Dear Daughters,
Have you ever noticed that there is a way things work?
When babies are little they love gravity. I remember you dropping small toys, food, spoons and a variety of other objects from your high chair and watching them with interest. They always fell down, never up.
When you are driving down an 8% grade you will be using your brakes….a lot. Even if you don’t believe in gravity, that’s the way it works. It’s a law of nature and it’s permanent. 
In math, 3 + 4 = 7; 7(3 + 11) = 98 and, of course, a million other equations are black and white. You may not like it, but they are facts and nothing will change it.
There are laws of physics. I took one semester of college physics which was plenty for me, but I did learn there are natural laws in the universe: the regularity of the ocean tides, the consistent orbits of all the planets. Earth is predictable as the sun comes up every morning, constellations and star clusters can be followed diligently and predictably. Once in awhile I become frustrated about the sun being so scheduled – sometimes I would like a day to last longer, sometimes shorter. 
photo by Kari Matthews
But, there is a way things work.
When mechanical engineers invent, design and fashion a machine, they send directives along to their customers, which they expect to be used. I have heard that engineers get quite annoyed when companies don’t use the apparatus according to the directions, then call and complain that something is wrong with the #*&!% machine.
There is a way things work
and if we don’t follow instructions we are destined for anger, irritation and frustration.
I have recently been revisiting a book I read over a decade ago, an old friend of mine: Victory Over the Darkness by Neil T. Anderson. Do you ever do that? Remember with affection the things you learned and the stories that were within the books you read long ago?
Well…lately I have been in the criticizing mode with Dad and the section that caught my attention was specifically how criticism is not advantageous to a good marriage.
Shocker.
Yes, I have known in my head for years that this is true, yet my mouth sometimes blurts words out that are hurtful, judgmental, and unfair.
I was reminded once again about how it’s not my job to change my husband. It’s so much easier to keep my eyes on Dad and see the faults that lie within, instead of keeping my eyes on Jesus and seeking to change myself, letting Him do the work that needs to be done in Dad.
Here is a verse that is not well known but should become so:
Who are you to judge the servant of another? To his own master he stands or falls; and stand he will, for the Lord is able to make him stand. Romans 14:4
In other words: Get out of the way so God can do his work. It is not my job to judge Dad’s character or the things he does. I have no idea (well, I have some) why he does the things that he does, but my opinions are not the important thing here.
I am not responsible for Dad’s character, nor he for mine. In fact, my only job is:
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind let each of you regard one another as more important than himself. Philippians 2:3
Now that’s hard to do.
We live in a narcissistic society, taught to look out for our own interests only. Our culture tells us that marriage is to make me happy. If my spouse doesn’t agree and try to make me happy, it’s time to find someone else.
Yes, we can choose to live like that but our marriage will certainly crumble and fail. That’s why the divorce rate is over 50% in our country.
There is a way things work.
On the other hand, God’s way (He is the Creator of marriage, you know) is to humble ourselves and meet the needs of our husbands while we look to God to meet our needs. As we do that He will shape and mold our character.
There is a way things work.
But that calls for getting our eyes off ourselves. We need to surrender to our Creator, just like the customers of the engineers need to surrender to the instructions that come with their machines.
Part of our instruction manual (The Bible) tells us that we have an enemy who is diabolically opposed to marriage. Satan is always out to divide and conquer. He hates love, he hates forgiveness and apologies and he hates you. Some of his major strategies are to cause hopelessness (this marriage will never get better), promote blame, and squelch apologies.
This world is not a playground, it is a battlefield.
We must be vigilant in our love, in our dependence on Jesus and in following the instruction manual He has given us.
Last week you and your families helped Dad and I celebrate our marriage of 40 years. Forty years of faithfulness, commitment, hurts, anger, sometimes being ready to bail and forget the vows, forgiveness, yet trusting that our mutual love for Jesus would carry us through.
You have seen the hardships we’ve experienced, the anger we have had with each other; you’ve also seen the joy, laughter and love that we have shared. Because our marriage started with vows to God and each other we were able to stay faithful even in the midst of tumultuous times.
There is a way things work,
and if both partners in a marriage live by God’s principles of love, putting our husbands’ needs before our own and trusting that God will do His good work in His time, marriages will not only last, but also point to and glorify God’s faithfulness.
I am so grateful that all of you have been faithful to your husbands in the good times and bad. I have listened to your heartbreaks and times of struggle – and there are many – but you have remained faithful and have chosen to do things God way, and for that I give thanks. Continue to fight the good fight of faith.
Love, Mom
Recent Comments