Branches and Trees

Musings on Marriage

Category: Stories and Songs (Page 8 of 8)

1,000 Gifts

November 18, 2014 / / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

One Sunday in January 2011 my friend, Jolene, came up to me after church and asked if I had heard of the book 1,000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp.  She simply mentioned that I might enjoy it.  Being ever curious about new books I went home and looked it up on Amazon, read the free pages and wept.  I ordered it, started reading and was totally consumed.  The premise of the book is that God has given us gifts, no, showered us with gifts every day of our lives – but do we see them as gifts and say “Thank you”?  Never before had I read someone like Ann who was so vulnerable, sharing with me her insecurities, doubts, anxieties, disappointment with God and her fierce struggle to find joy in everyday living.  Immediately I felt a kinship with her and was ready to learn whatever it was that had made her become so honest, bold, and joyful.1,000 Gifts

As the story goes a friend of Ann’s, knowing her struggle with life, dared her to write a list of a thousand things she loves.  Ann started that very day to chronicle the simple gifts of life – jam on toast, the cry of a blue jay, wool sweaters with turtleneck collars.  She became surprised by joy that the naming these gifts had created in her.  Joy that had eluded her for years had appeared through the simple act of thanksgiving.

So I bought a journal and started writing down gifts, not gifts that I want, but gifts God has already given me.  Looking for gifts and writing them down in detail felt like I was on a quest for beauty – something I had never done before.  I felt new joy coming over me.  I became more aware of the beauty in our home, in the surrounding countryside.  I started thanking God for the little things: my ten fingers, the energy to fold Dad’s socks, the tulips that were blooming, melted butter on my broccoli.  I found that I couldn’t name just three a day – it became 5, 10, sometimes more – simply because it brought delight that I hadn’t realized I had been missing.  It was easy to write down so many good gifts ….for many months.Pumpkins

Then came what Ann calls “the hard Eucharisteo” (the Greek word for thanks).  My health started declining and I was forced to quit my job teaching music at school.  I didn’t want to give thanks for that because I was angry that my body wasn’t doing what I wanted it to do.  I cried, prayed for healing, and fell into the pit of despair.  Finally, in the midst of my anger and disappointment, simply out of obedience to God, I haltingly started to give thanks for stuff I didn’t like.  As Ann points out, but what I was not yet ready to accept, is that God is able to use the hard things in life for our good and growth.

I read 1,000 Gifts again to reinforce what I had been learning, to remember, because I found that I have “soul amnesia” as Ann call it.  How easy it is to slip down into the hole of self-pity when illness strikes.  When I finished reading the book a third time, I read it again – I had to for survival.  Oftentimes I would thank God for what was happening to me though I was merely saying the words in faith.  I did not feel the least bit thankful.  Through many sleepless, tear drenched nights I knew in my intellect that I could trust Him, but my heart was screaming that perhaps He couldn’t be trusted.  I hated it that I didn’t understand what was happening to my body.  I didn’t like the chronic fatigue that defined my life.Thanks

In the midst of all this, Dad was there.  I know God was there too, but I think he used Dad to comfort me in my sorrow, listen to my wonderings and anger against God, and hold me when I was sobbing.  Because of his love and care for me I learned to love him more than I ever have.  Just a few years ago I would have been angry that Dad didn’t have words for me.  I wanted answers.  But he was wise enough to simply listen and share my grief.  I learned to be thankful for his presence, our simply being together.  Slowly, oh so slowly, I am gaining strength and I am able to give thanks even in this time of life that I would have never scripted for myself.

Through it all I have to believe that God is good even though life is not going how I would like.  He comforts me with these words.  “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”  Isaiah 55:8-9

Give thanks to the Lord for He is good, His love endures forever.

Love, Mom

 

 

 

Boxes, Bins, Barrels and Totes

October 28, 2014 / / 1 Comment

October 27, 2014

Dear Daughters,

Once again I am in the middle of stacks, piles, decisions, and emotions. Stacks of things to be thrown out or given away, piles of memories to be sorted through, decisions of what goes where, and emotions which are scattered all across the landscape.Road (2)

After living for 27 years in the beautiful state of Michigan, enjoying being near you and all your families, we are leaving to return to Idaho, as you know.  Though we are growing old, Grandpa and Grandma, both in their eighth decade, are growing older, and needing us to help care for them.

So we leave, with heavy hearts, joy-filled hearts, broken hearts and hearts full of anticipation to what God has in store for us.  Having only been caretakers for our children and grandchildren at the beginning of their lives, caring for parents near the culmination of their lives will be a new adventure.

Dad and I have been reading through the book The Spirituality of Caregiving by Henri Nouwen during the past week.  The opening thought of the book took me by surprise.  The word care finds its root in the word kara which means “to lament, to mourn, to participate in suffering, to share in pain.”  Even though we have done all those things at various times and in countless ways with  many of our family and loved ones in our lives already, this chapter will be totally different.SnakeRocky

I am reminded of the beauty of faithfulness, especially in marriage, as we prepare to move.  Though Dad and I have had struggles in our marriage we fought for love, for understanding and for grace – a battle not easily won, but so worth the fight.  Because we have learned to care for each other our bonds have become strong,  so we will be able to be a united front in caring for my parents, whose bonds have also become stronger over their 64 years together.  They too have been through hardships – the death of a son, physical limitations, and the everyday strains and pulls of life.

God only knows how long any of our lives will be, but as we continue learning to forgive, sharing in each other’s pain, trusting God to teach us His ways, we will become faithful as He is faithful.  We, as a family, have actually been caregivers, according to the definition above.  We have suffered with, we have lamented, we have mourned each other’s losses, we have shared our pain as a family.  So we have all learned to care.  I thank all of you for allowing us to lament, grieve, rejoice and share your pain.  We will continue to do so, yet now it will be from a distance.

As we prepare to leave we grieve, we mourn, we question why.  This weekend, as we spent our last time together as a family for many months, it was so hard.  It was wonderful to be with you all, to watch the little ones play, the older ones becoming so grown-up, the teasing, laughter and celebration with food.  But then came the good-byes….. for now.  My heart was breaking, tears streaming down our faces and I wondered “Are we doing the right thing?”  For many years I thought that doing the right thing would feel good.  But I have had to learn that doing right sometimes hurts.  Jesus obeyed his Father perfectly and it hurt him.  Can I expect any less?

God is good and His will is that we live responsibly today and trust Him for tomorrow.  It’s hard, it hurts, but I know it’s the only way that will bring joy.  So, my dear daughters,

 

            May the road rise to meet you,

            May the wind be always at your back

            The sun shine warm upon your face

            The wind blow soft upon your fields.

            And until we meet again,

            May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

(The Old Irish Blessing)

FallNMI

Love, Mom

           

 

Making One Thing New

October 16, 2014 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Several decades ago, Aunt Val gave me a cutting board she had made in high school woodshop.  She had carefully cut out thin strips of various kinds of wood, glued them together, varnished them and proudly given it to me on my birthday.  I have chopped countless vegetables, fruits, nuts, and meats on that faithful board, but there came a time when I started using thin plastic cutting boards for ease of cleaning and storing.

One day Dad found that well-worn cutting board in the pile going to Goodwill and took it out because he had an idea of making it into something new.  As you know, I have been annoyed in past years when Dad wants to save things I would rather throw out or give away.  I’m sure I made some snide remark when he told me he was going to save it for a project because, of course, we all know about his black hole of unfinished projects in the basement.  What goes in  never comes out.   I quickly dismissed the incident from my mind.

Several months later he showed me his completed project.  From that worn out, cut up, beat up board he had made a beautiful table for my plants.  I was quite impressed.  Over the years that board had become so ugly, splinters coming off the edges, dull and useless (so I thought) but now it was transformed into a striking piece of art.New (3)

For over ten years now it has faithfully held my favorite green ivy plant, curling and twisting around.  About the same time I put the ivy on this plant stand someone gave me a little decorative tile to stick in the dirt.  I really didn’t look at the words  imprinted on the decorative stick, I just put it in the dirt because I liked the colors.  Recently though, I looked at that transformed cutting board and the words on the stick.

“I make all things new.”

Revelation 21:5

 I will admit, sometimes I am a very slow learner.  It takes years after I learn something intellectually to make it a habit in my life.  Looking at the previously battered cutting board now transformed into a new thing along with the scripture in the ivy, I finally realized that this is precisely what’s happening in me and my family.  I used to be ungrateful, critical, quick to find fault with people.  But through many years and God’s faithful chiseling on my personality I am learning to become grateful for the good gifts He gives me every day.  I have learned to encourage and build up instead of criticize and tear down.  I search out the good in people instead of focusing on the annoying traits.  Of course I still stumble and fall, but I feel like I am continually becoming a new person. New (4)

All throughout the Bible, from beginning to end, in story after story, God is making all things new.  Look at Joseph, the self-centered, arrogant teenager bragging to his brothers about the dreams he’s dreamed.  God didn’t just say, Now you shape up, get humble and  quit bragging about those dreams.   Instead, God allowed circumstances in his life to humble him.  Tough circumstances like sitting in prison for a crime he didn’t commit.  Suffering worked humility into him, so well that he was able to forgive his brothers for the evil they showed toward him.

And then there’s Moses.  As the young Prince of Egypt, he was ready to help his fellow Israelites escape their cruel slave masters by murdering one of them.  Again, God didn’t just give him a stern talking to, telling him to change.  He provided 40 years as a shepherd on the back side of a desert in order to humble and chisel him into someone who would become a fearless leader.

This is God’s way.  He is never in a hurry, but patiently, consistently and gently provides life for us, bringing us to the end of ourselves and opening our eyes to our need for Him.  Every day is a new day, as he is molding us to be more like Him.  He molds us into His gracious personality.  And the really cool thing is when just one person starts submitting, it becomes infectious to others in the vicinity.

Of course, marriage is a major chiseling tool for God to bring changes into our personality.   For a time I felt like Dad’s and my relationship had become battered, worn and dull.  But when I invited God to help me love, teach me to respect, and speak the language of peace and forgiveness, He began to make our marriage new.  So………even if you feel like your marriage is beat up, full of slivers, and just plain worn out – never fear.  God makes all things new, as long as you let Him have His way with you.

Accept with an open hand whatever comes your way, trusting your Heavenly Father to have the love and wisdom to mold you into his likeness.

Love, Mom

Grandma’s Music

September 23, 2014 / / 2 Comments
Dear Daughters,

My trip to Idaho a few months ago was good but hard. It was wonderful to be with Grandpa and Grandma for a week, and yet difficult to see them struggle with their bodies that don’t work like they used to. Grandma speaks the truth when she says “My forgetter is getting better.” My nickname became “Lifesaver Shari” because when she lost things I found them! When I made meals for them they would both comment that I make it look so easy.   Many chores that used to be every day and normal for them have now become overwhelming.

gmagpaThe second morning I was at their home I came out of my bedroom as Grandma was walking by. She looked at me and said with a surprised look on her face “Oh, I didn’t know you were here!” But I quickly assured her that I had been there for a day or so and she was fine with that. I have become her mother, and she my young child. She is so quick to ask if she can help with lunch or dinner and is eager to do whatever I ask. I felt both honored to be able to assist them, yet found it difficult to navigate my new role.

Mums PianoIn the midst of all that, an amazing thing happened on that second day at their home. I asked Grandma if she would play some songs on the piano. At first she didn’t want to, but I told her I really wanted to hear someone else play besides me. So I got out the hymnbook, turned to the table of contents and starting in the A’s looked to see which songs she would know. Because her sight is so poor she is unable to read music anymore, but because she has everything memorized it wasn’t necessary for her to read at all, just think and play. So I said, Abide with Me. She thought for about 5 seconds and played it perfectly.  Amazing Grace.   Again, 5 seconds of thought and another beautiful rendition, complete with modulations into other keys. After she had played about 5 songs that I had asked for she suddenly transitioned smoothly into It is No Secret without my asking. Then I said Because He Lives, which she played flawlessly, then came back again to It is No Secret. Then all of sudden a rollicking version of You Are My Sunshine.   Then …Secret again. A few more songs of my request, and then Have Thine Own Way, Lord.

For the next 45 minutes or so she would continue to intersperse those three songs (It Is No Secret, You Are My Sunshine, Have Thine Own Way) in between the many other songs that I requested. She repeated no other songs, just those three. So I figured God wanted me to sit down and think on those songs for a bit.Dad2

Because of our living in the times that we do, these three songs were exactly what I needed to hear. God has always provided for us in the past, and I have no doubt that He will continue in the future. We just don’t know what that future is….yet.

I found it so amazing that Grandma, although she was not able to remember my answer to a question she had asked one minute earlier, could minister to me through her playing of songs that she loved and were embedded in her mind and heart for decades. It was probably my most memorable time in Idaho this year.

One more little tidbit ~ when we were driving to Washington that week I would look in the backseat once in a while and often see Grandpa and Grandma holding hands. Then once she started singing  You are My Sunshine, and she said to my sister Rhonda and me “Your dad’s a keeper!” After being married 64 years that was like music to my ears.

 

Love, Mom

 

In case you don’t know the words to those three songs, I’ve printed them below – some I haven’t heard for decades.

 

 

It Is No Secret

 Perinne3

 

The chimes of time ring out the news

Another day is through

Someone slipped and fell

Was that someone you?

You may have longed for added strength

Your courage to renew

Do not be disheartened

I have news for you.

 

It is no secret what God can do

What he has done for others

He’ll do for you

With arms wide open

He’ll pardon you

It is no secret what God can do.

 

There is no night, for in His light

You’ll never walk alone

You’ll always feel at home wherever you may roam.

There is no power can conquer you

.While God is on your side

Take Him at His promise

Don’t run away and hide.

 

 

You Are My Sunshine

 

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,Datylilies2

You make me happy when skies are gray

You’ll never know, dear, how much I love you

Please don’t take my sunshine away.

 

 

 

 

Have Thine Own Way, Lord

 

Have thine own way, Lord, have thine own way.

Thou art the Potter, I am the clay.

Mold me and make me after Thy will

While I am waiting, yielded and still.

 

Have thine own way, Lord, have thine own way

Search me and try me, Master today!

Whiter than snow, Lord, wash me just now.

As in Thy presence humbly I bow.

 

Have thine own way, Lord, have thine own way.

Wounded and weary, help me I pray.

Power all power, surely is Thine

Touch me and heal me, Savior divine.

 

Have thine own way, Lord, have thine own way.

Hold o’er my being absolute sway!

Fill with Thy Spirit till all shall see

Christ only, always, living in me!

 
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