Musings on Marriage

Tag: Promises

Girls Will Be Girls

Dear Daughters,

My friend, Julie, told me a story of when she was just 18 and married less than a year.

Julie was working in a dentist’s office – the dentist was in his 50’s, rotund and jovial.  Julie herself is quite a jokester, and they bantered back and forth daily as they worked.  One day Mr. Dentist told Julie he was in need of some physical satisfaction because his wife was not interested in him that way anymore.  So, he had what he considered to be a great deal:  If Julie would be willing to help him out in this minor way she would receive a beautiful new car as a gift, signifying his deep appreciation.

Now that could be quite a tempting deal for a teenager.  Lay down for a while each week with this fun-loving guy and receive a new car.  Sounds like it could be a win-win situation.

Women have historically been used and abused by men.  They have been considered a commodity to be consumed instead of a human being to be valued and cherished.

In all the high and low-profile cases we have read surrounding the #metoo (I hear that some are wearying of the reports) women have been coerced to give their bodies to someone who promises a job, a role, a promotion, a new car or a future permanent relationship.  I’m sure the temptations are fierce, the promises sound solid and the decisions difficult.

But we always need to remember that we have choices,

a choice to say no

a choice to say yes

a choice to leave

a choice to value our bodies, knowing they are sacred – a gift given to us by God.

The nakedness of sex is far more than physical.  It involves every area of our life – our emotions, our spirit and our intellect.  The effects of physical interaction with another have long-lasting significance because they affect the deepest part of our persons.

When a man asks for such favors without a lifetime commitment, it’s obvious he is putting his own desires and agenda above all else.  He’s thinking about himself and the pleasure he seeks.  There is a reason God’s original creation of sex is meant to be within marriage, between a man and a woman for a lifetime.  And – as in all the commands He gives – it’s because he loves us and wants the best for us.  He wants us to avoid heartache, betrayal, regret and guilt.  Instead we are sometimes tempted to think:

I can’t trust the heart of God, I need to take control myself

I need to arrange for my own happiness

I don’t like God’s story for me, I want to rewrite the story my way

Our society is proficient in beguiling us to believe that now is the most important time.  We are encouraged not to think about the future (think of those tempting credit cards in your wallet) or the past – keeping busy and distracted every moment of every day.

We are not at all encouraged to consider the outcome of our choices.  A new car certainly sounds exciting and wonderful, but there is a price to pay.  Whenever we give our bodies to others we are forever connected to them in our memories.

When Julie was offered the new car in exchange for Mr. Dentist’s gratification, she immediately said No.  She had not grown up in an ideal home – her mother had died when Julie was only twelve, and because of that trauma her dad turned to alcohol for comfort, neglecting and abusing the children left behind.  Yet because her mother had taught her right from wrong before she died, Julie knew that what Mr. Dentist asked for was wrong.  She had made a promise to say yes to her husband, which meant saying no to all other men.

Now I understand sexual assault is in a completely different category from Mr. Dentist’s request, and that some women are not given a choice, but when we are….may we choose wisely.


Sadly the next young woman, who was hired after Julie left the dentist office, was driving a new car shortly after her employment began.

There is an old Spanish proverb:

He who loves one woman has loved them all.

He who loves many has loved none.

I pray that we and your daughters will know and always remember that our bodies have intrinsic value which God has bestowed upon us, knowing we are fearfully and wonderfully made – choosing to use our bodies to honor him.

Love, Mom

 

North Michigan Cantata

ProsperDecember 8, 2008

Dear Daughters,

Last Sunday night our community choir sang its annual Christmas cantata here at Prosper Church.  It was beautiful and I must admit it was fabulous to be able to sing in the choir.  It’s the first time ever that I haven’t either directed or played the piano for a cantata and it was quite wonderful to simply sing.  Having strong men’s voices behind me was such a treat – the men at Prosper Church really love to sing, and many can read music!

The most memorable aspect of the evening, though, was watching Marjon in the front row.  She and Carl had been home for just 2 days after spending ten days in the University of Michigan hospital, and she was exhausted.  Carl, of course, was unable to attend the cantata, but there was Marjon.  On each side of her were two of their daughters, Carla and Alexandra on one, Erin and Maria the other.  During one of the songs Marjon started weeping, which caused the daughters (and me) to weep as well.  For a few minutes I wasn’t able to sing, I had to look away and pull myself together so I could finish the cantata.Pointsetias

 

What I have been reminded about this week is that marriage is not just about falling in love, but about commitment ~ keeping promises.  Watching Carl and Marjon during these past weeks has really shown me what true love is.  Marjon has cared for, fought and cried for her husband.  When Dad and I went to visit Carl at home, he told us about his concern for Marjon and the emotional toll it had taken on her.  It is simply amazing to see the love they have for each other.  They are outspoken about their trust in God and look to Him for daily strength as well as asking for healing, but more importantly that God’s will be done in the whole situation.

This story is much bigger than just Carl and Marjon, it is affecting many other people in the area.  All of our marriages touch countless people.  You may not know it but others are watching you.  If they see you struggling in your marriage yet continue to be faithful and work through difficult times, it often gives them hope and encouragement to keep on being faithful in their own marriage.

Faithfulness in any situation is a rare thing and a bright light in our world today.  When a husband and wife keep their wedding promises for months, years, and decades – people take notice.  Our society has made it far too easy to break promises, but when you stay faithful to your vows even though it’s not easy, it gives others hope.  We’ll never know the impact of our actions until we reach Heaven, but I know God is smiling when He sees faithfulness.

A few years ago I was flying home from Idaho and sitting next to a single guy.  We did the usual chit-chat and then he, noticing my wedding ring, asked how long I had been married.  When I replied “35 years” he was quite amazed.  Then came his next question “What two words would you say helped you stay in a marriage that long?”  After thinking a bit I said “Forgiveness and Promises.”LovelandPass

 

In light of seeing Carl and Marjon and their family’s love and promises kept, I thank you all my precious daughters for the love you have shown to Dad and I.  We pray for you and your families every day.  Even though our marriage has been through some tough times, I’m so glad that we kept our promises to each other, because we are now reaping the rewards of commitment that we promised so many years ago.

Love, MomJoy2

 

 

 

 

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