Musings on Marriage

Month: September 2022

A Lesson from the Ants

Dear Daughters,

Have you ever seen an ant hill and watched all the busy little ants walking around, each of them carrying at least one grain of sand?  Now be sure that I am not an ant lover – oh no.  I think they are industrious and amazing, but I do not like them, especially in my house. 

I remember many decades ago, Uncle Steve somehow fell into a red ant pile, and his back was a mess of ant bites.  These were not the innocuous little black ants but big red fire ants.  His back was swollen and red for several days, so since then I have been careful to stay away from ant hills.

            Surprisingly, the Bible has an interesting section on learning from the ants:

Take a lesson from the ants, you lazybones.

Learn from their ways and become wise!

Though they have no prince or governor or ruler to make them work,

They labor hard all summer,

Gathering their food for the winter.

Proverbs 6:6-7(NLT)

King Solomon, who probably wrote these words, was famous for asking God for wisdom.  He had many good workers in his kingdom but probably a few lazybones as well.  He also knew the story of the Israelites wandering around in the wilderness for 40 years, many of them being complaining lazybones. They had been slaves all their lives and didn’t know how to walk in freedom – which brings us to the next Wilderness Mentality Joyce Meyer has discovered from studying the book of Exodus:

Wilderness Mentality #2

Someone do it for me; I don’t want to take the responsibility

I’m sure you know people like this, and sometimes I even find myself desiring others to take the responsibility and do the difficult things for me.  Let’s face it, life is hard.  It’s hard to be responsible and go to work every day, loving people who are not lovable, keeping on keeping on.  It takes effort to plan ahead, store food for the winter, and care for your family.

But back to the tiny ants, did you know that an ant can lift something 50 times its weight?  That’s like me lifting one hippopotamus or seven cows, which is pretty crazy.  But these little creatures are busy and dedicated to gather their food and store it for the winter.  There are no bosses, no commanders or managers.  Yet each of them does what they were created to do – build tunnels and store food.  They don’t complain or grumble, they just see there is a job to be done and they do it.  Yes, it takes work, it takes time and sometimes people like me may unwittingly walk right on top of their hill of hard work, yet they just keep walking, fix up the mess and move on. How I would love to have the attitude of an ant. 

If you remember, the trip from Egypt to Canaan was only an 11-day trip, but it took the Israelites 40 years to make that short distance.  One reason for that long, wandering journey was their poor attitudes.  It amazes me that even though the Israelites saw the 10 plagues before they left Egypt, witnessed the Red Sea split in two so they could walk on dry ground, watched the manna (free food) fall every day – still they became complainers any time a problem came up.  You would think they would remember that God had always helped and provided for them in the past, so would learn to thank Him in advance for how He would provide for them again.  But no, they moaned and groaned, murmured and complained, wishing they were slaves back in Egypt.  Life was just too hard in this land of freedom…

It sounds familiar, doesn’t it?  Even though we see the faithfulness of God with the sun coming up every day, the beautiful seasons continually appearing each year, our abundance of food, clothing, jobs, and places to live, still we find things to complain about.  And often they are so silly and inconsequential – we have to wait in line at the grocery store, hit too many red traffic lights, and have to eat the same thing two days in a row.…   I am amazed at how patient God is to put up with our lack of gratitude and trust.

You may remember the verse,

If you bow low in God’s awesome presence,

He will eventually exalt you as you leave the timing in His hands.

Pour out all your worries and stress upon Him and leave them there,

 for He always tenderly cares for you.

1 Peter 5:6-7 (TPT)

God has told us to pour out all our worries and stress on Him, yet he also desires us to be humble enough to be responsible to do the tasks set before us, to take responsibility like the ants do.  Each one carries its own load and works together with the other ants.  If someone crushes their home, they rebuild and move on.  They work humbly and responsibly.

There are many things in life that can be delegated.  Personal responsibility, however, is not one of them.  You are the only one who can take responsibility for your attitude and I’m the only one who can take responsibility for mine.  I’m not saying it’s easy or sometimes even desirable, but the Holy Spirit will give you the strength to be grateful and trusting, and God will bless your obedience. Remember all God has done in the past, His faithfulness, His provision, His care and His love for you.  His promises never fail.

Love,

Mom

My Past ≠ My Future

Dear Daughters,

Back in my younger days I was shy, insecure, quiet and always remembered Abraham Lincoln’s quote:

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool,

than to speak and to remove all doubt.

Because I did not want to remove all doubt, I remained silent.  I figured my thoughts were not important since there were so many other people talking – words, words were everywhere and I thought no additional words of mine were necessary.  I rather enjoyed listening to people’s stories – sad, funny, weird and sometimes profound.

 When I was in the third grade my teacher, Miss Vanyo, wrote on my report card:

Shari is an excellent follower, but will never be a leader.

I believed that statement for many years, so I looked for leaders I admired and followed them. 

Then in my late teens, I found that I loved teaching children how to play the piano, direct choirs and any other thing having to do with music.  One day it dawned on me that I was a leader, and I absolutely loved it.  I didn’t need to live in the past, taking Miss Vanyo’s or Abe’s words as truth.  My greatest gift and joy was leading, and when I discovered the voices of my past were not true, I was set free. 

I have a friend who is an amazing woman.  Theresa walks in confidence, teaches others how much Jesus loves them, how to live life abundantly, and she herself lives life with exuberant joy.  She has encouraged and counseled me, modeling the life of a true follower of Jesus.   

It wasn’t until I knew her for several years that I learned about her childhood and the horrendous abuse she suffered.  I was astounded when she told me stories about how her parents treated her for years, and I genuinely wondered how she could live a life of joy after enduring such an oppressive childhood. 

Of course, she had to go through a time of grieving all that happened to her during her growing up years, she had to forgive and depend on Jesus and His strength to let go of the past.  She fought the raging battle in her mind between her parents’ words and the Word of God.  After hearing derogatory comments about herself for most of her life, it was not easy going forward. But after learning she had been fed lies, she eagerly started speaking the truth about what God thinks of her: She is chosen, she is loved, the Holy Spirit has given her everything she needs to go and share the Good News with others who struggle with their past.

Remember the Israelites from thousands of years ago, who had to wander around the desert for 40 years – a journey that should have taken only 11 days?  And why was that?  It’s something Joyce Meyer calls Wilderness Mentalities, in her book Battlefield of the Mind. She has studied the Exodus Story and has come up with seven of these Mentalities.

Wilderness Mentality #1

My future is determined by my past and my present.

All the Israelites had ever known was bondage in Egypt.  They had no positive vision for their lives.  They only knew their history as slaves, living under harsh taskmasters, and could not fathom their lives being any different.  The same is true for us.  We know where we have been in our lives, the annoyances, the playback of past hurts, dashed dreams of the ideals we had for marriage.  Our adversary often feeds us the lie

Your life will always be like this, nothing will ever change, don’t even try.

Anyway, back to the Israelites who grumbled and deplored their situation, accusing Moses and Aaron for their circumstances.  The Israelites got free food falling from the sky every morning, their clothes and shoes never wore out, they constantly saw the cloud above leading them throughout the desert, yet still they complained.  They were never thankful for how God miraculously provided – nothing was ever good enough, negative words all the time.  They simply did not trust that God loved them enough to take care of them.  It sounds all too familiar, so similar to our grumblings today.  But instead of the believing the lie

Your life will always be like this, nothing will ever change, don’t even try,

Joyce encourages us to renew our minds and believe,

With God all things are possible. (Luke 18:27)

Asking for your life or marriage to flourish without God is like asking a rose to bloom without sunshine and water.  Yes, we all lose heart in our lives now and then; it’s a battle to keep on loving, keep on forgiving.  I remember several times just wanting to fly away, give up, call it quits.  But instead, I made another meal, washed another load of clothes, prayed, asked the Holy Spirit for strength to love people when I could not.

Memories are hard to forget, especially memories of how people have offended you, embarrassed you, hurt you.  Both you and I have been hurt by many people, but that doesn’t mean we have to give up on loving others.  What has happened in our lives previously does not reflect what will happen in the future.  It’s not too late and it isn’t too hard because with God all things are possible.  He makes all things new if we simply allow Him to work through us. 

You may think that you are too set in your ways to change and maintain good relationships, but remember – the only one you are responsible to change is yourself.  Life is not necessarily about your happiness, but about you becoming more like Jesus.  Then He will do the unexpected, as you trust Him for those quiet miracles.

Love, Mom

© 2024 Branches and Trees

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑