Branches and Trees

Musings on Marriage

Tag: Jesus

Holes in Buckets

June 29, 2024 / / 0 Comments

Has anyone ever disappointed you?

 Ever had anyone betray you, talk behind your back?

Has anybody ever broken a promise they made to you?

Most likely you have, because to be human means having issues with people.  I have done it to others; others have done it to me…and it hurts.

We humans are kind of like buckets with holes in them.  We fail, we say things we shouldn’t, we withhold words which should be said, we envy, get jealous – you know all the stuff. No matter how many compliments we may get, there will never be enough to fill our bucket, because they slip out the holes. We know our weakness, our guilt, our shame, and no other person can give us enough love and attention to keep our bucket full.

It’s normal for us to try and find another human who can keep our bucket full, but no one on this planet is capable of doing so. Many of us work hard to make ourselves look like we are full buckets, but inside we know how we constantly need the affirmation of others to keep believing that we are worthwhile.

Sometimes we marry someone who seems to be a bucket without holes and hope they can fill our always emptying bucket.  But inevitably their holes show up and they will not be able to fill our bucket which keeps being emptied.

There are some people I have known in the past who were so beautiful, put together – it seemed as if they had no holes in their bucket.  But then I got to know them – and they are fallible, full of holes just like everyone else.  They never tried to cover their holes, I just didn’t know them well enough to see them. 

Some people’s holes are obvious to the world, others are hidden to most but are certainly revealed some time or other.

For years I have tried to find someone without holes in their bucket, someone whom I could emulate, but there is no human on earth fitting that description.  There are no exceptions. 

I have always loved to hear positive comments about myself, and if I heard a criticism I would be hurt, wondering how they could have misinterpreted my actions or words.  But just like everyone else, my bucket is full of holes. 

I have found there is only one person whose bucket is always full and overflowing – and that is my friend, Jesus. He is trustworthy and true, loving me when I have failed, loving me when I have done well.  Yes, Jesus does convict me when I have acted in pride, when I have been selfish with my time, but I know there is no condemnation.  I simply need to confess what I have done, accept His always available forgiveness, and move on.

There is no greater comfort on earth than that of being always in conversation with my Savior. As CS Lewis said decades ago,

God made us, invented us as a man invents an engine.  A car is made to run on petrol, and it would not run properly on anything else.  Now God designed the human machine to run on Himself.

Because He has no holes in His bucket, He is the only Person we can turn to for strength, wisdom, forgiveness and never-ending love.  He will never force Himself on us, He is far too great of a gentleman for that.  But He is always waiting, watching and ready to come into our lives – simply for the asking.

So we have a choice: we can either try to continue living in our own strength, or surrender to Jesus and let Him become our strength, wisdom and continual source of a never-ending bucket of love who will never leave nor forsake you.

Kings and People

December 19, 2023 / / 2 Comments

When I was a little girl I went to Sunday School.  I loved learning about all the stories of the Bible, the heroes, and the amazing narratives – like Moses leading all those Israelis around in the wilderness, Abraham obeying God and moving far from home, David fighting the enemy Goliath, Jonah and the big fish, Peter, as he was always speaking good things – the people in the Bible always seemingly larger than life.

As I got older, I read the entire stories of these people, often surprised about how much they screwed up during their lives.  The versions I had been taught were sanitized, making the characters almost super-human.  Then I read the Bible for myself and found out a lot more about all these Bible characters, and they weren’t quite as squeaky clean as I had been taught.

 I learned that Moses had been a murderer and not wanting to do the job God gave him; Abraham lied, got his Egyptian servant pregnant at his wife Sarah’s request; David had way too many wives – and still had an affair with his friend’s wife, killing her husband as a coverup.  Jonah was racist and didn’t want to tell his enemies about God’s love so he took off in the opposite direction. 

Not one of those stories had stellar characters – they were all flawed and regular human beings.  But I found the real stories to be much more comforting than the sanitized versions, learning how incredibly patient God has been throughout thousands of years. 

This morning I was at the keyboard, playing for communion, when I heard the word Bittersweet in the song.  We’re singing about the goodness of God, along with the horrifying death our Savoir suffered. Why would He die for us weak and vile humans? 

The short answer is because He loves us, His creation.  It is absurd for anyone to die for the human race, considering all the atrocities we have committed, and yet He did.  Not only that, but he humbled Himself and came as a baby, living handicapped inside a human body for over three decades.

When I read about the life of Jesus in the Bible, He was perfect – so unlike every other character in the Book.  He was a King, yet He lived as a servant.  He has vast power above every king in history, yet He used his power only to cure the sick, heal the emotional scars of many, multiply food for thousands to eat, and calm some storms.  There is no other man in history who accomplished what He did during His short life. 

Glenn Packiam writes an insightful contrast between King Herod, (the reigning king at the time Jesus was born) and King Jesus:

“Herod clawed his way to power;

 Jesus emptied Himself of power.

Herod killed to protect his power;

Jesus died to save the powerless.

Herod’s reign results in weeping;

Jesus’ reign results in worship.”

Now, over 2,000 years later Herod is mostly forgotten but Jesus is still a household name.

My heart sings for joy at the marvelous story of Christmas, where the upside-down Kingdom reigns – where humble acts are mighty and compassion means strength.

Jesus came as a baby, but don’t let His size fool you.

Peace in the Storm

June 29, 2023 / / 0 Comments

As we were driving to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, enjoying the summer-time greenery of the pastures, these lines from Psalm 23 came to mind.  They come from a poem written thousands of years ago by King David, probably remembering his younger days as a shepherd caring for his father’s sheep.

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want

He makes me lie down in green pastures….

As you may remember, Jesus calls Himself the Good Shepherd, which means we are compared to sheep in a metaphorical sense.  Being equated to sheep is not necessarily a compliment because sheep are kinda stupid, they quickly stray, are dependent on others and easily frightened.

In order for sheep to lie down in peace they have need of a few important requirements.  The first one is freedom from fear.  Because sheep have a herd mentality, they are skittish and easily agitated.  If even a little jack-rabbit hops from behind a bush and one startled sheep runs in fright, it can cause the entire flock to bolt into a stampede –the rest not even looking to see what caused the ruckus. 

We too are easily carried away by fear if someone speaks terror or dread – whether it be true or false, real or imagined.  It’s so easy to run with the herd, getting caught up in a mob mentality, simply reacting to the running of those around us.

Life is hazardous, unpredictable; no one knows what fears and anxieties any moment will bring.  Usually it is the unexpected and unknown, or the fear of the unknown that throw us into a panic.  Often our first impulse is to run from the harsh complexities of life – just like the sheep.

But if we look up, we’ll see our Good Shepherd waiting for us to turn to Him, desiring that we rest and not run.  Admitting we cannot do life well on our own, he brings peace, calm and serenity – even in the midst of a terrible, horrible, no-good very bad day.

As I grow older, I am finally learning that no amount of worry, control or angst ever helped any problem I had.  It only caused fear and dread.  For years I tried to solve problems on my own, figure out and rely on my own wisdom, but rarely experienced the peace Jesus promised.

Why do we always think we can change people or control our circumstances?

Why is it so difficult to rest, to trust God to do his work in his time?

When will we ever give up and relinquish our ambitions to do God’s work for him?

Only when we choose to rest.

Another source of fear from which a shepherd delivers his sheep is rivalry, cruel competition and tension within the flock.  In the animal kingdom there is an established order of dominance, better known as a pecking order with chickens, a horning order with cattle, and a butting order among sheep. 

Usually a domineering, arrogant old ewe will be the boss of a flock.  She maintains her position by butting and driving other ewes or lambs away from the best grazing.  Then in turn they will use the same tactics of butting and shoving around those who are lower than they on the totem pole.

When there’s friction in the flock, the sheep cannot lie down in rest because they always have to be standing up to defend their rights and be on the lookout for safety.  They need to constantly be on alert, never able to let down their guard for fear of losing out on food and safety. 

But as past-shepherd Phillip Keller says,

…one point that always interested me very much was that whenever I came into view and my presence attracted their attention, the sheep quickly forgot their foolish rivalries and stopped their fighting.  The shepherd’s presence made all the difference in their behavior.

Somehow, when the guy in charge, on a much higher status than those rude sheep, comes on the scene, they forget the silly scuffling and struggle for status and lie down.  Contentment and peace within the flock ensues. 

How much that scene sounds like us humans.  We try to appear as if we have it all together, put on that toothy smile and strike a confident pose, yet still we feel the need to prove ourselves – to others as well as to us.  But when we keep our eyes on our Good Shepherd, we know we are on even ground with everyone else, that without the grace of God we would be lost – a ship without a rudder, the proverbial hamster on a wheel going round and round yet arriving nowhere.

When my eyes are on my Master, they are not on those around me.

This is the place of peace, says Keller.

Jesus is so kind, so merciful to make us lie down in green pastures.  On our own we would never do it because we’re too busy doing stuff.  It’s only when we lie down and rest, trust him for tomorrow, and give thanks for what he is doing today, that we are content being in the silence of his presence. I have laid in green pastures more than I would like, but looking back I see it was only in this quiet, surrendered, helpless pose that He was able to get my attention on Him and off myself.

Lie down, look at your Shepherd and be at rest.

Jesus, Friend of Women

February 14, 2023 / / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

I have been enjoying The Chosen and have watched with interest how Jesus responds to women.  I have read these stories in the Bible for years, but to actually see it on the screen has been so beautiful and affirming.

Jesus is introduced in the very first episode when He enters a neighborhood pub and finds Mary Magdalene at the bar, drunk.  She is the one who the Bible mentions as having seven demons.  He calls her by name – the name no one else knew – as she was running away, his words spoken so tenderly.

When a woman who had been bleeding for 12 years touched His garment as a mass of people were crowding around Him, Jesus turned and asked Who touched me?  When the woman came trembling at His feet, he gently called her daughter and spoke highly of her faith which had healed her. 

I’m not sure why it is so different and more powerful to watch scenes in live action on a movie screen as opposed to reading the stories in my Bible.  I know some people are able to read a story and immerse themselves as one of the characters – imagining what it must have been like to walk on a hot dusty road near Jerusalem in the year 30 A.D.  I am not able (or maybe have not been patient enough to imagine a scene) to visualize very well what it must have been like.

Later there is the little 12-year-old daughter of Jairus, a leader in the synagogue.  Jairus had asked Jesus to heal his dying daughter, but on the way was interrupted by the woman suffering from 12 years of hemorrhaging.  So, by the time Jesus arrived at Jairus’ house, his daughter was dead.  Yet, Jesus tenderly took her hand and brought her back to life. 

In a culture where women were considered to be property, and could not even give testimony in court – Jesus raised them to a beautifully high status, unheard of for women in the first century. 

Remember the Samaritan woman at the well?  When Jesus asked her to go back and bring her husband, she told him she didn’t have a husband.  Jesus simply agreed, replying

You are speaking the truth, you have had 5 husbands

and are now living with a man who is not your husband.

No condemnation, merely true facts.  This Samaritan woman – who any decent Jewish man would simply dismiss as untouchable – was treated with care and concern.  And it was to her, a woman, to whom Jesus first told in plain words that He was the Messiah.

Jesus gave women rights before women’s rights were even a thought.  He gave them a right to express their emotions, kneel before Him and learn from Him, as only Jewish men had in the past been allowed to do.

And then the most remarkable happening of all: After Jesus was raised from the dead, the first person who saw Him was Mary Magdalene – the woman who was previous a demoniac.  It was she who was told to quickly go and tell the other disciples – the first woman preacher!

If you have ever doubted you are valued and loved by Jesus, please know that is a lie.  His love is always available and free for the taking, it hasn’t changed a single iota since He lived on earth thousands of years ago.

There are many other stories about Jesus’ high opinion of women, and they are all surprisingly different to what we might imagine.  Jesus was a man offering healing, acceptance, peace and love to all who sought after Him. He loved them, but would not leave them in their sin. He called them up higher.

Love, Mom

The Chosen

May 18, 2021 / / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Several years ago a friend of mine posted a new TV series called The Chosen.  Again and again I would see his posts, commenting on how much he enjoyed it and encouraging others to watch.  I remember thinking to myself, I’ve seen several Jesus/Bible movies and have never been impressed with them.  Most of the characters looked like Americans, Jesus was always white and handsome, the plot lines seemed anemic and the dialogue stilted.  The Jesus in the movies never seemed real to me; he seemed other-worldly, not at all connected to his humanity.

So I never looked into it – until a month ago.  Recently, because another friend of mine was so enthusiastic about how she loved the series and had watched some episodes several times, I finally decided to give Season 1, Episode 1 a try.  It was titled

I Have Called You By Name. 

Completely different from any movie I’ve ever seen about Jesus, it opens with Mary Magdalene as a little girl, then as an adult wrestling with her demons.  It shows the every-day oppression of living under the Roman occupation, the hierarchy of the Jewish religious system, and the day to day grind of being a fisherman. 

As with any good movie, I had a lot of questions and wonderings about different scenes so of course I had to watch it again.  But the most amazing thing for me is the character of Jesus and how his humanity is portrayed – how he loves people in the red quarter, how he carves toys for the little children, how he celebrates with joy and dancing at the wedding feast of his friends.  The honesty and vulnerability of Jesus is refreshing.  He is not intimidated by the religious folk, the poor, the cynical or the Romans. 

On the other hand, the disciples are depicted as the self-centered, hard-to-get-along-with people they were.  Seeing the backstories of the characters helped me to see them as actual human beings who were deeply flawed, argumentative and obviously misunderstanding the entire mission of Jesus.  The apparent animosity between Peter the fisherman and Matthew who ruthlessly collected his taxes, was shown for what it was.  And yet, Jesus called them both to follow Him.  There were spats among the disciples – who was the greatest of them and arguments about how the whole traveling troupe should be managed.  There were biases toward classes of people and speculation about ideologies, mistrust of each other and definite opinions about life in general.  Peter, the guy who seemed the most opinionated of all, constantly gave Jesus helpful hints about how the ministry should be run.

I had never thought about Jesus continually traveling, setting up camp each night, preparing food, walking miles of dusty roads and constantly facing multitudes of people seeking healing, facing intense criticism from the religious folk and being entirely misinterpreted day after day by everyone around Him.

The official statement about the series: 

The Chosen is based on the true stories of the gospels of Jesus Christ.  Some locations and timelines have been combined or condensed.  Backstories and some characters and dialogue have been added.  However, all Biblical and Historical context and any artistic imagination are designed to support the truth and intention of the Scriptures.  The original names, locations and phrases have been transliterated into English for anything spoken.

The Chosen gets two thumbs up from me, and a huge thank you to my persistent friends for challenging me to watch the show.

Love, Mom

Jesus, Friend of Women

August 26, 2014 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

          Last time I wrote only about the Introduction of the book, Sacred Influence.  Changing me was such a new concept and very different to my way of thinking that it took (and still is taking) time and prayer to reverse that mindset.Sacred In

In Chapter 1 Gary Thomas starts by saying that husbands like to brag about their wives.  They may not say it to you, but they notice your strengths and are eager to tell others about your business acumen, social skills, intelligence, athletic ability, culinary talents – whatever it is that you do well.  But far more important than these skills is your spiritual core.  This is what will give you strength to be the godly change agent in your marriage.

Piano2

Did you know that the Bible speaks very highly of women?  In Genesis, right from the start, God created male and female so together we could mirror the image of God.  Either gender alone is unable to adequately represent His character and image.  Women are not simply told to cheer for the men, we are together given the mandate to rule, subdue, and manage this earth, which is a radical statement for any century and any culture in our world.

The next section in the chapter– Jesus, Friend of Women – was fascinating.  In Matthew 1, the genealogy of Jesus includes women: Rahab the prostitute, Ruth, Bathsheba (with whom King David committed adultery), and Mary the mother of Jesus.  In those days it was typically only men who were named in genealogies.  So the amazing thing is that not only did God include women, but that several women had less than stellar backgrounds.

In our culture we have the notion that it is necessary to tear down men to lift up women, but it is remarkable to realize how often the men who surrounded Jesus just didn’t get it while the women did.  Wherever He went He affirmed women when others disdained them.  One time Jesus was having dinner with a religious professional when a prostitute walked in and washed Jesus’ feet with her tears, drying them with her hair.  The man was appalled, but Jesus chided the man and praised the woman because she understood who Jesus was.   Another time a woman poured costly perfume all over Jesus’ head and the disciples grumbled that it was a waste, but Jesus said, “Leave her alone, she has done a beautiful thing to me.”  Then again when Jesus was hanging on the cross, only one out of the twelve male disciples came to watch, but “many women” dared to come and be with Jesus’ during His last suffering moments. Butterflies4

Perhaps the most incredible example of all is after He died and rose again. Who were the first to talk to the angels at the grave, and then later meet Jesus face to face?  Women.  In those days women’s testimony could not be heard in courts of law, only men’s were valid, but Jesus chose women to be the first to see him so they could go and tell the men!

With all of this said, Thomas says that we need to know and believe that we are valued and dearly loved by God himself.  So…if I truly believe that God deeply loves and respects me, then I can love and respect myself.Yellow (5)

For my entire life I have sung  “Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so…” but I think I never really believed it.  Certainly I knew that God made me and the world and all the people and creation, but I thought that I had to figure out this marriage thing on my own.  Looking back, I never realized how much God loved me.  I never really trusted Him in caring for Dad or all of you.  I thought I had to be the one who did all the molding and shaping (controlling).  It is quite freeing to rest in the fact that I am loved by God and my only job is to love and pray for those around me, not try to change them.  I also never realized how radical the Bible is in its treatment of women.  It’s our culture that has it wrong; God sees men and women as equal in value.  I pray that you will grow to know more and more that He cares intimately about every detail of your life ~ and that He can be trusted ~ even in your marriage.

I love I Corinthians 7:17: “And don’t be wishing you were someplace else.  Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there.  God, not your marital status, defines your life.”

 

  Love, Mom

 

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