Dear Daughters,
Once again, Ann Voskamp has written a book with such honesty, wisdom and vulnerability that I am in awe. In Waymaker, she begins by describing something similar to GPS (Global Positioning System) that all of us use every day of our lives.
Especially since we moved to Michigan 18 months ago, I have used my Maps app everywhere I went. I needed GPS to get me there, otherwise I would be lost in the haze of all the freeways (called expressways in MI) on ramps, off ramps and winding roads built to navigate around the beautiful Grand River which seems to turn up everywhere I go.
Anyway, Ann has penned what she calls the EPS (Expectational Positioning System). This is a term she uses when we become disappointed by our place in life. Maybe we were expecting our life to look different than it does – we expected our marriage, our physical body, our family and even how we would be loved to be different – and we are disappointed. We expected much better, that our children would always agree with our ideas and opinions, that our husbands would understand and love us even when we were rude and crabby… But as we have all learned, expectations can kill relationships.
When we have expectations for friendships, marriage or business partners, we will inevitably be disappointed. We are all flawed, selfish, subject to our own weaknesses and hurts, therefore our relationships will suffer when we expect what others cannot give. We have no idea what our acquaintances, friends or even spouses are struggling with – unnamed but nevertheless real hurts – so how can we not become disappointed?
In her simplicity, Ann says,
It’s when we expect life to be easy that it becomes hard.
We were never promised life would be easy and carefree. No one is happy all the time, free of worry or pain; we all have something in our bodies and minds that is suffering – not functioning just right. But it’s what we do with the suffering when it comes – and sometimes stays longer than we would like.
Suffering doesn’t mean you are cursed, suffering means you are human.
Ann shares several vulnerable stories from her own life and how her expectations have been shattered numerous times, the disappointment often leading to depression and anxiety. One of her counselors gave her this nugget of information:
Research has discovered some of the keys of happiness:
We are happiest when we are standing before some natural wonder such as the Grand Canyon. We are the happiest when we are in a deeply creative zone, what they call the flow.
You’re in the zone of happiness – only when you leave the zone of self.
It’s wildly counterintuitive, and even counter cultural, but true. It’s only when we believe we are truly loved by Jesus (a supernatural wonder) and fix our eyes on Him that we are able to give ourselves to another in trust. When we know that our Creator
Celebrates and sings because of you,
And He will refresh your life with His love,
Zephaniah 3:17
when we are confident in His love and care, then we don’t need to expect so much from the people around us. When we know our value and worth – that we are the beloved of Jesus – we can rest and be secure in whatever comes our way. Even when people harm us with words – intentionally or not – we can move on and not be crushed because we know our fundamental worth has not been diminished.
Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you.
I’ve called your name. You are mine.
When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you
When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down.
Isaiah 43:1-2
When we are consumed by thoughts of ourselves – wondering if we are pretty enough, smart enough, or desired enough by others, then we have lost the capacity to give ourselves freely to anyone. Ann encourages us to look to the Waymaker – our Creator – and rest in His love.
When she is fretting and anxious, her husband Darryl, whispers to her and asks,
What is the worst thing that can happen, Ann?
After decades of walking with Jesus by her side through all the waves of a lifetime, she now knows beyond the shadow of a doubt,
…you can be about bankrupted, shamed, walked out on, labeled, ghosted, slandered, diagnosed, abandoned, cut-off, humiliated, guilty, fired, vilified, charged, destroyed,
ruined, devastated, grieved, wrecked and left for dead in a million ways,
and this is the ocean floor, this is at its base:
when you are fully known and fully loved, nothing can still scare you.
I am known and begin to know how to say it out loud:
The worst-case scenario is that all the very worst things happen, and I am still loved.
If we choose to live with the EPS – expecting life will be hard – we will have the freedom to love without fear, resting safe and secure in Our Father’s love.
Love, Mom
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