Dear Daughters,
Back in my younger days I was shy, insecure, quiet and always remembered Abraham Lincoln’s quote:
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool,
than to speak and to remove all doubt.
Because I did not want to remove all doubt, I remained silent. I figured my thoughts were not important since there were so many other people talking – words, words were everywhere and I thought no additional words of mine were necessary. I rather enjoyed listening to people’s stories – sad, funny, weird and sometimes profound.
When I was in the third grade my teacher, Miss Vanyo, wrote on my report card:
Shari is an excellent follower, but will never be a leader.
I believed that statement for many years, so I looked for leaders I admired and followed them.
Then in my late teens, I found that I loved teaching children how to play the piano, direct choirs and any other thing having to do with music. One day it dawned on me that I was a leader, and I absolutely loved it. I didn’t need to live in the past, taking Miss Vanyo’s or Abe’s words as truth. My greatest gift and joy was leading, and when I discovered the voices of my past were not true, I was set free.
I have a friend who is an amazing woman. Theresa walks in confidence, teaches others how much Jesus loves them, how to live life abundantly, and she herself lives life with exuberant joy. She has encouraged and counseled me, modeling the life of a true follower of Jesus.
It wasn’t until I knew her for several years that I learned about her childhood and the horrendous abuse she suffered. I was astounded when she told me stories about how her parents treated her for years, and I genuinely wondered how she could live a life of joy after enduring such an oppressive childhood.
Of course, she had to go through a time of grieving all that happened to her during her growing up years, she had to forgive and depend on Jesus and His strength to let go of the past. She fought the raging battle in her mind between her parents’ words and the Word of God. After hearing derogatory comments about herself for most of her life, it was not easy going forward. But after learning she had been fed lies, she eagerly started speaking the truth about what God thinks of her: She is chosen, she is loved, the Holy Spirit has given her everything she needs to go and share the Good News with others who struggle with their past.
Remember the Israelites from thousands of years ago, who had to wander around the desert for 40 years – a journey that should have taken only 11 days? And why was that? It’s something Joyce Meyer calls Wilderness Mentalities, in her book Battlefield of the Mind. She has studied the Exodus Story and has come up with seven of these Mentalities.
Wilderness Mentality #1
My future is determined by my past and my present.
All the Israelites had ever known was bondage in Egypt. They had no positive vision for their lives. They only knew their history as slaves, living under harsh taskmasters, and could not fathom their lives being any different. The same is true for us. We know where we have been in our lives, the annoyances, the playback of past hurts, dashed dreams of the ideals we had for marriage. Our adversary often feeds us the lie
Your life will always be like this, nothing will ever change, don’t even try.
Anyway, back to the Israelites who grumbled and deplored their situation, accusing Moses and Aaron for their circumstances. The Israelites got free food falling from the sky every morning, their clothes and shoes never wore out, they constantly saw the cloud above leading them throughout the desert, yet still they complained. They were never thankful for how God miraculously provided – nothing was ever good enough, negative words all the time. They simply did not trust that God loved them enough to take care of them. It sounds all too familiar, so similar to our grumblings today. But instead of the believing the lie
Your life will always be like this, nothing will ever change, don’t even try,
Joyce encourages us to renew our minds and believe,
With God all things are possible. (Luke 18:27)
Asking for your life or marriage to flourish without God is like asking a rose to bloom without sunshine and water. Yes, we all lose heart in our lives now and then; it’s a battle to keep on loving, keep on forgiving. I remember several times just wanting to fly away, give up, call it quits. But instead, I made another meal, washed another load of clothes, prayed, asked the Holy Spirit for strength to love people when I could not.
Memories are hard to forget, especially memories of how people have offended you, embarrassed you, hurt you. Both you and I have been hurt by many people, but that doesn’t mean we have to give up on loving others. What has happened in our lives previously does not reflect what will happen in the future. It’s not too late and it isn’t too hard because with God all things are possible. He makes all things new if we simply allow Him to work through us.
You may think that you are too set in your ways to change and maintain good relationships, but remember – the only one you are responsible to change is yourself. Life is not necessarily about your happiness, but about you becoming more like Jesus. Then He will do the unexpected, as you trust Him for those quiet miracles.
Love, Mom
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