Musings on Marriage

Month: October 2015

Snake River Float

Dear Daughters,

Advertised as a Class 3 float trip with plenty of whitewater action and beautiful scenery, it was a gorgeous September day on the Snake River.  Ninety degrees and a blue sky speckled with clouds was beyond anything Dad and I could have asked.

Packing our lunches in waterproof bags, we filled our water bottles and drove the five minutes to the launch spot.WW

We listened to our licensed, professional guide, Mike, explain all the safety procedures should one of us be thrown into the river during the 10-mile trip. Nervously I asked if it was often that people were tossed into the rapids.  Mike replied that they had employed one guide who dumped out adventurers quite consistently but she lost her job when it became a noticeable pattern.  He assured us that his record was much better and if we all paddled together the excursion should be quite enjoyable yet exciting.

Mike was in the back acting as our rudder and the eight passengers were instructed to Forward row, Back row or Rest, according to the orders he gave us.  Simple enough.

As we pushed off, the river was calm and Mike took us to a spot where he was certain we could spot a sturgeon prowling the waters. After several minutes of peering into dark water the four-foot sturgeon finally appeared to entertain us with his graceful roaming.

Then our first rapid appeared. FORWARD ROW!, Mike shouted, and we all started rowing, clumsily clanking each other’s paddles.  Even though we were less than stellar rowers we were through that rapid in about ten seconds

It was time to relax with some calm water and enjoy the osprey and blue heron gracefully standing on the sides of the river. Mike also pointed out the blackberry bushes, of which we stopped and sampled, as well as poison ivy, which we did not.

As we were remarking about the rugged beauty, amid the pillow lava, Mike told us that one of his floaters a few weeks earlier asked if he and the other guides went out to place the rocks and bushes so beautifully on the sides of the river. He chuckled as he told the story, wondering how anyone could consider asking a question like that.

There were a few more minor rapids and we as a team continued to improve on our rowing, not jangling our paddles quite so much.ww (10)

Then appeared the largest rapid of all. My heart started racing and fear riveted as I looked ahead, seeing the whitewater of the river looming ahead of us.  I detected that the water close to the beach was much calmer, but no, Mike headed for the center of the river where the roughest water was churning.

FORWARD ROW! Yelled Mike.  Down into the first wave we plummeted and our entire crew was drenched with 58 degree water. KEEP ROWING! He yelled. Sure, I thought. Keep rowing as I’m falling into Dad’s lap and onto the top of the guy in front of me. I was exhilarated that I had held onto my oar and was not floating in the river.  I was not going to be paddling for a while. ww (6)

Amazingly we all stayed in the raft and navigated that rapid quite well. Just when my heart had quieted and we were on calm water again Mike said: That was so much fun let’s do it again!

Thankfully I was able to keep my mouth shut, but in my mind I was shouting: Are you kidding me already? We barely survived that one, I have a good memory and I don’t need to do it again.  But FORWARD ROW!  was the command and Mike turned around and steered us back into that same rapid, again directly into the center and most violent part.

Of course the story was repeated again. Once more we got through with everyone intact and thoroughly soaked.  But you know what?  The second time through it was not as scary and I was actually able to keep on rowing part of the time and not fall onto the people around me.

Shortly after we were able to see the only Frank Lloyd Wright designed home in all of Idaho. Hidden completely from the roadside, it was somewhat visible from the river. ww (13)

After a few more drenching rapids, our crew became more unified and there were less and less clanking oars as we learned to work together and concentrate on obeying and trusting our guide. I viewed every rapid from then on as a challenge to keep rowing and stay in my seat.

Eventually we came to the end of the journey, and at the take-out said good-bye to our new found friends. After we got home Dad and I chatted about the joy and beauty of the trip.  He had gone on the same excursion back in April by himself because I was not so brave.  But the shared adventure of the outing made it much sweeter as we relived together the delight and challenge of the trip.ww (7)

After the excursion I reminisced about the times we were plunging into the various rapids and thought about life and how, if I had a choice, would always stay close to shore where the calmer water lay. But God has seen fit to bring Dad and I, as well as all of you, through turbulent rapids – times when we have had to hold on for dear life, continually trusting our leader and guide, Jesus Christ.

At times it has seemed as if our lives would capsize and we would go under, never to come up again. But here we are, still in the land of the living, and growing stronger day by day.  He knows what is best for us, and walks us through those difficult times, as we are able to grow up and become more like Him.

When things get rough, that’s precisely when we grow in faith.

One of my favorite verses for when I am going through rejection, chronic illness, fear of the future and loneliness is Isaiah 41:10:

So, do not fear, for I am with you;

Do not look around you in terror and be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen and harden you to difficulties,

Yes, I will hold you up and retain you with My victorious right hand of rightness and justice. 1000 Spring (2)

Hold tightly to your leader and your guide. Jesus will never let you go.  He loves you dearly, my precious children.

Love, Mom

 

 

 

 

Dementia, Deafness and DMV

 

SunflowerDear Daughters,

One morning last week I woke up and walked sleepily into the den on my way to the kitchen. It always takes me a while to adjust to the bright sun and the new day. I like quiet and peace in the morning – and a cup of tea.

As I walked through the den, Grandpa was reading the morning paper and I said Good Morning just like I always do. He saw me coming and his first sentence was one of panic. I CAN’T HEAR A THING! MY EAR WENT BONKERS! ALL OF A SUDDEN EVERYTHING JUST WENT BLANK!!!  I’M GOING TO BE DEAF JUST LIKE MY MOTHER!

Whoa, hold on, I’m not quite ready for all this so early in the morning.

I vaguely remembered this happening one other time and it was because wax somehow suddenly dropped into his ear canal (he only has one working ear) and plugged everything. Producing a plethora of ear wax is a gift that Grandpa has been given, for better or worse.

I called his ear doctor and the friendly receptionist found an appointment for him that same day. I think she noted the urgency in my voice.

Since we left plenty early and a car wash was on the way, we decided to stop in. As we were driving up Grandma thought it said Ear Wash, so she and I started discussing how handy it would be to drive through with Grandpa’s window down and get his ear cleaned at the same time, saving a trip to the ear doctor. We decided against it.

We had another short errand to do while we were in town – a trip to the Department of Motor Vehicles to get a registration for the new ATV that Grandpa had just purchased.

As we were walking into the building we had the following conversation:

Grandma: Why are we here?

Me: To get a registration for the new ATV.

Grandma: I didn’t know we got a new one. Where was I?

Me: At home. DAD, LET’S GO IN THIS LINE.

            Over here, Mom.

            OK, DAD, YOU NEED TO SIGN RIGHT HERE BY THE X

Grandpa: SIGN WHERE?? (Since he has a serious tremor he had his signature stamp that he uses for official documents)

Grandma: Why are we here?

Me: To get a registration for the new ATV.

Grandma: I didn’t know we got a new one. Where was I?

Me: At home. OK DAD, IT WILL COST 8 DOLLARS

Grandpa: HOW MUCH?

Me: (shouting directly in his ear) EIGHT DOLLARS.

Grandma: Why are we here?

Me: To get a registration for the ATV.

Grandma: I didn’t know we got one. Where was I? Are we going to be late for the Doctor? Do you know how to get there?

Me: No, we’ll be early. Yes, I’ve been there many times before.

Grandpa: I’M SURE GLAD THEY HAVE CHAIRS IN HERE SO I CAN SIT DOWN.

Me: Yup.

The friendly DMV guy: I wish I had a cool signature stamp like that, my writing is horrible.

Grandpa: I’M SURE GLAD WE DIDN’T HAVE TO WAIT IN LINE, WE CAME AT JUST THE RIGHT TIME.

Me: Yes, it was wonderful, no wait at all.

Grandma: (as we were on our way out) Why did we come here?

Me: Sigh…..

Every day is an adventure in our household. Living with Grandma who struggles with dementia and macular degeneration and Grandpa who finds it difficult to walk and hear, there are never ending conversations of repetitions and descriptions. Dad and I spend much of our time in laughter, some in tears, other times we simply sit together in silence, lamenting the frailties that come with advancing years.Mums (7)

Just this morning, we were making apple sauce from some of the beautiful Granny Smiths we had picked earlier in the week from Grandpa’s trees. Grandma and I were chatting as we used the nifty peeler/corer that makes our work much easier. Grandma asked where I had learned to use the machine so I mentioned that she had taught me many years ago when I was living at home. She looked at me quizzically and said I think you have me confused with someone else. I’ve never seen this thing in my life.Apples (7)

            It still hurts not to be known by my own mother. To her I am the cook, the one who put those pills in the little dishes every night, the picker of garden fruits and vegetables, the one who helps to wash, dry and sort clothes, the lady who gets tea for her in the afternoon and encourages her to play piano every morning.

Even though Dad and I have been living here for almost a year, Grandma will ask if I’m spending the night or do I need to go home and take care of my family.

I feel like she is my little girl and I have become her mother. Much of the time I do my work with joy even though she doesn’t realize who I am. Other times I ache, missing the bond and memories we used to share as mother and daughter.Pops (2)

I weep for what has been lost, disappointed when I realize that she will not get better.

At other times I rejoice for what is coming in the future. Going through this season of life has made me hungry for the coming eternity, my heart longing for our time in heaven when Grandma will know us all once again. I hope for that which Jesus has promised, the renewal of all things:

We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. (Hebrews 6:19)Sunset (8)

I am grateful that this world is not the end of the matter, but simply a preparation for the magnificent future awaiting us, a heaven where there is no dementia, no blindness, deafness, or aging. Looking forward to this frees me to love now and helps take away some of the pain of loss. Our current life is much easier to enjoy simply because I know the best is yet to come.

Loss doesn’t rule, hope does.

Love, Mom

 

 

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