Dear Daughters,

I used to dislike people who disagreed with me.  I would get upset when others, especially Dad, had a different opinion than mine.  I’d raise my voice, get a little (OK, maybe more than a little) emotional and sometimes was not a pleasant person.

Generally speaking, Dad and I have learned to work things out and have simply decided to agree to disagree on many topics.  But it has taken years to get to this point.

Earlier in our marriage, I perceived disagreement with another to be equated with dislike for the other.  I had not yet learned that people can be friends even if they have differing opinions.

It saddens me that our culture today has become known for our outrage against folks whose opinions are other than our own.  It seems that news is rarely objective anymore, but more of opinions and feelings than simply stating the facts.  It’s difficult to find people who can talk with others who disagree with them civilly, respectfully and thoughtfully.  As Ravi Zacharias writes:

How do you reach a generation that listens with its eyes and thinks with its feelings?

I’m all for expressing emotions – joyful or not so joyful.  But when our lives become completely about emotions, there’s a problem.  Too often I hear people expressing emotions, and those that make the headlines are almost exclusively negative emotions.

It seems that the trending emotion these days is outrage.  Because it can become so addictive it’s sometimes referred to as Outrage Porn.  People use their words as verbal flamethrowers. Every day we hear about someone blasting, slamming, fuming, shooting down, setting off furor, becoming livid, or simply offending another person or people group.

You can tune in to Right-leaning news and the world’s problems are all the fault of the Left.  And obviously the Left sees all the sins of the world lying at the feet of the Right.

Who wins when all the words and emotions fly?  Seemingly those with the biggest guns or the loudest mics.

For better or worse, communication methods are learned at home, in the family.  If the husband and wife don’t model gracious conversation skills how are children to learn?   So often we hear children parroting their parents or others of influence in the social media.  Sometimes those words are kind, other times they are harsh and belittling.

I will be the first to admit that I was not a good model for gracious disagreement when you girls were growing up.  If someone didn’t agree with me I often became harsh and judgmental.  I took a me versus them stance, becoming arrogant and annoying.

Our culture today is a mirror of how many families operate except on a much larger scale.  As those within families take a stance against those who don’t agree with them – mock, scorn and disdain them – so this is happening between ideological camps.

The author Alan Jacobs calls any people we don’t agree with, the Repugnant Cultural Other (RCO).   An RCO could be you or those who disagree with you, depending on your viewpoint.  For some the RCOs are Christians, for others they are Muslims, the Left, the Right, the refugee community or any other category in which we so quickly assign people.

Repugnant is an unusual word and I hadn’t heard it for a long time.  Its definition is: revolting, disgusting, repellent, foul, nasty, unacceptable, hostile – you get the idea.

An interesting observation that Jacobs makes is this:

People with different ideas are not repugnant monsters. 

They are persons who, given a slight tweak in circumstances, could be you.

Have you ever wondered what you would be like if you had been born in Iraq, Haiti, Nigeria or India?  I know that who I am and where I was born was decided by God, and neither you nor I can do anything about it.

So my question is

Who gave us the right to judge other human beings as repugnant, worthy of death, not worth our time, the scum of the earth? 

When we as children of God set ourselves up to label and condemn others we are doomed for disaster.  God says that all human beings are made in the image of God.  In practical terms this means every person is sacred.  Each person has been created by God for a reason and a purpose and He commands us to love them.

It is interesting that when Jesus walked this earth it was the RCOs who were attracted to him. The lepers, the prostitutes, the people who worked for the Romans, the people who were anti-Roman, the blue-collar workers, and the fearful-to-be-known as friends of Jesus.  Yet at the end of His life He became the Repugnant Cultural Other, repugnant enough to be killed.

What we so often forget is that Jesus calls us to walk as He walked.  To love as He loves.  In fact, he gave the most shocking command of all time.

Love your enemies and bless the ones who curse you; do what is beautiful to the one who hates you and pray for those who speak evil about you.

Our wisdom is seen in how we overlook offenses instead of rising up and lashing out, belittling or condemning those who have disagreed with or offended us.

Let’s start in our families, in our communities, in our daily interactions with others to listen, to discuss our differences in an arena of peace and acceptance.  Instead of taking up the boxing gloves, let’s exchange ideas as thinking human beings with commonality instead of simply attacking those who don’t agree with us.

A wise person once said:

Let’s Dance instead of Let’s Box.

Love, Mom