Dear Daughters,
My friend, Julie, told me a story of when she was just 18 and married less than a year.
Julie was working in a dentist’s office – the dentist was in his 50’s, rotund and jovial. Julie herself is quite a jokester, and they bantered back and forth daily as they worked. One day Mr. Dentist told Julie he was in need of some physical satisfaction because his wife was not interested in him that way anymore. So, he had what he considered to be a great deal: If Julie would be willing to help him out in this minor way she would receive a beautiful new car as a gift, signifying his deep appreciation.
Now that could be quite a tempting deal for a teenager. Lay down for a while each week with this fun-loving guy and receive a new car. Sounds like it could be a win-win situation.
Women have historically been used and abused by men. They have been considered a commodity to be consumed instead of a human being to be valued and cherished.
In all the high and low-profile cases we have read surrounding the #metoo (I hear that some are wearying of the reports) women have been coerced to give their bodies to someone who promises a job, a role, a promotion, a new car or a future permanent relationship. I’m sure the temptations are fierce, the promises sound solid and the decisions difficult.
But we always need to remember that we have choices,
a choice to say no
a choice to say yes
a choice to leave
a choice to value our bodies, knowing they are sacred – a gift given to us by God.
The nakedness of sex is far more than physical. It involves every area of our life – our emotions, our spirit and our intellect. The effects of physical interaction with another have long-lasting significance because they affect the deepest part of our persons.
When a man asks for such favors without a lifetime commitment, it’s obvious he is putting his own desires and agenda above all else. He’s thinking about himself and the pleasure he seeks. There is a reason God’s original creation of sex is meant to be within marriage, between a man and a woman for a lifetime. And – as in all the commands He gives – it’s because he loves us and wants the best for us. He wants us to avoid heartache, betrayal, regret and guilt. Instead we are sometimes tempted to think:
I can’t trust the heart of God, I need to take control myself
I need to arrange for my own happiness
I don’t like God’s story for me, I want to rewrite the story my way
Our society is proficient in beguiling us to believe that now is the most important time. We are encouraged not to think about the future (think of those tempting credit cards in your wallet) or the past – keeping busy and distracted every moment of every day.
We are not at all encouraged to consider the outcome of our choices. A new car certainly sounds exciting and wonderful, but there is a price to pay. Whenever we give our bodies to others we are forever connected to them in our memories.
When Julie was offered the new car in exchange for Mr. Dentist’s gratification, she immediately said No. She had not grown up in an ideal home – her mother had died when Julie was only twelve, and because of that trauma her dad turned to alcohol for comfort, neglecting and abusing the children left behind. Yet because her mother had taught her right from wrong before she died, Julie knew that what Mr. Dentist asked for was wrong. She had made a promise to say yes to her husband, which meant saying no to all other men.
Now I understand sexual assault is in a completely different category from Mr. Dentist’s request, and that some women are not given a choice, but when we are….may we choose wisely.
Sadly the next young woman, who was hired after Julie left the dentist office, was driving a new car shortly after her employment began.
There is an old Spanish proverb:
He who loves one woman has loved them all.
He who loves many has loved none.
I pray that we and your daughters will know and always remember that our bodies have intrinsic value which God has bestowed upon us, knowing we are fearfully and wonderfully made – choosing to use our bodies to honor him.
Love, Mom
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