Tag: Abuse

Dear Daughters,

 I have some friends whose daughters, granddaughters, sons or themselves have been molested. I have listened to their stories of horror, have cried groaning tears with them and lamented the lifelong trauma that stays with those dear children even though decades have passed.  Because of this, I recently read the book What is A Girl Worth? by Rachael Denhollander.  Healing may come, the memories may fade, but the acts themselves are never forgotten.

Out of 230 rapes reported, only five are convicted and serve time in prison.  Many daughters and sons have suffered sexual abuse but have been dismissed because people didn’t believe them, or they grew weary of the uphill battle of conviction in legal courts.

When Rachael was 15 years old she was abused by the famous Dr. Larry Nassar.  Nassar, who was for 18 years the doctor of the USA women’s gymnastics team and a former osteopathic physician at Michigan State University, used his extensive medical knowledge and skill as a cover-up for his “treatment” of many young gymnasts over the period of decades.

While reading Rachael’s book, I was grieved at how much her mind was in fear wherever she was, always watching how near people were to her, thinking it must have been her fault that Dr. Nassar did what he did.  She suffered nightmares consistently.  Or was she just overacting?  He’s such a congenial nice guy, surely he cares about me, he always gives me compliments, is interested in how I’m doing at school…her thoughts wrestling with each other for years before she finally had a chance to press formal charges against him.  Her thoughts vacillated between his kind words and the reality of shame, plus facing the fact that he was world-renowned and loved by many.  Not until later did she realize that along with all his compliments and gregarious personality, he was grooming her for the assault he would perform, all the while chatting with Rachael and her mother as they were in the examination room together.

Interestingly, Rachael briefly speaks about the normal fight or flight reflex when abuse victims respond to danger, but she speaks of a third possible response which is freeze.

I know what freezing in fear is now. 

It’s when you’re so confused and ashamed and

horrified and scared that you just…shut down, because reality is incomprehensible.

While What is a Girl Worth? chronicles the years of fear and dismissal she received from various people in law enforcement, it’s also the story of two churches.  One church, while dealing with abuse allegations against its own staff members, demanded she write a statement of apology, stripped her husband of his leadership role, and criticized her abuse advocacy role.   As Rachael and her husband, Jacob, searched out a different church at which to worship, they were grateful because the people at their new church were supportive, providing child care, bringing meals and genuinely interested and encouraging Rachael in the uphill legal battle she was fighting. 

We would do well if we would consider the Bible when deciding who to uphold in a case such as the one Rachael fought – the side of the weak or the side of the strong and prestigious?  Throughout Scripture we read of how God upholds the cause of the frail and needy and brings rulers down from their thrones.  We read how He brings Rahab the prostitute and Ruth the foreigner into the genealogy of the Messiah.  Jesus stops to heal an old woman suffering from hemorrhaging, a group of lepers, a hated tax collector and a demon possessed young boy.  He rebukes his disciples for chasing little children away, and instead calls them near and blesses them.  Jesus chooses smelly fishermen to be his closest friends and reprimands the religious leaders of the day.  The theme is consistent through the Bible – God is for the underdog, the abused and the weak. 

One of Rachael’s friends Keith, previously her third-grade Sunday School teacher as well as a prosecuting attorney, told her:

Justice is God’s work, Rachael. 

And I’m going to pray with you that you see it ,

as completely as we can here on earth.

Being a lawyer, Rachael continued to build her case against Dr. Nassar, driving from her home in Kentucky to Michigan numerous times to file a police report in person and returning for many trial dates.  After the IndyStar firstpicked up the story she began receiving calls from many other women who had also been “treated” by Larry.  Following the story of her case with all its twists and turns, I can understand why so few abusers are brought to justice.  Rachael is a strong, brave and determined woman – who at the time of the court cases was also raising three small children under the age of five.  But as she says,

The more you love, the harder you fight.

She not only fought for herself, but for her daughters and the daughters of so many others who had been used by this man.  Rachael started the legalities in 2016 and finally, in 2018, Dr. Nassar was convicted after more than 150 women testified against him.  As one of the last women who testified about Larry in the courtroom stated,

Perhaps you have figured it out by now, little girls don’t stay little forever.

 They grow into strong women that return to destroy your world.

Rachael was the last witness to testify, reading her 40-minute letter to Larry, starting with the words:

How much is a little girl worth? 

How much is a young woman worth?….

Larry was sentenced to a minimum of 40 years in prison and up to 175 – he would never abuse another little girl again.

Rachael ends her book with these words of thanksgiving:

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond

All that we ask or imagine, according to the power that works within us,

 to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ

Jesus to all generations forever and ever.  Amen.

Ephesians 3:20-21

Don’t ever forget that God brings down the proud and lifts up the humble.

Love, Mom