Dear Daughters,
The other day Grandma came to me and asked if she could borrow my eyes for a little bit. She was trying to figure out what to wear and because she is blind in one eye and has limited sight in the other, it is difficult for her to choose her clothes. As you know, in her younger days she was always so stylish, matching purses and scarves, dressing just right. I went into her bedroom and chose an outfit with some jewelry that matched and she gratefully accepted my assistance.
As I was walking back to my room I remembered a song by Joni Eareckson Tada from decades ago, on her album I’ve Got Wheels. Joni is a quadriplegic, suffering from a diving accident when she was 17. She sings the song to friends who are her caregivers. The song May I Borrow Your Hands? goes like this:
May I borrow your hands? Mine don’t work so well,
But yours will do just fine.
May I borrow your hands? Mine won’t work for me
Yours can be mine….for a time.
Helping one another, like a sister and a brother.
May I borrow your hands? They can work for me,
Together we’ll do just fine.
Throughout the day I found myself singing that song, inserting the word eyes for hands. Later on I started thinking about things that Grandpa and Grandma borrow from each other. At the age of 89 Grandpa’s eyes are still very sharp so he too is able to help Grandma with things that she cannot see. He drives her into town for groceries and her Saturday morning hair appointment. Grandpa has had essential tremors for decades – his hands shake always and his writing is impossible. Yet Grandma is steady as a rock and still has a beautiful signature.
When it comes to walking Grandma is like an energizer bunny, she just keeps going and going and going….. whereas Grandpa has difficulty walking 100 feet. Grandma’s “forgetter is getting better” but Grandpa’s mind is mostly intact.
I think most marriages are like that, where one is weak the other is strong. God, in His infinite wisdom has put us with a husband who complements us in many ways. You have heard that opposites attract and I know it is true in our marriage.
While driving around Dad is always interested in the geology of the area, wondering where the headwaters are to Billingsly Creek or at what point the Clam River flows into the Muskegon River, what river runs into which lake…… I on the other hand, just enjoy the beauty of what I see. Dad loves to eat, and during one meal is always asking what the next meal is going to be. I eat simply because I know I need to for survival.
When we go to visit museums Dad reads every single word on every single sign, while I am content simply browsing through and catching the highlights. Family trees are his specialty and knowing all the kin, including second-cousins-once-removed are entertainment for him, but I get lost in the tangle of all the leaves, branches and twigs.
When I am weak, Dad is strong.
In spite of all our differences, we have learned to appreciate the other’s interests. Throughout the years we have come to enjoy our various strengths and weaknesses, although years ago we often annoyed each other with our variances. We are both able to admit our weaknesses more freely and ask for the other’s assistance when we need it. In the beginning it tended to be more of a power struggle of who was the strongest in areas that were really of no importance. I look back and see how foolish it was for us to live like that, but thankfully we have learned.
Although Joni Eareckson Tada wrote May I Borrow Your Hands? back in the 80’s when she was single, she and her husband Ken Tada now sing it to each other at the many events at which they are asked to speak about marriage. It’s a vivid picture of what marriage is meant to be, allowing our husband to be strong when we are weak, and in turn being strong for him when he is weak.
Love, Mom
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