Musings on Marriage

Month: July 2022

What is a Woman?

Dear Daughters,

Some of the most profound questions in the world are the simplest. 

What is a woman?

 It’s a short question Matt Walsh asked numerous people around the world.  Interestingly, many men and women were unable to answer that simple question.  Some people (especially the highly educated) became evasive and remarked that there is not a simple distinction.  A college professor of gender studies stated that you are what you feel, regardless of what biological sex you were born with.

Our culture has been inundated with the idea that your feelings play the most important role in your life.  Some of our society has come to believe that you are what you feel.  Science and reality are tossed to the wind in exchange for feelings and opinions.  Feelings are king, supreme, they are everything – and now have become the confusing and dangerous idea that your sex is not necessarily the body you are born into, but whatever you feel like during a given day.  

When babies are born, they are obviously male or female. According to science, sex is assigned not at birth, but at conception.  Every single cell in the human body has the DNA of either male or female.  There is a biological difference between women and men.  And if we can’t agree that this foundational truth is a reality, then how can we protect our girls and women?

Today, the word gender has become how a person perceives themselves.  If you have a male body but feel like a female, you are able to become a female – which has been named transgender according to many college professors.  Which inversely means if you were born with female genitalia but feel like you are a male – there are hormones and surgeries to make it appear you are a male.

You may have heard about Lia Thomas, a man on the Penn State swim team, who was 65th in his class as he competed against other biological men during 2018 and 2019.  In 2019 he began transitioning to a woman and joined the women’s swim team.  In 2021 he started competing against women, winning 1st in the 500-meter women’s freestyle. In 2022 he won the NCAA Division 1 title in the same race.  Recently he has been nominated as “NCAA Woman of the Year.”

When interviewed recently, he stated that he is now “happy” being a woman, when in the past he was depressed and confused.  So, does this mean that many women are supposed to be willing to give up their right to win in women’s sports because it makes a transwoman “happy” to win the medals and accolades which should have been theirs?  Some women will speak up but only to be shut down by those who have more power and volume.

My heart goes out to all those biological females competing against Lia Thomas, because the training they have gone through doesn’t mean anything when a biological male can come in with 2 years of hormone therapy at the age of 22 and win first place easily.  

Some may accuse me of being transphobic or anti-trans, but it is simple science which naturally gives an advantage to a man going through puberty who then chooses to transition to a woman.  For so many years women have fought for equal rights – in voting, becoming doctors, going to college, and choosing many occupations that have in the past been occupied only by men.  But now they are being shut out of their own sports.

Women’s sports are mocked when trans women are invited to compete with biological women. There is absolutely no way a biological male who feels as if he is a female can compete honestly on an equal playing field with biological women.   

By the way, the simple definition of a woman is:

A woman is an adult human female.

As Mr. Rogers said many decades ago,

Life is deep and simple, but our society has made it shallow and complicated.

Love, Mom

Where Are You?

Dear Daughters,

Last week our family went up north to spend a few days together at an Airbnb cottage on a lake.  As we drove there, the road took some turns and zig zags as many country roads do.  Being the directionally impaired woman that I am, I wasn’t really paying attention to anything but giving Dad the directions given to me by Maps, so we could find the cottage. But the next morning when I woke up and looked at the sun, it seemed to be rising in the West. 

As soon as I saw that the sun was not agreeing with my inner compass, I tried reorienting myself to this revelation.  Yet, try as I might, I spent the next 5 days feeling as if the earth was spinning in the opposite direction. 

I’m not sure you have ever felt this way about directions, but there are certain places where my feelings about which direction I am facing is 180 degrees off from reality. 

I realize some people are always 100% accurate and yet there are others who think whichever direction they are facing is north to them.  (I actually had a friend like that on a short road trip, so I volunteered to drive.)

The first recorded question God ever asked was spoken to Adam and Eve,

“Where are you?”

 The question was asked in the garden, and sometime after the first humans were created.  Apparently, every evening, God would talk and walk with Adam and Eve, enjoying the beautiful garden and all the animals and other fascinating creatures inhabiting the garden. 

But one day satan, disguised as a beautiful snake, tempted Eve to think God was holding out on them because there was one tree in the garden of thousands that God said was off-limits for them.  Yes, even though there were more than enough other trees from which to eat, satan questioned the goodness of God.  The couple had never been ashamed of being naked with each other but now for the first time they hid because they felt shameful fear. Shame causes us to hide – behind trees or any other thing we can find in the world. 

It is curious to me what God did not say. He did not come in roaring mad because they disobeyed Him. He didn’t call them idiots for what they did. It was into this situation that God simply asked the question

“Where are you?”

God was not asking for their latitude and longitude coordinates, he was not asking behind which tree they were hiding – physical location was not His point.  He wanted to know why they were hiding from Him.  In the past, they had always been eager to visit with Him.  God wanted to know where they were in relation to Him. 

God created us because He desires to bring us joy, the fullness of joy.  But when we hide from Him, He will not barge in and demand we talk to Him.  He’s too much of a gentleman for that.  He waits until we are ready to talk, to reach out to Him.  More than anything, He desires an honest relationship with us, because He knows we will never have life abundant without Him. 

“Though the mountains be shaken

And the hills be removed,

Yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken,

Nor my covenant of peace be removed,”

says the Lord who has compassion on you.

Isaiah 54:10

Ann Voskamp takes the question “Where are you?” in her book, waymaker, and paraphrases it like this:

Where are you, when it was once all about you and Me

And now it’s all about you and that damned lying snake? 

Woe is Me, where have you gone?

I just want you here with Me. 

Knowing that our heavenly Father loves us is enough to bring stability to our identity, attachment to the greatest person in the universe, and peace beyond measure. 

Knowing our location – our GPS coordinates – is important and helpful, especially when trying to find an Airbnb, but there’s something more important.  And that is where are you in relation to your Creator, the lover of your soul.

Where are you?”

 is a good question Jesus asks of us every day, and unless we keep locating our soul near Him, we’ll keep losing our way.

Love, Mom

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