, crooked, distorted, dangerous, hazardous, precarious, insecure – all are definitions for the word gnarly.  Some days more than others, I am tempted to feel those emotions as I look around at our country and culture.

John, along with his team at Wild at Heart, have constructed an app which has been a rescue for me.  Named The One Minute Pause, it gives space during my day to breathe, come away from the world’s problems and my own problems, and place them where they belong – on the shoulders of God.

We, as frail  human beings, were not ever expected to carry our burdens on our own; they are simply too heavy for us.  In The One Minute Pause app, the first words you hear are

I give everyone and everything to you, God.

Coming from the verse ,

Cast all your cares upon God, for He cares for you.

1 Peter 5:7

I had not heard the term Benevolent Detachment before.  I love the word Benevolent – meaning kind, compassionate, tenderhearted.  It sounds warm and loving.  Yet when benevolent is paired with the word detachment, they appear to be opposites. Jesus wants us to love people, of course, and to care about the circumstances surrounding them, but He also wants us to understand that we cannot save anyone.  We have a part to play, yet we need to be careful not to overstep into the realm God plays  in people’s lives.  It’s a little like staying in your own lane, yet driving responsibly to protect you and the people around you. 

If you look at the life of Jesus, this is exactly how he lived.  He loved well but was never dependent on people’s opinions – negative or positive – he simply cared deeply but never entangled himself in order to coerce or control.  If someone rejected Him, He walked away.  When someone wanted to be with Him, He allowed it, yet at times even He would walk away when He needed rest and solitude.  He knew He was living in a human body and had the same limitations our bodies possess.  He knew he needed rest and quiet time away from people, and he knew He was totally dependent on his Father, just as we are.

Thinking through your hours and minutes today, what or who do you need to let go of, to benevolently detach from?

Your children?

Your parents?

The text you just received?

Your expectations of the perfect life you had hoped would someday appear?

Your worries about finances?

Your husband?

Your planning for the future?

The number of likes you received from your latest social media post?

The frustrations of your job?

There are times in my past when I had the crazy idea that I was in control of my own destiny. I believed I must be the one to figure stuff out on my own, and it was up to me to make it work.  But I have learned that I have no such power.  The verse 

Cast all your cares upon God, for He cares for you

reminds me that I don’t have to carry that load, and there’s no way in the world that  I can.  Jesus has offered to bear it all, so why not let Him?  

There are many instances when we simply cannot fix our own or others’ problems.  We can’t change other people, it’s actually quite tough to bring change in our own lives.  But we can seek God and His wisdom, surrendering ourselves and others to Him.  There is simply no other way to live in peace and contentment.

If you are interested in downloading the free app, simply type into your Google search bar: One Minute Pause App and begin to give your cares and your worries to your Heavenly Father. There’s no one who cares like He does.

Who’s the Author of Your Story?

I recently watched the trilogy of J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings once again.  I love seeing Sam and Frodo as they live through many adventures far away from their comfortable hobbit holes, both wonders and dangers.  They’ve fought a battle on Weathertop, seen the beauty of Rivendell, the dark mines of Moria and then, as they are standing in the long shadow of Mordor, Sam asks a question,

I wonder what sort of tale we’ve fallen into?

He assumes there is a story.  Something larger has been going on before they ever arrived and they have somehow tumbled into it.  Sam and Frodo know they aren’t the authors of their story, because there has been a lineage of people who have gone before them, and they are honored – yet a little fearful – to be playing their unique roles in this same story. 

It may benefit us all if we were to ask that very question of ourselves,

What sort of tale have I fallen into?

If we don’t know our purpose, the reason we are living on this earth, if we think we’re an accident, then we will flounder our way through life.  As Neil Postman writes about the scientific view to which many people hold:

In the end, science does not supply the answers most of us require.

Its story of our origins and our end is, to say the least, unsatisfactory.

To the question `How did it all begin?’, science answers,

`Probably by an accident.’  To the question, `How will it all end?’

Science answers, `Probably by an accident.’  And to many people,

The accidental life is not worth living.  (Science and the Story we Need)

If we think our life is an accident, we may conclude that we are the author of our own story.  Yet a simple fact remains: we have no control over tomorrow, today, or even this moment.  Thinking we are our own author brings more stress and anxiety than any human is capable of bearing.  Seeking to figure out why everything happens in a day plus worrying about tomorrow puts us in a never-ending Ring around the rosy chase in our mind.  Ashes, Ashes, we all fall down

Because you were fashioned by a Creator who placed you in the story you are now living, you do have a part to play in this story on earth.  Remember Frodo never planned to be caught up in the epic story of The Lord of the Rings, but there he was, born into a story having many chapters played out before his own.  And because he was willing to take his place in the story already started, he was ready to meet the challenges set before him along with the other hobbits in his fellowship.

When we know the Author of our story, and the simple fact that there is a larger story into which we have been born, we find that we do have a purpose.  We exist because Jesus dreamt us up.  When God, the Author of our story, created people, He made us in His image on purpose. Because we can be certain of the fact that our birth wasn’t an accident, we can freely move forward and seek out what our purpose is – by simply asking the Author of the Grand Story.

Remember – the battle right now is for the narrative; who gets to frame the story for you?  Either it will be God, or someone else.

John Eldredge

If we allow our society to frame our story, we are expected to figure out many questions on our own:

Who am I?

Why am I here?

What is my purpose?

Where am I going?

Was I born into the wrong body?

Am I just an accident?

But if you allow God to frame your story, He assures you that He created your inmost being, He knit you together in your mother’s womb.  Body, soul, and spirit, you are marvelously made and have been sculpted into a person of value.  He loves you and has a purpose for your life if you choose to ask Him.  You are not an accident, and if invited He will show you your part in His Story.

Unfortunately, many children and teenagers today are being taught in school and on social media that they are not part of a bigger story, therefore they are required to create a story of their own – from ground zero. When a child has nothing absolute in their life, confusion reigns in every area of their life.  

Knowing that Jesus is the Author of your story brings peace and assurance, takes a lot of pressure off your mind, and you may even find joy in the process.

Charity Gayle, one of my current favorite singers has an amazing song, New Name Written Down In Glory, with a line that goes,

I’ve met the Author of my story, and He’s mine…

I am who I am because the I AM tells me who I am….

Peace in the Storm

As we were driving to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, enjoying the summer-time greenery of the pastures, these lines from Psalm 23 came to mind.  They come from a poem written thousands of years ago by King David, probably remembering his younger days as a shepherd caring for his father’s sheep.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want

He makes me lie down in green pastures….

As you may remember, Jesus calls Himself the Good Shepherd, which means we are compared to sheep in a metaphorical sense.  Being equated to sheep is not necessarily a compliment because sheep are kinda stupid, they quickly stray, are dependent on others and easily frightened.

In order for sheep to lie down in peace they have need of a few important requirements.  The first one is freedom from fear.  Because sheep have a herd mentality, they are skittish and easily agitated.  If even a little jack-rabbit hops from behind a bush and one startled sheep runs in fright, it can cause the entire flock to bolt into a stampede –the rest not even looking to see what caused the ruckus. 

We too are easily carried away by fear if someone speaks terror or dread – whether it be true or false, real or imagined.  It’s so easy to run with the herd, getting caught up in a mob mentality, simply reacting to the running of those around us.

Life is hazardous, unpredictable; no one knows what fears and anxieties any moment will bring.  Usually it is the unexpected and unknown, or the fear of the unknown that throw us into a panic.  Often our first impulse is to run from the harsh complexities of life – just like the sheep.

But if we look up, we’ll see our Good Shepherd waiting for us to turn to Him, desiring that we rest and not run.  Admitting we cannot do life well on our own, he brings peace, calm and serenity – even in the midst of a terrible, horrible, no-good very bad day.

As I grow older, I am finally learning that no amount of worry, control or angst ever helped any problem I had.  It only caused fear and dread.  For years I tried to solve problems on my own, figure out and rely on my own wisdom, but rarely experienced the peace Jesus promised.

Why do we always think we can change people or control our circumstances?

Why is it so difficult to rest, to trust God to do his work in his time?

When will we ever give up and relinquish our ambitions to do God’s work for him?

Only when we choose to rest.

Another source of fear from which a shepherd delivers his sheep is rivalry, cruel competition and tension within the flock.  In the animal kingdom there is an established order of dominance, better known as a pecking order with chickens, a horning order with cattle, and a butting order among sheep. 

Usually a domineering, arrogant old ewe will be the boss of a flock.  She maintains her position by butting and driving other ewes or lambs away from the best grazing.  Then in turn they will use the same tactics of butting and shoving around those who are lower than they on the totem pole.

When there’s friction in the flock, the sheep cannot lie down in rest because they always have to be standing up to defend their rights and be on the lookout for safety.  They need to constantly be on alert, never able to let down their guard for fear of losing out on food and safety. 

But as past-shepherd Phillip Keller says,

one point that always interested me very much was that whenever I came into view and my presence attracted their attention, the sheep quickly forgot their foolish rivalries and stopped their fighting.  The shepherd’s presence made all the difference in their behavior.

Somehow, when the guy in charge, on a much higher status than those rude sheep, comes on the scene, they forget the silly scuffling and struggle for status and lie down.  Contentment and peace within the flock ensues. 

How much that scene sounds like us humans.  We try to appear as if we have it all together, put on that toothy smile and strike a confident pose, yet still we feel the need to prove ourselves – to others as well as to us.  But when we keep our eyes on our Good Shepherd, we know we are on even ground with everyone else, that without the grace of God we would be lost – a ship without a rudder, the proverbial hamster on a wheel going round and round yet arriving nowhere.

When my eyes are on my Master, they are not on those around me.

This is the place of peace, says Keller.

Jesus is so kind, so merciful to make us lie down in green pastures.  On our own we would never do it because we’re too busy doing stuff.  It’s only when we lie down and rest, trust him for tomorrow, and give thanks for what he is doing today, that we are content being in the silence of his presence. I have laid in green pastures more than I would like, but looking back I see it was only in this quiet, surrendered, helpless pose that He was able to get my attention on Him and off myself.

Lie down, look at your Shepherd and be at rest.

Mold and Lies

I was pondering mold the other day – it and I do not have a good working relationship.  It’s a nasty fungus that grows in the dark and has been harboring in my body for years.  I am becoming quite the expert on mold, not by choice but by necessity.  Even though it’s been hiding inside of me for decades it has finally been brought out into the light and deposed. 

For years I have treated my body well, feeding it good nutritious food and vitamins yet I was always fatigued and could rarely sleep without medication.  I’ve been to countless doctors, both mainstream medical, homeopathic, osteopathic; I have tried naturopathic docs, chiropractors, acupuncture and sleep specialists.  Numerous times I would hear the phrase,

You are a most unusual case…

 Concurrently with all this I had prayed for myself, for wisdom in finding help.  I was prayed over by other people but nothing seemed to help my body regain energy.

Until… through a series of seemingly random events I discovered that my body was harboring molds – many strains of the toxic stuff:  Aflatoxin, Ochratoxin A, Gliotoxin along with many other nasty toxins.  Finding a doctor with the knowledge of removing mold from the body was a challenge yet I was led to a detoxification specialist living in the neighboring country of Canada, not far from my home in Michigan – Zoom calls are an amazing invention.

Then I got thinking about the similarities between the darkness of mold lurking in my body and the darkness of lies lurking in our minds – lies about ourselves, others and God.  Mold in our body and lies in our mind can often mimic each other.

Many lies are fed to us through unsuspecting people.  They come to us from our parents, our siblings, our enemies, our teachers and ourselves.  Some of them may be:

I’m too much to handle

I’m a loser

I’m not enough

I’m just a burden to my people

No one likes me (especially if they really know me)

God is disappointed in me

All I deserve are the crumbs and the leftovers

When those lies come to find a home in our mind, they play on repeat – over and over until they have carved a rut in our thoughts.  When the lies we believe become louder and louder, they can sap our energy because they make us feel like we are in captivity, sitting in prison with the door locked.  But, amazingly,  the door can be opened simply by replacing those lies with the truth of who God says you are.

I am chosen

I am a treasured possession

I am fearfully and wonderfully made

I am the apple of God’s eye

God loves me!

Even if I fall, God will raise me up again

I am redeemed

I am forgiven

If our self talk is anything less than what

Jesus says about us, we have misunderstood the Cross.

Rebecca Richardson

Lies we believe in our mind can be just as debilitating as mold in our bodies.  Ask me how I know, I’ve experienced both.  Many years ago I learned to detox my mind by believing who Christ says I am.  It was not an overnight renewal, but slowly and surely I was able to believe and live as if God really sees me as his treasured possession. Now – since I’ve discovered my body’s enemy – I am going through yet another detox. 

This detox takes time and patience – it is not instantaneous. I’ve been told it will take up to 18 months to clean out all those toxins. But my energy is back, I’m sleeping better than I have in years and I am able to walk and be off the couch, instead of the 4 to 5 hours a day I used to spend resting.

Thanks be to God for his amazing gift of healing on so many levels!   

 

Unoffendable

Did you know you can choose to be unoffendable?  Being offended is what comes natural, it’s our human default setting.  If someone makes us mad, or maybe just disagrees with us, our first impulse is to be offended. 

When I first heard of Brant Hansen’s book Unoffendable, I was offended.  I always thought it was good and healthy to be angry at some things – like sex trafficking, child pornography and civil rights abuses.  Sure, I know Jesus taught us to love others, forgive people who hurt us, be patient with those who irritate us.  But really, is that what he meant for every day?  Every time someone cuts me off in traffic, anyone who doesn’t agree with my political or religious views, people who take my innocuous comments as a reason for heated vitriol, others who are just plain mean? 

Today’s cancel culture teaches us – If you aren’t like me, if you disagree with me – I will cancel you out of my life and never speak to you again.

When I study the life of Jesus, I am amazed.  He never cancelled anyone.  Nor was He ever shocked or surprised at human behavior.  He knew that we are all basically selfish, He knew the fallen human heart was just that – fallen.  So maybe, just maybe we would do well to live the same way.  We all know what’s in our own heart so we can imagine every other person struggles with the same exact stuff.

Different details

            different day

                        different location

                                    different people,

but basically, we all skirmish with the same emotions as every other human on the planet.

Because I battle bitterness toward people who have hurt me, I imagine others do as well.  I struggle with forgiveness, so I know others also struggle when I hurt them.  When we can accept it as a fact – that people in general are self-centered, untrustworthy, unfaithful and prone to egocentricity – we need not be shocked any longer and can learn to adjust our expectations accordingly. 

Now this may sound quite pessimistic but we no longer have to be surprised at human behavior. If we simply remember that people will react in ways we don’t like, we can plan for it and choose a better way.  We can replace the shock and anger with gratitude.

Yes, the world is broken, but don’t be offended by it.  Instead, thank God that He’s intervened in it, and He’s going to restore it to everything it was meant to be.  Yes, the world is broken, and selfish is our default setting. Brant Hansen

It takes the miracle of a new heart to become unoffended.  We see anger in the grocery store and at the bank, rage on the roads and annoyance at home.  Offense seems to be the fashion, outrage the popular trend.  But to be perpetually shocked and offended at others is exhausting.  Brant suggests that we might start living with realistic expectations and choose to be the exception – to be those who are not offended.

So, what if we started being the exception?  The Beautiful Exception.

Imagine the results of speaking kindness after being insulted instead of shooting back words of the same.

Imagine the beauty when we pray prayers of intercession for our enemies instead of words of accusation.

Imagine the reaction if we searched and spoke of the good people do instead of highlighting the evil.

Imagine trusting God to take care of the people who have hurt us, to let Him do the work and mete out the justice we are incapable of giving.

Imagine if someone cuts you off in traffic and you choose to replace that shock and horror with gratitude, to forgive them and actually pray for them.

And then when a person generously lets you merge – give thanks.

Imagine when your UPS driver drops off a package, you open the door and shout out thank you!

Imagine your life becoming less stressful because you give up your right to anger and offense.

We need to remember, always remember when Jesus was reviled, spat upon and mocked, he never came back with similar words, but instead as he was hanging from the cross, prayed for his enemies,

Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.

And if Jesus lives in us, we have the power to forgive, to give thanks during difficult times and trust our Father to do what we cannot.

We draw people to Christ by not loudly discrediting what they believe, by telling them how wrong they are and how right we are, but by showing them a light that is so lovely, that they want to know with all their hearts the source of it. 

Madeleine L’Engle

And as Brant Hansen sums it up:

When we recognize our unsurprising fallenness and keep our eyes joyfully open for the glorious exceptions, we’re much less offendable.  Why?

Because that’s the thing about gratitude and anger: they can’t coexist.  It’s one or the other.

One drains the very life from you.  The other fills your life with wonder.

Choose wisely.

Let’s be the Beautiful Exception.

Don’t Worry, Be Happy

Dear Daughters,

Some of you may remember the song Don’t Worry, Be Happy which won song of the year at the Grammy Awards in 1989.  It’s got a cool Caribbean beat, and Bobbie McFerrin sings a cappella about the wonderful freedom of being happy, not worrying about a thing.  Even when your bed is taken away, your rent is overdue, no cash, no style, no gal to make you smile, Bobbie tells us to have no worries… just be happy.

I loved that song and would sing along with it as we were living among the beautiful wheat and sunflower fields in Kansas – on my good days.  But on difficult days when I was struggling with raising you four girls and trying to navigate my place in a town far away from the city where I had become comfortable, the song would be of little help.

It’s great to sing happy songs on care-free days when all the world is setting right, but quite another feat to sing when we are worried about buying groceries and gas in a world of inflation.

According to the researchers who study worry, they found 70% – 80% of the thoughts running through the average person’s head at any given time, were based on events which have happened in the past or those events which may happen in the future.  This would include all of the woulda, shoulda  coulda accusations we run through on repeat in our heads for far too many of our days.  Thoughts about regrets, labeling ourselves as a problem or a nuisance, can overwhelm and often freeze us from what we need to do in the present.

Then there are those thoughts about the future: will we have enough money to buy gas and groceries this month?  What will this world be like for our children and grandchildren as they grow up in such divisive times?  Will my friends betray me, will my family disown me?  And then the famous FOMO – the fear of missing out .…and the list goes on.

But in contrast to all these worries, we find this wise advice which Jesus spoke several thousand years ago:

Don’t worry about missing out. 

You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now,

and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow.

  God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up

when the time comes.                              

Matthew 6:34 (The Message)

So, what do we replace worry with?  We are told not to worry, but how?  I have found the best antidote to worry is worship.  God has continually promised that He will provide, He will never leave us nor forsake us, He loves us – all we need do is trust.  So, what could be better than singing – about God’s faithfulness, and His Holy Spirit who lives in us wherever we go?

Clouds

Remember the Israelites as they were fleeing from Egypt while Pharaoh and his army were in swift pursuit after them?  They were caught between the Red Sea in front of them and an angry bunch of warriors riding 600 chariots charging quickly behind, hoping to bring them back into the slavery they had just escaped.  The Israelites were panicking and fearful – they started railing against Moses, blaming him for leading them out, saying they would be better off as slaves, blah blah blah. Aren’t we often like that when things go wrong – we try to find someone else to blame?

Anyway, Moses spoke to the people and said,

Don’t be afraid. 

God will fight the battle for you.

And you?  You keep your mouths shut! 

Exodus 14:14 (The Message)

We know the rest of the story.  In a surprising military tactic, God had a strong east wind blow all night long and the Red Sea split open so the Israelites could walk right through it on dry ground. 

When they were safely on the other side they sang a rousing song of thanks, Moses’ sister Miriam leading the women with their tambourines in dancing and singing about their safety and victory over the Egyptians.  The words are recorded in Exodus and it must have been a beautiful sight to see every one singing and dancing for joy.  And since we have a Bible full of stories about God providing for His people through thousands of years, could we by faith sing songs and dance for victory before our prayers are answered?

How would it be if instead of worrying about the past or the future, we could worship God in the present – knowing for sure that our Heavenly Father cares for us, believing He is kind and in His time will bring justice and good answers to our many prayers? 

Bobbie McFerrin’s song is great advice, but I think we need to know why we don’t need to worry.  We can replace our worries with worship, knowing that the best is yet to come.  Then we can be joyful, content, and live in the present instead of the past or the future.

Love,

Mom

Choosing Your Hard

Dear Daughters,

According to those who study the brain, the average adult makes around 35,000 conscious choices every day.  From the words we speak to the food we eat, the socks we wear, the number and direction of the steps we take, we’re always making choices.  Some of them seem trivial, others more consequential.  But as the proverbial snowflakes that continue to pile up hour after hour, every choice matters, and the end result is sometimes what we least expect.

You’ve probably heard this quote before, but I think it bears repeating:

Obesity is hard.  Staying fit is hard. 

Choose your hard.

Being in debt is hard.  Being financially disciplined is hard. 

Choose your hard.

Marriage is hard.  Divorce is hard. 

Choose your hard.

Communicating is hard.  Not communicating is hard.

            Choose your hard.

I think everyone who is alive and breathing agrees Life is Hard.  Even though our culture tries to assure us that what we buy, wear or eat will make us happy and life easy, by now most of us have figured out that stuff won’t ever bring joy.   

Life will never be easy. It will always be hard.  Even when we choose options which seem to be easy, they never are.   Taking the easy way isn’t the easy way.

I wonder if the simple choice of expecting hard things would make life more palatable.  Expectations of having an easy and carefree life simply sets us up for disappointment.  But if we see life as climbing a mountain, following our trusted mountaineering guide, knowing He will guide us and walk alongside us, we can expect hard and thrive, experience joy in the hard.  We are never told to navigate life on our own, it’s too much to bear. 

I love those statements above so I’ve decided to add a few other Choose Your Hard words of my own:

Going to work on time is hard.  Being fired is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Working on a team is hard.  Working alone is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Forgiving your enemies is hard.  Taking revenge is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Trusting Jesus is hard.  Trusting yourself is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Complaining is hard.  Being thankful is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Speaking words of kindness is hard.  Speaking words of bitterness is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Trusting people is hard.  Trusting no one is hard.

                Choose your hard.

Saying Yes is hard.  Saying No is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Remember that climbing a mountain metaphor with a trusted mountain guide I mentioned earlier?  It’s the only way I can wake up every day, put my feet on the floor and walk forward.  If I trust in my own judgment, in my own understanding and sight of the limited world I can see around me, I flounder.  This world is simply too complex for my little brain to figure out the best words to say or the wise choices to make.  I need a mountain guide on the sunny days when I think I can see every perspective correctly, I need a guide when it’s foggy and I can’t see a foot ahead of me.  I am unable to do life on my own.  Thankfully Jesus is more than willing to help me, walk beside me, encourage me, forgive me when I confess, lead me in to make the better choice – simply for the asking. 

As Avery Garns has spoken so well:

God is teaching me that I can be both thankful and frustrated, fractured and faithful. Maybe this place of in-between, of both/and, is the place where we find true hope and healing.

 Taking the easy way isn’t an easy way, it’s non-existent.   So choose your hard, choose wisely, trust Jesus and live in expectation of joy in the hard.

Love, Mom

Mary’s Middle Voice

Dear Daughters,

Have you ever pondered how it must have felt to be Mary when the angel came to her announcing that she was chosen to be the mother of the Jewish Messiah?  Her response to the angel Gabriel was quite amazing. 

In the book Praying Like Monks, Living Like Fools, Tyler Staton includes an enlightening chapter about Mary’s prayer when the angel visited her.

Most prayers we pray are able to fit into one of three categories.

1 – Active prayer: a prayer trying to get God to adopt our will.  There is a presumption that if we can crack the code or say the right words in the right order with the right amount of emotion – then He will hopefully become our cosmic genie.

2 – Passive prayer: trying to let God be, and let ourselves simply be.  We aren’t asking for anything and may be emptying ourselves of any desire to ask. 

But neither of these prayers are what God desires.  We can see the most remarkable prayer – what Eugene Peterson calls the Middle Voice – in Mary’s response to the angel Gabriel centuries ago.

Mary was a young teenage girl engaged to be married, probably counting down the weeks until the wedding.  She may have had a fairy-tale expectation for her upcoming marriage, as many young women do. She may have imagined how wonderful it will be to build a home with her future husband, Joseph.

 And then she is visited by Gabriel, announcing that she, a virgin, is carrying a child.  The Spirit of God has caused her to conceive and God Himself is the father.

For her whole life Mary had heard about the coming Messiah through the many prophets, wondering along with everyone else when He would arrive.  So, I’m sure she was amazed that God had finally chosen this time – her time – to send His child, and the fact that she would be the mother of the Messiah, playing an important part in the supporting cast of this amazing, centuries-long prophesied story. 

On the other hand, there are the devastating practicalities to go along with it.  Mary would have to tell Joseph she was pregnant with another’s child, and the father’s name is the Alpha and the Omega.  She knew she would have to endure the social stigma going along with her being pregnant before she was married.  How many people of her village would believe she was pregnant by the Holy Spirit? Would her family disown her?  Would Joseph believe these wild-sounding words?

With all these thoughts most likely racing through her mind she responds simply,

I am the Lord’s servant.

Let it be with me just as you say.

Mary’s prayer was one of total surrender and participation.  This prayer is the Middle Voice, in which God delights greatly.  It’s not pressing God for what she wants, and it’s not being passive – floating along life with no specific desires at all. 

When we pray in the Middle Voice, we are willing to participate in God’s plan.  It is the declaration that He is God and we are not, an acknowledgement of our place in the created order.  He is the author of our story, and we each have an important supporting role to play in this story.  Our fulfillment is walking in His plan, going where He says to go and doing what He says to do.  There is no greater joy than this.

The Middle Voice reminds me of the mighty Snake River in the West.  In my younger days I have tried to swim against the current, but it only brought me frustration and weariness.  I was not strong enough and it seemed like an exercise in futility.  When we continually try to create our own story and deny His, we can never truly rest because always anxiety and exhaustion are always hovering.

Yet when I swim in the direction of the current which is always moving, I am not anxious, but instead receive resilience.  I am moving along with God’s power and have become a part of His story so I don’t need to manufacture one of my own.  Walking in step with the Spirit brings freedom and joy like nothing else.  Yes, there will be challenges when we accept God’s call on our life, but we’ll never walk alone.  I agree with Tyler as he writes:

I want that too.  I want what I see in Mary.  I want to cooperate with God’s redemptive work in this broken world.  I want to swim with the current, speeding along effortlessly, paddling my arms and kicking my legs, but propelled on by a stronger current too.  I want to cooperate with God’s work in me, inviting His formation of my desires, thoughts, emotions and actions, all of them hopelessly disordered by the fallen image of which I am a part.  I want the Spirit of God to rework me from within, like an expert mechanic to a classic car, getting me running according to design. 

Accepting God’s will for our lives, also known as surrendering, means giving up control of our lives, but when we give control to our Creator, who knows us best and loves us more than anyone on earth, it’s got to be a good choice.

Love, Mom

The Tsunami

Dear Daughters,

The third largest earthquake ever recorded by seismograph occurred deep in the Indian Ocean on December 26, 2004.  I remember the date because it was Jodi’s birthday, coupled with the disturbing fact that 227,898 lives were tragically lost.  I had never heard the word tsunami before that day, but quickly learned the definition – a long high sea wave caused by an earthquake.   It was 9.1 on the Richter scale and it produced waves 100 feet in height, traveling 500 m.p.h. and reaching a radius of 3,000 miles.  It was the deadliest in history, but one people group living right in its path survived with no casualties. 

The Moken are part of an Austronesian ethnic group that lives in the open seas from birth to death.  Their handmade wooden boats function as houseboats for these sea gypsies.  The Moken children learn to swim before they walk, have incredible vision underwater and can hold their breath far longer than most of us.  But it wasn’t any of these skills that saved the Moken people, it was their intimacy with the ocean.  They read the ocean warning signs better than we read street signs. 

The Moken people recognized that the birds had stopped chirping, the cicadas had gone silent, the elephants were heading toward higher ground and the dolphins were quickly swimming farther out to sea.

You know what the Moken people did?  Those who were near the coast of Thailand docked their boats and climbed up to the highest elevation possible.  Those who were out to sea paddled farther out to sea, making it to the deep ocean, knowing the tsunami crest would be minimal as it passed by. 

Burmese fishermen who were fishing in the same vicinity as the Moken had no survivors.

They were collecting squid, said one Moken survivor.  They don’t know how to look.  The waves, the birds, the cicadas, the elephants and the dolphins were speaking to these Burmese fishermen, but they didn’t know how to listen.

The water receded quickly, and one small wave rolled onshore, so the Moken knew there was trouble coming.  In the past their forefathers had spoken about “a wave that eats people,” and they perceived this was the one. 

Just like the Moken speak the language of the sea, we are those who speak the language of the Spirit.  I was reading the book, Whisper, by Mark Batterson, in which he tells stories of how God has taught him to listen for the voice of the Holy Spirit. 

The Spirit is willing to speak to whoever is willing to listen.  I remember in the year 1980, both Dad and I sensed the Holy Spirit calling us to leave our dairy in Idaho and move to Michigan with two small children so that Dad could attend seminary and I could finish the college degree I had abandoned 8 years earlier. It was a huge decision, not made lightly, but it was a good decision.  Did it make life easier?  No.  But it was where God was calling us.

There are times when I am at loss for words – either when writing or talking with others – then when I silently ask, I hear His still small voice, giving me words to say and questions to ask.  I know in my own wisdom I have not much to offer, which is why I need to ask the Holy Spirit for words.    

Does that mean everything I say and write is God-given?  No, because sometimes I forget to ask – I think I don’t need Him.  Quite foolish of me, but it happens. 

When I was younger, I was so shy I would hardly talk to anyone, I didn’t think anything I said was worthwhile so I just stayed silent most of the time.  My concentration was on me and my insecurities, which brought fear about what others would think about me if I said something.

But when I started asking the Holy Spirit to work through me, it got me away from keeping my eyes on me and start focusing on others.  So, I flipped my focus when I was around other people, I started asking questions of them – questions about their life, their story – nothing deep – just to let them know I care.  The typical person will be happy to be asked about their day, their frustrations or the story of who they are, even if it’s a sad story.

Just like the Moken, who had learned to listen intimately to the sound of the sea and the creatures surrounding it, God is reaching out to us, giving us a chance to listen to His words.  He is so generous and desires to give us freely of the Holy Spirit, and He is there simply for the asking.  He is a Person and He’s waiting to hear from you.

Love, Mom

Human Amphibians?

Dear Daughters,

When you and I were in school we learned about some critters who are called Amphibians.  The most common is the frog.  If you put a frog into a tank of water without a dry place to crawl onto it will die, but if you place it in a terrarium with no water, it will also die.  Amphibians need both water and dry ground to thrive.

As frogs need both realms in order to thrive, so we humans are designed to live in two worlds – both the seen and the unseen world.  Of course, we are not cold-blooded creatures which all true amphibians are, yet we were intended to enjoy the benefits of two ecosystems, the physical and the spiritual, the earth and the heavens. 

The natural world was created with such beauty, it is saturated with wonders pleasing to all our senses.  Just look at your Facebook feed this time of year – vacations are being taken everywhere natural beauty exists.  Walking through a dimly-lit forest or with sand between your toes on the beach of a beautiful lake is like taking a vitamin (N for nature).  Simply untangling from technology can become a calm and peaceful reprieve.  Dad and I love to drive along Lake Michigan during any season of the year, enjoying the summer lush green vegetation, the majestic autumn colors in the fall or the frozen splendor of the lake in the winter.

But along with this beauty of creation we were also made to live in the spiritual world, to draw upon the supernatural strength, life-giving hope and joy that only Jesus can provide.  There are days when I feel totally alive, hopeful and trusting in God.  There are also days when I forget Him, become disappointed with Him, causing my faith to feel flat or even fake.  Hopelessness can become an infection in my soul, creeping in slowly and sometimes imperceptibly until I find myself in a dark pit. 

Like an injured animal that cannot keep up with the herd, one can become vulnerable to the predator who wants to drag our soul into Desolation.  We have an enemy of our soul who would like nothing more than for you and I to become hopeless and despairing of life.

John Eldredge writes about the human emotions, trying to live in this world using our own strength, watching the world become more divided and falling into chaos:

The symptoms [of Desolation] include a sort of dullness of heart, a poverty of spirit,

a barrenness of soul.  Disappointment, so understandable given the circumstances,

collapses into disillusionment.  Neither hope nor joy comes easily.

Because we are amphibians, we don’t have to rely on our own strength, but we have the Holy Spirit from whom to draw our strength.  Surprisingly, as Paul wrote to his friends in Colossae,

We pray that you’ll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul –

not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives.

It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy,

thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything

bright and beautiful that He has for us.

(Colossians 1:11-12)

Now when I think about God giving strength, I often assume that He would give strength to do exciting stuff like miracles or healings. But in this verse the simple fact of being able to endure through difficult life situations with joy and thanksgiving comes as strength from the Spirit.  It’s nothing outwardly amazing, nothing that would make news headlines, but in today’s world it is rather rare to find people who have joy. 

When we have a firm attachment to God – trusting His timing and wisdom – disillusionment, abandonment and other desolate feelings are eased. 

As Brennan Manning has written,

Define yourself radically as one beloved by God.

This is the true self.

Every other identity is illusion.

If we try to rely only on our own strength we cannot thrive, just like the frog trying to live only on land or only in water.  As human amphibians we need our physical strength undergirded with supernatural strength reigning in our body to endure – not just hang on – but to endure with joy and thanksgiving. 

When many of Jesus’ disciples were turning away from Him because of difficulty, He asked 12 of his closest disciples,

Are you also going to leave?

 Peter replied,

But Lord, where will we go?  No one but You gives us the revelation of eternal life.

Continue to endure with joy by God’s supernatural strength.

Love, Mom

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