Branches and Trees

Musings on Marriage

Category: Just thinking (Page 3 of 8)

The Author of My Story

August 18, 2022 / / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

In J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, Sam and Frodo have experienced many adventures far away from their comfortable hobbit holes, both wonders and dangers.  They’ve fought a battle on Weathertop, seen the beauty of Rivendell, the dark mines of Moria and now they are standing in the shadow of Mordor.  It is then when Sam asks a question,

I wonder what sort of tale we’ve fallen into?

He assumes there is a story.  Something larger has been going on before they ever arrived and they have somehow tumbled into it.  Sam and Frodo know they aren’t the authors of their story, because there has been a lineage of people who have gone before them, and they are honored, yet a little fearful to be playing their unique roles in this same story. 

It may be a benefit for us all if we were to ask that very question of ourselves,

What sort of tale have I fallen into?

If we don’t know our purpose – the reason we are living on this earth – if we think we’re an accident, then we flounder our way through life.  As Neil Postman said about the scientific view to which many people hold:

In the end, science does not supply the answers most of us require.

Its story of our origins and our end is, to say the least, unsatisfactory.

To the question `How did it all begin?’, science answers,

`Probably by an accident.’  To the question, `How will it all end?’

Science answers, `Probably by an accident.’  And to many people,

The accidental life is not worth living.  (Science and the Story we Need)

If we think our life is an accident, we may conclude that we are the author of our own story.  Yet a simple fact remains: we have no control over tomorrow, today, or even this moment.  Trying to become our own author brings more stress and anxiety than any human is capable of bearing.  Trying to figure out why everything happens in a day, plus worrying about tomorrow puts us in a never-ending Ring around the rosy chase in our mind.  Ashes, Ashes, we all fall down…

When we look at the thousands of years in which billions of people have lived on this earth, chances are nil that our small story will be one that becomes a subject for a famous biography.  In fact, do you even know the name of your great-great-grandmother- much less anything about her?  I think I learned the name of mine once, but I know nothing about her life.

When we know the Author of our story, and the simple fact that there is a larger story into which we have been born, we find that we do have a purpose.  We exist because Jesus dreamt us up.  When God, the Author of our story, created people, He made us in His image. Because we can be certain of the fact that our birth wasn’t an accident, we can freely move forward and seek out what our purpose is – by simply asking the Author of the Grand Story.

Remember – the battle right now is for the narrative; who gets to frame the story for you?  Either it will be God, or someone else.

John Eldredge

If we allow our society to frame our story, we are expected to figure out many questions on our own:

Who am I?

Why am I here?

What is my purpose?

Where am I going?

Was I born into the wrong body?

Am I just an accident?

But if you allow God to frame your story, He assures you that He created your inmost being, He knit you together in your mother’s womb.  Body, soul, and spirit, you are marvelously made and have been sculpted from a precious embryo into a person of value.  He loves you and has a purpose for your life if you choose to submit to Him.  You are not an accident, and if invited He will show you your part in His Story.

Unfortunately, many children and teenagers today are being taught in school and on social media that they are not part of a bigger story, therefore they are required to create a story of their own – from ground zero. When a child has nothing absolute in their life, confusion reigns in every area of their life. 

John Eldredge writes about students entering college,

Eighteen is the new twelve. Our students are emotionally underdeveloped,

they are much less resilient than any we’ve ever encountered,

and I’m not entirely sure why.

I’m guessing part of the reason is because students are often left to themselves, trying to figure out and write their own story and decide what their role is in life.  That’s an overwhelming responsibility for an adult, much more for children and teens. 

I have a friend, Emily, who worked as a news producer for WWTV-TV in Cadillac, Michigan, for 3 years and is now working for CRU- a caring community passionate about connecting people to Jesus Christ.  Emily used to photograph and report on world and local news.  Still a reporter, she says now,

I am a missionary with a camera,

 and I get to tell stories that glorify God…all over the world

Knowing that Jesus is the Author of your story will bring peace and assurance, take lots of pressure off your mind, and you may even find joy in the process.

Charity Gayle, one of my current favorite singers has an amazing song, New Name Written Down In Glory, with a line that goes,

I’ve met the Author of my story, and He’s mine…

I am who I am because the I AM tells me who I am.

Enjoy!

Love, Mom

Sagebrush and Sunflowers

August 10, 2022 / / 4 Comments

Dear Daughters,

When Dad and I were in Idaho, we drove out to the Camas Prairie, a wilderness where there are lots more cattle than people.  There’s probably a lot more acreage than the number of residents as well.  We decided to take a shortcut to our destination, which happened to be on a dusty dirt road – of which there are many in Idaho. 

We drove for miles and miles seeing mostly sagebrush, unadorned mountains and rocks.  It’s a lovely desolate drive and quite diverse from the valley where we used to live, so we drove bumpity-bump along a slightly graveled road, enjoying the bare dry desert.

Suddenly we came upon the prettiest little sunflowers lining that dry simple road.  I was shocked and amazed, wondering how there was enough moisture for them to grow in this parched, deserted country.  Seeing these flowers in the midst of an otherwise barren land was such a delight and brought a smile to my face as I wondered how the seeds ever received enough water to flourish on the sides of the road, bringing beauty and color to the Camas Prairie.

As we continued to travel, the sagebrush, dirt and rocks reminded me of the culture we are now living in daily.  It has become a culture of outrage, a culture of desolation, everyone wanting their opinion to be heard, harsh answers, brutal judgments of others – a cancel culture.  Sadly, many believe

If you don’t agree with me, I will cancel you as a person, I will cut you out of my life and count you as non-human with no value whatsoever.

Once we start thinking of people in this manner, we are basically throwing rocks and dirt at each other.  It’s unpleasant, ugly, dangerous and divisive.  Whenever a person is labeled only as part of an ethnic people group, a religious ideology or a certain political leaning, we have certifiably canceled them as a human being. 

Every society creates dividing lines among people groups, categorizing them into hierarchies of importance according to the powers that be. We have all created caste systems in our own minds which are often acted out toward those we deem worthy or not worthy of our acceptance.

Jesus had 12 disciples and there was an incredible diversity within those men.  Four were blue collar workers (fishermen), one was a tax collector working for the Roman government (think IRS), another was a Zealot – usually from a political party desiring to get out from under the brutal Roman rule.  Diverse, yet learning to become united under Jesus, they grew in unity.  Yes they had their disagreements, some thinking they were better than the others – they were typical humans.  But Jesus taught them how to love each other and those who were not like them in belief or ethnicity – the weak, the sick, the blind, the sex-workers and the forgotten.  Anyone who was human and came near Jesus was treated with dignity.

In his book, A Gentle Answer, Scott Sauls reminds us that Jesus loved us at our worst and if we are followers of Jesus, we are commanded to love others at their worst.  He says,

Jesus has been gentle toward us, so we have good reason to become gentle toward others, including those who treat us like enemies.  “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’  But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of Your Father who is in heaven.” Matt. 5:43-45.  Because Jesus has covered all of our offenses, we can be among the least offensive and the least offended people in the world.  This is the way of the gentle answer.

Having a gentle answer has nothing to do with being weak.  Weakness is often shown in destruction and harm to other people’s bodies and physical property.  Weakness is using intimidation and wrath, harming others with words, belittling someone who disagrees with you. Anyone can let anger overtake their emotions and act out in violence, destroying with rage anything in their path.  It’s easy to criticize and tear down.

Speaking a gentle answer, especially toward those you disagree with, takes an incredible amount of restraint, a strength that requires the deepest and most courageous kind of faith.  A faith that ultimately believes in the justice of God, that He will work good out of evil – but in His time, not ours.

Seeing those delicate beautiful sunflowers among all the dry and brittle sage brush is a reminder of what kind words and a gentle answer look like in our culture of shouting opinions and judgments on others.  We have no power to change anyone’s opinion or ideology, especially not by belittling and mocking but we do have power to change ourselves and give a respectful and kind response to whatever words come our way.

Lord, give us strength to give a gentle answer and become sunflowers in a desert wasteland.

Love, Mom

What is a Woman?

July 21, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Some of the most profound questions in the world are the simplest. 

What is a woman?

 It’s a short question Matt Walsh asked numerous people around the world.  Interestingly, many men and women were unable to answer that simple question.  Some people (especially the highly educated) became evasive and remarked that there is not a simple distinction.  A college professor of gender studies stated that you are what you feel, regardless of what biological sex you were born with.

Our culture has been inundated with the idea that your feelings play the most important role in your life.  Some of our society has come to believe that you are what you feel.  Science and reality are tossed to the wind in exchange for feelings and opinions.  Feelings are king, supreme, they are everything – and now have become the confusing and dangerous idea that your sex is not necessarily the body you are born into, but whatever you feel like during a given day.  

When babies are born, they are obviously male or female. According to science, sex is assigned not at birth, but at conception.  Every single cell in the human body has the DNA of either male or female.  There is a biological difference between women and men.  And if we can’t agree that this foundational truth is a reality, then how can we protect our girls and women?

Today, the word gender has become how a person perceives themselves.  If you have a male body but feel like a female, you are able to become a female – which has been named transgender according to many college professors.  Which inversely means if you were born with female genitalia but feel like you are a male – there are hormones and surgeries to make it appear you are a male.

You may have heard about Lia Thomas, a man on the Penn State swim team, who was 65th in his class as he competed against other biological men during 2018 and 2019.  In 2019 he began transitioning to a woman and joined the women’s swim team.  In 2021 he started competing against women, winning 1st in the 500-meter women’s freestyle. In 2022 he won the NCAA Division 1 title in the same race.  Recently he has been nominated as “NCAA Woman of the Year.”

When interviewed recently, he stated that he is now “happy” being a woman, when in the past he was depressed and confused.  So, does this mean that many women are supposed to be willing to give up their right to win in women’s sports because it makes a transwoman “happy” to win the medals and accolades which should have been theirs?  Some women will speak up but only to be shut down by those who have more power and volume.

My heart goes out to all those biological females competing against Lia Thomas, because the training they have gone through doesn’t mean anything when a biological male can come in with 2 years of hormone therapy at the age of 22 and win first place easily.  

Some may accuse me of being transphobic or anti-trans, but it is simple science which naturally gives an advantage to a man going through puberty who then chooses to transition to a woman.  For so many years women have fought for equal rights – in voting, becoming doctors, going to college, and choosing many occupations that have in the past been occupied only by men.  But now they are being shut out of their own sports.

Women’s sports are mocked when trans women are invited to compete with biological women. There is absolutely no way a biological male who feels as if he is a female can compete honestly on an equal playing field with biological women.   

By the way, the simple definition of a woman is:

A woman is an adult human female.

As Mr. Rogers said many decades ago,

Life is deep and simple, but our society has made it shallow and complicated.

Love, Mom

waymaker

June 1, 2022 / / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Once again, Ann Voskamp has written a book with such honesty, wisdom and vulnerability that I am in awe. In Waymaker, she begins by describing something similar to GPS (Global Positioning System) that all of us use every day of our lives. 

Especially since we moved to Michigan 18 months ago, I have used my Maps app everywhere I went. I needed GPS to get me there, otherwise I would be lost in the haze of all the freeways (called expressways in MI) on ramps, off ramps and winding roads built to navigate around the beautiful Grand River which seems to turn up everywhere I go.

Anyway, Ann has penned what she calls the EPS (Expectational Positioning System).  This is a term she uses when we become disappointed by our place in life.  Maybe we were expecting our life to look different than it does – we expected our marriage, our physical body, our family and even how we would be loved to be different – and we are disappointed. We expected much better, that our children would always agree with our ideas and opinions, that our husbands would understand and love us even when we were rude and crabby…   But as we have all learned, expectations can kill relationships.

When we have expectations for friendships, marriage or business partners, we will inevitably be disappointed.  We are all flawed, selfish, subject to our own weaknesses and hurts, therefore our relationships will suffer when we expect what others cannot give.  We have no idea what our acquaintances, friends or even spouses are struggling with – unnamed but nevertheless real hurts – so how can we not become disappointed? 

In her simplicity, Ann says,

It’s when we expect life to be easy that it becomes hard.

We were never promised life would be easy and carefree.  No one is happy all the time, free of worry or pain; we all have something in our bodies and minds that is suffering – not functioning just right.  But it’s what we do with the suffering when it comes – and sometimes stays longer than we would like. 

Suffering doesn’t mean you are cursed, suffering means you are human.

Ann shares several vulnerable stories from her own life and how her expectations have been shattered numerous times, the disappointment often leading to depression and anxiety.  One of her counselors gave her this nugget of information:

Research has discovered some of the keys of happiness:

We are happiest when we are standing before some natural wonder such as the Grand Canyon.  We are the happiest when we are in a deeply creative zone, what they call the flow.

You’re in the zone of happiness – only when you leave the zone of self.

It’s wildly counterintuitive, and even counter cultural, but true.  It’s only when we believe we are truly loved by Jesus (a supernatural wonder) and fix our eyes on Him that we are able to give ourselves to another in trust.  When we know that our Creator

Celebrates and sings because of you,

And He will refresh your life with His love,

Zephaniah 3:17

when we are confident in His love and care, then we don’t need to expect so much from the people around us.  When we know our value and worth – that we are the beloved of Jesus – we can rest and be secure in whatever comes our way.  Even when people harm us with words – intentionally or not – we can move on and not be crushed because we know our fundamental worth has not been diminished.

 

Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you.

I’ve called your name.  You are mine.

When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you

When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down.

Isaiah 43:1-2

When we are consumed by thoughts of ourselves – wondering if we are pretty enough, smart enough, or desired enough by others, then we have lost the capacity to give ourselves freely to anyone.  Ann encourages us to look to the Waymaker – our Creator – and rest in His love.

When she is fretting and anxious, her husband Darryl, whispers to her and asks,

What is the worst thing that can happen, Ann?

After decades of walking with Jesus by her side through all the waves of a lifetime, she now knows beyond the shadow of a doubt,

…you can be about bankrupted, shamed, walked out on, labeled, ghosted, slandered, diagnosed, abandoned, cut-off, humiliated, guilty, fired, vilified, charged, destroyed,

ruined, devastated, grieved, wrecked and left for dead in a million ways,

 and this is the ocean floor, this is at its base:

when you are fully known and fully loved, nothing can still scare you.

I am known and begin to know how to say it out loud:

The worst-case scenario is that all the very worst things happen, and I am still loved.

If we choose to live with the EPS – expecting life will be hard – we will have the freedom to love without fear, resting safe and secure in Our Father’s love.

Love, Mom

Windmills and Bogs

May 16, 2022 / / 4 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Here in Michigan, we have just finished up the annual Tulip Time Festival in Holland.  Every year there are about six million tulips just waiting to be adored by the thousands of spectators from around the world. 

Everything Dutch is on display, tulip bulbs for sale, stroopwafels, banket, cheese, Dutch dancing and street washing, wooden shoes and windmills.

But one amazing fact about the Dutch that I didn’t know about is the reason why they have been building windmills and dikes for centuries. 

Have you ever built a barrier in order to protect your sandcastle from high tide when you are enjoying the beach?  That’s basically what the Dutch have learned to do in order to grow their country. 

There is an old proverb that states:

God created the world, but the Dutch created the Netherlands.

In all practicality, The Netherlands as it is today, should not even exist. A full 26% of The Netherlands is below sea level – which means when the storms come the land is often drowned with water.  Just as Hurricane Katrina brought devastation to New Orleans and vicinity during 2005, The Netherlands have historically been flooded enough that the Dutch knew they needed to do something about it if they wanted more farm land and living space.  

Around the year 1100, West-Friesland (a province of The Netherlands) built an enclosure dike.  At the same time, the Frisians established a “dike peace” or strongly enforced consensus that whenever a dike was endangered, family feuds must cease so that all available manpower could be mobilized to reinforce the dikes.  (I think calling for family feuds to cease is a brilliant idea for anyone who wants to get some work done for the common good.)  For centuries the water had been continually flowing over the boundaries, so the dikes created boundaries that couldn’t be breached. 

In the year 1282, a Dutch carpenter built the first water pumping windmill in order to keep the water away from the land.  Three hundred years later, a windmill with a rotatable top was invented so that which ever direction the wind was coming from – which in NW Europe could come in any direction – the windmill could continue to do its important work. 

The Dutch have reclaimed – and redeemed – more land than any country in the world, utilizing its dikes, electric pumps and windmills.  Reclaiming marshland for agriculture has added 640 square miles to the little country of The Netherlands just in the 20th century, so they are able to bring in a much more abundant and fruitful harvest.

As I was reading about the windmills, dikes, and other interesting facts about the Netherlands I was considering how my life – and maybe yours – was at one time feeling as if I were under water, stuck in a bog.  And just as the Dutch redeemed the land from the sea, so Jesus has redeemed our lives from the bogs, and together He and I have built dikes (boundaries) around my mind, transforming us into new creations in Christ.

Stand tall,

Put the winds of life to work draining the bogs,

And the result will be a vibrant crop,

An abundant harvest!

Windmill

There was a time in my life when my body was always fatigued, I felt such a heaviness – which was partly physical and somewhat to do with the bitterness and unforgiveness against people in my life who had caused me pain.  But as the winds of hardship, disappointment with God and yet sitting with Him and believing His promises of a life abundant, He has brought me a harvest of love, joy, peace, patience and all the other beautiful fruit of the Spirit. 

 Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world,

but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.

Then you will learn to know God’s will for you,

 which is good and pleasing and perfect.

Romans 12:2

Jesus is always pursuing you, always reaching out to you, never leaving or forsaking you – even if you give Him push back because He’s not doing what you expect Him to do.  Expectations are always killers because they are bound to disappoint.  Instead of telling God what you expect from Him, give thanks simply because He has redeemed you from the bog, He loves you and desires your companionship.  Give thanks because He has a good plan for your life and is just waiting for you to seek Him for that plan. 

Love, Mom

Cloudy Sunsets

April 26, 2022 / / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Tonight we had a boring sunset.  Every night I peer out the window to see the palette of the evening.  Sometimes it’s simply blue and grey, other times there are combinations of orange, yellow, blue, maroon, red, purple, orange and countless other colors of the rainbow.  But tonight it was just hues of the blue sky, rather dull colors when contrasted with the other flaming, glorious, golden and sometimes stormy sunsets of previous evenings. 

That got me thinking about what makes a gorgeous sunset.  The more clouds – the positioning, depth, and different layering of clouds, the mere timing and strategically placed clouds – the more beautiful sunset.  The less clouds, the more boring. 

When Grandpa and I used to sit out in the garage he gave me brief lessons in the basic cloud forms.  The cirrus clouds deliver a thin web-like texture, the cumulus give a bit more depth and color, whereas the stratus is the most foreboding of all.  Yet, when all three are combined in different parts of the sky, the results can be stunning when the sun shines through them.

That got me thinking about what makes our lives beautiful.  If I equate clouds with trials, hardships – all those things we try to run away from in life – then the more and various clouds equal the more beauty.  Now I know that’s definitely not what you wanted to hear today.  Nobody I know is asking for difficulties to come so they can become more beautiful, but we all know that hard times do have a way of finding their way into our lives. 

When you girls were younger, I think we owned every Calvin and Hobbes book available. One of the saddest days of my early life was when I heard that Bill Watterson was retiring from writing the comic strip.  Bill believed his most creative years were finished and he didn’t want to decline into mediocrity.  I disagreed 100%.  I loved the humor, sarcasm and insight of Watterson shown through the characters of Calvin, Hobbes and their family. 

When Calvin was complaining of chores, you may remember one thing Calvin’s father replied now and then – was that the chore was building character in Calvin, which would always bring a grimace to his face.

Of course, what Calvin’s dad said is true.  Hard stuff in life does lead to the refining and building of our character.  Troubles that bring us to our knees help to ground off the rough edges of our personality, and if we allow it, trials cause us to become more patient, kind and caring.  *

I remember being decades younger and not having a lot of tolerance for other people’s weaknesses, grief or pain.  But after I experienced betrayal and deaths of those I love, I remember feeling a broken heart – for the first time in my life.  I had heard other people talk about having broken hearts, but when I experienced it myself, I grew in compassion for others’ grief. 

I used to be afraid to talk to those who had lost a loved one to death or suffered a betrayal of a close friend, but now I belonged to the same club as they. I learned to talk about those emotions of grief, depression and anger because my other choice was to stuff them down and let them consume me from the inside out.

There’s a part of us that wants to hide our difficulties from others, pretending that all is well in our lives.  But when we become vulnerable and honest, allowing Jesus to come and walk with us, He will shine through those trials. He has a tendency to make the ugly beautiful. 

Recently I read a story illustrating this principle:

The Cloak

One night a heartbroken friend had a dream that she was standing in front of Jesus. He handed her a cloak. As she looked at the cloak, she realized it was alive. She could see that its threads were strands of specific events from her life, some bright and beautiful, others wormy and grotesque. She looked at the ugly strands–abuse, betrayal, divorce, illness, grief–each reminding her of seasons of excruciating pain. Just as she tried to pull out the threads, she glanced at Jesus. He took the cloak, wrapped her in it, and looked at her with an expression of deep pleasure and delight, as if the cloak were the most beautiful tapestry ever woven. At that moment she realized that if she attempted to pluck out the ugly bits, the entire garment would unravel.

We have all suffered innumerable hurts, heartaches and devastating events, for no one is immune if we live on this planet. At times we may feel like we live in a never-ending dark tunnel.  We have a choice, however – a choice to allow Jesus to fight for us against the hard stuff or succumb to their power and live in fear and despair.

It’s often tempting to curse the clouds when they cover the sun.  I find myself thinking thoughts like:

This was not in my plans.

Why me?

I don’t deserve this.

I feel like God doesn’t even care, He’s just abandoned and forgotten me.

This happens to others, not to me…

Yet, one thing we know for sure is that Jesus is walking with us in the trouble, deep in the clouds, through every storm.  Trust Him with your darkness.

Hope reminds us that our best days are ahead, not behind us. 

Surrender tomorrow to God – He’s already been there.

 Caleb Kaltenbach

Love, Mom

Fire and Water

March 29, 2022 / / 3 Comments

Dear Daughters,

We’ve all heard Jesus’ statement, Love your neighbor as yourself.  Many of us are able to do that, depending on who our neighbor is – some cows in the neighboring field or some non-obnoxious people living next door.  But when He says,

Love your enemies,

bless those who curse you,

do good to those who hate you,

and pray for those accusing you falsely, and persecuting you…

this brings human relationships up to a whole other level.  In our world today, love for someone outside our tribe of opinion seems to have become a vanishing species.  It is quite rare to hear about those who actually bless the people who are cursing them, or those who love their enemies.  Turn on any news channel: the political Left blames the Right, the Right blames the Left and never the twain shall meet.  We tend to unite with those who agree with us, and to a certain extent we should.  But there are numerous times when we will be near those with whom we disagree.  Jesus calls us to love those who hate us, not necessarily to become best friends with them, but treat them with dignity simply because they are made in the image of God. 

Tensions were fiery high before Covid hit the scene, but now there are some who are willing to bring division in their own families instead of yielding their position on masks.  There are others who are willing to divide or destroy churches instead of yielding their position on vaccines.  I have many friends who have been vaccinated, and many who haven’t, but God loves the vaxxed and the unvaxxed and so will I.

When Jesus gives us a command such as Love your enemies and bless those who curse you…, He will also provide the circumstances by which we are to learn this important truth.  No one is born loving their enemies, it is a fruit grown from the indwelling of the Spirit.  

It’s easy to be a skeptic but quite difficult to love people. The world is full of cynics, there are many less lovers of people – those who speak kindness and honor instead of shame and judgement.   Have you ever considered that maybe the people God brings into your life are there to refine the rough edges of our personality?   

God uses the elements of fire and water to refine us, in order to transform our weaknesses into strengths, turn our hate and indifference into love.

Just as water can be used for good, it can also cause destruction.  In my younger years I have laughed and played in the calm clear shallows of the Pacific Ocean, and yet I have heard stories of people in that same ocean who have been caught in a deadly, treacherous riptide.  Water has the power to wash our clothes and irrigate our fields or wipe out entire cities with a single tsunami wave.

Sometimes people speak words to us that are like a cool refreshing drink on a hot summer’s day.  Other times the words spoken to us hit with the strength of a hurricane – they degrade and make us feel like we are melting into a puddle on the floor.  The words echo through our minds for years, ricocheting in our head so they appear to become the truth of who we are.

Fire also has its contradictions.  It invites us to come closer when the weather is cold – a fire on the hearth gives us a promise of warmth, but get too close and it will burn.  Controlled fires give comfort but uncontrolled wildfires will consume.  A lit candle can give us light on our way, yet it can burn an entire forest and bring devastation and ashes in its wake.

The same can be felt with words that are warm and gentle, encouraging and uplifting.  But when we spit out words of judgment and harsh criticism we harm and belittle those around us, burning up every ounce of stability that might have existed in their fragile world.

When those burning words come to dice us up, remember we are never alone.  When an avalanche of icy words lands on your ears, remember Your God has redeemed you.

Fear not, for I have redeemed you;

I have called you by name, you are mine.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;

And through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;

When you walk through fire you shall not be burned,

And the flame shall not consume you.

Isaiah 43:1-2

Notice that even before the water and fire are mentioned, the Lord says Fear not, for we have already been redeemed and called by name.  Also, you see that the passing through water and fire is not an “if” possibility, but is distinctly a “when” occurrence.  Lisa Bevere says,

As Isaiah penned it here, we know ahead of time that the water and fire courses of life are unavoidable and not necessarily the result of mistakes on our part.

When we go through relationships with difficult people (enemies who sometimes feel like fire and floods) we can remember that Jesus has never asked us to do anything He has not already done.  He will be with you always, and you will not be consumed.  He loved the people who whipped Him, spat on Him and nailed Him to the cross.  Because He lives within us, we too have the power and the choice to love those who malign our reputations or mock our beliefs. 

God will fight for you, you just have to be still.  When others betray or harm you, let Jesus be your shield and speak words of love in return.  Then you will shine like stars in the dark sky.

Love, Mom

Caterpillar to a Butterfly

March 8, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

We stroll through life sometimes, thinking everything will continue to be as good as it is today, until suddenly it isn’t.  We fall into a pit – never see it coming – but there we sit in a deep dark hole. Have you ever fallen into the proverbial pit yourself?  A hole of self-pity, throwing a woe is me party for yourself and no one shows?  I’ve done it far too many times.  Sometimes I awake in the morning with the dread of starting a new day because of a poor night sleep, and am tired even before I put my feet on the ground.

Every morning I say, This is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it…  that is, every morning I remember.  Today it was quite a while after I woke simply because I forgot and didn’t feel like rejoicing, I felt like complaining: Why did I have another short night?  Why do I have such sorrow in my heart?  The war in Ukraine has taken a toll on many of us, the heartbreak of seeing in real time one country brazenly attacking another with no provocation.

After coming out of the Covid years, many of us were hoping that our lives would calm down and get back to normal – whatever normal may look like.  But now there is another world crisis.

It’s amazing to me when most every created thing in our world lives, grows and behaves just how God planned for them.  Flowers grow and bloom, sharing their beauty with the world, thinking nothing of themselves but only bringing joy to their Maker as well as people all around them.  Or take a scampering squirrel – I love to watch their playful antics as they run up a tree as another squirrel chases them down – their joy is laughable and contagious.  Think about dogs who love their owners, listen to whatever troubles their people have and get all wiggly and excited when you come home?  Or how about the lowly caterpillar, waiting patiently for its metamorphosis?

Plants and animals live the purpose for which they were created to live; trees give fruit, vines grow multiple varieties of squash and the stars shine brilliantly in the sky at night.  The sun shines and gives warmth, even on a cold winter day.  You never see a star wishing it was a cloud, or a daisy wishing it was a dog.  Every part of creation does just what they were created for – except for people.

What is it that people were created to do?  Just like the plants and animals, we were created to give glory and praise to our Maker. 

Have you ever considered the wonder of a wormy little caterpillar transforming into a butterfly?  The life cycle begins when the female adult butterfly lays her eggs (the size of a pinhead) on any variety of plants.  In just 3 – 7 days the caterpillars will emerge out of the eggs and start eating whatever leaf they were born on and others like it.  They eat and eat and eat.  In just 2 weeks of full-time eating, they are about two inches long and a hundred times the size of the egg from which they were born. 

When the caterpillar is finished eating and full grown, it hangs from the plant and becomes a chrysalis for several weeks, looking as if it were dead.  But inside a miracle of transformation is happening.  Metamorphosis is going on, a caterpillar becoming a butterfly.

What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls the butterfly.

Richard Bach

To the caterpillar, it must look like his life is over and he is dying, never to do anything of value again.  Maybe I’m giving too much credence to this little humble creature, I’m sure his thoughts are not quite that profound.  But even to the untrained human eye it looks like his life is gone and perhaps forgotten.

Do you ever feel like you are wrapped up in a cocoon, nothing growing or changing and it feels as if your life is over?  I think we’ve all been there at one time or many.  When you are in the pit, it sometimes feels like a cocoon – dark and tight.  But, since Jesus promised He would never leave or forsake us, we know He’s in the pit or cocoon with you and me. 

But we often feel forsaken, forgotten.  Feelings cannot always be trusted, because even though we feel alone, our God is with us no matter what. And that is a promise from the Creator who made you.

Just like the caterpillar, Jesus is changing us, transforming us into a people who will glorify Him.  When it seems like the end of the world, and all looks dark, be not afraid, for He transforms us into beautiful butterflies.  It is only then that we too, like the rest of creation, will do what we have been called to do.  Instead of warring with other people we will learn to love; instead of considering only our own selfish desires we will look out for the good of others. 

God looks at the chaos and all He sees is beauty waiting to emerge.

Curt Thompson

Let’s shine our light just as the humble butterflies, flowers, squirrels and dogs do.  Praising our Creator without restraint, knowing He is bringing us to a place of comfort and peace where there is no fear, no matter what happens all around us.

Love, Mom

Hope…Always

February 16, 2022 / / 4 Comments

Dear Daughters,

I received a potted amaryllis bulb at the end of November from Aunt Rhonda.  Over the years I have grown several with great success and I was eagerly expecting the same.  I followed all the directions, put it near a window and watered it faithfully for weeks expecting to see some lush green growth topped with a beautiful flower by Christmas.  Day after day, week after week it looked the same, like a dead bulb in dirt.  After 4 weeks I was just about ready to toss the whole pot in the trash and be done with it.  Then one day I saw a slight white shoot peeking out the top and celebrated that perhaps all my watering and care was not in vain.

Now, finally in mid-February there are some gorgeous magenta blooms – just as I had hoped.

Because I was impatient, I just about tossed out what was to become a lovely flower, but because of that slightly ambiguous word – hope – I faithfully continued to water and keep it in the light so maybe, just maybe it would grow like I had expected. 

And then I got thinking about situations for which I have been praying for years.  The healing of a relationship, the growth of a marriage, the softening of hearts, and the healing of a broken body.  I know Jesus hears my prayers and is working things out for my good but sometimes I get frustrated and think,

Why should I care anymore?

 What good is it doing?

 Will anything ever change?

Have you ever had those thoughts, when the prayers you pray seem to be hitting the ceiling and dropping down again?  It’s hard to keep on loving, keep on showing up, keep on doing good.  In fact, there’s a proverb written over 3,000 years ago stating,

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Proverbs 13:12

Obviously waiting over three weeks for an amaryllis to bloom is much different than waiting years for something you’re hoping for.  I think of those women who have waited for years to have a baby, suffering through months of infertility and disappointment.  Or those who have suffered sexual abuse and have waited for months, perhaps years, to see a judge convict an abuser.  Sometimes it seems as if God is on mute as we pray for the people we love year after year, hoping that justice will be served. 

I ponder the story of Abraham and Sarah who were promised a child from God and waited for 25 years before it came to be.  King David, who after he was anointed King, had to wait another 10 years running and hiding in caves in order to keep from King Saul’s vengeance.  Good things do happen, promises are kept but sometimes it’s hard to keep on going, every day putting one foot in front of another when we repeatedly hear the voices whispering in our heads,

Nothing is ever going to change, it will be this way forever...

Certainly it feels like it at times, but the truth is – life is changing every day.  Just as imperceptibly as a plant grows – we cannot see it day by day – but during months and years they do grow.  God is listening, working and at just the right time the beautiful bloom will appear.

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, this he will also reap…Let us not lose heart in doing good,

for in due time, we will reap if we do not grow weary.

Galatians 6:7,9

Did you know that bamboo plants grow as many as 35 inches a day!  And on the opposite extreme there is the Tamarisk tree, native to the drier climates of Eurasia and Africa, which only grows about 1 inch per day.  Why?  Because that’s the way God, in His wisdom, created them.  Different species require different growing times and different maturation dates. 

…And there is an appointed time for every event under Heaven.

A time to give birth and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted…

Ecclesiastes 3:1-2

Have good courage and confidence because God is doing a good work, and He will bring it to completion.

I love the following prayer from Tim Keller:

Lord, I confess I do not understand your timing. If I were in charge of history and my life I would have arranged things differently.

But I cannot see the whole picture, I cannot see from beginning to end, and so I wait for you in obedience and prayer.  Amen.

Love, Mom

Slow Down

January 24, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

          When I was in junior high I loved to play the piano, loud and fast.  I hated to play slow songs – they were so boring.  Plus, all the kids were impressed when I played fast and loud – spider fingers is what they called me.

            Later on in college, Professor Worst would say to me,  

Slow down, Shari, your music will have so much more life to it if you just go slower.  Breathe.

            Years ago, when I walked with my friends I loved to walk fast.  We would walk and talk and walk.  Then when Grandma came to visit, just she and I would go walking.  I would be silently annoyed because she walked slower than I liked, but I would grudgingly adapt to her speed. 

            When you are in Wyoming and the gas gauge on your car is getting low and there’s not a gas station for another 52 miles, what’s the best thing to do?  Slow down so your miles per gallon goes up and maybe, just maybe you can make it to the next town before the tank is empty. It didn’t always work for us, but in theory it should.

            In my younger years I wanted to be efficient, multi-task, get the most done in the least amount of time.  Isn’t that the way a good Christian woman should be?  I wanted to do my best for God, which meant to do it quickly and well.  I expected the same from God: He should be efficient, answer my prayers according to my timetable, maybe not quickly, but I really shouldn’t have to wait too long, should I?

            And then I got sick and was laid low, on my back, for weeks.  I couldn’t walk around the block, much less walk fast around the block.  Of course, I was irritated, angry that I didn’t get better quickly. 

            One day as I was on the couch, lying down and looking up, I read in Isaiah the following words that jumped out from the page:

Woe to those who say, ‘Let God hurry and carry out His plans so that we can see something happening and know that His word is true.’  (5:19)

I was shocked, surprised, and truth be told, hurt, to read that God was in no hurry to answer my prayers of healing or of anything else I desired, in fact there was a ‘woe’ attached to hurry.  In the past I had been so busy that I had not listened to his voice that also said,

 Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him.

Psalm 37:7

            A few months ago, I was practicing the song Breathe on the piano and it had some difficult parts in it when I was keeping the same speed throughout.  But as I was working out the hard spots, having to go slow, I noticed a beauty I hadn’t heard before.  I found that if I took extra time and breathed into the song some times of slowing, stretching the tempo, it came alive and was much more beautiful than simply trying to keep the challenging parts the same speed as the rest of the song.  I needed to be reminded again, Slow Down.  Especially the hard parts.

Eventually I was able to get up and around again after my extended time on the couch, and now I am still learning to go slow, take time, and

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

Psalm 27:14

I’m assuming that because the phrase, Wait for the Lord, is stated two times in that little short verse, God is really serious about us waiting.  So, what are we waiting for?  I think waiting sounds a little like trusting in God’s timing, not demanding our own way right now.  Our culture has taught us that we deserve immediate gratification – if you want it, you go and get it.  But Jesus desires to teach us about delayed gratification, learning to be joyful and expectant and trusting before He brings the answer. 

As Ann Voskamp says so often,

Life is not an emergency.

In God’s eyes, relationships are much more important than keeping busy.  The rewards that come from listening to your husband’s and children’s hearts, acknowledging their hurts and triumphs will endure much longer than any busyness we may conjure up on our own. 

In our marriages we want changes in ourselves, our husband, and in our kids.  When we invite God into our hard parts of life, He will bring about change – but never in a hurried way.  He will work out every detail, every hurt, every little thing in us and in our families in His time.  Trust Him with your life – and slow down.

Love, Mom

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