Musings on Marriage

Month: January 2022

Slow Down

Dear Daughters,

          When I was in junior high I loved to play the piano, loud and fast.  I hated to play slow songs – they were so boring.  Plus, all the kids were impressed when I played fast and loud – spider fingers is what they called me.

            Later on in college, Professor Worst would say to me,  

Slow down, Shari, your music will have so much more life to it if you just go slower.  Breathe.

            Years ago, when I walked with my friends I loved to walk fast.  We would walk and talk and walk.  Then when Grandma came to visit, just she and I would go walking.  I would be silently annoyed because she walked slower than I liked, but I would grudgingly adapt to her speed. 

            When you are in Wyoming and the gas gauge on your car is getting low and there’s not a gas station for another 52 miles, what’s the best thing to do?  Slow down so your miles per gallon goes up and maybe, just maybe you can make it to the next town before the tank is empty. It didn’t always work for us, but in theory it should.

            In my younger years I wanted to be efficient, multi-task, get the most done in the least amount of time.  Isn’t that the way a good Christian woman should be?  I wanted to do my best for God, which meant to do it quickly and well.  I expected the same from God: He should be efficient, answer my prayers according to my timetable, maybe not quickly, but I really shouldn’t have to wait too long, should I?

            And then I got sick and was laid low, on my back, for weeks.  I couldn’t walk around the block, much less walk fast around the block.  Of course, I was irritated, angry that I didn’t get better quickly. 

            One day as I was on the couch, lying down and looking up, I read in Isaiah the following words that jumped out from the page:

Woe to those who say, ‘Let God hurry and carry out His plans so that we can see something happening and know that His word is true.’  (5:19)

I was shocked, surprised, and truth be told, hurt, to read that God was in no hurry to answer my prayers of healing or of anything else I desired, in fact there was a ‘woe’ attached to hurry.  In the past I had been so busy that I had not listened to his voice that also said,

 Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him.

Psalm 37:7

            A few months ago, I was practicing the song Breathe on the piano and it had some difficult parts in it when I was keeping the same speed throughout.  But as I was working out the hard spots, having to go slow, I noticed a beauty I hadn’t heard before.  I found that if I took extra time and breathed into the song some times of slowing, stretching the tempo, it came alive and was much more beautiful than simply trying to keep the challenging parts the same speed as the rest of the song.  I needed to be reminded again, Slow Down.  Especially the hard parts.

Eventually I was able to get up and around again after my extended time on the couch, and now I am still learning to go slow, take time, and

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

Psalm 27:14

I’m assuming that because the phrase, Wait for the Lord, is stated two times in that little short verse, God is really serious about us waiting.  So, what are we waiting for?  I think waiting sounds a little like trusting in God’s timing, not demanding our own way right now.  Our culture has taught us that we deserve immediate gratification – if you want it, you go and get it.  But Jesus desires to teach us about delayed gratification, learning to be joyful and expectant and trusting before He brings the answer. 

As Ann Voskamp says so often,

Life is not an emergency.

In God’s eyes, relationships are much more important than keeping busy.  The rewards that come from listening to your husband’s and children’s hearts, acknowledging their hurts and triumphs will endure much longer than any busyness we may conjure up on our own. 

In our marriages we want changes in ourselves, our husband, and in our kids.  When we invite God into our hard parts of life, He will bring about change – but never in a hurried way.  He will work out every detail, every hurt, every little thing in us and in our families in His time.  Trust Him with your life – and slow down.

Love, Mom

I Give Up

Dear Daughters,

A few years ago I read Laura Story’s book, When God Doesn’t Fix It.  She wrote about the tragic brain tumor her husband, Martin, had just one year into their marriage, and the subsequent disabilities he struggles with after living more than 10 years post-surgery.  Thousands of prayers had been offered along with months of hospitalizations and rehab, yet still he struggles with a substantial memory deficit and significant vision problems.

It would have been easy for Laura to walk away because this is not what she signed up for, nor was it in their 5-year marriage plan.  But instead of physical healing, God sent people who loved and cared about Laura and Martin, people who helped with all the little and large details of living with a major disability.  The church surrounded them both with compassion and food, practical help in living with a disabled husband, and giving hours of listening ears.

 Just recently I read another book by Laura, I Give Up, following up on her and Martin’s life.  As the title suggests, Laura has learned to surrender everything just as it is, saying to God I give upI’ve done all I can, and he’s not getting better.  She did not give up doing good and caring for Martin, but gave up on the encroaching hopelessness, frustration and despair.  When she says the words, I give up, she is basically saying I surrender to Your will for my life.  I surrender all the expectations I had for my life – like a healthy husband… I don’t like it, but I trust You

When she surrendered – and it was not an overnight easy surrender but rather an ongoing everyday surrender – she found peace.  In time, she was able to see all the good things God does through infirmities and other unexpected and often unwanted situations.  Laura learned to accept what she could not change, and embrace her new normal.

Rhonda Rietkerk

I don’t know about you, but I like to have things my way.  I like to make my plans and ask God to bless them.  I would love to have a wish list for 2022 and ask God to put His stamp of approval on, wave His magic wand over and perform everything I desire.  But as I’ve learned over the past few decades, that’s not how He works.  He has a plan that is far better than mine because he knows the future, I do not.  But how can I trust that His plan is what’s best for me?  Sometimes His plan doesn’t feel like the best thing, but He knows what I need, I do not.

It’s not easy to surrender your life to someone you can’t see, but it’s possible.  It reminds me of a conversation between Mrs. Beaver and Lucy in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.  Asking about Aslan, the King of Narnia, Lucy asks “Is he safe?”  “Oh no, he’s not safe,” says Mrs. Beaver.  “But he’s good.”

Rhonda Rietkerk

If we know the character of the person we trust, then we are better able to surrender the details of our life to Him.  And when I look at the promises of Jesus, like:

I will never leave you nor forsake you.

Hebrews 13:5

Lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the world. 

Matthew 28:20

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 

Matthew 11:28

But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously without finding fault, and it will be given to him. 

James 1:5

why would I fear? Why would I not surrender my New Year to Jesus?  Because I need help even with surrendering. Thankfully, you and I have the Holy Spirit living within us to give us the strength to make that choice.

When you are exhausted and you don’t know how to calm your mind, surrender to God.  When you are scared when looking at the future and fearful of what may happen to those you love, surrender your people and your future to God. 

Rhonda Rietkerk

I have tried to run my life for enough years now to know that my plans are short-sighted, superficial and self-centered at best.  I have no idea of what others around me need and I am not able to see the big picture or the future. 

Laura has surrendered to an unexpected life of joy, even though her husband can’t drive or hold down a full-time job.  Her music is loved all over the world because she sings and writes about Blessings in the midst of heartache, and living in the joy of Surrender.

God may not change your circumstances to your liking, but you can unclench your tight fists of trying to be in control and surrender with open hands to whatever He has planned for you – which will be abundantly better than anything you could possibly ask or imagine.

Who knows? You may even be surprised by joy when you say I Give Up.

Love, Mom

© 2024 Branches and Trees

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑