Musings on Marriage

Tag: Michigan

Farewell to Idaho

Dear Daughters,

            Once again I am in the middle of boxes, piles, decisions, and emotions.  Boxes of things to be thrown out or given away, piles of memories to be sorted through, decisions of what goes where, and emotions scattered all across the landscape. 

            After living for almost six years in the beautiful state of Idaho, learning to be caretakers for Grandma and Grandpa and sitting with them as they took their final breaths, we are almost packed up and ready to move back to Michigan.  It’s difficult to leave after finding new friends, renewing ties with so many relatives, and experiencing the many challenges connected with the end of the precious lives of my parents. 

            Even though we have moved over 10 times in our marriage, it never gets easier.  I have said hello and good-bye to more friends than I can remember, and every time there are tears of farewell, tears of remorse for what I have lost, a breaking heart for what could have been and wasn’t.

            I guess I could have chosen not to love.  Not to open my heart to new friends, new experiences, a different culture and landscape. But that alternative doesn’t look at all pleasant to me.  Because I dislike the grief of saying that dreaded word good-bye, perhaps I should simply say,

            God be with you till we meet again.

            As CS Lewis wrote many years ago:

            To love at all is to be vulnerable.  Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken.  If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal.  Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements.  Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness.  But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change.  It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.  To love is to be vulnerable.   

            So we leave with heavy hearts, joy-filled hearts, broken hearts and hearts full of anticipation to what God has in store for us in Michigan.  It will be lovely to live near all of you our daughters and families, while at the same time looking forward to friends we will  come to know and love as well.

            I am reminded of the beauty and struggle of faithfulness, highlighted in marriage, as we prepare to move.  Though Dad and I have had arguments during the process of this move – differing opinions of what stays what gets thrown away and what comes with us, we fought for love, for understanding and for grace – a battle not easily won, but so worth the fight.

            The rugged beauty of Idaho parallels my emotions throughout the years we’ve spent here.  There are dry dusty deserts, high beautiful mountains, lush fertile valleys, slow snaking rivers alongside brilliant cascading waterfalls, all typically accompanied by azure blue skies.

            There have been times I’ve felt dry and desolate as I watched Grandpa and Grandma fail and eventually breathe their last …

The mountaintop times of celebrating new friendships and then loss as I’ve watched those same friends move away…

Learning to trust God in the valleys, walking through previously uncharted territory when dealing with dementia in Grandma, becoming a mother figure to my own mom…

The simple pleasures of picking grapes, blackberries, apples, plums, cherries and roses all because of Grandpa’s vision of planting a small twig of a tree or a grapevine knowing someday it would yield a bountiful harvest…

Watching the careful pruning Grandpa would always do in his garden, knowing that old wild vines and overgrown trees would never grow beautiful fruit.  They had to be trimmed, the old limbs cut off till it sometimes looked as if they were hopelessly dead, yet in just a little while new green shoots and leaves would be flourishing…

So much to learn in this cycle of life, of living, growing and dying – yet, all the while knowing that Jesus is walking ahead of us, a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path, leading the way he has planned for us to go.

            God is good and His will is that we live responsibly today and trust Him for tomorrow.  It’s hard, it hurts, but I know it’s the only way that will bring joy.  So, to my dear friends I’m leaving in Idaho and have yet to meet in Michigan,

            May the road rise to meet you,

            May the wind be always at your back

            The sun shine warm upon your face

            The wind blow soft upon your fields.

            And until we meet again,

             May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

                                                (The Old Irish Blessing) 

Love, Mom

The Mystery of Rain

Dear Daughters,

It’s been a rather dry summer here in Michigan.  Many farmers in the area do not own pivots or other irrigation equipment because rain is typically predictably present in the summer.  If Western Michigan doesn’t get rain for about three weeks we consider it a minor drought.  And so it has been – very little rain, very short corn and disappointing harvests.

A few nights ago we received a 2-inch rain for which many people rejoiced.  Most of us don’t even water our lawns here, so everything was looking a bit brown and dry.  But after the rain our world suddenly turned green and lush – which is what Michigan is used to.  I listened to it fall gently outside the window as I lay in bed last night.

The rain brought to mind an article I read a few years ago by John Piper about an interesting verse in the book of Job:

He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted. 

 He bestows rain on the earth; He sends water upon the countryside.  Job 5:9-10

Rain?  Really?  I had never before considered that rain was a wonder and a miracle.

In the past I had experienced rain to be too much of a good thing.  Because I grew up in the much drier West,  rain – in my opinion –  often hindered planned activities like weddings, open houses, and picnics.

While living in Kansas we learned to measure rain not by inches or tenths, but by hundredths.  Most people dry farmed, so rain was the only moisture available for the crops and every hundredth was celebrated.

Anyway…have you ever considered rain to be a wonder and a miracle?  If not, read on……

Think of how it was in the Middle East thousands of years ago.  There were no irrigation pipes or pivots, plus the people were far from any lake or stream.  If the crops were to grow and the family to be fed, water would have to come from the sky.

So, how does water come out of the clear blue sky?  It would have to be carried from the Mediterranean Sea over several hundred miles, then be poured onto the field.  So how heavy is rain?  If one inch of rain falls over one square mile of farmland we are talking 206,300,160 gallons, which equates to 1,650,401,280 pounds of water (that’s over one billion pounds of water.)

Now how does more than 200 million gallons of water get up into the air to be transported?  Evaporation – when water quits being water for a while and rises up into clouds so it can come down as rain.

So it goes up, now how does it get down?  Condensation happens when the water starts becoming water again by gathering around little dust particles between .00001 and .0001 centimeters wide.  That’s really small.

Also, if you remember, the Mediterranean Sea is salt water, which would ruin the crops if it came down as salt rain.  So somehow the salt comes out of the evaporated water during that 300-mile journey where it gets dumped on the farm.

Now what would happen if a billion pounds of water just dumped onto the square mile farm?  All the wheat would be crushed and ruined.  So the rain comes down in tiny little droplets.  The drops need to be big enough not to evaporate as they fall the mile or so from the clouds, but small enough to keep from crushing the wheat.

Wow.

Now I understood why Job wrote that rain is a wonder and a miracle.

If our amazing God has made such a seemingly ordinary happening as rain to be a remarkable miracle, what love and creativity has he visited upon human beings – those He has fearfully and wonderfully fashioned in His image?  And if we as human beings are so complex and intricately created, how He must tenderly value relationships, marriage, and the keeping of vows between a man and a woman for life?

For several years I have been keeping a gratitude journal (thank you Ann Voskamp) but during the past few months I have neglected it.  As I pondered the wonder of rain, I pulled the journal out again to keep on recording those everyday miracles that happen every minute of the day.

The howling wind outside the window

The dazzling starry starry night as I take my walk down the darkened lane

The stunning beauty of candy stripe beets


The joy of being in Western Michigan for the summer

Moss on the rooftop

Visitors for afternoon tea

Sweet, sweet sleep

A sliver of a moon

The apple orchards across the street

Asparagus fields gone to seed

Ivy climbing up the trees

Lunch with my beautiful daughters

The indescribable patience of Jesus

Lovely hydrangeas

Mushrooms at the Pentwater Farm Market

Freshly mown hay

I have learned that if I don’t give thanks for the little things in my life, I will criticize.

If I don’t focus on what God has given, I will ponder upon what He has not given.

If I don’t go out every day and take a walk, searching for the beauty and wonder around me, I will find something to complain about.

Jim Elliot (the missionary who was murdered in Ecuador in 1956 at age 28) wrote with such wisdom:

A wife, if she is very generous, may allow that her husband lives up to perhaps eighty percent of her expectations.  There is always the other twenty percent that she would like to change, and she may chip away at it for the whole of their married life without reducing it by very much.  She may, on the other hand, simply decide to enjoy the eighty percent, and both of them will be happy.  Accept positively and actively, what is given.  Let thanksgiving be the habit of your life.

I encourage you, my daughters, to keep on giving thanks for the little things, the small everyday gifts in your life.  Lift your eyes to the beauty all around you, and consider the goodness of the Lord Jesus Christ and His immense compassion and artistry.  Give thanks, even in the hard to give thanks times, trusting that He will work out all things for your benefit.

And always give thanks for the rain.

Love, Mom


 

 

 

Boxes, Bins, Barrels and Totes

October 27, 2014

Dear Daughters,

Once again I am in the middle of stacks, piles, decisions, and emotions. Stacks of things to be thrown out or given away, piles of memories to be sorted through, decisions of what goes where, and emotions which are scattered all across the landscape.Road (2)

After living for 27 years in the beautiful state of Michigan, enjoying being near you and all your families, we are leaving to return to Idaho, as you know.  Though we are growing old, Grandpa and Grandma, both in their eighth decade, are growing older, and needing us to help care for them.

So we leave, with heavy hearts, joy-filled hearts, broken hearts and hearts full of anticipation to what God has in store for us.  Having only been caretakers for our children and grandchildren at the beginning of their lives, caring for parents near the culmination of their lives will be a new adventure.

Dad and I have been reading through the book The Spirituality of Caregiving by Henri Nouwen during the past week.  The opening thought of the book took me by surprise.  The word care finds its root in the word kara which means “to lament, to mourn, to participate in suffering, to share in pain.”  Even though we have done all those things at various times and in countless ways with  many of our family and loved ones in our lives already, this chapter will be totally different.SnakeRocky

I am reminded of the beauty of faithfulness, especially in marriage, as we prepare to move.  Though Dad and I have had struggles in our marriage we fought for love, for understanding and for grace – a battle not easily won, but so worth the fight.  Because we have learned to care for each other our bonds have become strong,  so we will be able to be a united front in caring for my parents, whose bonds have also become stronger over their 64 years together.  They too have been through hardships – the death of a son, physical limitations, and the everyday strains and pulls of life.

God only knows how long any of our lives will be, but as we continue learning to forgive, sharing in each other’s pain, trusting God to teach us His ways, we will become faithful as He is faithful.  We, as a family, have actually been caregivers, according to the definition above.  We have suffered with, we have lamented, we have mourned each other’s losses, we have shared our pain as a family.  So we have all learned to care.  I thank all of you for allowing us to lament, grieve, rejoice and share your pain.  We will continue to do so, yet now it will be from a distance.

As we prepare to leave we grieve, we mourn, we question why.  This weekend, as we spent our last time together as a family for many months, it was so hard.  It was wonderful to be with you all, to watch the little ones play, the older ones becoming so grown-up, the teasing, laughter and celebration with food.  But then came the good-byes….. for now.  My heart was breaking, tears streaming down our faces and I wondered “Are we doing the right thing?”  For many years I thought that doing the right thing would feel good.  But I have had to learn that doing right sometimes hurts.  Jesus obeyed his Father perfectly and it hurt him.  Can I expect any less?

God is good and His will is that we live responsibly today and trust Him for tomorrow.  It’s hard, it hurts, but I know it’s the only way that will bring joy.  So, my dear daughters,

 

            May the road rise to meet you,

            May the wind be always at your back

            The sun shine warm upon your face

            The wind blow soft upon your fields.

            And until we meet again,

            May God hold you in the palm of His hand.

(The Old Irish Blessing)

FallNMI

Love, Mom

           

 

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