Branches and Trees

Musings on Marriage

Tag: Prayer

Mary’s Middle Voice

December 21, 2022 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Have you ever pondered how it must have felt to be Mary when the angel came to her announcing that she was chosen to be the mother of the Jewish Messiah?  Her response to the angel Gabriel was quite amazing. 

In the book Praying Like Monks, Living Like Fools, Tyler Staton includes an enlightening chapter about Mary’s prayer when the angel visited her.

Most prayers we pray are able to fit into one of three categories.

1 – Active prayer: a prayer trying to get God to adopt our will.  There is a presumption that if we can crack the code or say the right words in the right order with the right amount of emotion – then He will hopefully become our cosmic genie.

2 – Passive prayer: trying to let God be, and let ourselves simply be.  We aren’t asking for anything and may be emptying ourselves of any desire to ask. 

But neither of these prayers are what God desires.  We can see the most remarkable prayer – what Eugene Peterson calls the Middle Voice – in Mary’s response to the angel Gabriel centuries ago.

Mary was a young teenage girl engaged to be married, probably counting down the weeks until the wedding.  She may have had a fairy-tale expectation for her upcoming marriage, as many young women do. She may have imagined how wonderful it will be to build a home with her future husband, Joseph.

 And then she is visited by Gabriel, announcing that she, a virgin, is carrying a child.  The Spirit of God has caused her to conceive and God Himself is the father.

For her whole life Mary had heard about the coming Messiah through the many prophets, wondering along with everyone else when He would arrive.  So, I’m sure she was amazed that God had finally chosen this time – her time – to send His child, and the fact that she would be the mother of the Messiah, playing an important part in the supporting cast of this amazing, centuries-long prophesied story. 

On the other hand, there are the devastating practicalities to go along with it.  Mary would have to tell Joseph she was pregnant with another’s child, and the father’s name is the Alpha and the Omega.  She knew she would have to endure the social stigma going along with her being pregnant before she was married.  How many people of her village would believe she was pregnant by the Holy Spirit? Would her family disown her?  Would Joseph believe these wild-sounding words?

With all these thoughts most likely racing through her mind she responds simply,

I am the Lord’s servant.

Let it be with me just as you say.

Mary’s prayer was one of total surrender and participation.  This prayer is the Middle Voice, in which God delights greatly.  It’s not pressing God for what she wants, and it’s not being passive – floating along life with no specific desires at all. 

When we pray in the Middle Voice, we are willing to participate in God’s plan.  It is the declaration that He is God and we are not, an acknowledgement of our place in the created order.  He is the author of our story, and we each have an important supporting role to play in this story.  Our fulfillment is walking in His plan, going where He says to go and doing what He says to do.  There is no greater joy than this.

The Middle Voice reminds me of the mighty Snake River in the West.  In my younger days I have tried to swim against the current, but it only brought me frustration and weariness.  I was not strong enough and it seemed like an exercise in futility.  When we continually try to create our own story and deny His, we can never truly rest because always anxiety and exhaustion are always hovering.

Yet when I swim in the direction of the current which is always moving, I am not anxious, but instead receive resilience.  I am moving along with God’s power and have become a part of His story so I don’t need to manufacture one of my own.  Walking in step with the Spirit brings freedom and joy like nothing else.  Yes, there will be challenges when we accept God’s call on our life, but we’ll never walk alone.  I agree with Tyler as he writes:

I want that too.  I want what I see in Mary.  I want to cooperate with God’s redemptive work in this broken world.  I want to swim with the current, speeding along effortlessly, paddling my arms and kicking my legs, but propelled on by a stronger current too.  I want to cooperate with God’s work in me, inviting His formation of my desires, thoughts, emotions and actions, all of them hopelessly disordered by the fallen image of which I am a part.  I want the Spirit of God to rework me from within, like an expert mechanic to a classic car, getting me running according to design. 

Accepting God’s will for our lives, also known as surrendering, means giving up control of our lives, but when we give control to our Creator, who knows us best and loves us more than anyone on earth, it’s got to be a good choice.

Love, Mom

A Busy God Box

October 5, 2021 / / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

A few weeks ago I wrote about the God Box – the act of physically casting our cares and worries on Jesus.  The idea is to get a little box and some small pieces of paper and write the names of the people or things you worry about on each piece.  Then one by one, place those worries in the God Box and leave them for Him to take care of.  But…if you start worrying about something listed on one of those papers, take it out and tell God you don’t trust Him with that specific person or situation and you will worry about it again – thank you very much. This is Craig Groeschel’s very practical idea from his book Winning the War in Your Mind.

Well, one of my dear friends who tends to worry more than she would like, actually decided to get a box and fill it with her worries.  I was so pleased to hear about it, but a few days later she texted some pictures lamenting that it had become a busy God box.  She would throw a name in but would soon find herself worrying about the very things and people she had just put in:

What about this?

What about that?

But what happens when…

So the lid came off, the paper came out, and the worrying would start again.  But, of course, that action in itself feels a bit silly because then it becomes blatantly obvious that our trust is waning.  So, the next step is to put the paper back in the box and give it back to God – where it belongs.

Out of the God Box, into the God Box.  Trust again.

Out of the Box, into the Box.  Trust some more.

It can get to be rather exhausting putting it in and taking it out, but our Father is so patient with us as we learn to trust over and over.

We have absolutely no control over anyone but ourself, no control over any circumstance which comes our way, but we do have control over how we will respond to whatever happens in our life.

When Jesus walked the earth, He repeatedly reminded us that He cares for the sparrows, the lilies of the field, all the creatures of the world.  If He cares for the grass of the field, which is here today and gone tomorrow, will He not care for you who is so much more important than the grass of the field or the birds of the air?  So why not cast your cares on Him?  Why not write down what keeps us awake at night, what consumes our thoughts with anxiety from the minute we wake up in the morning – and place it in the God Box? 

We were not created to carry the heavy yoke the world places on us or that we place on ourselves.  Only our Creator God is able to carry it all.

As Erma Bombeck says:

Worrying is like a rocking chair.  It gives you something to do, but doesn’t get you anywhere.

Sometimes it seems that our slips of paper in the God Box are turning yellow with age, but just when we think all is lost and God has forgotten us, the answer will come.  And never a moment too soon – or too late.  It may not be the answer we want, but it will inevitably be something greater than what we can imagine. Plus an added bonus – we will be able to live in peace.

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or imagine, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the Church and in Christ Jesus to all generations for ever and ever, AMEN. 

Ephesians 3:20-21

Love, Mom

Help, Thanks, Wow!

August 1, 2019 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

On Sunday my friend Shari, who spells her name the same as I, gave a children’s message at church.  The subject for the day was prayer.  Being a teacher for decades, she obviously knows and loves children well and is able to speak simply yet profoundly.  Shari taught the children there are basically three kinds of prayers. 

To be honest, I am amazed that God hears every person, knows every heart – all the emotions in every life – and actually cares about every single one.  And in a world containing over 7 billion people, that in itself blows my mind – but it is true.  And since He’s the one who created us in the first place, it makes sense that he would know us intimately and love us compassionately.

Borrowing some wise words from Ann Lamott, Shari taught the children about these three types of prayer:

Help

Thanks

Wow

Unfortunately, the prayer Help is probably the most common prayer of all.  It’s the basic cry of our heart.  Many of us try to live our lives on our own, thinking we are wise and knowing the best way to go about relationships, business decisions, and any other details we happen to come across.  Then, inevitably, our world takes a hit here or there or everywhere and we cry out Help. You have heard the proverbial fox-hole prayer, a prayer commonly heard from the trenches of war,

Lord, if you get me out of this mess, I’ll do what you want me to do.

So He does, but often we don’t. 

…Until the next problem comes up and we cry Help again.  And again, in His astonishing patience and faithfulness, he listens and helps again.  It reminds me of those Israelites in the wilderness, wandering around for 40 years, trying to do life on their own, grumbling when things aren’t to their liking, messing up in their words and deeds, asking for mercy, and amazingly receiving mercy from their and our Creator God. Yeah, it’s completely astounding.

I am not unlike the Israelites, having soul amnesia when it comes to God’s goodness, so I continue to cry Help in my times of need – which is typically every day, every hour, and often moment by moment.

Then there’s the second category of prayer,

Thanks

This type of prayer has become my favorite mainly because of reading Ann Voskamp’s book One Thousand Gifts about ten years ago.  Ann found joy out of despair, peace from fear, and learned to see life through a whole new lens – a lens of thanksgiving.  She learned that simply giving thanks for everything changed her whole perspective on life.

The act of giving thanks to God for the many gifts He has given us enlarges our life, creates joy in living, and bolsters the trust and faith we have in Him. 

Once, while in my own pit of anguish, I started a gratitude journal and began a search for beauty.  As a matter of survival, I started listing the gifts from God that were all around me, everywhere I looked – when I took time to look. Monarch butterflies, raging red sunsets, softly drizzling rain, sunshine yellow daffodils, brilliant red leaves, spotted ladybugs , the extraordinary variety of mushrooms, reading glasses, the veins in my hands, the ripples on our lake.  Eventually, I learned to give thanks for the hard times in life – gray hair, a move to another state, hot humid days, illness, watching my mother die.  When we give thanks, we begin to see circumstances as God sees them – little steps in developing our character, knowing and trusting that He does indeed work all things together for good.  Not that those things are good in themselves, but He uses them all for good. 

Giving thanks brings peace. 

Giving thanks brings joy… even in heartache.

The third type of prayer is Wow.

Wow prayers are when you see something in the world which is absolutely amazing.  Of course these could also fall into the category of Thanks, but the Wow prayers are even more astounding, spectacular and incredible.  They are the breathtaking sights and living creatures which take us by surprise, the unexpected beauty as we turn round the bend in a road, the exquisite, the gorgeous. 

Jesus loves it when we talk to him, make Him our best friend, surrender our lives to Him.  The best thing of all is that He’s available night and day, in bad weather and good, during our snarky times and during our joy-filled moments.

Help

Thanks

Wow

Those three simple words aptly summarize all of our conversations with God and I am grateful they are available all the time, eternally and forever.

Love, Mom  

Learning to Love

June 21, 2019 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

What is the most difficult thing in the world for you to do? 

Be patient with your kids?  Always speak kindly to your husband?  Exercise?  Give generously? Eat healthy?  Keep focused and on task?  Stay away from social media?

Last week I read Patricia Raybon’s I Told the Mountain to Move.  The hardest thing in the world for her was praying.  She only learned to pray, really pray, after she turned 50 years old.  Growing up in the colored Christian Methodist Episcopal church all her life, she knew how to shout Hallelujah and Thank you Jesus during the service.  She knew how to smile pretty and shriek and holler when the others did.  She loved all the stories about Jonah and the whale, Daniel in the lion’s den, Elijah and the raven, Jesus feeding the 5,000, but she figured God lived in church and in the Bible and when you got home you were on your own. 

Patricia was a journalism professor at the University of Colorado for years; she is smart, she is witty, but she confesses that she didn’t know how to love because she didn’t know how to pray.  But then some hard, serious stuff happened in her life and it became a necessity to pray.  It is then she learned that praying is simply talking with God, having a running conversation with Him throughout the day.  You just lean back in the moment and talk.  As Ms. Raybon says:

Prayer is like that.

If you know what you are doing, it is like that.

If you know the One you are talking to, it is like that.

If your motives are right, it is like that.

Two good friends, just talking.

Patricia writes candidly about her family.  Her mama, who she didn’t understand and often was misunderstood herself – mothers and daughters are sometimes like that.  Her husband, from whom she had grown apart, become annoyed with and often made snarky comments to – I can identify with that.  Her two daughters who had grown up, moved away and lived unlike their mother had taught them – yeah, it happens. 

There are times she even uses the word hate when it comes to relating to some people in her life and some races who had oppressed her own.

Duty – that’s how Patricia names it – is what she had given to both her immediate and extended family.  She thought it was love, but as she later realized it was barely affection, and to be honest, simply duty.  But when her husband faced a life-threatening surgery – a fistula on his spinal cord causing paralysis – she threw herself into the lap of God.  Her eyes were opened to the self-sufficient life she had been living, and she came boldly to her Lord, asking and opening herself up to his loving and eternal readiness to listen. 




We are allowed to read passages from her prayer journal, complete with hard honest questions, grave accusations and yet immense gratitude. Her entries remind me of King David’s writing in the Psalms – intense emotional laments, strong accusations and yet assurance that God cares, has been faithful in the past and will continue to be in the future. 

Was praying easy for her?  No, it was some of the hardest work she had ever done in her life, but she read, she studied – eager to learn from the pray-ers who have gone before us and left their writings for us to learn.  Sometimes her prayers were wordless groans, because words weren’t enough, they couldn’t express her soul’s longing and anguish.

Patricia explains that in spite of her own travail in praying for her husband who spent weeks in the hospital and months in rehab, she learned to love.  She reached out to others in the crowded waiting rooms, those who were suffering – the mother whose son had swallowed Drano as a way out from his drug addiction, the Fat Family who were loud, obnoxious and rude.  She loved them – I should say God gave her the heart and ability to love them.  On her own she wanted to wallow in her own weariness and despair, but when she reached out to others who were hurting like she was, she found out she could love people, even people who annoyed her.

Amazingly this love she learned through prayer became a way of life for her.  She learned to love her mama, her husband, and many others who she had previously only tolerated.  Her relationships became filled with grace, joy and beauty.  It took time, years actually, yet she has persevered and continues to pray boldly, always keeping her eyes focused on Jesus and the amazing way He has loved her.

We all have To-do lists, things we have to get done – some today, some tomorrow, some whenever. But Patricia started a new list and named it Give-to-God list. How wise and utterly freeing. Now if I can just remember, remember, remember to give my people, and all the details of my life to God. They are not mine to worry about, fret about, or even waste mental real estate thinking about.

So, I have started my Give-to-God list and it will continue to grow…

Many books I have previously read on prayer tend to deal with praying to get stuff and change people (including yourself of course) but Patricia plainly insists,

We don’t pray to get, we pray to love.

Thank you, Patricia.  Because of you I am continually learning to pray, and it is slowly changing me. 

God, help us all to be honest in our helplessness and hopeful in your Love.

Love, Mom

    A Trio of Weakness

    March 9, 2017 / / 2 Comments

    Dear Daughters,

    I had the most delightful morning… again.

    A few months ago I started praying for a friend near Hagerman, our little sleepy town of 867 here in Southern Idaho.  I did have a wonderful friend who lived down our lane, but back in October she moved away and I was missing that beautiful gift of friendship.

    So, through an interesting story of happenings I was introduced to Sue and Lori.  Both women are my age, with striking similarities.  Sue has recently been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and is weakening physically.  We met at Lori’s home, a ramp in front to accommodate her wheelchair since she is paralyzed from the waist down due to a car accident over 20 years ago.  And then there’s me struggling with the would-love-to-walk-a-half-mile chronic fatigue.

    Sue is a rancher’s wife and was used to helping her husband work with the cattle and calves, along with other energetic outdoor work.  She was strong, able to work on the ranch as well as run a dog grooming business.

    Lori used to make beautiful wooden signs plus creating many other items out of a simple piece of wood but now has no extra energy to be the artisan she was.

    I used to teach music to children K-12 and beyond, teaching many how to sing and play the piano, but no longer have the strength for that.

    When we arrived, Lori had hot water ready for tea so we gathered around the table and started chatting.  This was our third time together, so we briefly talked about physical struggles we were having personally.  The conversation turned to the current happenings on earth and we marveled over how all the prophecies of the Bible have and are coming true. Then we started looking forward to someday – when Jesus returns – the joy it will be to have new glorified bodies. Our moods heightened, speaking of that glorious day when our strength will be renewed; we will soar on wings like eagles, run without getting weary, and walk without fainting.

    Lori, Sue and I are the personification of weakness in the world’s eyes and we lamented a little that because of our physical infirmities we are sometimes misunderstood, causing frustration to some simply because we are no longer full of energy and able to do what we previously did.

    We talked about relational struggles in the here and now, plus the navigating that goes along with them.  Next came books we had read by C S Lewis, Derek Prince, and others we plan to read in the future.   We wrestled with ideas, opinions, facts – not necessarily agreeing on everything – and life in general.

    Finally, we prayed together, thanking God and interceding for our husbands, children and grandchildren, for the leaders of our country, for our churches and for the wisdom to know our places in the midst of this chapter of our lives that God has graciously given us.

    Too soon, two hours were gone and it was time to leave for lunch.  We said our goodbyes and agreed to meet same day, same time, next week.

    I came to Lori’s that morning tired, and a bit discouraged.  I left full of joy, with an expectation of good things to come, and encouraged that Jesus had heard my cry for friendship and answered so kindly. The synergy of talking honestly and vulnerably was energizing and made my heart sing.

    Even though I’ve only known these women for a month I feel like we are soul sisters.  Jesus seems to do that with people who are united in Him.  Lori and Sue have suffered much yet they are joyful and full of life,  though not of physical strength.

    The three of us agreed today that if we had not been blessed with physical weakness we would have never had the strength to be still, wait on God for his good plans,  or sit around a table hungering for more of Him and a willingness to do His work.

    How I pray that you too, my daughters, will trust God with your needs, desires, and experience how He works best in our weaknesses and complete dependence on Him, waiting patiently and expectantly for his good answers to whatever you may ask.

    Love, Mom

     

    Loving a Wounded Man

    November 3, 2014 / / 0 Comments

    Dear Daughters,

                There was once a family pet toy poodle that loved to chase cars. One afternoon she finally caught one and got injured.  Her owner ran out to the road to retrieve the dog, and that little poodle became a monster.  Frenzied with fear and pain, the dog kept biting her owner as he gathered her into his arms.  He had tried to help her, to bring her healing, but the pain so overwhelmed her that she bit the hands that were trying to nurture her. Sacred In

    Gary Thomas, author of Sacred Influence, tells this story because our husbands can be like that.  Every man has been wounded in some way – maybe you married a deeply wounded man.  Sometimes hurting men bite, and sometimes they bite the very hands that are trying to bring healing.  But we need to patiently pray for long-term change – nurturing him instead of resenting and condemning him.  We need to think of marriage as a marathon, not as a 100-yard dash.  Human beings are complex and it takes time for trust to be earned.

     

    Give your husband the benefit of the doubt.

    It’s so easy to stew over our husband’s relational shortcomings – “why won’t he talk to me, why doesn’t he seem to care?” But the fact may be that he is simply incompetent – he just honestly doesn’t know what you need, or what he’s supposed to do.

    There is a myth out there that if your husband really loves you, he’ll be able to read your mind and know exactly what to do to please you. But the fact is that we need to be direct in our speaking, in what we need (not just want).  Love is a commitment and a choice – not telepathy.

    Respect the position even when you disagree with the person.

    God calls wives to respect their husbands (Eph. 5:33) It doesn’t say for wives to respect perfect husbands, or even great husbands, it simply says to respect your husband. That’s been a big problem for me.  I’ve always thought that my opinion was the best opinion, and if Dad didn’t agree – well, the conversation was over.  I think I felt like he was rejecting me as a person when he didn’t agree with me, but I had to learn that he still loved me, he just didn’t agree with every opinion I had.  I needed to learn to respect him and his opinion even when it was different than mine.Flowers (4)

    Give him the same grace that God gives you.

    Because Jesus Christ has given us forgiveness and grace, He wants us to give the same to our husbands. It takes great spiritual maturity to offer grace, love, and mercy – giving the same benefits that we ourselves have received from God our Father.  Think back and remember how much God has done for you – he’s seen every wicked act you’ve ever committed, heard every bit of gossip you have passed on, noticed every ugly hateful thought you have had – and yet He still loves you.  And now comes the hard part – will we give our husbands what God has given us?OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

    Form your heart through prayer.

    Practice praying positive prayers for your husband. Find several things that he does really well and start thanking God for them.  Prayers of thankfulness literally form our soul.  One session of thankfulness is not nearly enough, it has to be done every day – steady and persistent.

    Drop unrealistic expectations.

    Your husband will not meet all your needs, only your Creator can do that.  Ruth Graham (Billy’s wife) said it this way.  “I pity the married couple who expect too much from one another.  It is a foolish woman who expects her husband to be to her what only Jesus Christ can be: always ready to forgive, totally understanding…tender and loving, anticipating every need.  Such expectations put a man under an impossible strain.” LittlePtSable2

    Whew! Lots of good things to do, but the most important of all is

    Forming your heart through prayer.

    We simply cannot love without God’s help, and we can’t change overnight.  God will give you the grace to do what he wants you to do today.  And then there will be a fresh batch of grace for you tomorrow.  Every day I pray for all of you my daughters, that your marriages will grow in love and trust more and more as we continue to learn how to love as Jesus loves.

    Love, Mom

     

     

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