Branches and Trees

Musings on Marriage

Page 10 of 20

The Art of Pruning

January 22, 2019 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

The trees in the garden are empty, bare and seemingly lifeless.  Just a few months ago we had people coming to fill their bags with fruit – cherries, plums, apples and pears.  Now the trees are just skeletons of what was, a faint remembrance of the harvest, and a looking forward to the green coming in the spring.

Today Ralph the tree trimmer came around, he who prunes the trees every winter so the harvest can again be plentiful.  I watch him loping, stripping and cutting – it seems so brutal to hack off branches – as he literally removes yards of excess growth, shaping and sculpting each tree.

Last spring Grandpa had a guy come to look at his rose garden because the bushes seemed to be waning.  He told us,

Just cut ‘em back, you can never prune too much,

as he hacked away at those bushes.  Not being much of a gardener myself, I was appalled at how swift and dogmatic he was about his work.  But in spite of my surprise at his apparently careless ways, the roses came back more beautiful than ever.

Grandpa grows gorgeous grapes as well.  The vines are old, gnarled and ugly.  Every spring he cuts back all the flowing vines from the previous year and they look hopelessly stunted.  Yet just six months later they produce several hundred pounds of luscious grapes. 


There’s an inner life of all trees, roses and grapes called the sap, the lifeblood of all.  During the winter the sap does not go into the roots but continues to live in the branches, it simply stops flowing for a season.  So, when we see those outwardly dead-looking-yet living plants in the winter, they are simply resting, waiting again for their season to bear fruit.

Although there seems to be a harshness to pruning, it really is an act of kindness, care and concern.  You have probably observed overgrown, dense and untidy bushes and trees which haven’t been tended, some with broken off branches and generally looking unkempt, wild and unruly.  The trees are not attractive, nor do they bear much fruit.

So, I was reading the other day about how God prunes us.  I love the imagery, of Jesus being the vine and we the branches attached and connected to Him.  God cuts off the dead branches and throws them out, he prunes them simply because he loves and cares for us.  It may feel mean and uncaring, but because he is an excellent gardener his actions are totally out of love – a love we sometimes don’t understand.  Jesus said that if we abide in and stay connected to Him, we will bear much fruit, for apart from Him we can do nothing.

I remember decades ago when I read that verse thinking I can do plenty without him.  I can vacuum the floors, take a walk, balance my checkbook and I don’t need his help with any of that.  Then suddenly I was struck with the thought

I can’t even take a breath without You.

How stunningly arrogant to think I can live in my own power, keeping my own body alive and functioning.  He is the author of life, and my entire existence is dependent upon Him.

Anyway, back to the pruning.  As I was considering how God prunes us to become more like him, I came upon a beautiful quote by Bob Goff.

God isn’t always leading us to the safest route forward,

but to the one where we’ll grow the most.

If we want to grow well, we must be willing to be pruned well.  Pruning can look a lot like difficult circumstances coming into our lives. You know those times that are annoying, disrupting, and unexpected – not what we signed up for?  Those people who are annoying, uninvited, and rough around the edges?  These are the times he is pruning us, drawing us to Himself, encouraging us to let Him live through us, depending on His strength and not our own.  This life is simply too hard to go it alone.

The fruit of the Holy Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, goodness, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control.  Logically, fruit grows naturally and without effort with sunshine and water, right?  I’ve never seen grapevines strive to grow, apple trees groan as they try hard to produce fruit.  They just grow if they are connected to the life blood of the tree – the sap.

Consider the lilies of the field, says Jesus.  They do not labor or spin,

yet not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.

Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

When you look at apple trees, grape vines or rose bushes you will never see them strain, worry or fret about bearing flowers or fruit, they just abide in the vine.  How simple and beautiful. 

So how do we abide in the vine?  We invite Jesus to love when we cannot, forgive when it hurts too much, allow His kindness to reach out to those who are difficult to care for.  I know that in my own strength I cannot love well, but when I am weak, He is strong.   And, I might add, I am weak most of the time – but it’s ok because I don’t have to do it all.  I can rest in Him and let His lifeblood flow through me. 

You know that the only way to become stronger physically is to work out – lift weights, walk, do pull-ups, push-ups, and all those other tried and true exercises.  And obviously the heavier the weights the stronger the muscles become.  We don’t get strong by lifting feathers.  So too, the way we bear fruit is by loving the hard to love, learning to be patient when we’d rather lash out, being gentle to the brash. 

Somedays I fail, somedays you fail.  We all have those winter times when we don’t see much growth in ourselves.  But as Sara Hagerty says:

The tree prospers in winter, fulfilling its God-intended purpose.

Though, to the unknowing eye, it sure looks barren.

Jesus is the Master Gardener and He does all things well.  Keep on abiding in the vine; springtime will come, and you will bear much fruit.

Love, Mom

Wondering…

January 1, 2019 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

I just got back from a short walk outside, a few ice crystals flitting through the air and catching light from the house windows, sparkling in the darkness.  I often sing as I walk, and tonight my song became I Wonder As I Wander.

I wonder as I wander out under the sky,

That Jesus our Savior did come for to die,

For poor, ornery people like you and like I.

I wonder as I wander, out under the sky…

 It has long been a favorite of mine – the minor key, the wondering why, the haunting melody, the pensive mood of the entire song.  Wondering is good to do.  Remember when we were young?  We used to take time to wonder, think and ponder.  Grandpa has been one who has encouraged me to renew that discipline. He often sits outside in the sun, studies the clouds, the jets overhead – wondering where they are headed – paying careful attention to his windsock and all the levels and layers of the clouds, as he pets his dog and three cats lining up for attention.

Lately I have been wondering and pondering the seemingly upside-down kingdom of God.

Our American culture of busyness tells us to

hurry up and get things done

be productive to prove yourself valuable

try to control your small world

figure life out all by yourself

not depend on anyone else

be wary, because you’re on your own

seek approval from people

worry at all times

keep on carrying that heavy burden yourself

 …and hopefully after all that we will be loved – loved by people, perhaps even be loved by God.

But the exact opposite is true if we really believe God means what he says.  For starters,

He says He dearly loves you, just as you are

He says you are intrinsically valuable

He tells you to rest.

Yes, to do your work, but also take time and be still

To love those who are around you every day

To be honest

He tells us to seek Him for direction because He possesses all wisdom.

He tells us to wonder, to marvel at the life he lived while on earth.

He promises to live inside us supernaturally when we open the door of our heart

To trust that no matter what bad things happen to us, God will use them for good.

To cast all our care on Him.

And yet we are such ornery people, as the song says, that we often choose the former list instead of the latter. The logical outcome of the former is devastating for everyone involved.

I know because I have lived it.

When we seek people’s approval instead of believing God’s love is enough, we tend to put unrealistic expectations on the relationships we have.  No human being can fulfill our deepest desires, no person is able to carry such a heavy responsibility.  Although many relationships will be harmed, one of the more obvious casualties of those expectations in relationships is marriage.

If we were told before entering a room that we were going into a honeymoon suite, then walked into a typical Super 8 Motel room, we would be upset and possibly outraged.

On the other hand, if we were told the room we were about to walk into was a jail cell, and it looked like a Super 8 room, we would be elated.

Expectations kill relationships, says Ann Voskamp.

Our ornery human selves are self-centered, always thinking about me, me, me – what will make me happy?  Who will give me the strokes I need?  I need to watch out for #1 – Me.

The author Dan Stone says:

Marriage is meant to press you into God, not to provide you bliss.

Press me into God?  Now that is certainly not the reason I got married.  I was under the impression that marriage was supposed to provide me with a person who would fulfill me – physically, emotionally – and most of all – to make me blissfully happy all the day.  But It didn’t take long to see the false hopes of that happily ever after dream and watch it vanish.

It turns out that what I thought – and what our general culture believes – is directly opposed to God’s view of marriage.  If I put my own desires and needs in the center of my world, expecting my husband to fulfill me in every way, marriage is sure to disappoint, cause quarrels, disillusion my view of romance, and expose my ugly self-centered nature.

Tim Keller gives an interesting analogy:

Our solar system has a sun at the middle with many planets orbiting around it, beautifully and orderly.  Consider what would happen if each planet suddenly desired to be the center of the universe, becoming jealous of the sun.  Can you imagine what kind of chaos would ensue?  In a short time there would be destruction and annihilation as each globe demanded to be the center of attention.  Gone would be the order and beauty, gone would be the universe.

When we follow Jesus’ example and learn to love and serve others instead of putting our self at the center of life, we can rest, quit striving and trust that when others fail and disappoint us, He is there to fall upon, to lean on, knowing that the story isn’t finished yet.  The best is always yet to come.  We can learn to be content to orbit around the Son, teaching others to do the same.

The wonder of His love for we who are ornery is so amazing.

Fall on your knees, let God love you so you can love those around you.

Love, Mom

One Thing New

November 12, 2018 / / 4 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Several decades ago, Aunt Val gave me a cutting board she made in high school woodshop.  She had carefully cut out thin strips of various types of wood, glued them together, varnished them and proudly given it to me on my birthday.  I have chopped countless vegetables, fruits, nuts, and meats on that faithful board, but there came a time when I started using thin plastic cutting boards for ease of cleaning and storing.

One day Dad found that well-worn cutting board in the pile going to Goodwill and took it out because he had an idea of making it into something new.  As you know, I have been annoyed in past years when Dad wants to save things I would rather throw out or give away.  I’m sure I made some snide remark when he told me he was going to save it for a project because, of course, we all know about his black hole of unfinished projects in the basement.  What goes in  never comes out.   I quickly dismissed the incident from my mind.

Oh me of little faith.

Several months later he showed me his completed project.  From that worn out, cut up, beat up board he had made a beautiful table for my plants.  I was quite impressed.  Over the years that board had become so ugly, splinters coming off the edges, dull and useless (so I thought) but now it was transformed into a striking piece of art.

For over 15 years now it has faithfully held my favorite green ivy plant, curling and twisting around.  About the same time I put the ivy on this plant stand someone gave me a little decorative tile to stick in the dirt.  I really didn’t look at the words  imprinted on the stick, I just put it in the dirt because I liked the colors.  Recently though, I looked at that transformed cutting board and the words on the stick.

I make all things new. 

Revelation 21:5

I will admit, sometimes I am a very slow learner.  It takes years after I assent to something intellectually to make it a habit in my life.  Looking at the previously battered cutting board now transformed into a new thing along with the scripture in the ivy, I finally realized that this is precisely what’s happening in me and my family.  I used to be ungrateful, critical, quick to find fault with people.  But through many years of God’s faithful chiseling on my personality, I am learning to become thankful for the good gifts He gives every day.  I have learned to encourage and build up instead of criticize and tear down.  I seek to search out the good in people instead of focusing on the annoying traits.  Of course I still stumble and fall, but I feel like I am continually becoming a new person. 



All through the Bible, from beginning to end, in story after story, God is making all things and people new.  Look at Joseph, the self-centered, arrogant teenager bragging to his brothers about the dreams he’s dreamed.  God didn’t just say, Now you shape up, get humble and  quit bragging about those dreams.   Instead, God allowed circumstances in his life to humble him.  Tough circumstances like sitting in prison for many years, serving for a crime he didn’t commit.  Suffering worked humility into him, so well that he was later able to forgive his brothers for all the evil they had shown toward him.

And then there’s Moses.  As the young Prince of Egypt, he was ready to swoop in to help his fellow Israelites escape their cruel slave masters by murdering one of them.  Again, God didn’t just give him a stern lecture, telling him to change.  He provided 40 years as a shepherd on the back side of a desert in order to humble and fashion him into someone who would eventually become a fearless, humble leader.

This is God’s way.  He is never in a hurry, but patiently, consistently and gently provides circumstances, bringing us to the end of ourselves and opening our eyes to our need for Him.  Every day is a new day, as he is molding us to be more like Him.  Just like an artist, he chisels and creates us to be like His gracious personality.  And the really cool thing is when just one person starts becoming new, it becomes infectious to others in the vicinity.

Of course, marriage is a major chiseling tool for God to bring changes into our personality.

For a time I felt like Dad’s and my relationship had become battered, worn and dull.  But when I invited God to help me love, teach me to respect, and speak the language of peace and forgiveness, He began to make our marriage new.  So………even if you feel like your marriage is beat up, full of slivers, and just plain worn out – never fear.  God makes all things new, as long as you let Him have His way with you.

As Tim Keller wisely says:

In some mysterious way, troubles and suffering refine us like gold and turn us,

inwardly and spiritually, into something beautiful and great.

Accept with an open hand whatever comes your way, trusting your Heavenly Father who has the love and wisdom to mold you into his likeness.

Love, Mom


 

 

Pioneers

October 17, 2018 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Remember all those Little House on the Prairie Books we used to read when you were young?  They are still the favorites of many kids once they start reading chapter books.

One day many decades ago, I was in the fiction section at the library and remember seeing the Laura Ingalls Wilder books stored there.  I recall being surprised and saddened because reading them as a child I thought they were true history.  In later years I learned that though many incidents were based on truth, some were romanticized and not entirely accurate.

That’s a bit like marriage.  Before we get married we have some silly notion that we will live happily ever after.  Then when we get past the promises made at the altar we learn that we married someone with a history and his history doesn’t quite match my history, his opinions are often the opposite of mine, and some days it feels like I’m out on the prairie with a stranger.

Not far from here are the remains of the Oregon Trail, created by some brave pioneers back in the mid 1800’s.  I drove out there the other day, wondering what it must have been like traveling cross country in a covered wagon, blazing a trail.  I imagined cooking over an open fire every night, taking a bath in the Snake River on the warm days, boiling water on the cold days.  Day after day with blue skies, scorching heat, dust and bitter cold wind.  Foraging and hunting for food every day, always on the lookout for potential danger.  It makes me feel like a wimp as I drive 80 mph down our beautiful Idaho freeway.

An excerpt from one pioneer woman’s diary reads like this:

Early in January of 1849 we first thought of emigrating to California.  It was a period of national hard times and we…longed to go to the new El Dorado and “pick up” gold enough with which to return and pay off our debts…

It was with considerable apprehension that we started to traverse the treeless, alkali region of the Great Basin…Our wagons were badly worn, the animals much the worse for wear, food and stock feed was getting low with no chance of replenishing the supply…It was no unusual sight to see graves, carcasses of animals and abandoned wagons.  In fact, the latter furnished us with wood for the campfires as the sagebrush was scarce and unsatisfactory…

…like every other pioneer I’d love to live over again, in memory, those…months and revisit, in fancy, the scenes of the journey.

– Catherine Haun, A Woman’s Trip Across the Plains in 1849.

A trip of 1600 miles – taking seven months – and Catherine still loving to remember the journey is amazing to me.  I wonder if the simple fact that she and her family decided to take a journey, and promising to persevere together was part of the reason she could look back on the harrowing expedition with fondness.  There was no turning back, only forging ahead.

It seems that when we look over our marriages, and see what we’ve come through – enjoying the good times and persevering through the hard – gives a great sense of satisfaction.  Yes, sometimes it’s tempting to bail, but to come through difficult times with marriage promises intact is certainly something to celebrate, simply because we continued to press on with tenacity to our destination of oneness.

It seems that whether you live in a rain forest, a desert, in New York City or in the Caribbean, the human heart always comes into play whenever two people commit to one another for life.  No matter what time period or which location you live, Tim Keller says there are always basic decisions we must make:

Do we choose to be selfish or serving?

Will we worry about our todays and our tomorrows,

or will we trust that God loves us, that He will always provide?

 Are we going to seek revenge or resolve to forgive?

Will we choose to tell the truth, or play around with the facts?

The way we answer those questions is, quite honestly, a good indicator of whether we will stay married or not.


My favorite current music group – for King and Country – has a beautiful song they recently recorded along with their wives.

Pioneers

I am here, you are there, lying side by side

Out of touch, out of reach, in the great divide

Parallel lives.

 Hear the rain, count the drops on the window pane,

Wide awake, stale mate, why do we play this game?

Oh God, I hate this game

 

Throw open the doors

You know my heart is yours

What are we waiting for?

Let’s be pioneers

And we’ll build our home

In the great unknown

Let’s be pioneers

 …Let’s forgive and let’s forgive again

I’m reaching out to my sweetest friend

Can we start again?

 One of my favorite things about living a life for Jesus is that we can always start again.  Even if we’ve screwed up stupidly, as far as the East is from the West, he’s forgiven us.  Every morning, each sunrise is another chance to love better, forgive more deeply, open our hearts to God and each other… and begin again.

There are many times I have been disappointed in life.  But often my disappointment has stemmed from the lie I had believed – that God had let me down.  I have had certain expectations for my life – which I assumed God shared – and when those expectations failed to materialize I became angry, discouraged and depressed.

Tim Keller also speaks about disappointment with God.  He teaches that when we become despondent, always remember:

God has not let me down.

My plan has let me down.

So many times I have mistakenly identified God with my plan.  God’s interpretation of my life is often different from mine.  Obviously, God has the best plan and he sees the beginning and the end so he knows the many twists and turns my life will take, and he has promised to walk the path with me.  What may seem like a detour for me is actually part of the trail, part of the path I need to be on in order to become more loving, tenacious and strong.  God will never let me down, and he will not let you down.  We are all pioneers, going forward on this Marriage Trail, one step at a time.

Today is a whole new day, a fresh new beginning, and with it always, always, comes hope.

Love, Mom

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Dash

September 27, 2018 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Today I played piano at the funeral of Gertie who lived to be 98 ½ years old.  I had only met her once – several years ago – but from what I gather she was full of life and love.  One of her granddaughters said she was like the energizer bunny, she just kept going and going and going…

Gertie lived from 1920 – 2018.  As the pastor mentioned, a lot of life happened in that dash between her birth year and her year of passing.  He spoke of her love for life, how she had for years given and given as she helped cared for her six younger siblings, eventually raising her own family.  The joy she brought to children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren, and even a few great-great grandchildren was obviously a large sum.

When four of the great-granddaughters spoke of their memories there were sniffles heard throughout the congregation, young men remembering her delicious homemade dinners, small children loving how she took time and care with each of them, friends musing about their hours together – memories of love and laughter.   Whenever someone would leave her home after visiting she would say,

Come again soon, don’t wait too long!

It’s good to go to funerals, to remember the brevity of our own lives.   It’s probably even a good idea to think of our own life backward: pondering what people might say at our funeral, then striving to live up to those images.

Gertie loved Jesus, and her life reflected that love as she continually cheered others on, encouraging the weak, playing games with the children – and always with a smile on her face.

As the slide show of Gertie’s life in pictures rolled on, the song I Can Only Imagine played in the background followed by Johnny Cash’s I Walk the Line. 

As I left the church my heart was full.  Even though I hadn’t known her, I loved her zest for life, her tenacity for joy, and I rejoiced that God created such a woman and that she, in turn, chose to be faithful and true, learning to live life to the fullest.  She was an outstanding giver, but in later years she learned to become a receiver.  Although she was still in exercise classes at the gym well into her 90’s, she eventually learned to receive help from others.

The first thing Danica said when she walked into the house this afternoon for her piano lesson was, “I’ve memorized part of I Can Only Imagine!”  She’s only had the song one week, but obviously loves it.  I mentioned that I heard it played at a funeral just that morning and she immediately replied “That’s a great song for a funeral, but it’s a good song anytime.”  Indeed it is. 

We never know how long any of us have to live on this earth, but I long to fill my dash with giving well, graciously receiving, and living a life of joy.

Love, Mom

Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice,

and no one will take away your joy.

John 16:22

 

Under Construction

September 19, 2018 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

A few weeks ago I was downtown Grand Rapids visiting a friend in the hospital.  My typical drive home is about an hour, but I soon noticed road construction on my outward journey.  Since I don’t know downtown well and was not comfortable with any alternate roads on my own, I continued to follow GoogleMaps’ instructions as she reassuringly said I was still on the fastest route.

Because it was near the 5 o’clock rush hour (I always think it should be called snail hour) as well as a construction zone, it took 30 minutes to go the first two miles, and my travel home time was extended considerably.  It wasn’t a problem because I had no appointment or necessity to be home on time.  So, as I inched through downtown I took time to appreciate all the work that was being done, freshly poured sidewalks, new road and bridge construction,  people walking the streets on their way home – moving much faster than I.

There have been days in my past when I would have become tense and frustrated with all the slow downs and detours.  But I started thinking about a road in Idaho a few years ago.  It had been an unusually icy winter and the spring brought huge potholes on many country roads.  One day Dad came home and told me he was working on his PH.D  – becoming a Pot Hole Dodger.  He literally would have to swerve from side to side trying to avoid all the potholes because they would nearly swallow the car.

Having newly laid roads is a treat and I like to see it as a privilege.  I once read a quote:

The sign of a truly contented man is he who enjoys the scenery along the detour.


Have you ever considered that your life is under construction?

Does your heart sometimes feel like it’s full of potholes and needs to be restored?

There are days when my love grows cold, I lament my failures of the past, and I wonder why the seeming detour of my life is taking so long.

From the day we are conceived until the day we die, we are under construction. Those first nine months in the womb are an incredible miracle as we grow from two cells into an entire human being.

Then we are born – kicking and screaming.

After a year or so we walk, we fall, then get up and walk again.  We continue to fall, and fail, and fall again.  We celebrate our steps – small as they are – and continually become more steady. Eventually we run.  Somedays we fall again, but there’s always the option of getting up and moving forward.

During the remaining years of our lives we grow physically, emotionally and spiritually.  And you know which is the most important of all our growth?  Jesus says it’s our character.  Our bodies obviously grow and age, but our heart – our character – is the most precious of all.

Just like road construction, house construction, home remodels, detours and all those other annoyances of life, God uses our failures, our disappointments for our good.

I recently read the book Love Does by Bob Goff, who shares a beautiful statement on failure:

Failure is just part of the process, and it’s not just okay; it’s better than okay.  God doesn’t want failure to shut us down.  God didn’t make it a three-strikes-and-you’re-out sort of thing.  It’s more about how God helps us dust ourselves off so we can swing for the fences again.  And all of this without keeping a meticulous record of our screw-ups.

Seeming failures and disappointments really aren’t what they appear to be.  Just like a road under construction isn’t failure – it’s simply in the process of being improved.

…and I am certain that God, who began a good work in you, will carry it on to completion, until  it is finally finished on the day when Jesus Christ returns. 

Philippians 1:6

It’s good for me to remember that I am under construction every day.

We need to remember that our husbands are under construction.

Our children are under construction.

Actually, every person you meet – the clerk at Meijer, the stocker at Winco, that annoying neighbor – is under construction.  Somehow, I have more patience with others when I remember that we are all in process during this grand design of life.  No one is the finished product, no one has arrived.  We are simply in different stages of improvement.


Builders and construction workers always need to trust the architect in order to do their job well.  Without a blueprint and detailed instructions, no building or road can finish well.

Jesus is our supreme architect, let Him have his way in your life.  There are times when your circumstances will make no sense to you, but they don’t have to make sense because you are not the architect.

This summer I came upon three short sentences that have profoundly changed the way I see my surroundings and have given me a new perspective on disappointments.  I simply say them as a prayer:

What You will.

When You will.

How You will.

When I surrender my will to His I am free.  Free to love those He puts in my path, free to enjoy the scenery during the detour and free to trust that Jesus is doing a good work in me and all those around me.

Love, Mom

 

 

 

The Mystery of Rain

August 26, 2018 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

It’s been a rather dry summer here in Michigan.  Many farmers in the area do not own pivots or other irrigation equipment because rain is typically predictably present in the summer.  If Western Michigan doesn’t get rain for about three weeks we consider it a minor drought.  And so it has been – very little rain, very short corn and disappointing harvests.

A few nights ago we received a 2-inch rain for which many people rejoiced.  Most of us don’t even water our lawns here, so everything was looking a bit brown and dry.  But after the rain our world suddenly turned green and lush – which is what Michigan is used to.  I listened to it fall gently outside the window as I lay in bed last night.

The rain brought to mind an article I read a few years ago by John Piper about an interesting verse in the book of Job:

He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted. 

 He bestows rain on the earth; He sends water upon the countryside.  Job 5:9-10

Rain?  Really?  I had never before considered that rain was a wonder and a miracle.

In the past I had experienced rain to be too much of a good thing.  Because I grew up in the much drier West,  rain – in my opinion –  often hindered planned activities like weddings, open houses, and picnics.

While living in Kansas we learned to measure rain not by inches or tenths, but by hundredths.  Most people dry farmed, so rain was the only moisture available for the crops and every hundredth was celebrated.

Anyway…have you ever considered rain to be a wonder and a miracle?  If not, read on……

Think of how it was in the Middle East thousands of years ago.  There were no irrigation pipes or pivots, plus the people were far from any lake or stream.  If the crops were to grow and the family to be fed, water would have to come from the sky.

So, how does water come out of the clear blue sky?  It would have to be carried from the Mediterranean Sea over several hundred miles, then be poured onto the field.  So how heavy is rain?  If one inch of rain falls over one square mile of farmland we are talking 206,300,160 gallons, which equates to 1,650,401,280 pounds of water (that’s over one billion pounds of water.)

Now how does more than 200 million gallons of water get up into the air to be transported?  Evaporation – when water quits being water for a while and rises up into clouds so it can come down as rain.

So it goes up, now how does it get down?  Condensation happens when the water starts becoming water again by gathering around little dust particles between .00001 and .0001 centimeters wide.  That’s really small.

Also, if you remember, the Mediterranean Sea is salt water, which would ruin the crops if it came down as salt rain.  So somehow the salt comes out of the evaporated water during that 300-mile journey where it gets dumped on the farm.

Now what would happen if a billion pounds of water just dumped onto the square mile farm?  All the wheat would be crushed and ruined.  So the rain comes down in tiny little droplets.  The drops need to be big enough not to evaporate as they fall the mile or so from the clouds, but small enough to keep from crushing the wheat.

Wow.

Now I understood why Job wrote that rain is a wonder and a miracle.

If our amazing God has made such a seemingly ordinary happening as rain to be a remarkable miracle, what love and creativity has he visited upon human beings – those He has fearfully and wonderfully fashioned in His image?  And if we as human beings are so complex and intricately created, how He must tenderly value relationships, marriage, and the keeping of vows between a man and a woman for life?

For several years I have been keeping a gratitude journal (thank you Ann Voskamp) but during the past few months I have neglected it.  As I pondered the wonder of rain, I pulled the journal out again to keep on recording those everyday miracles that happen every minute of the day.

The howling wind outside the window

The dazzling starry starry night as I take my walk down the darkened lane

The stunning beauty of candy stripe beets


The joy of being in Western Michigan for the summer

Moss on the rooftop

Visitors for afternoon tea

Sweet, sweet sleep

A sliver of a moon

The apple orchards across the street

Asparagus fields gone to seed

Ivy climbing up the trees

Lunch with my beautiful daughters

The indescribable patience of Jesus

Lovely hydrangeas

Mushrooms at the Pentwater Farm Market

Freshly mown hay

I have learned that if I don’t give thanks for the little things in my life, I will criticize.

If I don’t focus on what God has given, I will ponder upon what He has not given.

If I don’t go out every day and take a walk, searching for the beauty and wonder around me, I will find something to complain about.

Jim Elliot (the missionary who was murdered in Ecuador in 1956 at age 28) wrote with such wisdom:

A wife, if she is very generous, may allow that her husband lives up to perhaps eighty percent of her expectations.  There is always the other twenty percent that she would like to change, and she may chip away at it for the whole of their married life without reducing it by very much.  She may, on the other hand, simply decide to enjoy the eighty percent, and both of them will be happy.  Accept positively and actively, what is given.  Let thanksgiving be the habit of your life.

I encourage you, my daughters, to keep on giving thanks for the little things, the small everyday gifts in your life.  Lift your eyes to the beauty all around you, and consider the goodness of the Lord Jesus Christ and His immense compassion and artistry.  Give thanks, even in the hard to give thanks times, trusting that He will work out all things for your benefit.

And always give thanks for the rain.

Love, Mom


 

 

 

It’s So Hard

August 16, 2018 / / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Joy.  It’s such a wonderful emotion when I have it, but at times it seems to be slippery and elusive in my life.  Just when I think I have joy it slips through my fingers and disappears.  It only takes a word, a phrase, a hurt look in someone’s eyes or a casual observation of people around me.

I’m sure you all know those sunny-side up people who seem to always have a smile on their face and a twinkle in their eyes.  I am not one of those.  I have to deliberately choose joy because it otherwise subtly turns into a vapor and vanishes.

The other day I was talking with a friend and lamenting that it’s so hard to choose joy because of how I feel physically.  For years I have struggled with chronic fatigue – some days are better than others – but it is too often a frustration to me. Then my friend wisely said,

Maybe it’s hard because you keep saying it’s hard.

Those words stopped me in my tracks.  Whaddya mean it’s hard because I say it’s hard?

Turns out that those words I stated as a fact – It’s so hard to choose joy – had taken me captive and were robbing my life of the joy I have been seeking.  It was hard because I said it was hard.

I think I learned this once or twice before, just like I’ve learned, forgotten and re-learned many other important things in my life.  Things like

Be grateful

Live this day as if it were your last

Love others as Jesus loves me

Search for beauty

Forgive those who hurt me

Because I have lots of time on my back, I had plenty of time to look up the song JOY! – performed by the group for King and Country that my above-mentioned JOY friend forwarded to me.  Since then I have probably watched it 10 times, enjoying the lyric video, then the Official Music Video, the behind the scenes video, again and again.  I need to get this message tattooed into my soul.

I am once again learning to say – It’s easy for me to choose joy. Yes, sometimes I almost choke on those words, but I open my mouth and say it anyway.  No matter what I feel like.

It’s easy for me to choose joy.


Being a teacher for decades, I have taught others some excellent ways to live:

Practice makes better -not perfect – but much better.

Joy is a choice.

Joy is God’s perspective on life.

Because my life is in His hands, I can trust him and get my eyes off myself.

There’s nothing wrong with hard

But you know what?  It’s a whole lot easier to teach this stuff than to do it myself.  I’m working on it but it’s definitely a work in progress.

I am so impressed by the Australian brother duo who call themselves for King and Country.  I had heard of them before but had never paid them much attention until this song stepped into my heart and took hold.  Then, as I often do when I learn about a new music group I research them, read their history and get to know them as if they are my friends.  I watched interviews, behind the scenes stuff…

Anyway, Luke and Joel Smallbone are the little brothers of Rebecca St. James, who is also an incredible singer/songwriter.  Those boys are gifted beyond measure.  Their creativity, humor, lyrics and music have propelled them quickly to become my – as well as many others’ – favorite singers.

So, if you haven’t already heard of this group, enjoy and be encouraged.  And above all, choose joy even when life is not happening according to your hopes and dreams.

Love, Mom

Boring Sunsets

July 24, 2018 / / 4 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Tonight we had a boring sunset.  Every night I peer out the window to see the palette of the evening.  Sometimes it’s simply blue and grey, other times there are combinations of orange, yellow, blue, maroon, red, purple, indigo, violet and countless other colors of the rainbow.  But tonight it was just hues of the blue sky, rather boring colors when contrasted with the other flaming, glorious, golden and sometimes stormy sunsets of previous evenings.

 

Of course, that got me thinking about what makes a gorgeous sunset.  The more clouds – the positioning, depth, and different layering of clouds, the mere timing and strategically placed clouds – the more beautiful sunset.  The less clouds, the more boring.

A few months ago Grandpa and I sat out in the garage and he gave me a brief lesson in the basic cloud forms.  The cirrus clouds deliver a thin web-like texture, the cumulus give a bit more depth and color, whereas the stratus are the most foreboding of all.  Yet, when all three are combined in different parts of the sky, the results can be stunning when the sun shines through them.

That, in turn, got me thinking about what makes our lives beautiful.  If I equate clouds with trials, hardships – all those things we try to run away from in life – then the more and various clouds equal the more beauty.  Now I know that’s definitely not what you wanted to hear today.  Nobody I know is asking for difficulties to come so they can become more beautiful, but we all know that hard times do have a way of finding their way into our lives.

When you girls were younger, I think we owned every Calvin and Hobbes book available. One of the saddest days of my early life was when I heard that Bill Watterson was retiring from writing the comic strip.  Bill believed his most creative years were finished and he didn’t want to decline into mediocrity.  I disagreed 100%.  I loved the humor, sarcasm, political savvy and insight of Watterson shown through the characters of Calvin, Hobbes and their family.

You may remember one thing Calvin’s father replied now and then – when Calvin was complaining of chores or asking why about tedious aspects of life – was that the chore or task was building character in Calvin, which would always bring a grimace to Calvin’s face.

Of course, what Calvin’s dad said is true.  Hard stuff in life does lead to the refining and building of our character.  Troubles that bring us to our knees help to ground off the rough edges of our personality, and if we allow it, trials cause us to become more patient, kind and caring.

I remember being decades younger and not having a lot of tolerance for other people’s weaknesses, grief or pain.  But after Uncle Steve took his life I remember feeling a broken heart – for the first time in my life.  I had heard other people talk about having broken hearts, but only when I experienced it did I grow in compassion for others’ grief.

I used to be afraid to talk to those who had lost a loved one to death and especially suicide, but now I felt a kinship with those people.  I was not scared of dealing with those emotions anymore simply because I didn’t have a choice but to deal with them.  Either deal with them or stuff them down and let them consume me from the inside out.

There’s a part of us that wants to hide our difficulties from others, pretending that all is well in our lives.  But when we become vulnerable and honest, allowing Jesus to come and walk with us, He will shine through those trials. He has a tendency to make the ugly beautiful.

Recently I read a story that was shared on a friend’s Facebook page.

The Cloak

One night a heartbroken friend had a dream that she was standing in front of Jesus. He handed her a cloak. As she looked at the cloak, she realized it was alive. She could see that its threads were strands of specific events from her life, some bright and beautiful, others wormy and grotesque. She looked at the ugly strands–abuse, betrayal, divorce, illness, grief–each reminding her of seasons of excruciating pain. Just as she tried to pull out the threads, she glanced at Jesus. He took the cloak, wrapped her in it, and looked at her with an expression of deep pleasure and delight, as if the cloak were the most beautiful tapestry ever woven. At that moment she realized that if she attempted to pluck out the ugly bits, the entire garment would unravel.

We have all suffered innumerable hurts, heartaches and devastating events, for no one is immune if we live on this planet. At times we may feel like we live in a never-ending dark tunnel.  We have a choice, however – a choice to allow Jesus to fight for us against the hard stuff or succumb to their power and live in fear and despair.

It’s often tempting to curse the clouds when they cover the sun.  I find myself thinking thoughts like:

This was not in my plans.

Why me?

 I don’t deserve this.

 I feel like God doesn’t even care, He’s just abandoned and forgotten me.

This happens to others, not to me…

 Yet, one thing we know for sure is that Jesus is walking with us in the trouble, deep in the clouds, through every storm.

Remember Joseph –  that 17-year old boy whose brothers threw him in a pit, then trafficked him to some travelers on their way to Egypt?  He later became a slave for an official whose wife lied about Joseph’s improprieties and had him thrown into prison.  Finally when he was 30 years old he was released and became Prime Minister of Egypt.

Amazingly, when he finally saw his brothers many years later – the same ones who sold him – he had the most amazing statement to them as they were shaking in their sandals after they found out his new status.  He said to them,

 You intended it for evil, but God intended it for good…

Hope reminds us that our best days are ahead, not behind us.  Surrender tomorrow to God – He’s already been there.  Caleb Kaltenbach

Love, Mom

Trust Him in your darkness

Let’s Dance

June 25, 2018 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

I used to dislike people who disagreed with me.  I would get upset when others, especially Dad, had a different opinion than mine.  I’d raise my voice, get a little (OK, maybe more than a little) emotional and sometimes was not a pleasant person.

Generally speaking, Dad and I have learned to work things out and have simply decided to agree to disagree on many topics.  But it has taken years to get to this point.

Earlier in our marriage, I perceived disagreement with another to be equated with dislike for the other.  I had not yet learned that people can be friends even if they have differing opinions.

It saddens me that our culture today has become known for our outrage against folks whose opinions are other than our own.  It seems that news is rarely objective anymore, but more of opinions and feelings than simply stating the facts.  It’s difficult to find people who can talk with others who disagree with them civilly, respectfully and thoughtfully.  As Ravi Zacharias writes:

How do you reach a generation that listens with its eyes and thinks with its feelings?

I’m all for expressing emotions – joyful or not so joyful.  But when our lives become completely about emotions, there’s a problem.  Too often I hear people expressing emotions, and those that make the headlines are almost exclusively negative emotions.

It seems that the trending emotion these days is outrage.  Because it can become so addictive it’s sometimes referred to as Outrage Porn.  People use their words as verbal flamethrowers. Every day we hear about someone blasting, slamming, fuming, shooting down, setting off furor, becoming livid, or simply offending another person or people group.

You can tune in to Right-leaning news and the world’s problems are all the fault of the Left.  And obviously the Left sees all the sins of the world lying at the feet of the Right.

Who wins when all the words and emotions fly?  Seemingly those with the biggest guns or the loudest mics.

For better or worse, communication methods are learned at home, in the family.  If the husband and wife don’t model gracious conversation skills how are children to learn?   So often we hear children parroting their parents or others of influence in the social media.  Sometimes those words are kind, other times they are harsh and belittling.

I will be the first to admit that I was not a good model for gracious disagreement when you girls were growing up.  If someone didn’t agree with me I often became harsh and judgmental.  I took a me versus them stance, becoming arrogant and annoying.

Our culture today is a mirror of how many families operate except on a much larger scale.  As those within families take a stance against those who don’t agree with them – mock, scorn and disdain them – so this is happening between ideological camps.

The author Alan Jacobs calls any people we don’t agree with, the Repugnant Cultural Other (RCO).   An RCO could be you or those who disagree with you, depending on your viewpoint.  For some the RCOs are Christians, for others they are Muslims, the Left, the Right, the refugee community or any other category in which we so quickly assign people.

Repugnant is an unusual word and I hadn’t heard it for a long time.  Its definition is: revolting, disgusting, repellent, foul, nasty, unacceptable, hostile – you get the idea.

An interesting observation that Jacobs makes is this:

People with different ideas are not repugnant monsters. 

They are persons who, given a slight tweak in circumstances, could be you.

Have you ever wondered what you would be like if you had been born in Iraq, Haiti, Nigeria or India?  I know that who I am and where I was born was decided by God, and neither you nor I can do anything about it.

So my question is

Who gave us the right to judge other human beings as repugnant, worthy of death, not worth our time, the scum of the earth? 

When we as children of God set ourselves up to label and condemn others we are doomed for disaster.  God says that all human beings are made in the image of God.  In practical terms this means every person is sacred.  Each person has been created by God for a reason and a purpose and He commands us to love them.

It is interesting that when Jesus walked this earth it was the RCOs who were attracted to him. The lepers, the prostitutes, the people who worked for the Romans, the people who were anti-Roman, the blue-collar workers, and the fearful-to-be-known as friends of Jesus.  Yet at the end of His life He became the Repugnant Cultural Other, repugnant enough to be killed.

What we so often forget is that Jesus calls us to walk as He walked.  To love as He loves.  In fact, he gave the most shocking command of all time.

Love your enemies and bless the ones who curse you; do what is beautiful to the one who hates you and pray for those who speak evil about you.

Our wisdom is seen in how we overlook offenses instead of rising up and lashing out, belittling or condemning those who have disagreed with or offended us.

Let’s start in our families, in our communities, in our daily interactions with others to listen, to discuss our differences in an arena of peace and acceptance.  Instead of taking up the boxing gloves, let’s exchange ideas as thinking human beings with commonality instead of simply attacking those who don’t agree with us.

A wise person once said:

Let’s Dance instead of Let’s Box.

Love, Mom

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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