Branches and Trees

Musings on Marriage

Page 3 of 20

Choosing Your Hard

January 3, 2023 / / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

According to those who study the brain, the average adult makes around 35,000 conscious choices every day.  From the words we speak to the food we eat, the socks we wear, the number and direction of the steps we take, we’re always making choices.  Some of them seem trivial, others more consequential.  But as the proverbial snowflakes that continue to pile up hour after hour, every choice matters, and the end result is sometimes what we least expect.

You’ve probably heard this quote before, but I think it bears repeating:

Obesity is hard.  Staying fit is hard. 

Choose your hard.

Being in debt is hard.  Being financially disciplined is hard. 

Choose your hard.

Marriage is hard.  Divorce is hard. 

Choose your hard.

Communicating is hard.  Not communicating is hard.

            Choose your hard.

I think everyone who is alive and breathing agrees Life is Hard.  Even though our culture tries to assure us that what we buy, wear or eat will make us happy and life easy, by now most of us have figured out that stuff won’t ever bring joy.   

Life will never be easy. It will always be hard.  Even when we choose options which seem to be easy, they never are.   Taking the easy way isn’t the easy way.

I wonder if the simple choice of expecting hard things would make life more palatable.  Expectations of having an easy and carefree life simply sets us up for disappointment.  But if we see life as climbing a mountain, following our trusted mountaineering guide, knowing He will guide us and walk alongside us, we can expect hard and thrive, experience joy in the hard.  We are never told to navigate life on our own, it’s too much to bear. 

I love those statements above so I’ve decided to add a few other Choose Your Hard words of my own:

Going to work on time is hard.  Being fired is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Working on a team is hard.  Working alone is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Forgiving your enemies is hard.  Taking revenge is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Trusting Jesus is hard.  Trusting yourself is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Complaining is hard.  Being thankful is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Speaking words of kindness is hard.  Speaking words of bitterness is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Trusting people is hard.  Trusting no one is hard.

                Choose your hard.

Saying Yes is hard.  Saying No is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Remember that climbing a mountain metaphor with a trusted mountain guide I mentioned earlier?  It’s the only way I can wake up every day, put my feet on the floor and walk forward.  If I trust in my own judgment, in my own understanding and sight of the limited world I can see around me, I flounder.  This world is simply too complex for my little brain to figure out the best words to say or the wise choices to make.  I need a mountain guide on the sunny days when I think I can see every perspective correctly, I need a guide when it’s foggy and I can’t see a foot ahead of me.  I am unable to do life on my own.  Thankfully Jesus is more than willing to help me, walk beside me, encourage me, forgive me when I confess, lead me in to make the better choice – simply for the asking. 

As Avery Garns has spoken so well:

God is teaching me that I can be both thankful and frustrated, fractured and faithful. Maybe this place of in-between, of both/and, is the place where we find true hope and healing.

 Taking the easy way isn’t an easy way, it’s non-existent.   So choose your hard, choose wisely, trust Jesus and live in expectation of joy in the hard.

Love, Mom

Mary’s Middle Voice

December 21, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Have you ever pondered how it must have felt to be Mary when the angel came to her announcing that she was chosen to be the mother of the Jewish Messiah?  Her response to the angel Gabriel was quite amazing. 

In the book Praying Like Monks, Living Like Fools, Tyler Staton includes an enlightening chapter about Mary’s prayer when the angel visited her.

Most prayers we pray are able to fit into one of three categories.

1 – Active prayer: a prayer trying to get God to adopt our will.  There is a presumption that if we can crack the code or say the right words in the right order with the right amount of emotion – then He will hopefully become our cosmic genie.

2 – Passive prayer: trying to let God be, and let ourselves simply be.  We aren’t asking for anything and may be emptying ourselves of any desire to ask. 

But neither of these prayers are what God desires.  We can see the most remarkable prayer – what Eugene Peterson calls the Middle Voice – in Mary’s response to the angel Gabriel centuries ago.

Mary was a young teenage girl engaged to be married, probably counting down the weeks until the wedding.  She may have had a fairy-tale expectation for her upcoming marriage, as many young women do. She may have imagined how wonderful it will be to build a home with her future husband, Joseph.

 And then she is visited by Gabriel, announcing that she, a virgin, is carrying a child.  The Spirit of God has caused her to conceive and God Himself is the father.

For her whole life Mary had heard about the coming Messiah through the many prophets, wondering along with everyone else when He would arrive.  So, I’m sure she was amazed that God had finally chosen this time – her time – to send His child, and the fact that she would be the mother of the Messiah, playing an important part in the supporting cast of this amazing, centuries-long prophesied story. 

On the other hand, there are the devastating practicalities to go along with it.  Mary would have to tell Joseph she was pregnant with another’s child, and the father’s name is the Alpha and the Omega.  She knew she would have to endure the social stigma going along with her being pregnant before she was married.  How many people of her village would believe she was pregnant by the Holy Spirit? Would her family disown her?  Would Joseph believe these wild-sounding words?

With all these thoughts most likely racing through her mind she responds simply,

I am the Lord’s servant.

Let it be with me just as you say.

Mary’s prayer was one of total surrender and participation.  This prayer is the Middle Voice, in which God delights greatly.  It’s not pressing God for what she wants, and it’s not being passive – floating along life with no specific desires at all. 

When we pray in the Middle Voice, we are willing to participate in God’s plan.  It is the declaration that He is God and we are not, an acknowledgement of our place in the created order.  He is the author of our story, and we each have an important supporting role to play in this story.  Our fulfillment is walking in His plan, going where He says to go and doing what He says to do.  There is no greater joy than this.

The Middle Voice reminds me of the mighty Snake River in the West.  In my younger days I have tried to swim against the current, but it only brought me frustration and weariness.  I was not strong enough and it seemed like an exercise in futility.  When we continually try to create our own story and deny His, we can never truly rest because always anxiety and exhaustion are always hovering.

Yet when I swim in the direction of the current which is always moving, I am not anxious, but instead receive resilience.  I am moving along with God’s power and have become a part of His story so I don’t need to manufacture one of my own.  Walking in step with the Spirit brings freedom and joy like nothing else.  Yes, there will be challenges when we accept God’s call on our life, but we’ll never walk alone.  I agree with Tyler as he writes:

I want that too.  I want what I see in Mary.  I want to cooperate with God’s redemptive work in this broken world.  I want to swim with the current, speeding along effortlessly, paddling my arms and kicking my legs, but propelled on by a stronger current too.  I want to cooperate with God’s work in me, inviting His formation of my desires, thoughts, emotions and actions, all of them hopelessly disordered by the fallen image of which I am a part.  I want the Spirit of God to rework me from within, like an expert mechanic to a classic car, getting me running according to design. 

Accepting God’s will for our lives, also known as surrendering, means giving up control of our lives, but when we give control to our Creator, who knows us best and loves us more than anyone on earth, it’s got to be a good choice.

Love, Mom

The Tsunami

November 28, 2022 / / 4 Comments

Dear Daughters,

The third largest earthquake ever recorded by seismograph occurred deep in the Indian Ocean on December 26, 2004.  I remember the date because it was Jodi’s birthday, coupled with the disturbing fact that 227,898 lives were tragically lost.  I had never heard the word tsunami before that day, but quickly learned the definition – a long high sea wave caused by an earthquake.   It was 9.1 on the Richter scale and it produced waves 100 feet in height, traveling 500 m.p.h. and reaching a radius of 3,000 miles.  It was the deadliest in history, but one people group living right in its path survived with no casualties. 

The Moken are part of an Austronesian ethnic group that lives in the open seas from birth to death.  Their handmade wooden boats function as houseboats for these sea gypsies.  The Moken children learn to swim before they walk, have incredible vision underwater and can hold their breath far longer than most of us.  But it wasn’t any of these skills that saved the Moken people, it was their intimacy with the ocean.  They read the ocean warning signs better than we read street signs. 

The Moken people recognized that the birds had stopped chirping, the cicadas had gone silent, the elephants were heading toward higher ground and the dolphins were quickly swimming farther out to sea.

You know what the Moken people did?  Those who were near the coast of Thailand docked their boats and climbed up to the highest elevation possible.  Those who were out to sea paddled farther out to sea, making it to the deep ocean, knowing the tsunami crest would be minimal as it passed by. 

Burmese fishermen who were fishing in the same vicinity as the Moken had no survivors.

They were collecting squid, said one Moken survivor.  They don’t know how to look.  The waves, the birds, the cicadas, the elephants and the dolphins were speaking to these Burmese fishermen, but they didn’t know how to listen.

The water receded quickly, and one small wave rolled onshore, so the Moken knew there was trouble coming.  In the past their forefathers had spoken about “a wave that eats people,” and they perceived this was the one. 

Just like the Moken speak the language of the sea, we are those who speak the language of the Spirit.  I was reading the book, Whisper, by Mark Batterson, in which he tells stories of how God has taught him to listen for the voice of the Holy Spirit. 

The Spirit is willing to speak to whoever is willing to listen.  I remember in the year 1980, both Dad and I sensed the Holy Spirit calling us to leave our dairy in Idaho and move to Michigan with two small children so that Dad could attend seminary and I could finish the college degree I had abandoned 8 years earlier. It was a huge decision, not made lightly, but it was a good decision.  Did it make life easier?  No.  But it was where God was calling us.

There are times when I am at loss for words – either when writing or talking with others – then when I silently ask, I hear His still small voice, giving me words to say and questions to ask.  I know in my own wisdom I have not much to offer, which is why I need to ask the Holy Spirit for words.    

Does that mean everything I say and write is God-given?  No, because sometimes I forget to ask – I think I don’t need Him.  Quite foolish of me, but it happens. 

When I was younger, I was so shy I would hardly talk to anyone, I didn’t think anything I said was worthwhile so I just stayed silent most of the time.  My concentration was on me and my insecurities, which brought fear about what others would think about me if I said something.

But when I started asking the Holy Spirit to work through me, it got me away from keeping my eyes on me and start focusing on others.  So, I flipped my focus when I was around other people, I started asking questions of them – questions about their life, their story – nothing deep – just to let them know I care.  The typical person will be happy to be asked about their day, their frustrations or the story of who they are, even if it’s a sad story.

Just like the Moken, who had learned to listen intimately to the sound of the sea and the creatures surrounding it, God is reaching out to us, giving us a chance to listen to His words.  He is so generous and desires to give us freely of the Holy Spirit, and He is there simply for the asking.  He is a Person and He’s waiting to hear from you.

Love, Mom

Girl, Tell Your Story

October 11, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Last week I received a book in the mail written by an author living in Walla Walla, Washington (such a delightful name for a city).  Brooke Thonney has a story which at different times made me laugh, cry and sometimes shudder.  Growing up near Los Angeles, Brooke was raised in a family of domestic abuse, addiction, adultery and divorce.  Before she was old enough to know what drugs and alcohol were, she knew their smell and effects on her mom and dad.  When she was three her parents divorced, throwing her life into further chaos, dysfunction and confusion. 

As in many stories of children coming from such homes, they in turn grow up living the same behavior patterns as their parents before them.  When Brooke was in high school, she came home one day to see her mom sitting on the curb in handcuffs and later taken to jail.  She was sent to live with her dad and his girlfriend, all three of them soon evicted from their home.  Brooke started living the same lifestyle she had seen in her family of origin and by 19 she was a single mom and a college dropout.

But the story doesn’t get worse from there, it gets better.  Brooke has a praying grandmother, who had been sexually abused by her own father for years, her voice silenced for a time because of threats and lies from him.  Virginia, her grandmother, led Brooke to Christ and told her that she had determined not to let her dad destroy the rest of her life, and that Brooke had the same choice going forward.

For years Brooke had been silenced by her parents, her friends, her fiancée, her Youth Pastor, and many others who figured her background was too broken to be transformed into anything good. The enemy constantly fed her lies as well.  Because of all the betrayal and slander flung her way, she began to distrust people as well as God Himself.  In her mind the lies and questions of doubts were relentless,

Can God really be trusted?

Did He really speak those words of love and affirmation….to me?

Does He even care about me and all my problems?

Why would God let people do such hurtful things to me?

I am Irredeemable. 

I am worthless. 

I am rejected. 

I am silenced.

 Then Brooke started listening to God’s voice instead of voices from her past. 

Where Brooke saw trash, God saw treasure.

Where Brooke saw junk, God saw jewels.

Where Brooke saw brokenness, God saw freedom from bondage.

When she decided to listen to God’s promises of truth, her life started changing:

God uses the brokenness of our lives to prepare us for what He has called us to do

 and to reveal our destiny.

We were designed and created to use our voices in a dark world

 to bring life to everything and everyone around us.

Because of her past abuse, Brooke was hyper-vigilant in protecting her daughters from the same abuse she had received as a child.  Then one night she had a vision…

I saw myself standing in a dark, hostile wilderness.  In one hand I was gripping a machete and with the other I was holding back Ellie and my second daughter Claire to protect them from whatever lay ahead.  I saw myself slashing right and left with the machete, lashing out at everything around me. I couldn’t see anything in front of me because of the darkness, and I was desperate to protect my kids from whatever was out there.  I was breathing hard, drenched by sweat and blinded by rain and deep darkness.  I was inching forward, one step at a time, machete at the ready to protect us. I had no path, no plan, no directions to follow.  I was in survival mode with my girls and would fight anything to keep us safe.  Then the vision ended…

In an amazing transformation, Brooke learned to allow God to be her protector and defender instead of fighting the never-ending battle herself.  It was a process, but she has come to trust her Heavenly Father to care for her most treasured possessions – her husband Andrew and their four daughters.

Brooke’s grandma continued to encourage her to tell her story of ashes being exchanged for beauty.   I’m thankful she is using her voice after being silenced for so many years – not only for her sake, but giving hope to many others who have walked a similar tormented path as she.

Love, Mom

A Lesson from the Ants

September 27, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Have you ever seen an ant hill and watched all the busy little ants walking around, each of them carrying at least one grain of sand?  Now be sure that I am not an ant lover – oh no.  I think they are industrious and amazing, but I do not like them, especially in my house. 

I remember many decades ago, Uncle Steve somehow fell into a red ant pile, and his back was a mess of ant bites.  These were not the innocuous little black ants but big red fire ants.  His back was swollen and red for several days, so since then I have been careful to stay away from ant hills.

            Surprisingly, the Bible has an interesting section on learning from the ants:

Take a lesson from the ants, you lazybones.

Learn from their ways and become wise!

Though they have no prince or governor or ruler to make them work,

They labor hard all summer,

Gathering their food for the winter.

Proverbs 6:6-7(NLT)

King Solomon, who probably wrote these words, was famous for asking God for wisdom.  He had many good workers in his kingdom but probably a few lazybones as well.  He also knew the story of the Israelites wandering around in the wilderness for 40 years, many of them being complaining lazybones. They had been slaves all their lives and didn’t know how to walk in freedom – which brings us to the next Wilderness Mentality Joyce Meyer has discovered from studying the book of Exodus:

Wilderness Mentality #2

Someone do it for me; I don’t want to take the responsibility

I’m sure you know people like this, and sometimes I even find myself desiring others to take the responsibility and do the difficult things for me.  Let’s face it, life is hard.  It’s hard to be responsible and go to work every day, loving people who are not lovable, keeping on keeping on.  It takes effort to plan ahead, store food for the winter, and care for your family.

But back to the tiny ants, did you know that an ant can lift something 50 times its weight?  That’s like me lifting one hippopotamus or seven cows, which is pretty crazy.  But these little creatures are busy and dedicated to gather their food and store it for the winter.  There are no bosses, no commanders or managers.  Yet each of them does what they were created to do – build tunnels and store food.  They don’t complain or grumble, they just see there is a job to be done and they do it.  Yes, it takes work, it takes time and sometimes people like me may unwittingly walk right on top of their hill of hard work, yet they just keep walking, fix up the mess and move on. How I would love to have the attitude of an ant. 

If you remember, the trip from Egypt to Canaan was only an 11-day trip, but it took the Israelites 40 years to make that short distance.  One reason for that long, wandering journey was their poor attitudes.  It amazes me that even though the Israelites saw the 10 plagues before they left Egypt, witnessed the Red Sea split in two so they could walk on dry ground, watched the manna (free food) fall every day – still they became complainers any time a problem came up.  You would think they would remember that God had always helped and provided for them in the past, so would learn to thank Him in advance for how He would provide for them again.  But no, they moaned and groaned, murmured and complained, wishing they were slaves back in Egypt.  Life was just too hard in this land of freedom…

It sounds familiar, doesn’t it?  Even though we see the faithfulness of God with the sun coming up every day, the beautiful seasons continually appearing each year, our abundance of food, clothing, jobs, and places to live, still we find things to complain about.  And often they are so silly and inconsequential – we have to wait in line at the grocery store, hit too many red traffic lights, and have to eat the same thing two days in a row.…   I am amazed at how patient God is to put up with our lack of gratitude and trust.

You may remember the verse,

If you bow low in God’s awesome presence,

He will eventually exalt you as you leave the timing in His hands.

Pour out all your worries and stress upon Him and leave them there,

 for He always tenderly cares for you.

1 Peter 5:6-7 (TPT)

God has told us to pour out all our worries and stress on Him, yet he also desires us to be humble enough to be responsible to do the tasks set before us, to take responsibility like the ants do.  Each one carries its own load and works together with the other ants.  If someone crushes their home, they rebuild and move on.  They work humbly and responsibly.

There are many things in life that can be delegated.  Personal responsibility, however, is not one of them.  You are the only one who can take responsibility for your attitude and I’m the only one who can take responsibility for mine.  I’m not saying it’s easy or sometimes even desirable, but the Holy Spirit will give you the strength to be grateful and trusting, and God will bless your obedience. Remember all God has done in the past, His faithfulness, His provision, His care and His love for you.  His promises never fail.

Love,

Mom

My Past ≠ My Future

September 14, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Back in my younger days I was shy, insecure, quiet and always remembered Abraham Lincoln’s quote:

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool,

than to speak and to remove all doubt.

Because I did not want to remove all doubt, I remained silent.  I figured my thoughts were not important since there were so many other people talking – words, words were everywhere and I thought no additional words of mine were necessary.  I rather enjoyed listening to people’s stories – sad, funny, weird and sometimes profound.

 When I was in the third grade my teacher, Miss Vanyo, wrote on my report card:

Shari is an excellent follower, but will never be a leader.

I believed that statement for many years, so I looked for leaders I admired and followed them. 

Then in my late teens, I found that I loved teaching children how to play the piano, direct choirs and any other thing having to do with music.  One day it dawned on me that I was a leader, and I absolutely loved it.  I didn’t need to live in the past, taking Miss Vanyo’s or Abe’s words as truth.  My greatest gift and joy was leading, and when I discovered the voices of my past were not true, I was set free. 

I have a friend who is an amazing woman.  Theresa walks in confidence, teaches others how much Jesus loves them, how to live life abundantly, and she herself lives life with exuberant joy.  She has encouraged and counseled me, modeling the life of a true follower of Jesus.   

It wasn’t until I knew her for several years that I learned about her childhood and the horrendous abuse she suffered.  I was astounded when she told me stories about how her parents treated her for years, and I genuinely wondered how she could live a life of joy after enduring such an oppressive childhood. 

Of course, she had to go through a time of grieving all that happened to her during her growing up years, she had to forgive and depend on Jesus and His strength to let go of the past.  She fought the raging battle in her mind between her parents’ words and the Word of God.  After hearing derogatory comments about herself for most of her life, it was not easy going forward. But after learning she had been fed lies, she eagerly started speaking the truth about what God thinks of her: She is chosen, she is loved, the Holy Spirit has given her everything she needs to go and share the Good News with others who struggle with their past.

Remember the Israelites from thousands of years ago, who had to wander around the desert for 40 years – a journey that should have taken only 11 days?  And why was that?  It’s something Joyce Meyer calls Wilderness Mentalities, in her book Battlefield of the Mind. She has studied the Exodus Story and has come up with seven of these Mentalities.

Wilderness Mentality #1

My future is determined by my past and my present.

All the Israelites had ever known was bondage in Egypt.  They had no positive vision for their lives.  They only knew their history as slaves, living under harsh taskmasters, and could not fathom their lives being any different.  The same is true for us.  We know where we have been in our lives, the annoyances, the playback of past hurts, dashed dreams of the ideals we had for marriage.  Our adversary often feeds us the lie

Your life will always be like this, nothing will ever change, don’t even try.

Anyway, back to the Israelites who grumbled and deplored their situation, accusing Moses and Aaron for their circumstances.  The Israelites got free food falling from the sky every morning, their clothes and shoes never wore out, they constantly saw the cloud above leading them throughout the desert, yet still they complained.  They were never thankful for how God miraculously provided – nothing was ever good enough, negative words all the time.  They simply did not trust that God loved them enough to take care of them.  It sounds all too familiar, so similar to our grumblings today.  But instead of the believing the lie

Your life will always be like this, nothing will ever change, don’t even try,

Joyce encourages us to renew our minds and believe,

With God all things are possible. (Luke 18:27)

Asking for your life or marriage to flourish without God is like asking a rose to bloom without sunshine and water.  Yes, we all lose heart in our lives now and then; it’s a battle to keep on loving, keep on forgiving.  I remember several times just wanting to fly away, give up, call it quits.  But instead, I made another meal, washed another load of clothes, prayed, asked the Holy Spirit for strength to love people when I could not.

Memories are hard to forget, especially memories of how people have offended you, embarrassed you, hurt you.  Both you and I have been hurt by many people, but that doesn’t mean we have to give up on loving others.  What has happened in our lives previously does not reflect what will happen in the future.  It’s not too late and it isn’t too hard because with God all things are possible.  He makes all things new if we simply allow Him to work through us. 

You may think that you are too set in your ways to change and maintain good relationships, but remember – the only one you are responsible to change is yourself.  Life is not necessarily about your happiness, but about you becoming more like Jesus.  Then He will do the unexpected, as you trust Him for those quiet miracles.

Love, Mom

Human Amphibians?

August 31, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

When you and I were in school we learned about some critters who are called Amphibians.  The most common is the frog.  If you put a frog into a tank of water without a dry place to crawl onto it will die, but if you place it in a terrarium with no water, it will also die.  Amphibians need both water and dry ground to thrive.

As frogs need both realms in order to thrive, so we humans are designed to live in two worlds – both the seen and the unseen world.  Of course, we are not cold-blooded creatures which all true amphibians are, yet we were intended to enjoy the benefits of two ecosystems, the physical and the spiritual, the earth and the heavens. 

The natural world was created with such beauty, it is saturated with wonders pleasing to all our senses.  Just look at your Facebook feed this time of year – vacations are being taken everywhere natural beauty exists.  Walking through a dimly-lit forest or with sand between your toes on the beach of a beautiful lake is like taking a vitamin (N for nature).  Simply untangling from technology can become a calm and peaceful reprieve.  Dad and I love to drive along Lake Michigan during any season of the year, enjoying the summer lush green vegetation, the majestic autumn colors in the fall or the frozen splendor of the lake in the winter.

But along with this beauty of creation we were also made to live in the spiritual world, to draw upon the supernatural strength, life-giving hope and joy that only Jesus can provide.  There are days when I feel totally alive, hopeful and trusting in God.  There are also days when I forget Him, become disappointed with Him, causing my faith to feel flat or even fake.  Hopelessness can become an infection in my soul, creeping in slowly and sometimes imperceptibly until I find myself in a dark pit. 

Like an injured animal that cannot keep up with the herd, one can become vulnerable to the predator who wants to drag our soul into Desolation.  We have an enemy of our soul who would like nothing more than for you and I to become hopeless and despairing of life.

John Eldredge writes about the human emotions, trying to live in this world using our own strength, watching the world become more divided and falling into chaos:

The symptoms [of Desolation] include a sort of dullness of heart, a poverty of spirit,

a barrenness of soul.  Disappointment, so understandable given the circumstances,

collapses into disillusionment.  Neither hope nor joy comes easily.

Because we are amphibians, we don’t have to rely on our own strength, but we have the Holy Spirit from whom to draw our strength.  Surprisingly, as Paul wrote to his friends in Colossae,

We pray that you’ll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul –

not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives.

It is strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy,

thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything

bright and beautiful that He has for us.

(Colossians 1:11-12)

Now when I think about God giving strength, I often assume that He would give strength to do exciting stuff like miracles or healings. But in this verse the simple fact of being able to endure through difficult life situations with joy and thanksgiving comes as strength from the Spirit.  It’s nothing outwardly amazing, nothing that would make news headlines, but in today’s world it is rather rare to find people who have joy. 

When we have a firm attachment to God – trusting His timing and wisdom – disillusionment, abandonment and other desolate feelings are eased. 

As Brennan Manning has written,

Define yourself radically as one beloved by God.

This is the true self.

Every other identity is illusion.

If we try to rely only on our own strength we cannot thrive, just like the frog trying to live only on land or only in water.  As human amphibians we need our physical strength undergirded with supernatural strength reigning in our body to endure – not just hang on – but to endure with joy and thanksgiving. 

When many of Jesus’ disciples were turning away from Him because of difficulty, He asked 12 of his closest disciples,

Are you also going to leave?

 Peter replied,

But Lord, where will we go?  No one but You gives us the revelation of eternal life.

Continue to endure with joy by God’s supernatural strength.

Love, Mom

The Author of My Story

August 18, 2022 / / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

In J.R.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, Sam and Frodo have experienced many adventures far away from their comfortable hobbit holes, both wonders and dangers.  They’ve fought a battle on Weathertop, seen the beauty of Rivendell, the dark mines of Moria and now they are standing in the shadow of Mordor.  It is then when Sam asks a question,

I wonder what sort of tale we’ve fallen into?

He assumes there is a story.  Something larger has been going on before they ever arrived and they have somehow tumbled into it.  Sam and Frodo know they aren’t the authors of their story, because there has been a lineage of people who have gone before them, and they are honored, yet a little fearful to be playing their unique roles in this same story. 

It may be a benefit for us all if we were to ask that very question of ourselves,

What sort of tale have I fallen into?

If we don’t know our purpose – the reason we are living on this earth – if we think we’re an accident, then we flounder our way through life.  As Neil Postman said about the scientific view to which many people hold:

In the end, science does not supply the answers most of us require.

Its story of our origins and our end is, to say the least, unsatisfactory.

To the question `How did it all begin?’, science answers,

`Probably by an accident.’  To the question, `How will it all end?’

Science answers, `Probably by an accident.’  And to many people,

The accidental life is not worth living.  (Science and the Story we Need)

If we think our life is an accident, we may conclude that we are the author of our own story.  Yet a simple fact remains: we have no control over tomorrow, today, or even this moment.  Trying to become our own author brings more stress and anxiety than any human is capable of bearing.  Trying to figure out why everything happens in a day, plus worrying about tomorrow puts us in a never-ending Ring around the rosy chase in our mind.  Ashes, Ashes, we all fall down…

When we look at the thousands of years in which billions of people have lived on this earth, chances are nil that our small story will be one that becomes a subject for a famous biography.  In fact, do you even know the name of your great-great-grandmother- much less anything about her?  I think I learned the name of mine once, but I know nothing about her life.

When we know the Author of our story, and the simple fact that there is a larger story into which we have been born, we find that we do have a purpose.  We exist because Jesus dreamt us up.  When God, the Author of our story, created people, He made us in His image. Because we can be certain of the fact that our birth wasn’t an accident, we can freely move forward and seek out what our purpose is – by simply asking the Author of the Grand Story.

Remember – the battle right now is for the narrative; who gets to frame the story for you?  Either it will be God, or someone else.

John Eldredge

If we allow our society to frame our story, we are expected to figure out many questions on our own:

Who am I?

Why am I here?

What is my purpose?

Where am I going?

Was I born into the wrong body?

Am I just an accident?

But if you allow God to frame your story, He assures you that He created your inmost being, He knit you together in your mother’s womb.  Body, soul, and spirit, you are marvelously made and have been sculpted from a precious embryo into a person of value.  He loves you and has a purpose for your life if you choose to submit to Him.  You are not an accident, and if invited He will show you your part in His Story.

Unfortunately, many children and teenagers today are being taught in school and on social media that they are not part of a bigger story, therefore they are required to create a story of their own – from ground zero. When a child has nothing absolute in their life, confusion reigns in every area of their life. 

John Eldredge writes about students entering college,

Eighteen is the new twelve. Our students are emotionally underdeveloped,

they are much less resilient than any we’ve ever encountered,

and I’m not entirely sure why.

I’m guessing part of the reason is because students are often left to themselves, trying to figure out and write their own story and decide what their role is in life.  That’s an overwhelming responsibility for an adult, much more for children and teens. 

I have a friend, Emily, who worked as a news producer for WWTV-TV in Cadillac, Michigan, for 3 years and is now working for CRU- a caring community passionate about connecting people to Jesus Christ.  Emily used to photograph and report on world and local news.  Still a reporter, she says now,

I am a missionary with a camera,

 and I get to tell stories that glorify God…all over the world

Knowing that Jesus is the Author of your story will bring peace and assurance, take lots of pressure off your mind, and you may even find joy in the process.

Charity Gayle, one of my current favorite singers has an amazing song, New Name Written Down In Glory, with a line that goes,

I’ve met the Author of my story, and He’s mine…

I am who I am because the I AM tells me who I am.

Enjoy!

Love, Mom

Sagebrush and Sunflowers

August 10, 2022 / / 4 Comments

Dear Daughters,

When Dad and I were in Idaho, we drove out to the Camas Prairie, a wilderness where there are lots more cattle than people.  There’s probably a lot more acreage than the number of residents as well.  We decided to take a shortcut to our destination, which happened to be on a dusty dirt road – of which there are many in Idaho. 

We drove for miles and miles seeing mostly sagebrush, unadorned mountains and rocks.  It’s a lovely desolate drive and quite diverse from the valley where we used to live, so we drove bumpity-bump along a slightly graveled road, enjoying the bare dry desert.

Suddenly we came upon the prettiest little sunflowers lining that dry simple road.  I was shocked and amazed, wondering how there was enough moisture for them to grow in this parched, deserted country.  Seeing these flowers in the midst of an otherwise barren land was such a delight and brought a smile to my face as I wondered how the seeds ever received enough water to flourish on the sides of the road, bringing beauty and color to the Camas Prairie.

As we continued to travel, the sagebrush, dirt and rocks reminded me of the culture we are now living in daily.  It has become a culture of outrage, a culture of desolation, everyone wanting their opinion to be heard, harsh answers, brutal judgments of others – a cancel culture.  Sadly, many believe

If you don’t agree with me, I will cancel you as a person, I will cut you out of my life and count you as non-human with no value whatsoever.

Once we start thinking of people in this manner, we are basically throwing rocks and dirt at each other.  It’s unpleasant, ugly, dangerous and divisive.  Whenever a person is labeled only as part of an ethnic people group, a religious ideology or a certain political leaning, we have certifiably canceled them as a human being. 

Every society creates dividing lines among people groups, categorizing them into hierarchies of importance according to the powers that be. We have all created caste systems in our own minds which are often acted out toward those we deem worthy or not worthy of our acceptance.

Jesus had 12 disciples and there was an incredible diversity within those men.  Four were blue collar workers (fishermen), one was a tax collector working for the Roman government (think IRS), another was a Zealot – usually from a political party desiring to get out from under the brutal Roman rule.  Diverse, yet learning to become united under Jesus, they grew in unity.  Yes they had their disagreements, some thinking they were better than the others – they were typical humans.  But Jesus taught them how to love each other and those who were not like them in belief or ethnicity – the weak, the sick, the blind, the sex-workers and the forgotten.  Anyone who was human and came near Jesus was treated with dignity.

In his book, A Gentle Answer, Scott Sauls reminds us that Jesus loved us at our worst and if we are followers of Jesus, we are commanded to love others at their worst.  He says,

Jesus has been gentle toward us, so we have good reason to become gentle toward others, including those who treat us like enemies.  “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’  But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of Your Father who is in heaven.” Matt. 5:43-45.  Because Jesus has covered all of our offenses, we can be among the least offensive and the least offended people in the world.  This is the way of the gentle answer.

Having a gentle answer has nothing to do with being weak.  Weakness is often shown in destruction and harm to other people’s bodies and physical property.  Weakness is using intimidation and wrath, harming others with words, belittling someone who disagrees with you. Anyone can let anger overtake their emotions and act out in violence, destroying with rage anything in their path.  It’s easy to criticize and tear down.

Speaking a gentle answer, especially toward those you disagree with, takes an incredible amount of restraint, a strength that requires the deepest and most courageous kind of faith.  A faith that ultimately believes in the justice of God, that He will work good out of evil – but in His time, not ours.

Seeing those delicate beautiful sunflowers among all the dry and brittle sage brush is a reminder of what kind words and a gentle answer look like in our culture of shouting opinions and judgments on others.  We have no power to change anyone’s opinion or ideology, especially not by belittling and mocking but we do have power to change ourselves and give a respectful and kind response to whatever words come our way.

Lord, give us strength to give a gentle answer and become sunflowers in a desert wasteland.

Love, Mom

What is a Woman?

July 21, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Some of the most profound questions in the world are the simplest. 

What is a woman?

 It’s a short question Matt Walsh asked numerous people around the world.  Interestingly, many men and women were unable to answer that simple question.  Some people (especially the highly educated) became evasive and remarked that there is not a simple distinction.  A college professor of gender studies stated that you are what you feel, regardless of what biological sex you were born with.

Our culture has been inundated with the idea that your feelings play the most important role in your life.  Some of our society has come to believe that you are what you feel.  Science and reality are tossed to the wind in exchange for feelings and opinions.  Feelings are king, supreme, they are everything – and now have become the confusing and dangerous idea that your sex is not necessarily the body you are born into, but whatever you feel like during a given day.  

When babies are born, they are obviously male or female. According to science, sex is assigned not at birth, but at conception.  Every single cell in the human body has the DNA of either male or female.  There is a biological difference between women and men.  And if we can’t agree that this foundational truth is a reality, then how can we protect our girls and women?

Today, the word gender has become how a person perceives themselves.  If you have a male body but feel like a female, you are able to become a female – which has been named transgender according to many college professors.  Which inversely means if you were born with female genitalia but feel like you are a male – there are hormones and surgeries to make it appear you are a male.

You may have heard about Lia Thomas, a man on the Penn State swim team, who was 65th in his class as he competed against other biological men during 2018 and 2019.  In 2019 he began transitioning to a woman and joined the women’s swim team.  In 2021 he started competing against women, winning 1st in the 500-meter women’s freestyle. In 2022 he won the NCAA Division 1 title in the same race.  Recently he has been nominated as “NCAA Woman of the Year.”

When interviewed recently, he stated that he is now “happy” being a woman, when in the past he was depressed and confused.  So, does this mean that many women are supposed to be willing to give up their right to win in women’s sports because it makes a transwoman “happy” to win the medals and accolades which should have been theirs?  Some women will speak up but only to be shut down by those who have more power and volume.

My heart goes out to all those biological females competing against Lia Thomas, because the training they have gone through doesn’t mean anything when a biological male can come in with 2 years of hormone therapy at the age of 22 and win first place easily.  

Some may accuse me of being transphobic or anti-trans, but it is simple science which naturally gives an advantage to a man going through puberty who then chooses to transition to a woman.  For so many years women have fought for equal rights – in voting, becoming doctors, going to college, and choosing many occupations that have in the past been occupied only by men.  But now they are being shut out of their own sports.

Women’s sports are mocked when trans women are invited to compete with biological women. There is absolutely no way a biological male who feels as if he is a female can compete honestly on an equal playing field with biological women.   

By the way, the simple definition of a woman is:

A woman is an adult human female.

As Mr. Rogers said many decades ago,

Life is deep and simple, but our society has made it shallow and complicated.

Love, Mom

« Older posts Newer posts »

Recent Comments

Stories and Songs

© 2024 Branches and Trees

Theme by Anders Noren — Up ↑