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A Grateful Life

May 20, 2020 / Shari Baar / 13 Comments

Dear Daughters,

After 94 years Grandpa’s chest is still, his heart no longer beating. He was sleeping peacefully in his favorite chair, and then he was gone. The struggle is over, he has met Jesus face to face.

During the previous few days the house has been full of people saying good-bye, recalling stories from the past, memories of his time shared with them, shouldering the pain and sadness of dying with us. From laughter to tears, to hugs and handshakes, the days have been rich, beautiful, difficult and sad.

Ginger, the Hospice nurse came and saw some of our family here to visit Grandpa and commented to him,

You are a lucky man to have so many people around you.

Immediately he said,

I don’t believe in luck.

I am blessed.

He is blessed, we are blessed – by his generosity, kindness and humor. Every day the nurse would come in and ask, how are you doing, Lou? And every day, as long as he could speak he would say, I’m great.

This evening it is silent, painfully quiet. No more breathing treatments, the oxygen machine is still. Willow, Grandpa’s faithful dog sits quietly beside his friend’s chair wondering what has happened.

A few weeks ago I gave Grandpa a bell he could ring if he needed me. The bell had a beautiful tone, deep and rich. The first few times he rang it I felt like coming in the room standing straight and tall saying – just like Lurch from The Addams Family – You rrrang? But I didn’t, I just asked what he needed.

He never asked for much, help to get up, a glass of water, reminding me he was ready to go to sleep.

A few mornings ago he woke up agitated, wanting to get out of his bed, yet knowing he was unable to walk anymore we couldn’t let him. So I started singing hymns to him. Because of his lifetime of singing plus the tradition of singing a hymn every night after dinner with Dad and I, he knew many of them by memory and started whispering a few of the words as I sang.

Amazing Grace

In the Garden

The Old Rugged Cross

Great Is Thy Faithfulness…

He relaxed, laid back to rest and grew calm. My mouth got dry but I kept on singing.

Yesterday morning he was agitated again so Aunt Rhonda and I decided to sing You Are My Sunshine. Surprisingly, we remembered all three verses so sang with gusto, being quite pleased with ourselves. But as we were nearing the end of the song Grandpa remarked with a wave of his hand, OK, that’s enough sunshine. What works one day doesn’t always work the next…

Thank you. Those precious words were the most consistent and common words I heard from Grandpa. He was so pleased to be able to die in his own home, surrounded by those he loved and was grateful for all the care he received. Jolene, Judy, Merilee, Ione, Dotty – all friends and helpers faithfully coming to help for days, months, some for years, have become part of our family.

From the moment we are born, we are in the process of dying. We don’t often think about life that way but it’s true. Some of us live a full life, others don’t. But we all can make the choice to live our one life well, because even though our bodies are wasting away, our Creator Jesus renews our spirits day by day.

Love, Mom

The First Time

May 14, 2020 / Shari Baar / 22 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Tonight, for the first time ever, Grandpa needed help to go to bed. Just a month ago he was able to do the bedtime routine on his own but now he needs an oxygen machine to take his every breath. Dad and I follow him down the hall, Dad pushing R2D2 and me carrying the tubing. In the short time of a single day he forgot what to do next in getting ready for sleep. The familiar words

What do I do next?

What do I do now?

What do I do?

echo back in my mind as Grandma would say the same phrases toward the end of her time here on earth. The world seems to be a scary and confusing place right now for Grandpa, his words come out in a whisper when I ask him if he needs anything else. His legs give out, he falls, we help him up – oh how difficult life is for him whose eyes have seen so many sunsets.

My mind goes back to my young, strong dad – working in the barn, the fields, in his workshop – always working with his hands. Then I think about my decades older dad when he still worked in his shop, pulled some weeds, drove his Gator around, picked apples, fell in the garden and simply rolled over and stood up again.

Today Pastor Gary and Arie came to serve communion to Grandpa, Dad, Aunt Rhonda and I. Gary is so thoughtful, remembering to bring a coffee cup with an attached lid containing grape juice since Grandpa’s tremors prevent him from using a small cup.

I’m not sure I’ve ever celebrated a more precious communion. Here we were sitting with our Pastor, all of us encouraging, suffering and grieving with Grandpa who is so ready to be with his Savior.

Love, faithfulness, friendship, family and communion – especially near the end of life, there are no greater gifts given than these.

Everything is different now. After I put him to bed last night I went back to my own bedroom and wept. Tears of weariness, tears of sadness, of seeing a life slowing down and coming toward a close.

Hospice is a beautiful group of friends, of people who love and care for Grandpa as much as we do. They walk through the hard, sad times alongside us with joy. I am grateful.

We are meant for eternity, and for eternity we shall live. It’s just that the door to our heavenly place is uncharted territory and difficult to walk through. But walk we will, and we trust Jesus to bring us all safely home in His time.

Love, Mom

Four Anchors

April 26, 2020 / Shari Baar / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

I’ve been kinda crabby lately. Somedays I just wake up angry. Dad is annoying me – not intentionally – I’ve just become easily annoyed. Uncertainty, knowing this world is not what it used to be, the palpable fear and panic in people’s eyes and voices is taking a toll on us all.

Rebekah Lyons summarized my emotions well:

I woke up hoppin’ mad a couple days ago for reasons I couldn’t explain. Maybe because the adrenaline of a new challenge has worn off, Ground Hog Day has kicked in, the month of positivity and reset is over, and isolation feels indefinite.

We’re all in this pandemic together, but the thoughts we entertain can cause either anxiety and fear or bring us peace. If I try to look too far into the future and consider what might happen to all of you, your children and our world, I become anxious because the future holds much ambiguity. But if we’re honest, the future has always been uncertain. We’ve never had a playbook for the future. We may have had the illusion of control, but in all reality it was just that, an illusion.

Now, however, the deception is gone forever. One little virus seems to be virtually ruling the entire world – except for the cool continent of Antarctica.

How then shall we think? The thoughts we think become our emotions which in turn drives everything we say and do.

On what anchors for our soul can we truly rely? Mark Batterson points out in Acts 27, when Paul and many others had been on a ship for 14 days in a severe storm on the Adriatic Sea, there was fear that they would be dashed against the rocks, so …they dropped four anchors from the stern and prayed for daylight.

The only true words I know, which can be anchors for our soul, those which have been true for millennium, are out of the #1 Bestseller of all time – The Bible. Here’s a few anchors I have been dropping in my mind lately in order to keep free from anxiety:

The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger,

abounding in love. Psalm 103:8

Psalm 103 is one of my favorite Psalms, it speaks throughout about how He has brought me out of the pit, crowned me with love and compassion, satisfies me with good things, and forgives all my sins. Although King David who wrote this song lived 1,000 years before Jesus, his words still ring true today.

My second anchor is:

For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are Your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

Since God is the Creator of everything seen and unseen as well as the Creator of me, it is an undeniable fact that His thoughts are higher than mine. An astrophysicist has estimated our universe to be about 93 billion light years. Since a single light-year is the distance light travels in one year (around 6 trillion miles) and He has created everything within our universe, I know He’s a lot wiser than I. It’s a bit like comparing my thoughts to an ant’s thoughts – though a trillion times more. He understands many things I cannot even imagine. I don’t always like or even understand His thoughts, but I believe they are true and good.

The third anchor for my soul is Romans 8:28:

For we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose.

Notice He doesn’t say all things are good. It’s a well-known fact that bad things happen to good people, life is unfair… Yet, God is the God of great reversals, He brings light out of darkness, life out of death. Just remember the stories of Joseph, Job, Ruth, Esther, King David and Jesus. They all went through dark, scary, uncertain times, yet God eventually brought good out of everything.

Of course there were years of grief, heartache and despair, yet the ending in every single story was good. Reading the Old Testament stories are a wonderful antidote for anxiety. And since Jesus says he is the same yesterday, today and forever, I believe He will bring good out of this tragedy as well.

And my fourth anchor is 2 Timothy 1:7

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love, and of power, and of a sound mind.

Just repeating this verse gives me comfort. It reminds me that fear doesn’t come from God – only love, power and a sound mind come from Him.

All fear is but the notion that God’s love ends,

says Ann Voskamp.

So even though it sounds simple to keep these four anchors in my mind, it is not easy. The dire predictions for the future will come, yet I will – with the help of the Holy Spirit – believe that this world is not my home, I’m just-a-passin’ through. Then my soul is at peace, and amazingly, joy and love slip in the back door. I will not get annoyed so easily at circumstances out of my control.

In the first book of The Lord of the Rings trilogy, Frodo – the bearer of the Ring – laments that a great evil has disrupted his life.

I wish it need not have happened in my time, he says.

Gandalf responds with both compassion and wisdom:

So do I, and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.

I think I will decide to hang on to the anchors that will steady me in the time of this storm and wait for the daylight.

Love, Mom

Thanksgiving at the Table

April 9, 2020 / Shari Baar / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

This week I have been meditating on how Jesus spent the last few days of His short life here on earth. I find it quite astounding that the day before he was brutally murdered, he celebrated the Jewish Passover meal with his 12 disciples.

In Israel, over 2,000 years ago where the Last Supper was celebrated, people walked most everywhere they traveled. It was common in those days after coming into someone’s home to have a servant wash the guests’ feet. The dusty roads in first century Israel made it imperative for feet to be washed before a meal since people usually reclined at a low table and dirty feet would be quite evident.

What was surprising the night of this meal, was that Jesus already knew that his traitor, Judas Iscariot, was just about ready to leave and collect his 30 pieces of silver – a reward for betraying his teacher. He knew Peter was soon to deny that he even knew Jesus, and the other ten disciples would scatter in fear. Yet, Jesus knelt down in humility and servanthood, took a towel and stooped before each one of those disciples. He washed their feet, all 24 of them, dried them, then walked back and took his place at the table.

I have heard this story many times, so many in fact that in years past I had skimmed over those facts, not paying much attention to them. But somehow, this year the whole story simply stuns me. Why would Jesus, the Creator of the world, stoop down and be so kind and generous to his friends who often argued among themselves who would be the greatest in this new Kingdom?

And then, even though he knew all of the beating, mocking, whipping and nails that were soon to unveil, he took the loaf of bread in front of him and gave thanks. Gave thanks??

What was there to give thanks about?

A group of friends who were going to run away in a few hours?

Give thanks for the Roman soldiers who would soon flog him?

Give thanks as he listened to his own people shout for his death?

I was just rereading the story of Aslan’s death in The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. CS Lewis portrays the time before the killing of the great Lion:

A great crowd of people were standing all around the Stone Table and though the moon was shining many of them carried torches which burned with evil-looking red flames and black smoke. But such people! Ogres with monstrous teeth, and wolves, and bull-headed men; spirits of evil trees and poisonous plants…Cruels and Hags and Incubuses, Wraiths…

Then the Witch gave a wild, fierce laugh. ‘The fool! The fool has come. Bind him fast.’

For many people in that day, and even today, what Jesus did was utterly foolish. What kind of King would let his people treat him as they did? A King who loved his people so much he was willing to die in their place.

As Ann Voskamp wisely writes:

God is love – thus He only gets to define love.

And He defines love as cross-shaped, cross-formed, stretched out, formed into a reaching givenness that leaves the heart breathtakingly vulnerable.

True love is willing to open oneself to hurt and heartache – all the while thanking God in spite of all the betrayal, lies and fear showing their ugliness through people in our lives. We have all hurt others, we have all betrayed friends, we have all told lies to make ourselves look better.

Yet we are all welcomed to come to Jesus, the bridge between God and man.

If Jesus was able to give thanks on the eve of his death, focusing on the needs of others before his own, surely I can give thanks during this week as we live in a time of pandemic, uncertainty of the future, and lessened contact with those I love.

Giving thanks, in both times of joy as well as times of anguish, gives voice to the fact of our certainty and belief in the love of our Savior. Although the world has changed, our Savior has not and is as close as He has always been.

Love, Mom

Fly Away on a Goose?

March 26, 2020 / Shari Baar / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Last week I was walking outside and saw three groups of geese, flying in their typical V formations, each following the other. Because it had been a hard day – Grandpa is failing and the extra care that entails, the pandemic which is affecting us all – I longed to hop on one of those geese and fly away into the beautiful blue sky.

I remember when caring for Grandma at the end stages of dementia over three years ago, I had the same thought – wanting to run away from responsibilities, flee from the hard stuff, fly away and be free of trouble, heartache, aging and death.

So, last night I watched the movie Winged Migration thinking I could imagine the carefree, flying-high life of a bird. It’s a lovely 2002 film chronicling the migration patterns of storks, swan, geese, eagles, sage grouse, terns, penguins and other feathered friends I had never heard of before.

I had no idea that many of these birds travel from 1,000 to 2,500 miles every year. Now I know there are lots of good wind currents available for flying up above the earth but that’s still a lot of wing flapping and energy exerted as they fly from one continent to another.

While watching the movie I learned about the many obstacles migrating birds face as they fly on their yearly journeys.

*They often endure hostile weather conditions, storms which may blow them off their intended path.

*Their vulnerability to predators, both human, animal and other birds of prey, is considerably worse than what I imagined.

*Collisions with objects like tall buildings, airplanes or wind turbines can be an unexpected danger.

*Inadequate food supplies can lead to starvation of the birds.

After watching the movie and learning about all the hazards these winged creatures face during their travels, my desire to fly away on one of their backs lessened considerably. It often seems like other people or creatures have it easier than me, and sometimes I become a bit discouraged. But the other day I heard a quote by Katherine Wolf:

The obsession of a pain-free life is a ridiculous idea.

Spoken from the mouth of a woman who is 38 years old and in a wheel chair because of a brain stem stroke suffered 12 years ago, I was struck by the fact that she lives with such joy. She was pursuing a career as a model when her life took a totally unexpected path.

Katherine and her husband, Jay, have weathered months in hospital and rehab centers yet have together written a book called Suffer Strong. One of their favorite verses is:

…we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character, and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. Romans 5:3-5

We will suffer in this life, and anyone who tries to tell us that we should never suffer is setting us up for depression and despair. It’s not what we suffer, but how we respond to suffering which is the most important. Yes, life is hard – it has been in the past, it is now, and it will continue to be so. But when we trust God and give Him thanks, even in the hard times, we can have the joy He has come to give.

So, even though we are limited in what we can do, I know God has put you and me in the places we are for such a time as this. He has called us to suffer strong, give thanks, and trust that He is working all things together for good.

I’ve given up the desire to hop on the wings of a goose and fly away into a better life. I will be content now, enjoying the joy God sends every day of my life. I’ll continue to help Grandpa with his oxygen, give him the breathing treatments he needs, wrap his swollen ankles and give thanks for life, for the difficult stuff now, and the good things that are yet to come.

Love, Mom

CS Lewis on the Virus

March 14, 2020 / Shari Baar / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

One of my favorite writers, C.S. Lewis (author of The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe), wrote an interesting few paragraphs 72 years ago. Even though his essay was written in light of the recently-dropped atomic bomb back in 1945, it is still relevant today. All we need to do is replace the words “atomic bomb” with “Coronavirus.”

I do believe all necessary precautions should be set in place and taken seriously, yet, we are still able to live in peace and not fear.

Fear and anxiety are more contagious than any virus.

John Eldredge

Below are Lewis’ wonderfully wise three paragraphs:

On Living in an Atomic Age (1948) by C.S. Lewis

In one way we think a great deal too much about the atomic bomb. “How are we to live in an atomic age?” I am tempted to reply: “Why, as you would have lived in the sixteenth century when the plague visited London almost every year, or as you would have lived in a Viking age when raiders from Scandinavia might land and cut your throat any night; or indeed, as you are already living in an age of cancer, an age of syphilis, an age of paralysis, an age of air raids, an age of railway accidents, an age of motor accidents.”

In other words, do not let us begin by exaggerating the novelty of our situation. Believe me, dear sir or madam, you and all whom you love were already sentenced to death before the atomic bomb was invented: and quite a high percentage of us were going to die in unpleasant ways. We had, indeed, one very great advantage over our ancestors – anesthetics; but we have that still. It is perfectly ridiculous to go about whimpering and drawing long faces because the scientists have added one more chance of painful and premature death to a world already bristled with such chances and in which death itself was not a chance at all, but a certainty.

This is the first point to be made: and the first action to be taken is to pull ourselves together. If we are all going to be destroyed by an atomic bomb, let that bomb when it comes find us doing sensible and human things – praying, working, teaching, reading, listening to music, bathing the children, playing tennis, chatting to our friends over a pint and a game of darts – not huddled together like frightened sheep and thinking about bombs. They may break our bodies (a microbe can do that) but they need not dominate our minds.

God is still the same today as He has been throughout eternity. The Coronavirus did not take Him by surprise, and it is only through Him that we are able to have peace in the midst of chaos and panic. God is still good, and Jesus comforts us with His own words:

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid. John 14:27

I pray for you as you stand strong in hope and peace.

Love, Mom

Spaghetti and Waffles

February 29, 2020 / Shari Baar / 4 Comments

Dear Daughters,

The book Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti is a fascinating metaphor highlighting the differences between men and women.

When you look at a waffle, you see a collection of little boxes each separated by walls. Every box is detached from the other and they all make convenient holding places. Apparently, this is typically how a man processes life. Their thinking is divided up into boxes that have enough room for one issue, but only one issue. One topic of life goes into the first box, the second goes in the second box, and on and on.

A typical man, says Bill Farrel, lives in one box at a time. When a guy is at work he is at work. When he is in the garage puttering around, he is puttering around. When he is watching TV….well you know the rest of that sentence. That’s why he looks as if he’s in a trance and ignores all else that goes around him. Psychologists call this compartmentalizing – that is putting each part of life into a different compartment.

Because of the waffle structure of their brains, men are problem solvers by nature. They enter a box, look at the problem and formulate a solution. A man strategically organizes his life to spend most of his life in the boxes in which he can succeed. If possible, he will ignore the boxes that confuse him or make him feel like a failure. For example, if a man feels like his career brings him success, he spends most of his time at work at the expense of the other boxes. If being home and communicating with his family is difficult, he will spend more time in front of the TV. It’s a safe and comfortable box.

When it comes to communicating, men will often talk only if they believe they can reach a desirable outcome. But if they see no point to the conversation quickly, they get frustrated and disengage.

Many men find it easy to develop hobbies that consume their time. If a man finds something he is competent at and makes him feel good about his life, he will pursue it relentlessly. He may get emotionally attached to fixing, building, and maintaining projects. If he is good at gaming, research, computers, or fishing, that will become his focus. He knows by experience what he gets back from these activities is predictable and safe, which can be much more certain than the outcome of a conversation with his wife.

So, says Bill and Pam Farrel, basically men spend most of their time doing what they do best while they attempt to ignore the activities which may cause them to feel deficient. It is challenging for them to jump from one box to another quickly.

The same day I read this interesting phenomenon about men’s brains, I decided to try it out for myself. Dad and I were working on making a Vistaprint family calendar for you girls. We have done this in the past and often ended up frustrated with each other because pictures conjure up all kinds of memories for me, but Dad wants to stay with the job of choosing the pictures and keep away from the inevitable walk down memory lane.

That night we needed to go through lots of pictures, narrowing down to 12 of our favorites. Ordinarily, I would comment on many pictures, talking about the memories that came up. I would say something like, Oh……that picture reminds me of the incredibly strong storm that came up on the lake and it was so fierce that we were out of power for 18 hours and the next day was my birthday so we went out to breakfast and later walked along Lake Michigan and…… This time, however, I decided to stay on the task at hand with no small talk. It was quite amazing how much more smoothly the process went when I let Dad stay in one box and not expect him to hop from one to another. The process was almost seamless and we got the job finished in record time.

In stark contrast to the waffle model of men, women process life more like a plate of spaghetti. Looking at a plate of pasta you notice that there are lots of individual noodles that touch one another. If you tried to follow one noodle around the plate, you would intersect with many other noodles and who knows, you might even switch to another noodle without knowing it. That’s typically how women face life. Every thought and issue is connected to every other thought and issue even though it may be only in some remote way. Life is much more of a process for women than it is for men.

This is why women are so much better at multitasking than men. We can cook dinner, nurse the baby, instruct older children to quit fighting and get the table set while planning the next days’ activities. Because all our thoughts, emotions and convictions are connected we can move almost seamlessly from one piece of information to another and keep track of more activities than our husbands.

We consistently love to talk things through as we solve problems and as we do, we connect the logical, relational, emotional and spiritual aspects of the issue. Men, however, want to stay in one box at a time. Trying to jump boxes is tiring and confusing for them. Pam Farrel gives the following illustration of how women tend to sum up their day:

Joan gets home and says,

“Honey, how was your day? I had a good day today. We just committed to a new educational wing at the university, and I have been asked to oversee the budget. I am so excited that they didn’t rule me out because I am a woman. You know women have been fighting for a place in society for decades, and it is good to see so much progress being made. I think it is neat that you treat the women who work for you with so much respect. Our daughter is so lucky to have you for a dad. Did you remember that Susie has a soccer game tonight? I think it is important we are there because the Johnsons are going to be there and I really want you to meet them. Susie and Bethany are getting to be good friends, and I think we should get to know her parents as well.”

As Joan is talking on and on her husband is getting lost, frantically trying to jump from one box to another in his waffle way of thinking. He simply cannot understand what the budget at the university has to do with Susie’s soccer game and their need to have a new friendship with the Johnsons.

God certainly has a sense of humor when we look at men and women in the light of waffles and spaghetti. Of course He created us this way on purpose so we could complement one another. Life would be quite boring if we were the same, even though at times it sounds like a good idea. But I think He must occasionally be chuckling as He watches us learn about each other and strive to communicate. Frustrations mount and sometimes anger erupts when we just don’t understand our men and they don’t get us, but that’s why we have a lifetime to learn.

So… I will have to ponder better how to communicate with my husband. I can see already why it is so important to have women friends and daughters to talk with, then our noodles can overlap in conversation and it’s all good. So thankful you are my friends as well as daughters.

Love, Mom

One Minute Pause

January 30, 2020 / Shari Baar / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

It is a gnarly time to be a human being. And God cares about your humanity…

John Eldredge writes these words, and gnarly is a great descriptor of the era in which we live. Twisted, rough, crooked, distorted, dangerous, hazardous, precarious, insecure – all are definitions for the word gnarly. And some days more than others, I am tempted to feel those emotions.

The origin of gnarly apparently came from surfers’ slang, from the appearance of a rough sea, where most of the waves are starting to break. Although I have body surfed during my younger days in Southern California, I have never desired to go out on a stormy day and catch the big waves in the ocean.

Whenever tempests of life come, they often have to do with people in your sphere of influence or decisions which clamor for your attention. Because John Eldredge understands people so well and the pain which all our souls endure, he and his team at Ransomed Heart Ministries have put together an amazing little app (and it’s free) to be a sanctuary in the chaos, a sort of lifeline on a stormy day.

I’ve shared it with many people in the last few weeks, so thought I’d share it with you as well. The app is built around several simple practices, the first which is,

Benevolent detachment – based on the verse:

Cast all your cares upon God, for He cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7

I love the word benevolent – kind, compassionate, tenderhearted. It sounds warm and loving. Yet when benevolent is paired with the word detachment, they almost seem like opposites. Jesus wants us to love people of course, and to care about the circumstances surrounding them, but He also wants us to understand what our part is and not usurp His role in their lives.

If you look at the life of Jesus, it’s how he lived. He loved well but was never dependent on people’s opinions – negative or positive – he simply cared deeply but never entangled himself in order to coerce or control.

What do you need to let go of, to benevolently detach from?

Your children?

Your parents?

The text you just received?

Your expectations of the perfect life you had hoped would someday appear?

Your worries about finances?

Your husband?

Your planning for the future?

The number of likes you received from your latest social media post?

The frustrations of your job?

So often I have the crazy idea that I’m in control of my world, I must figure stuff out on my own, and it’s up to me to make it work. But this verse reminds me that I don’t have to carry that load, and there’s no way I can. Jesus has offered to bear it all, so why not let Him?

There are many instances when we simply cannot fix our own or others’ problems. We can’t change other people, it’s actually quite tough to bring change in our own lives. But we can direct them to seek God and His wisdom, surrendering ourselves and others to Him.

The second practice of the One-Minute Pause App is:

Union with God – We were created to be in union with God, just as Jesus is one with the Father. Every distraction in the world is bent on getting us away from God, tempting us to trust in our money, in people around us, in our status. Other folks are not to be our saviors or our idols; our money is not our security – any one of these we could lose tomorrow.

Bottom line, all of this Union with God boils down to trust.

Do you trust that God loves you, that He cares about every detail of your life?

Do you trust that He loves your family more than you do?

There have been times when I have not believed, when I have doubted, when I thought I knew better than God what I needed. I actually thought I could do a better job than He, and I lived for years never consulting Him about anything. Ann Voskamp calls it practical atheism.

But then tough stuff happened, my life was not unfolding as I had hoped or could even imagine and I had no choice but to cast my cares on Jesus. I had to give up on my own wisdom, my own strength. Falling into the arms of God is the best decision I have ever made. Union with God – it is a safe place, an abode of peace and security.

The third practice of the One Minute Pause is:

Praying the River of Life – In our life today there is much fear, anxiety, worries about our health, our safety, the threat of war, death, and the loss of human relationships. How we need to pray for the River of Life – because the river of death is so prevalent all around us – to wash over us, surround and envelope us in His Love.

I’m amazed to see how much more aware I’ve become of my incessant and continual need for God. After using the One Minute Pause for a few months, I have found a beautiful reprieve from thinking too much about the past, learning to find joy in the present and not worrying about the future. I have learned to tether my soul to Him and not be pulled to and fro like waves on the ocean.

If you desire an oasis in the middle of your morning or afternoon, give the One Minute Pause a try.

Change is a marathon won by a million baby steps. Ann Voskamp

Love, Mom

If you would like to download the app and give it a try, simply type into Google:

One Minute Pause App

The Holy But

January 8, 2020 / Shari Baar / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Once again Christmas is past, New Years has been celebrated and here we are in a new decade, with emotions ranging from anticipation to anxiety, fear to hope, wonder to boredom – depending on our circumstances in life. Along with many other folks this time of year, I have made some goals for the year/decade. One of the areas I would like to work on has to do with the words I speak.

Have you ever gotten home from being with someone or a group of people and rewound the conversation in your mind? Do you ever wish you could take back some words you have spoken and replaced them with better, kinder words? Yeah, me too – more often than I like.

I’ve been listening to myself as well as others and have noticed that many people live after the but. That is, the word “but.” If you listen carefully to others (or yourself) you will find out what they really believe after the but. It doesn’t matter what they say first, what they truly believe comes after the but. Someone may say,

I really like Charissa, but she’s kinda gossipy. She didn’t call me when she knew I was having a hard time.

Oh yes, Nathan is so funny, but did you know he had a temper tantrum after he didn’t get the deal he wanted?

Mara is so beautiful, but did you see the look she gave me when I mentioned where I shop?

I really like our pastor, but he never visited my mom when she was sick.

It’s good and healthy to express honest emotions, but most people live in the world after the but. It doesn’t matter what someone says, you’ll find out what they really believe if you listen to what comes after the but. We say things like:

I know God loves me, but I feel so abandoned.

I know God promised to provide for me, but I don’t really have what I need.

I know God promises me wisdom, but all I feel is confusion.

When we talk like that we live only in the present circumstance. The only hope we have is for a change in our feelings or in our current state of affairs. If we trust solely in our emotions or what is happening around us, we can easily fall into despair. Satan doesn’t care about our talking about God as long as we put Him before the but.

Dan Stone writes about something called The Holy But. It’s putting God after the but, where He belongs. When Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane, the night before he was killed, he prayed something like this (a paraphrase of Dan Stone).

Father, I don’t want to be separated from you. If it’s possible please let me out of it. In fact, this is so heavy on me right now that my soul feels very depressed…

…Yet

…nevertheless

…BUT

…not as I will but as You will.

Jesus was emotionally honest, he spoke freely about what he felt, how hard it was, how he was suffering, but he was willing to submit to His Father’s will.

King David, one of the main writers of the Psalms, was painfully honest with God. In Psalm 13 he laments:

How long, O Lord, will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?

How long shall I take counsel in my soul,

Having sorrow in my heart all the day?

How long will my enemy be exalted over me…. (verses 1-2)

Many of us think these things but would never dare say them out loud. David, however, not only spoke them but wrote them down for people to read thousands of years later. And the interesting thing is God doesn’t mind our honesty. In fact he desires it. But the fascinating part of this prayer of lament is the way David ends the Psalm,

But I trust in your unfailing love,

My heart rejoices in your salvation.

I will sing the Lord’s praise,

For He has been good to me. (verses 5-6)

That’s an example of the Holy But. Nothing had changed in David’s circumstances, but his perspective changed. It moved him from where he was stuck – in despair and sorrow – and into faith.

Even though your life may look hopeless at this moment, you can choose to remember how God has been faithful throughout your life. And if, as on those categorically hard days, you forget about the good things in your past, you can look to the stories in the Bible about how He always keeps His promises, always brings good out of evil, and promises to never, ever, no not ever abandon us.

Remember the stories of Abraham,

Jacob,

Joseph,

Daniel,

Ruth,

Esther,

Rahab,

and the list goes on….

The Holy But is able to change your situation from concentrating on the external issues in life to the internal – your spirit. You take all those emotions back to the Person dwelling in you and get God into it. Then you can experience peace even in the midst of the storm.

All fear is but the notion that God’s love ends ~ Ann Voskamp

Welcome this new year and consider letting God bless you in the days ahead by using the Holy But.

The year ahead looks daunting, but I know You are holding me with Your everlasting arms.

I feel like a loser today, but I know You love me anyway.

The world happenings are causing me fear, but I know You are still the King of the earth, King of me and I trust You.

Lord, life is going by so fast! It frightens me unless I remember your eternity. We are as rootless as tumbleweeds and will be blown about all our lives unless You are our dwelling place. In You we are home. What I have in You I can never lose and will have forever. I praise You for this unfathomable comfort. Amen. ~ Tim Keller

Love, Mom

A Gift of Rags

December 17, 2019 / Shari Baar / 4 Comments

Dear Daughters,

My friend, Ann, always makes me laugh. She is a storyteller extraordinaire, and somehow even sad stories end up funny when Ann is the narrator.

A few years ago in December, Ann prepared Christmas gifts for her and Ed’s employees, just as they do every Christmas. She carefully placed each employee’s bonus and gift inside brown paper bags. It is always Ed’s job to deliver the bags to the employees. Strangely, after distributing all the bags, he had one leftover. Ann knew she had the correct number of bags ready for Ed, so they were both curious and wondering how he ended up with an extra gift bag.

So, Ed decided to call each employee personally and ask if he had received his Christmas gift. Yes, the first guy received his, and the next and the next. Finally he called the last guy, and his response was

What did I ever do to offend you?

Ed and Ann’s daughter worked in a beauty salon and periodically brought hair-dye stained rags home to her dad because he could always find a use for them in the barn. Those rags were always brought home in a brown paper bag. Apparently, Ed had picked up that bag of rags with all the others and …. well, you can figure out the rest of the story.

Ann and I laughed as she told me the story, but on the way home I got thinking about the bags of rags we give to each other at different times.

About 15 years ago, you and your families were at our house for a Christmas celebration. As our tradition has been for many years, every person has to hunt for one of their presents. We are all given 10 clues and at the end of the search there is a gift to reward the searcher.

Well, this particular year I successfully got to the end of my 10 clues and for whatever reason, the gift spot was empty. Immediately the words came into my mind:

Yep, this is always your life. You try hard, work hard, but there will never be any prize for you….

I put on a happy face and tried to laugh about it but inside I was weeping, hurt and trying not to believe those ugly words in my head. I knew the empty spot was not left intentionally that way, but it was still empty and the words ricocheted through my mind.

To be fair, this happened during a year I was going through menopause, rejection from people I loved, and a chronic illness. But whatever your back story is, words and wounds in life – either perceived or actual – always hurt.

We have all received rag bags of ugly, stained words from those we love, and we have all given bags of rags to those we love.

I have given many rag bags to Dad over the years– words said in anger, frustration and sometimes bitterness. Bags like

You always forget my birthday (yes, a few times he did)

You have lists but you don’t ever do them (he does much of what is on his list but not always when I want him to do).

Some of the rag bags I have given to Dad have been deliberate, others have been unintentional.

And of course, it goes both ways. Dad has given me bags of rags as well, but since this blog comes from my perspective and not his I will refrain from speaking about those.

Because we live in a fallen world, offense comes often and it can be intense. We cannot predict or control what bags of rags we are given, but we are responsible for our reaction to them.

We can believe those thoughts and words that are spoken and creep into our mind – we are worthless, unlovable and a failure, that all our efforts are useless and wasted,

We can choose to believe we are loved by God, a chosen, beautiful child of God. When we fail, when we hurt, when we pray for better relationships we can believe He is for us and not against us. He is always working for our good. We can forgive and move on in our lives, knowing that Jesus always uses those hardships to make us stronger and more like Him. Tim Keller says it so well:

In some mysterious way, troubles and suffering refine us like gold and turn us, inwardly and spiritually, into something beautiful and great.

When Jesus came down to earth many centuries ago, He came directly into our rags of humanity. The Roman Empire at that time was corrupt, brutal, dark, inhumane and heartless. Interestingly, he didn’t start explaining the darkness and why it was there. He didn’t rail and condemn the Empire, He simply came into it (Immanuel – God with us) and showed us a way out. He presented us with new life, a better way to live, the way of love even in the face of unjust tyrants and religious hypocrites.

When you are given a bag of rags, invite Jesus into it. His specialty is making good come out of suffering, righting wrongs, making all things new, and above all – teaching us to trust Him. When we love freely, forgive abundantly, and give those bags of rags to Him, we will find joy, freedom and contentment.

The employee who received the bag of rags that long-ago Christmas? He still carries the offense around with him. He hasn’t come to see it as an accident or even a humorous error from his employer. Of course, his bag was replaced with the intended beautiful Christmas gift, but he still hangs on to the rags in his mind.

Remember, remember, you can always get rid of those bags of rags and trade them in for the Perfect gift.

Love, Mom

Branches and Trees

Page 8 of 20

A Grateful Life

The First Time

Four Anchors

Thanksgiving at the Table

Fly Away on a Goose?

CS Lewis on the Virus

Spaghetti and Waffles

One Minute Pause

The Holy But

A Gift of Rags

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