Musings on Marriage

Tag: Old

Old Songs, New Songs

Dear Daughters,

A few weeks ago, our worship leader started out the service by saying

Today we’re going to sing a lot of old favorites.

In my head I’m thinking

Old equals 200 years.

Obviously, she is a millennial because the songs we sang were all around 10 to 20 years old.  I chuckled to myself because the definition of old can mean different things to different people.

The songs were wonderful, well-done and worshipful, but I found it interesting that to some, old simply means a few decades.  To others, like myself, it means a few centuries.

That afternoon I got thinking about old songs and new songs.  I remembered last winter when Grandma was dying and in Hospice care. Hospice provides spiritual support, and we were blessed with a guitar-playing, boisterous singing chaplain.

Chaplain John came to the door on a snowy December day with his guitar in hand.  Being a musician myself I was elated that he obviously loved music as well.  When he came into the bedroom where Mom lay unconscious, he sat down, opened his guitar case and passed around song sheets, Christmas carols along with old yet well-loved hymns.

For the last several days before Grandma’s death, people had come in to say their good-byes, some singing, talking or praying quietly. A few weeks prior, Grandma herself one day started singing

Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so

Little ones to Him belong, they are weak but He is strong.

Yes, Jesus loves me. Yes, Jesus loves me.

Yes, Jesus loves me, the Bible tells me so.

I joined in, singing along with her.  I think she knew her time was short and was comforted by this simple but profound song.

 

Awhile back I was teaching piano in Michigan, and I had a twenty-something student starting out as a beginner. She had recently become a Christian and wanted to start learning to play on the piano some songs she had heard in church. She attended a contemporary-song-singing church and loved the songs that were used in worship.  One week she came to her lesson so excited about a beautiful new song she just learned last Sunday, Amazing Grace, and wondered if I could find the music for her.  (This was before the time of musicnotes.com).  She was surprised to hear that Amazing Grace was 250 years old, but it brought her great joy as she learned to play and sing it.

I started thinking about old songs and new songs the other day, and how the old songs seem to be fading away in many churches.  Then I wondered: when millennials become senior citizens and begin to die, what songs will their friends and family sing at their bedsides?

Thinking of some of the recent popular Christian songs I wondered how we could sing Oceans, My Lighthouse, Breathe, 10,000 Reasons, Break Every Chain at someone’s bedside, not having a worship band backing us up.

Now don’t get me wrong, I love these songs, I sing, play and listen to them often, but they are rather difficult to sing acapella or as a small group with only a guitar. I am a worship leader and love learning all the new songs, but the older I get the more I wonder if we are robbing our younger friends of those old, timeless hymns of the distant past.

There is something secure, bridging the generations, with the ageless hymns of our history.

I attended worship a few years ago in Chicago.  It was a mega-church, wonderful worship band on stage, and an outstanding message on faithfulness and commitment in marriage. The song immediately following the message was Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing, a hymn over 200 years old.  I was rather surprised at this choice because the rest of the service had been newer songs.  When we got to the fourth verse the words

Prone to wander, Lord I feel it, prone to leave the God I love

surprised me, not only because it fit so well with the message, but simply because it was a beautiful song.  The song begins with the words:

Come thou fount of every blessing, tune my heart to sing thy praise.

Tune my heart – what a beautiful word picture.  We tune guitars, pianos and other instruments all the time with hi-tech tuners, but tuning our hearts?  That’s a lot tougher to do because it takes time – thanksgiving, confession, and alone time with God – all those good quiet disciplines that we often neglect.

It’s much easier to tune our hearts to what’s wrong with our husband, what’s wrong with our kids, all the unfairness in the world, or how you have been wronged. I’m continually trying to tune my heart to count my blessings, to give thanks in all things, but it is hard work.  The battle of the mind is relentless.    Sometimes words come out of my mouth that I didn’t even realize were in my mind.  But they were probably in my heart.

I’ll continue to enjoy the new songs, but I hope we don’t abandon the old faithful sung-through-the-centuries songs that are remarkably up to date.  Maybe that’s because people struggle with the same emotions, the same sin, the same hearts that need a tune-up every day of our life.

Love, Mom

 

 

 

 

 

 

How Old Are You?

Dear Daughters,

How old are you?

A seemingly simple question, but lots of options for answers.  I could state the obvious – the number of years I have lived on this earth – or use it as springboard for something more.   The other day I heard it asked as an open-ended question, so I decided to answer it for myself.

I’m old enough to know I cannot change anyone but me.

I wish I would have learned this one decades ago.  For far too long I have tried to change people, which is, in effect, criticizing God’s creation – thinking that I know better than Him.  Sounds like some dangerous ground to tread upon.

In Galatians 5:23, the last fruit of the spirit listed is self-control.  It is not husband-control or child-control, but self-control.  The only person I can change is myself and that is more than enough to keep me busy for a life time.  I still struggle with changing only myself, and I can tell it will be a life long journey.

I’m old enough to know that the most valuable things in life cannot be seen with the eyes.

There were times when I have been envious of what others have –  homes, cars, jobs –  but I’ve learned that the most valuable things in life are not my income, my college degree, where I live, what I wear, but relationships, peace of mind, love of family, a good marriage, having a handful of close friends, knowing that God loves me.

I’m old enough to know that bitterness keeps me in a deep prison, but forgiveness sets me free.

I’ve tried the bitterness road, and it is a deadly dead end.  If I want to be miserable, I will continue to replay the hurts, scenes of rage, words of anger, and any other injuries committed toward me.  But if I desire freedom, I need to forgive – today, tomorrow, next week, the following year, and most likely for the rest of my life.

For me, forgiveness has not been a one-time deal, but a lifestyle.  After forgiving a person, and giving him to God, I become free and find that a huge burden has been lifted.

I’m old enough to know that self-centeredness ruins relationships.

Being a people watcher, observing relationships and what makes or breaks them, it doesn’t take long to see that selfishness is the prime destroyer of marriages, business relationships and friendships.  If I think the world is all about what makes me happy, I will become miserable and be the loser.  But….. if I care about others’ needs and seek to bring hope and encouragement to them, I will be surprised by joy.

I am old enough to know that God answers prayer.

He doesn’t always answer it the way I think is best.  Sometimes His answer is yes, sometimes it is no, and sometimes it is wait, but He always hears and answers.

I am old enough to know that 1 Corinthians 13 has the best definition of love in the world.

Love is patient

Love is kind

It does not boast, it is not proud

Love is not rude, self-seeking or easily angered

It keeps no record of wrongs

Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

…and Jesus Christ is the personification of Love.

Now I’m not saying I am able to love like this, but it has become my life’s goal.

I’m old enough to know that suffering is not something to be avoided.

I read the most interesting analogy of the good found in suffering the other day by Eleonore Stump in her book Wandering in Darkness:

Imagine aliens who somehow managed to tap into a video feed from earth, but all they could see was the hospital delivery room when I was being born.  And they watched as the doctors forcefully told my mom to do things that made her scream in pain.  And then when she could take no more, the doctors got out a knife and cut right into her stomach.  They took me out – blood everywhere – and even though my mom was reaching out for me and screaming for me, they immediately rushed me away from her.

What would the aliens think?  If all the aliens saw were the first few moments of life, they might think the doctors were utterly evil.  They might also conclude that bringing a child into this world is a terrible crime.  Only from a fuller perspective would they be able to see that the doctors actually cared for my mother extremely well, and in fact saved my life.  Only from a fuller perspective would they be able to understand why many of us are in fact grateful to our parents for having given us life.

Taking time to study the big picture of life – the celebrative, the suffering and everything in between – teaches me that I need all kinds of experiences on the spectrum of life to live my life to the fullest.

 

I’m old enough to know that God still works wonders and miracles today.

There are miracles of physical safety, like homes and people kept safe from wildfires, hurricanes and tornadoes. There are also the everyday miracles like a baby being born, the sun rising and setting, an eclipse, the wonder of beautiful, vibrant colors of autumn.

And then there are the miracles of people being transformed from selfish, mean, complaining, self-destructing and bitter, to caring, encouraging, loving and compassionate.  In the past few months I have heard stories from three close friends about how Jesus has transformed hearts – changing a sister, a mother and a husband.  As my friend Gail summed it up:

It is the biggest miracle on the face of this earth.

 I’m old enough to know that the unseen world is much more real than that which we  see with our eyes.

We struggle not against people, but against the spiritual world – the enemy of our soul.  This is no athletic contest that we’ll walk away from in a day or two.  It is a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.

I’m old enough to know that the sun still shines above the clouds.

Far too often on an emotionally cloudy day I forget many of the blessings that have happened in my little circle of life.  I am learning to remember that even though all I see may be dark, Jesus is still doing his work, slowly and faithfully.

I’m old enough to know that giving thanks is medicine for the soul.

Following the example of Ann Voskamp, I continue to write in my gratitude journal.  Every day I find it is as important as eating a diet of healthy food – writing line upon line those things in life for which I am grateful.  Even though it is something as simple as seeing a hummingbird or a rainbow, tickling a tiny tummy and hearing those baby giggles, or something as big as a wonderful night of sleep, I give thanks.   I am slowly learning to give thanks for the difficult struggles in life as well.

I’m old enough to know that God is good and his love endures forever.

And because of that I can face tomorrow without fear.

I hope you are a faster learner than I, and that it doesn’t take you over six decades to learn all these facts of life.  But remember that if it does, Jesus will still be patient with you as He has been with me.

Love, Mom

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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