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Nightbirde

August 12, 2021 / Shari Baar / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Have you ever heard of a bird who sings in the dark? I recently watched Jane Marczewski (known as Nightbirde) on AGT and was blown away by her authenticity and joy even as she suffers so much as a young 30-year-old. Jane is an amazing singer and songwriter – which is not an unusual vocation – but it is her story that is so rare. Nightbirde has suffered more in her three decades of life than most people suffer in 70 years.

Having been through three cancer treatments during the past few years (spine, liver and lungs) she expresses with raw emotions the pain she still suffers. Her husband of four years left her, so she deals with abandonment along with a body not functioning well.

Jane chose the stage name Nightbirde because one morning around 3 am she heard some birds in the tree outside her window singing as if the sun were arriving, quite unusual for birds. She then thought, If birds can sing in the dark, so can I.

Here’s a few of her words:

I am God’s downstairs neighbor, banging on the ceiling with a broomstick. I show up at His door every day.

Sometimes with songs, sometimes with curses.

Sometimes apologies, gifts, questions, demands.

Sometimes I use my key under the mat to let myself in. Other times, I sulk outside until He opens the door to me Himself.

I have called Him a cheat and a liar, and I meant it.

I have told Him I wanted to die, and I meant it.

Tears have become the only prayer I know. Prayers roll over my nostrils and drip down my forearms. They fall to the ground as I reach for Him. These are the prayers I repeat night and day; sunrise, sunset.

Call me bitter if you want to—that’s fair.

Count me among the angry, the cynical, the offended, the hardened.

But count me also among the friends of God.

It’s not the mercy that I asked for, but it is mercy nonetheless. And I learn a new prayer: thank you. It’s a prayer I don’t mean yet, but will repeat until I do.

For I have seen Him in rare form. I have felt His exhale, laid in His shadow,

squinted to read the message He wrote for me in the grout: “I’m sad too.”

I have heard it said that some people can’t see God because they won’t look low enough, and it’s true. Look lower. God is on the bathroom floor.

Yes, God is on the bathroom floor. He inhabits our groaning, our temper tantrums, our questions and our tears. He is sad with us, yet has promised to never leave us, even when others have. He can handle our bitterness and our cynical words, He simply wants us to talk to Him. He is Immanuel, God with us.

Love, Mom

You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy. – Nightbirde

The Engine and the Caboose

July 28, 2021 / Shari Baar / 3 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Do you ever have days when your mind seems to be inundated with dark thoughts, intense dislike for certain people around you, and feelings of self-loathing? I have those thoughts especially on days when I’m physically not feeling well or when someone has recently disappointed or hurt me with their words.

Thoughts like these affect every human being from time to time. If you’re human you struggle with negative thoughts, for the mind is where the battle rages. The battlefield of our life is in our mind – what we think affects what we do which affects what we say and how we behave.

A few years back a good friend showed me this little diagram of a train. I admit my artistic abilities are nothing to be astonished at, but you’ll get the gist of it. If you consider this train as running through your mind – through all the neurons, dendrites and synapses (all the tiny functioning parts of our brain which are lovely words I learned in my education classes) – we can learn a great deal of why we feel like we do.

The Engine driving the train is labeled Facts. The Caboose at the end is Feelings. So what are the facts you think about? If you listen to what other people and our culture teaches they may be something like this:

I’m not good enough

Not pretty enough

Not smart enough

No one really loves me

God loves everyone else more than me

If anybody really knew who I am they wouldn’t like me

My life is hopeless

I’m a failure

I’m going crazy

I’ve been forgotten

I’m not enough. Period.

And if we always believe for a fact that we’re never enough of anything, where do our feelings and emotions lead us? I don’t know about you, but my path becomes dark and lonely, I become easily offended by others and eventually, hopeless. Or I work hard at proving to others and myself that I am enough, that I am worthwhile. Either way, we become as a wave tossed by the ocean, no anchor, no stability, floating along on the bleak sea of others’ opinions of us.

If our feelings drive our train we’ll start trusting our emotions to rule our life and in time we’ll crash and burn. If we allow the engine containing facts of what other people think about us become the driving force of our life, we will quickly sink into despair.

But if we let that Engine of Facts be filled with the Truth about what Jesus says about us, we will become a different human being. Here’s just a few of the things Jesus says about you:

I am God’s child.

I have been bought with a price – I belong to God.

I have been adopted as God’s child.

I am free from condemnation.

I have not been given a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.

I can find grace and mercy in my time of need.

I am confident that the good work God has begun in me will be perfected.

I cannot be separated from the love of God.

If these Facts become secure in our Engine of Life our caboose of Feelings will become hopeful, joyful, peaceful and loving. Our emotions will become sheltered, safe, stable, anchored by hope, constant and steady.

There is no human being in the universe who can be our rock. People will always disappoint us, our husband, our children, our friends. Humans are simply imperfect created beings unable to fulfill our every need, and they were not made to fulfill our needs. No one can live up to your expectations, and the inverse is also true – you are not able to live up to anyone else’s expectations. Only our Creator – who has proven His love for us and spoken about it repeatedly in the Book of Life – is able to be our Rock, our Redeemer and Rescuer.

We can either let emotions pull our lives as an engine pulls the train, relying on our fickle feelings from hour to hour

-or-

We can let the Facts of God be our engine and our emotions to follow behind where they belong.

Let me add one Major Detail: If you rely only on your own willpower or strength to change your thoughts, you will fail. But don’t give up – Look up! Changing your thought life doesn’t come without a battle. In other words, there will be a battle in store for you if you truly desire to replace the lies you believe with God’s Truth. But because Jesus has offered His Spirit to live inside you for the asking, it is a war that can be won. Christianity has never been about behavior modification – it’s always about transformation from the inside out.

Love, Mom

Love & War

June 29, 2021 / Shari Baar / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

I had never noticed that the Bible begins with a marriage and ends with a marriage. In their book Love and War, John and Stasi Eldredge point out that the epic story of human history, spanning thousands of years, begins in Genesis with a garden and a couple. As God unfolds the beautiful, frightening, mysterious story of His love, there is not some lone hero standing against the world, but a man and a woman – a marriage.

In the book of Revelation, the end of the world as we know it – after a very long battle – there is finally a feast, a wedding feast. The wedding here is between Jesus Christ and his bride, the church.

In a sense, marriage is the Kingdom of God. It is meant to bring glory to God because God is love and where there is love, there is God. (Mother Teresa) When we love each other in our marriages, forgive when there are offenses (and there will be offenses every day), sacrifice for one another, never give up hope, always persevere in the difficult times of life, we are modeling what the love of God is all about.

The bottom line story of the Bible is Love. God loves us and He wants us to love one another. Sounds simple, but as we both know, it’s not. Why? Because this beautiful love story is placed in the middle of a dreadful war.

Think of all the fairy tales you love. One of my favorites is The Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Anderson, later made into a Disney movie. If you remember, that love story is placed in the midst of a war as well. Ursula, the sea witch, was doing everything she could to keep Ariel and the Prince from marrying, making a mockery of love. In the end, the Prince and Ariel did marry but not without a battle of heroic proportions.

Think of the famous girls and boys in other adventure stories you have read: Shasta and Aravis in The Horse and His Boy, being driven together by Aslan the Lion. Hansel and Gretel holding hands together for safety in the dark woods, Beauty and the Beast learning to love so they can both be free. People all over the world love those stories. Why? Because we want to live stories like that as well.

The honeymoon of Adam and Eve barely started when the serpent successfully snaked in with a plan to break everyone’s heart. His deceptive lie hissed, You can live without God and because that lie was embraced, there was broken fellowship between the humans and God. It was the beginning of distrust, blaming, shaming, and betrayal. Satan’s plan has not changed one iota since; he comes only to kill, steal and divide.

But in this, the world’s darkest moment, love shone through. In spite of chronic unbelief on our part, God pledged to love and pursue us. He did this through the great Prince, Son of the King, Jesus Christ. Christianity is truly the most preeminent love story the world has ever known.

This story is not over, it is still unfolding right now, even as you are reading. The terrible clash between the Kingdom of God and the kingdom of darkness continues. At the core of this age-old struggle, there is one overarching question that is being raised: Can a kingdom of love prevail? God vows that Love never fails, (1 Corinthians 13:8) but the world laughs and the devil laughs. Sometimes we laugh too. It sounds so naïve. Love seems so weak when compared to all the evil around us.

Your marriage is set in the midst of this story, the age-old beautiful story of God pursuing His people; it is a story of redemption, a story of love. But that story is opposed, because we have an enemy who desires to see our marriages and families divided. His goal is to bring bitterness and strife.

It seems that if we as married couples can’t find a great battle to fight together we’ll start one with each other. For years I saw Dad as the enemy of our marriage. He wouldn’t agree with me on how to raise you girls, on which movies to watch, how to discipline, decisions on spending money….and on and on. So I fought with him, fighting for my opinion to win, my view to be the right view. Not surprisingly, this did not improve our marriage.

Then God finally opened my eyes to see the spiritual battle that was going on, a battle that could only be fought effectively with prayer and love. You know the verse, Love your enemies, pray for those who hurt you…? Well, when I finally started doing what this verse says, a ray of hope sprang up in my heart. I started trusting God to do His work, instead of me trying to change things. And that is precisely when things started to change.

Oh, how I lament the years that I tried to do things in my own power, but God is so gracious. He patiently waits for each of us to come to the point of giving up on ourselves and giving in to Him. He never coerces, never pressures, but simply pursues and encourages us through his Spirit.

We are prone to wander, forget, and go back to old patterns, but for that too God is patient, forgiving and filled with grace, always urging us to get up and try again.

God loves you as you are, not as you should be. (Brennan Manning)

Love, Mom

Exploring My Strange Bible

June 8, 2021 / Shari Baar / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Have you ever tried to read the Bible and got bored with it? Has the Bible seemed like a randomly collected book of stories and facts, a few wise sayings mixed in with some really strange prophecies? Yeah, I have too. Many of us believe that the Bible is either a divine instruction manual dropped from heaven or just a few inspirational quotes mixed in with some strange and disturbing stories. Some of us think it’s just an old book that has no relevance for people today. I used to read just the parts I liked and ignore the sections that were puzzling or offensive. But all that changed when I was introduced to the Bible Project.

Tim Mackie, one of the founders, calls himself a card-carrying Bible nerd and wants others to also be amazed at how brilliant and wise the Bible actually is. From page one in Genesis to the last word in Revelation, the Bible is a cohesive, unified story all pointing to Jesus. Tim’s early podcast, Exploring My Strange Bible, speaks out loud what many of us have actually thought: the Bible is too hard for me to understand, I’ll just leave it to the experts.

Back in 2014 Tim and Jon made two short 5-minute videos summarizing a few books of the Bible and posted them online for free. Jon’s passion for visual storytelling combined with Tim’s PhD in Biblical and Hebrew studies made accessible many seemingly confusing parts of the Bible. I’m quite certain I have watched at least 100 of their short videos, and every one I watch expands my appreciation and love for this book.

I had no idea that certain themes introduced on the first page of the Bible – such as the tree of life, the talking snake in the garden, the change from chaos to order – are coherent, beautiful and trustworthy themes, each one beautifully developed throughout all 1,000+ pages of the Bible.

The 40-some authors of the Bible, writing over a period of 1,500 years, must have been guided by God’s Holy Spirit. There’s no other way this book could consistently weave the same theme throughout. The writers, ranging from kings to herdsmen, were carried along in crafting their words, yet each writer has a specific personal style. As this picture suggests, it’s hard to see where God and man’s words stop or start, they simply worked together as a partnership. There’s no other book like it in the entire world.

I remember thinking in the past, If I were God, I would have whitewashed some of those stories, cleaned them up and tied them up with a neat pretty bow. But God is not interested in cover-ups and lies. He wants us to know that He can turn any chaotic and seemingly hopeless situation into good. He is the Champion God of great reversals in our lives, restoring and redeeming what has fallen into chaos. Anyone who is willing to let Him do His good work in them is invited to ask. God is a gentleman and will not force His way into anyone’s life, but He’s always at the door waiting to be let in.

Love, Mom

Stumbling Blocks or Stepping Stones?

May 26, 2021 / Shari Baar / 4 Comments

The only difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones

is how you use them. ~ Unknown

Dear Daughters,

Disruptions.

It’s a word no one likes, but it’s a reality of life. You know how you sometimes have a day planned, a picnic scheduled, a vacation intended, a wonderful life you imagined, a marriage you had hoped for? And then something comes up to change your plans. Sometimes it’s a physical or mental ailment, other times it’s rainy when you want sun, a car accident occurs, postponed flights annoy, a microscopic virus disrupts life, and then there’s always those people who make life difficult.

When Dad and I married 45 years ago I had my long-range plan in place – to live a peaceful yet challenging life on a dairy in Idaho. As you know, only four years later my nostalgic plans were disrupted when Dad and I answered the call for him to become a pastor. Moving cross-country to Michigan was not how I expected my life to unfold.

Living in four different states and 12 different cities, disruptions have become a way of life for us. They have not become any easier, but we have grown accustomed to making new friends – again and again.

We are often offended by disruptions. Schedules and busyness can become addictive, making us feel like we are in control of our life. We bring the kids to soccer practice, make sure there are clean clothes for tomorrow so we don’t have to dig some out of the hamper, try to have something edible on the table for dinner, get the homework done, try to have a little quality time with our husband….and the list goes on.

If you remember Bilbo Baggins the Hobbit, he was a person whose life was completely disrupted without his permission. He was called on a journey he wasn’t prepared for, didn’t sign up for, never remotely volunteered for, and really was not at all interested. But Gandalf came, brought him some friends and comrades and off they went into unknown, uncharted territory. In the end, Bilbo grew up. He did things he never thought himself able to do. He became courageous, brave, bold, daring and creative.

Or think of Dorothy. She too was taken on an adventure unexpectedly because of the tornado. She had not chosen to be carried in her dream to the land of Oz, but once there she made friends with Scarecrow, the Cowardly Lion and the Tin Man. On the journey with them she learned compassion, bravery, and how to become a warrior.

When God disrupts our lives with whatever circumstances he chooses to use, we are not typically grateful. We would prefer to order our own lives, follow our five, maybe ten-year plan for our life. We like to be comfortable, doing things that make us happy. However, God wants us to learn to love others as we love ourselves.

I was surprised 20 years ago when I read Victory over the Darkness by Neil Anderson and learned that God’s basic goal for my life is character development: being and becoming the person God wants me to be. Really? That’s it? It sounded too simplistic. I thought it was doing all the right stuff, being a fairly good wife and mother, teaching all my students to sing and play the piano.

Yes, those things are important, but the bottom line is that God wants you to become more loving, patient, joyful, peaceful, faithful and kind. Nobody on earth can keep you from becoming that kind of person. And that’s precisely why there are distractions, disappointments, trials and disruptions in our lives.

We often interpret the hardships in our lives as, Why is God mad at me? Perhaps we need to see them as,

God loves me enough to mature me.

Helen Keller, the woman who was both blind and deaf, wrote:

Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet.

Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened,

vision-cleared, ambition inspired and success achieved.

So, we have a choice. We can choose to see our tribulations as stumbling blocks, get angry about them, whine and complain about them. Or we can accept disruptions as stepping stones and embrace the changes and challenges that come into our lives, knowing Jesus will use these incidents to grow us up.

I don’t know of any parent who wants to keep their children in diapers. We want our own children to mature, and God our Heavenly Father wants maturity for us as well.

For each person, the specific story of circumstances will be different, but the Larger Story is always the same:

The goal of our instruction is love. (I Timothy 1:5)

Our disruptions can be seen either as stumbling blocks or stepping stones, the choice is ours.

Love, Mom

The Chosen

May 18, 2021 / Shari Baar / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Several years ago a friend of mine posted a new TV series called The Chosen. Again and again I would see his posts, commenting on how much he enjoyed it and encouraging others to watch. I remember thinking to myself, I’ve seen several Jesus/Bible movies and have never been impressed with them. Most of the characters looked like Americans, Jesus was always white and handsome, the plot lines seemed anemic and the dialogue stilted. The Jesus in the movies never seemed real to me; he seemed other-worldly, not at all connected to his humanity.

So I never looked into it – until a month ago. Recently, because another friend of mine was so enthusiastic about how she loved the series and had watched some episodes several times, I finally decided to give Season 1, Episode 1 a try. It was titled

I Have Called You By Name.

Completely different from any movie I’ve ever seen about Jesus, it opens with Mary Magdalene as a little girl, then as an adult wrestling with her demons. It shows the every-day oppression of living under the Roman occupation, the hierarchy of the Jewish religious system, and the day to day grind of being a fisherman.

As with any good movie, I had a lot of questions and wonderings about different scenes so of course I had to watch it again. But the most amazing thing for me is the character of Jesus and how his humanity is portrayed – how he loves people in the red quarter, how he carves toys for the little children, how he celebrates with joy and dancing at the wedding feast of his friends. The honesty and vulnerability of Jesus is refreshing. He is not intimidated by the religious folk, the poor, the cynical or the Romans.

On the other hand, the disciples are depicted as the self-centered, hard-to-get-along-with people they were. Seeing the backstories of the characters helped me to see them as actual human beings who were deeply flawed, argumentative and obviously misunderstanding the entire mission of Jesus. The apparent animosity between Peter the fisherman and Matthew who ruthlessly collected his taxes, was shown for what it was. And yet, Jesus called them both to follow Him. There were spats among the disciples – who was the greatest of them and arguments about how the whole traveling troupe should be managed. There were biases toward classes of people and speculation about ideologies, mistrust of each other and definite opinions about life in general. Peter, the guy who seemed the most opinionated of all, constantly gave Jesus helpful hints about how the ministry should be run.

I had never thought about Jesus continually traveling, setting up camp each night, preparing food, walking miles of dusty roads and constantly facing multitudes of people seeking healing, facing intense criticism from the religious folk and being entirely misinterpreted day after day by everyone around Him.

The official statement about the series:

The Chosen is based on the true stories of the gospels of Jesus Christ. Some locations and timelines have been combined or condensed. Backstories and some characters and dialogue have been added. However, all Biblical and Historical context and any artistic imagination are designed to support the truth and intention of the Scriptures. The original names, locations and phrases have been transliterated into English for anything spoken.

The Chosen gets two thumbs up from me, and a huge thank you to my persistent friends for challenging me to watch the show.

Love, Mom

Sometimes We Fall Apart

May 10, 2021 / Shari Baar / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

This morning I finished the last page of my planner, my oh-so-valuable Things To Do notebook. I typically use one each year, glance through it when it’s full, then throw it away. You probably have something similar – the daily lists and reminders, temporary information that’s important for a time, and then it’s not.

As I was scanning through my notebook, I came upon the schedules for giving Lorazepam and Morphine to Grandpa, the timing for his breathing treatments, the list of Hospice workers, names of the amazing people who came in for the night shift and short statements about his general condition. Suddenly my mind and emotions were swept back to those last few weeks of Grandpa’s life.

It’s been almost a year since he passed and six months since we’ve moved back to Michigan, but immediately and unexpectedly today I relived all the grief and heartache of walking toward the horizon of the end of his life on this earth. It was a sacred time a year ago, yet perplexing in how to give him comfort as well as those who gathered around to help. I was reminded anew about how important it is for us to have a community of support, to give encouragement and do what we cannot do. I’m reminded of the saying

It takes a village to raise a child,

but I think I can complement it by saying

It takes a village to escort a life to the end.

I know my statement doesn’t have quite the ring as the original, but it’s the best I can come up with – plus it’s true.

I used to feel young compared to Grandpa and Grandma (I looked quite spry in comparison) but now that I am around all of you, my daughters and your beautiful families, I don’t quite feel that way anymore and I continually marvel at all your energy and youth. But it’s ok, God has given each of us a time to begin life on this earth, a time to carry on and a time to leave.

I also came upon a beautiful song today, capturing all the emotions I was feeling. So I listened and wept over all the memories – the hard, the beautitful, and a combination of all the others. The chorus verbalized everything I was feeling:

It’s okay to cry
It’s okay to fall apart
You don’t have to try
To be strong when you are not
And it may take sometime to make sense of all your thoughts
But don’t ever fight your tears
‘Cause there is freedom in every drop
Sometimes the only way to heal a broken heart is when we fall apart

It’s okay to cry, fall apart, and be weak. In fact, maybe that’s how we can live life to the fullest. Freedom comes in our honesty to admit we hurt, to admit we miss those who have gone, and admit we need help. After all, it takes a village…

Love, Mom

The Beautiful Exception

April 29, 2021 / Shari Baar / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Did you know you can choose to be unoffendable? Being offended is what comes natural, it’s our human default setting. If someone makes us mad, or maybe just disagrees with us, our first impulse is to be offended.

When I first heard of Brant Hansen’s book Unoffendable, I was offended. I always thought it was good and healthy to be angry at some things – like sex trafficking, child pornography and civil rights abuses. Sure, I know Jesus taught us to love others, forgive people who hurt us, be patient with those who irritate us. But really, is that what he meant for every day? Every time someone cuts me off in traffic, anyone who doesn’t agree with my political or religious views, or people who are simply mean? Aren’t we supposed to be angry with those who sin, who don’t live like we live?

Today’s cancel culture teaches us – If you aren’t like me, if you disagree with me – I will cancel you out of my life and never speak to you again.

When I study the life of Jesus, I am amazed. He never cancelled anyone. Nor was He ever shocked or surprised at human behavior. He knew that we are all basically selfish, He knew the fallen human heart was just that – fallen. So maybe, just maybe we would do well to live the same way. We all know what’s in our own heart so we can imagine every other person struggles with the same exact stuff. Different details, different day, different location, different people, but basically, we all skirmish with the same emotions as every other human on the planet.

Because I battle bitterness toward people who have hurt me, I imagine others do as well. I struggle with forgiveness, so I know others also struggle when I hurt them. When we can accept it as a fact – that people are self-centered, untrustworthy, unfaithful and prone to selfishness – we don’t need to be shocked any longer and can learn to adjust our expectations accordingly.

Now this may sound quite pessimistic and like Debby Downer talking. But we need not any longer be surprised at human behavior. If we simply remember that people will react in ways we don’t like, we can plan for it and choose a better way. We can replace the shock and anger with gratitude.

Yes, the world is broken, but don’t be offended by it. Instead, thank God that He’s intervened in it, and He’s going to restore it to everything it was meant to be. Yes, the world is broken, and selfish is our default setting. Brant Hansen

It takes the miracle of a new heart to become unoffended. We see anger in the grocery store and at the bank, rage on the roads and annoyance at home. Offense seems to be the fashion, outrage the popular trend. But to be perpetually shocked and offended at others is exhausting. Brant suggests that we might start living with realistic expectations and choose to be the exception – to be those who are not offended.

So, what if we started being the exception? The Beautiful Exception.

Imagine the results of speaking kindness after being insulted.

Imagine the beauty when we pray prayers of intercession for our enemies instead of words of accusation.

Imagine the reaction if we searched and spoke of the good people do instead of highlighting the evil.

Imagine trusting God to take care of the people who have hurt us, to let Him do the work and mete out the justice we are incapable of giving.

Imagine someone cuts you off in traffic and you choose to replace that shock and horror with gratitude, to forgive them and actually pray for them.

And then when a person generously lets you merge – give thanks.

Imagine when your UPS driver drops off a package, you open the door and shout out thank you! (something Dad is really good at)

Imagine your life becoming less stressful because you give up your right to anger and offense.

We need to remember, always remember when Jesus was reviled, spit upon and mocked, he never came back with similar words, but instead as he was hanging from the cross, prayed for his enemies, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” And if Jesus lives in us, we have the power to forgive, to give thanks during difficult times and trust our Father to do what we cannot.

Way back in the beginning we were created as images of God, so we can rule as He ruled, with a servant heart and hands of peace.

We draw people to Christ by not loudly discrediting what they believe, by telling them how wrong they are and how right we are, but by showing them a light that is so lovely, that they want to know with all their hearts the source of it. Madeleine L’Engle

And as Brant Hansen sums it up:

When we recognize our unsurprising fallenness and keep our eyes joyfully open for the glorious exceptions, we’re much less offendable. Why?

Because that’s the thing about gratitude and anger: they can’t coexist. It’s one or the other.

One drains the very life from you. The other fills your life with wonder.

Choose wisely.

Let’s be the Beautiful Exception.

Love, Mom

On My Own

March 23, 2021 / Shari Baar / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

A few years ago I watched the movie Les Miserables – Les Miz for short. It’s a fabulous movie based on the novel by Victor Hugo, first published in 1862. The music in the film is marvelous and moving, emotional and memorable. The story of Les Miz is based on the character Jean Valjean, known as Prisoner #24601, recently released from 19 years in prison and desiring to find a life of freedom but not knowing how.

It’s a long and complicated story, but in the movie there is a lovely song On My Own sung by one of the minor characters, Eponine. It is a haunting, heartbreaking song of a woman having to live life on her own. I learned it quite well because a piano student of mine wanted to sing and play it and asked for my help. So, I immersed myself in the song, singing and playing it so I could teach it well to my student. But an interesting shift took place as I sang it over and over.

Originally, the song is sung by Eponine because the man she loves is only in her dreams, yet she longs for him to be a reality – which never happens. She sings the song on a deserted street in the rain, devastated yet hoping for something more than what she has experienced. The more I sang it I started believing that this was my life, that I was on my own. Slowly, the words I sang became those I felt about God during that time in my life. I had been hurt and rejected by others, my health was failing and I truly felt as if God had abandoned me. So I sang On My Own more and more, often with fervor, believing that in real life I was on my own. God had become a figment of my imagination, a nice awareness but simply a pretend idea.

The words of On My Own go like this:

On my own, pretending he’s beside me

All alone, I walk with him till morning…

And I know, it’s only in my mind

That I’m talking to myself and not to him,

And although I know that he is blind,

Still I say there’s a way for us.

I love him, but every day I’m learning

All my life I’ve only been pretending

Without me his world will go on turning

A world that’s full of happiness that I have never known

I love him…..

But only on my own.

It’s a sad song to sing about a boyfriend or husband you wish were yours, but it’s even a sadder song when you’re singing it about God. God, the one we’re told who has created us, who loves us and desires the best for us. And yet, sometimes it feels like he’s gone, vanished, given up on us – and we come to believe we are totally on our own. I made the mistake of singing that song over and over again, becoming more mournful every time, and actually believing that I had no choice but to live life on my own. I had to look out for me because no one else was going to do it, and so I came to the conclusion that this was my life for a time. Too long of a time.

The melody was so beautiful, the orchestration exquisite, and the musicality itself continued to draw me in. How easy it is to let a 3-minute song become your entire belief system. Philosophers can write books of many wise words, but a winsome melancholy popular song often becomes the mindset of the masses who sing it.

Feelings are strong, they can take us up to the moon at times but also into the depths of despair. It was into the depths of despair that I went. I continued to sing All Alone and for me it became a reality.

So where can we anchor our minds and hearts when these thoughts consume our every waking moment?

Thankfully, a friend gently reminded me that my feelings were only feelings, they were not the truth. I am not alone, I was never alone, and I will never be alone. How do I know that? Simply because the Bible tells me so. The Bible has been an anchor for millions of people through thousands of years. My friend reminded me all the times in the past when Jesus showed his love for me.

So I rewrote the words:

I’m never alone,

The Spirit lives inside me.

Every day, my Lord he walks beside me.

Without out Him, my life would be disaster

Remembering His faithfulness that I have always known…

I love Him, I’m never on my own.

The mindset of the original On My Own is found often in the Psalms. King David and others who wrote the Psalms never denied their feelings, but wrote exactly what they felt, even though it wasn’t true. God is never afraid of our honest cries and wailings. But he loves to have them directed toward Him so He can come and give comfort.

They [the Psalms] are remarkable for recording with brutal honesty the cries of those who are sick and suffering, says Tim Keller. Yet, the hopelessness and despair is only for a season. When we turn our eyes to God and remember, always remember his faithfulness to us and to others in the myriad stories in the Bible, then we can wait patiently and sing songs of hope instead of anguish and gloom.

Love, Mom

The Rooster Crowed

March 10, 2021 / Shari Baar / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Remember the story of Peter, when Jesus was on trial? A few hours earlier, Jesus had told Peter that he would betray Him, that he would claim distance and innocence from knowing the man sentenced to death. Peter of course vehemently denied that such a thing could ever happen. Even if everyone else ran away, he wouldn’t. Not Peter. No, Peter would be true and faithful even unto death.

Yet, several hours later Peter did the very thing he vowed he’d never do – betray the man who had even predicted the number of times Peter would deny his Lord.

Not once, not twice, but three times he cursed and swore, saying he never knew the man.

And then the rooster crowed.

Peter was devastated with despair when he realized he had just denied his Lord. He heard the rooster crow and knew he had failed. He was traumatized, thinking perhaps someone else – anyone else – could have said those words against Jesus, but certainly not him.

And yet, he also saw mercy in the eyes of Jesus as the rooster crowed. Peter wept bitterly but he didn’t give up on life itself.

What does the rooster’s crow signify to you?

When I hear the rooster’s crow, I typically look at the sins of people around me. It’s so much easier to point out theirs instead of my own. But the Lord, when I ask, shows me my part in the dance of offenses in which I participate. And when I confess that I too play a part in every problem, I know the forgiveness of Jesus is there immediately.

Someone else may hear the rooster’s crow and feel extreme guilt and shame because of a memory being triggered from someone’s remark – snarky or simply in passing – but it catapults them into a pit of self-loathing and remembrances of past memories and similar failures.

Either way, pointing the finger at others or ourselves can become a severe detriment to receiving the freedom God desires for us.

I am continually amazed at the outrageous mercy of Jesus. The extreme grace he showed to Peter as well as Judas the betrayer. During the Last Supper, Jesus knelt down and washed all the disciples’ feet, including Peter – the one who later denied Jesus – and Judas, who Jesus knew would betray him within the hour. I can hardly fathom the love and generosity of our Lord who would be a servant to those men, knowing exactly what each of them would do within a very short period of time.

Judas, eager to earn 30 pieces of silver, happily walked to the Pharisees to receive his payment – until he saw the consequences of his betrayal – the rooster’s crow for him. Then his guilt suddenly became so deep he saw no way out, and drowning in shame, he hung himself.

Peter, succumbing to peer pressure, spoke words he thought would never come out of his mouth – denying his teacher and friend. And then the rooster crowed. I’m sure both Peter and Judas felt like they were drowning in fear and consumed by shame. One reached out and took hold of restoration and forgiveness; the other chose to condemn himself.

A thousand years before Jesus even walked on the earth, King David wrote about this undeserved forgiveness and freedom from condemnation, because he had experienced it after committing both adultery and murder.

He does not treat us as our sins deserve, nor does He repay us according to our iniquities... As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:10

Thank God we don’t get what we deserve, otherwise we’d all be dead. There’s always a second chance, a third, a fourth…His mercy never ends.

Next time you listen to that rooster’s accusation, remember – always remember, that’s not the end of the story. The Son is rising and His forgiveness is a free gift to all.

We worship the God who turns tragedy into triumph

Sorrow into singing

Who turns brokenness into beauty

Death into Life.

David Platt

Love, Mom

Branches and Trees

Page 6 of 20

Nightbirde

The Engine and the Caboose

Love & War

Exploring My Strange Bible

Stumbling Blocks or Stepping Stones?

The Chosen

Sometimes We Fall Apart

The Beautiful Exception

On My Own

The Rooster Crowed

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