Musings on Marriage

Tag: Choose

Hummingbirds and Vultures

A few years ago my husband and I watched a mama cow in our front pasture who had recently given birth.  The little calf was laying in the green grass nearby the placenta which had recently released its occupant.  A few minutes after the birth, Larry saw these six vultures hovering around the pasture just waiting to gobble up their next meal, the mouth-watering placenta.

Larry Baar
Larry Baar

A little later we also saw a hummingbird fliting around some wildflowers, joyfully drinking some of the sweet juice it had found. 

These two memories recently resurfaced as I finished reading a chapter from the book Winning the War for your Mind by Craig Groeschel. He made an interesting comparison between vultures and hummingbirds.  When a vulture flies around what is it typically looking for?  It almost always looks for dead things.  Apparently, vultures can smell roadkill from over a mile away.  Vultures primarily focus on dead things, smashed, squished or rotting things – that is their specialty.

Hummingbirds, on the other hand, are attracted to sweet, life-giving nectar.  As they fly, their wings flapping 20 times per second, they are continually on the search for beautiful flowers and fragrant blossoms.  Hummingbirds focus on life and beauty.

What a difference in the goal of their hunts – one seeking death and the other looking for life.  Every day each bird finds what it’s looking for.

Craig uses these two feathered friends to illustrate the way each of us tend to preframe our perspectives during the day.  At the beginning of each day we typically have a mindset of what we expect during the day.  We can choose how to view something before it happens. 

It’s so easy to fall into the trap of pre-framing our day with the thoughts:

Today will be the same old same old stuff I face every day.  Same stuff, different day.  I’ll never be able to get done all I need to.  I’m overwhelmed.

 We expect and look for those things that bring us down, despairing and hopeless… the way of the vulture.

Larry Baar

Thankfully there’s another way to pre-frame our day even before we start.  With God’s help we can choose our frame for the day – looking for life-giving beauty, and offering thanks for His care.  If you know you’re in for a challenging day you could say to yourself:

Today I will experience God’s strength through my weakness.  He gives me everything I need for what I’m called to do.  Instead of a bad, busy day, I’m going to enjoy a good productive day.

There is not a moment in your life when God has forgotten or forsaken you.  He assures us, In the world you will have trouble, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.  We cannot control what happens to us, but we can choose how we will frame it.  We can see our circumstances through the lens of His mercy and grace, knowing our strength comes from Him. This is the way of the hummingbird.

It’s a beautiful thing to know we are loved and cared for by our Heavenly Father who has promised to carry our burdens.

It’s also empowering to know we have a choice:

To follow the way of the vulture or the way of the hummingbird.

Choosing Your Hard

Dear Daughters,

According to those who study the brain, the average adult makes around 35,000 conscious choices every day.  From the words we speak to the food we eat, the socks we wear, the number and direction of the steps we take, we’re always making choices.  Some of them seem trivial, others more consequential.  But as the proverbial snowflakes that continue to pile up hour after hour, every choice matters, and the end result is sometimes what we least expect.

You’ve probably heard this quote before, but I think it bears repeating:

Obesity is hard.  Staying fit is hard. 

Choose your hard.

Being in debt is hard.  Being financially disciplined is hard. 

Choose your hard.

Marriage is hard.  Divorce is hard. 

Choose your hard.

Communicating is hard.  Not communicating is hard.

            Choose your hard.

I think everyone who is alive and breathing agrees Life is Hard.  Even though our culture tries to assure us that what we buy, wear or eat will make us happy and life easy, by now most of us have figured out that stuff won’t ever bring joy.   

Life will never be easy. It will always be hard.  Even when we choose options which seem to be easy, they never are.   Taking the easy way isn’t the easy way.

I wonder if the simple choice of expecting hard things would make life more palatable.  Expectations of having an easy and carefree life simply sets us up for disappointment.  But if we see life as climbing a mountain, following our trusted mountaineering guide, knowing He will guide us and walk alongside us, we can expect hard and thrive, experience joy in the hard.  We are never told to navigate life on our own, it’s too much to bear. 

I love those statements above so I’ve decided to add a few other Choose Your Hard words of my own:

Going to work on time is hard.  Being fired is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Working on a team is hard.  Working alone is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Forgiving your enemies is hard.  Taking revenge is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Trusting Jesus is hard.  Trusting yourself is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Complaining is hard.  Being thankful is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Speaking words of kindness is hard.  Speaking words of bitterness is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Trusting people is hard.  Trusting no one is hard.

                Choose your hard.

Saying Yes is hard.  Saying No is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Remember that climbing a mountain metaphor with a trusted mountain guide I mentioned earlier?  It’s the only way I can wake up every day, put my feet on the floor and walk forward.  If I trust in my own judgment, in my own understanding and sight of the limited world I can see around me, I flounder.  This world is simply too complex for my little brain to figure out the best words to say or the wise choices to make.  I need a mountain guide on the sunny days when I think I can see every perspective correctly, I need a guide when it’s foggy and I can’t see a foot ahead of me.  I am unable to do life on my own.  Thankfully Jesus is more than willing to help me, walk beside me, encourage me, forgive me when I confess, lead me in to make the better choice – simply for the asking. 

As Avery Garns has spoken so well:

God is teaching me that I can be both thankful and frustrated, fractured and faithful. Maybe this place of in-between, of both/and, is the place where we find true hope and healing.

 Taking the easy way isn’t an easy way, it’s non-existent.   So choose your hard, choose wisely, trust Jesus and live in expectation of joy in the hard.

Love, Mom

Vultures and Hummingbirds

A few years ago my husband and I watched a mama cow in the front pasture who had recently given birth.  The little calf was laying in the green grass nearby the placenta which had recently released its occupant.  Just a few minutes after the birth, Larry saw these six vultures hovering around the pasture just waiting to gobble up their meal – the mouth-watering placenta.

Larry Baar
Larry Baar

A little later we also saw a hummingbird fliting around some wildflowers, joyfully drinking some of the sweet juice it had found. 

These two memories recently resurfaced as I finished reading a chapter from the book Winning the War for your Mind by Craig Groeschel, as he made the comparison between vultures and hummingbirds.  When a vulture flies around what is it looking for?  It always looks for dead things.  Apparently, vultures can smell roadkill from over a mile away.  Vultures primarily focus on dead things, smashed, squished or rotting – that is their specialty.

Hummingbirds, on the other hand, are attracted to sweet, life-giving nectar.  As they fly, their wings flapping 20 times per second, they are continually on the search for beautiful flowers and fragrant blossoms.  Hummingbirds focus on life and beauty.

What a difference in the goal of their hunts – one seeking out death and the other looking for life.  Every day each bird finds what they are looking for.

Craig uses these two feathered friends to illustrate the way each of us tend to preframe our perspectives during the day.  At the beginning of each day we typically have a mindset of what we expect during the day.  We can choose how to view something before it happens. 

It’s so easy to fall into the trap of preframing our day with the thoughts:

Today will be the same old same old stuff I face every day.  Same stuff, different day.  I’ll never be able to get done all I need to.  I’m overwhelmed.

 We expect and look for those things that bring us down, despairing and hopeless.  The way of the vulture.

Larry Baar

Thankfully there’s another way to preframe our day even before we get started.  With God’s help we can choose the frame for the day – looking for the life-giving beauty, giving thanks for His care.  If you know you’re in for a challenging day you could say to yourself:

Today I will experience God’s strength through my weakness.  He gives me everything I need for what I’m called to do.  Instead of a bad, busy day, I’m going to enjoy a good productive one.

There is not a moment in your life when God has forgotten or forsaken you.  He assures us, In the world you will have trouble, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.  We cannot control what happens to us, but we can choose how we will frame it.  We can see our circumstances through the lens of His mercy and grace, knowing our strength comes from Him. This is the way of the hummingbird.

It’s a beautiful thing to know we are loved and cared for by our Heavenly Father who has promised to carry our burdens.

It’s also empowering to know we have a choice:

To follow the way of the vulture or the way of the hummingbird.

Choose Your Hard

Dear Daughters,

According to those who study the brain, the average adult makes around 35,000 conscious choices every day.  From the words we speak to the food we eat, the socks we wear, the number and direction of the steps we take, we’re always making choices.  Some of them seem trivial, others more consequential.  But as the proverbial snowflakes that continue to pile up hour after hour, every choice matters, and the end result is sometimes what we least expect.

You may have heard this anonymous quote before, but I think it bears repeating:

Obesity is hard.  Staying fit is hard. 

Choose your hard.

Being in debt is hard.  Being financially disciplined is hard. 

Choose your hard.

Marriage is hard.  Divorce is hard. 

Choose your hard.

Communicating is hard.  Not communicating is hard.

  Choose your hard.

I think everyone who is alive and breathing agrees Life is Hard.  Even though our culture tries to assure us that what we buy, wear or eat will make us happy and our lives easy, by now most of us have figured out that stuff won’t ever bring lasting joy.   

Life will never be easy. It will always be hard.  Even when we choose options which seem to be easy, they never are.   Taking the easy way isn’t the easy way.

I wonder if the simple choice of expecting hard things would make life more palatable.  Expectations of having an easy and carefree life simply sets us up for disappointment.  But if instead we see life as climbing a mountain, following our trusted mountaineering guide, knowing He will guide and walk alongside us, we can expect hard circumstances and thrive, experience joy in the hard.  We are never told to navigate life on our own, it’s too much to bear. 

Because I appreciate the above Choose your Hard statements, I’ve decided to add a few of my own:

Going to work on time is hard.  Being fired is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Working on a team is hard.  Working alone is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Forgiving your enemies is hard.  Taking revenge is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Trusting Jesus is hard.  Trusting yourself is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Complaining is hard.  Being thankful is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Speaking words of kindness is hard.  Speaking words of bitterness is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Trusting people is hard.  Trusting no one is hard.

                Choose your hard.

Saying Yes is hard.  Saying No is hard.

            Choose your hard.

Remember that climbing a mountain metaphor with a trusted mountain guide I mentioned earlier?  It’s the only way I can wake up every day, put my feet on the floor and walk forward with joy and expectancy.  If I trust in my own judgment, in my own understanding of the limited world I can see around me, I flounder.  This world is simply too complex for my little brain to figure out the best words to say or the wise choices to make.  I need a mountain guide on the sunny days when I think I can see every perspective correctly, and I need a guide when it’s foggy and I can’t see a foot ahead of me.  I am unable to do life on my own.  Thankfully Jesus is more than willing to help me, walk beside me, encourage me, forgive me when I confess, lead me to make the better choice – simply for the asking. 

Kari Matthews

As Avery Garns has spoken so well:

God is teaching me that I can be both thankful and frustrated, fractured and faithful.

Maybe this place of in-between, of both/and, is the place where we find true hope and healing.

 Taking the easy way isn’t an easy way, it’s simply a non-existent delusion.   So choose your hard, choose wisely, trust Jesus and live in expectation of joy in the hard.

Love, Mom

© 2024 Branches and Trees

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑