Musings on Marriage

Tag: Happy

Don’t Worry, Be Happy

Dear Daughters,

Some of you may remember the song Don’t Worry, Be Happy which won song of the year at the Grammy Awards in 1989.  It’s got a cool Caribbean beat, and Bobbie McFerrin sings a cappella about the wonderful freedom of being happy, not worrying about a thing.  Even when your bed is taken away, your rent is overdue, no cash, no style, no gal to make you smile, Bobbie tells us to have no worries… just be happy.

I loved that song and would sing along with it as we were living among the beautiful wheat and sunflower fields in Kansas – on my good days.  But on difficult days when I was struggling with raising you four girls and trying to navigate my place in a town far away from the city where I had become comfortable, the song would be of little help.

It’s great to sing happy songs on care-free days when all the world is setting right, but quite another feat to sing when we are worried about buying groceries and gas in a world of inflation.

According to the researchers who study worry, they found 70% – 80% of the thoughts running through the average person’s head at any given time, were based on events which have happened in the past or those events which may happen in the future.  This would include all of the woulda, shoulda  coulda accusations we run through on repeat in our heads for far too many of our days.  Thoughts about regrets, labeling ourselves as a problem or a nuisance, can overwhelm and often freeze us from what we need to do in the present.

Then there are those thoughts about the future: will we have enough money to buy gas and groceries this month?  What will this world be like for our children and grandchildren as they grow up in such divisive times?  Will my friends betray me, will my family disown me?  And then the famous FOMO – the fear of missing out .…and the list goes on.

But in contrast to all these worries, we find this wise advice which Jesus spoke several thousand years ago:

Don’t worry about missing out. 

You’ll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.

Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now,

and don’t get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow.

  God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up

when the time comes.                              

Matthew 6:34 (The Message)

So, what do we replace worry with?  We are told not to worry, but how?  I have found the best antidote to worry is worship.  God has continually promised that He will provide, He will never leave us nor forsake us, He loves us – all we need do is trust.  So, what could be better than singing – about God’s faithfulness, and His Holy Spirit who lives in us wherever we go?

Clouds

Remember the Israelites as they were fleeing from Egypt while Pharaoh and his army were in swift pursuit after them?  They were caught between the Red Sea in front of them and an angry bunch of warriors riding 600 chariots charging quickly behind, hoping to bring them back into the slavery they had just escaped.  The Israelites were panicking and fearful – they started railing against Moses, blaming him for leading them out, saying they would be better off as slaves, blah blah blah. Aren’t we often like that when things go wrong – we try to find someone else to blame?

Anyway, Moses spoke to the people and said,

Don’t be afraid. 

God will fight the battle for you.

And you?  You keep your mouths shut! 

Exodus 14:14 (The Message)

We know the rest of the story.  In a surprising military tactic, God had a strong east wind blow all night long and the Red Sea split open so the Israelites could walk right through it on dry ground. 

When they were safely on the other side they sang a rousing song of thanks, Moses’ sister Miriam leading the women with their tambourines in dancing and singing about their safety and victory over the Egyptians.  The words are recorded in Exodus and it must have been a beautiful sight to see every one singing and dancing for joy.  And since we have a Bible full of stories about God providing for His people through thousands of years, could we by faith sing songs and dance for victory before our prayers are answered?

How would it be if instead of worrying about the past or the future, we could worship God in the present – knowing for sure that our Heavenly Father cares for us, believing He is kind and in His time will bring justice and good answers to our many prayers? 

Bobbie McFerrin’s song is great advice, but I think we need to know why we don’t need to worry.  We can replace our worries with worship, knowing that the best is yet to come.  Then we can be joyful, content, and live in the present instead of the past or the future.

Love,

Mom

Nightbirde

Dear Daughters,

Have you ever heard of a bird who sings in the dark?  I recently watched Jane Marczewski (known as Nightbirde) on AGT and was blown away by her authenticity and joy even as she suffers so much as a young 30-year-old.  Jane is an amazing singer and songwriter – which is not an unusual vocation – but it is her story that is so rare.  Nightbirde has suffered more in her three decades of life than most people suffer in 70 years. 

Having been through three cancer treatments during the past few years (spine, liver and lungs) she expresses with raw emotions the pain she still suffers.  Her husband of four years left her, so she deals with abandonment along with a body not functioning well.

Jane chose the stage name Nightbirde because one morning around 3 am she heard some birds in the tree outside her window singing as if the sun were arriving, quite unusual for birds.  She then thought, If birds can sing in the dark, so can I.

 Here’s a few of her words:

I am God’s downstairs neighbor, banging on the ceiling with a broomstick. I show up at His door every day.

Sometimes with songs, sometimes with curses.

Sometimes apologies, gifts, questions, demands.

Sometimes I use my key under the mat to let myself in. Other times, I sulk outside until He opens the door to me Himself. 

I have called Him a cheat and a liar, and I meant it.

I have told Him I wanted to die, and I meant it.

Tears have become the only prayer I know. Prayers roll over my nostrils and drip down my forearms. They fall to the ground as I reach for Him. These are the prayers I repeat night and day; sunrise, sunset.

Call me bitter if you want to—that’s fair.

Count me among the angry, the cynical, the offended, the hardened.

 But count me also among the friends of God.

It’s not the mercy that I asked for, but it is mercy nonetheless. And I learn a new prayer: thank you. It’s a prayer I don’t mean yet, but will repeat until I do.

For I have seen Him in rare form. I have felt His exhale, laid in His shadow,

squinted to read the message He wrote for me in the grout: “I’m sad too.” 

I have heard it said that some people can’t see God because they won’t look low enough, and it’s true. Look lower. God is on the bathroom floor.

Allison Potoka

Yes, God is on the bathroom floor.  He inhabits our groaning, our temper tantrums, our questions and our tears.  He is sad with us, yet has promised to never leave us, even when others have.  He can handle our bitterness and our cynical words, He simply wants us to talk to Him.  He is Immanuel, God with us.

Love, Mom

You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy.  – Nightbirde

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