Dear Daughters,
Over 20 years ago Biosphere 2 was built outside Tucson, Arizona. A vast, enclosed ecosystem of 3.14 acres, scientists set out to study Earth’s living systems in a controlled environment. Trees grown in Biosphere 2 grew quickly, more quickly than their counterparts out in the wild. The scientists were mystified though when the trees became thin and weak with underdeveloped root systems, many of them falling over before they reached maturity. Finally it was discovered that there was one element in Biosphere 2 that had not been included – wind.
When trees are in the wild they are subject to strong winds which are necessary to develop stress wood , strong fibrous wood that enables the tree to become stronger and vastly improves the quality of life for the tree. Without stress wood a tree can grow quickly but not sustain the weight that accompanies the height.
Joyce Meyer’s Wilderness Mentality #3, Please make everything easy, I can’t take it if it’s too hard, embodies this very idea. When the Israelites were taking their journey through the wilderness they deplored the difficulty of crossing the desert. They whined that everything was too hard, but God loved them enough to lead them through the desert the long hard way because He wanted them to grow up and mature.
The main questions the Israelites repeatedly asked were: Why, God, why? When, God, when? How, God, how? They wanted to know the why, the when and the how before they would trust Him, but as they learned, God didn’t answer all those questions, He simply asked them to trust and obey.
Your marriage right now may seem to be too hard and you would like this business of loving your husband to be a whole lot easier. But you know what happens when things get hard? You find out that you need God more than you thought, you find out that by yourself you cannot love the way you should. I know you have been hurt, offended, and sometimes it seems that your husband is driving you crazy with his annoying habits. Through all of these hardships God is trying to get you to spend more time with Him, lean into Him and receive more grace from Him.
It’s a struggle, a fight to not complain, not fall into the bitterness mode, but it is not too hard because God’s strength is always available. And you know what? The good thing is that through these difficult times in your marriage you are becoming stronger, more loving, more patient. You are also becoming the woman of God that you are meant to be. Our way in life becomes too hard only if we think it is too hard.
I love Paul’s reminder to us:” And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the appointed season we shall reap, if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9) I have had to read that verse many times, fighting to believe that God’s word is true and that we will reap what we sow.
True character is always shown in adversity. Anyone can be happy when things go their way, but the true test is seeing how we act when things are not going our way. Are we still able to trust God and do good in spite of how we are feeling? God wants us to be stable in all circumstances because that proves that we trust Him. Unfortunately we can only learn trust through trials and difficulties; times when we really need Him (which for me is every single day).
A few years ago Dad and I went through a difficult time in our relationship. (Even at 36 years of marriage they still happen). Initially I wanted to shut down, blame him and walk away. Then I remembered these letters I’m writing to you girls and figured I better take my own advice, forgive him, acknowledge my own sin and let it go. I had to fight for it but after a time I was able to say “Thank you God for allowing this to happen to us, and I thank you in advance for how you will use it to strengthen our relationship.” Let me tell you, it didn’t come without tears and agony, but those words did come and I thank God for the grace that enabled me to say them. Gratitude, not resentment, is the wisest response to these hard times.
One last interesting fact about trees: You may remember many years ago that our family visited the Sequoia National Park near Visalia, California – those huge trees that live for thousands of years, grow over 300 feet tall and are thick enough to drive a car through. Sequoias are amazing because they actually have shallow roots, only 10-13 feet deep, then spread outward horizontally up to 300 feet. Sequoias are able to stand firm by growing wide roots, then interlocking roots with other trees. They don’t compete with each other for resources, instead their huge root systems fuse together as they share resources. Their strength comes from supporting each other and standing together. What a beautiful picture of marriage that trees provide, the winds of struggle making us strong, roots interlocking and standing firm.
Love,
Mom
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