Musings on Marriage

Tag: Remember

The Gift of Simple

I have been reading the fascinating biography of Moses lately and it is quite amazing.  At the end of his life, as he is handing the mantle to Joshua, Moses gives some simple, concise commands.  Joshua has been Moses’ right-hand man for decades, so Joshua wasn’t completely unaware of the challenges before him, but let’s face it – it’s a huge job to take over the leadership of more than a million people in the middle of a desert.

What I found amazing was the simplicity of the instructions Moses gave to Joshua as he was getting ready to become the leader of the Israeli people.

            Be strong and courageous

            God goes with you

            God will never leave or forsake you

There were many unknowns for Joshua, just like there are many unknowns in our futures, yet these are the only instructions Moses gave him.  Later, after Moses died, God Himself gave Joshua some commands

Be strong and very courageous

I will never leave you nor forsake you

Be careful to obey me

Do not be afraid or discouraged

They look quite similar to the instructions from Moses to Joshua, don’t they? After reading and comparing the lists I got wondering if these would be good instructions for us as we live thousands of years later in a world full of uncertainty.

They are simple and concise, easy to remember when the day is light and all is well, but it may be a bit more difficult when darkness and distractions come into focus.  One of my friends has the simplest of all instructions when crushing anxiety shows up:

Trust God and breathe.

There is much in our world to become stressed about, but one thing is sure – worrying about it won’t change a thing.  We certainly can complain, grumble and be troubled about many details of life, but what will change? Absolutely nothing.

Have you ever heard the acronym ROI?  Yeah, me neither, but I recently learned it means: Return on your investments.  If you invest minutes, hours and days worrying about everything in your life, you will certainly receive a return on that – mainly anxiety, panic attacks and perhaps ulcers.  

But if you invest minutes, hours and days meditating on the goodness of God and His direction to….

Be strong and courageous

Not be afraid

Meditate on His love for you

Remember that God is for you and will take care of you,

Give thanks in all things, for this is God’s will for you

…then the (ROI) return on your investment will be peace, love and joy, all which come from Holy Spirit. 

I’d much rather have peace than anxiety, how about you?

You may want to start with this simple statement:

Jesus, I give everyone and everything to You

No matter what news I hear, no matter how disturbing the election results are,

I will not be afraid

The Rooster Crowed

Dear Daughters,

Remember the story of Peter, when Jesus was on trial?  A few hours earlier, Jesus had told Peter that he would betray Him, that he would claim distance and innocence from knowing the man sentenced to death.  Peter of course vehemently denied that such a thing could ever happen.  Even if everyone else ran away, he wouldn’t.  Not Peter. No, Peter would be true and faithful even unto death.

Yet, several hours later Peter did the very thing he vowed he’d never do – betray the man who had even predicted the number of times Peter would deny his Lord.

Not once, not twice, but three times he cursed and swore, saying he never knew the man.

And then the rooster crowed. 

Peter was devastated with despair when he realized he had just denied his Lord.  He heard the rooster crow and knew he had failed.  He was traumatized, thinking perhaps someone else – anyone else – could have said those words against Jesus, but certainly not him. 

And yet, he also saw mercy in the eyes of Jesus as the rooster crowed.  Peter wept bitterly but he didn’t give up on life itself.   

What does the rooster’s crow signify to you?

When I hear the rooster’s crow, I typically look at the sins of people around me.  It’s so much easier to point out theirs instead of my own.  But the Lord, when I ask, shows me my part in the dance of offenses in which I participate.  And when I confess that I too play a part in every problem, I know the forgiveness of Jesus is there immediately. 

Someone else may hear the rooster’s crow and feel extreme guilt and shame because of a memory being triggered from someone’s remark – snarky or simply in passing – but it catapults them into a pit of self-loathing and remembrances of past memories and similar failures.

Either way, pointing the finger at others or ourselves can become a severe detriment to receiving the freedom God desires for us.

I am continually amazed at the outrageous mercy of Jesus.  The extreme grace he showed to Peter as well as Judas the betrayer.  During the Last Supper, Jesus knelt down and washed all the disciples’ feet, including Peter – the one who later denied Jesus – and Judas, who Jesus knew would betray him within the hour.  I can hardly fathom the love and generosity of our Lord who would be a servant to those men, knowing exactly what each of them would do within a very short period of time.

Judas, eager to earn 30 pieces of silver, happily walked to the Pharisees to receive his payment – until he saw the consequences of his betrayal – the rooster’s crow for him. Then his guilt suddenly became so deep he saw no way out, and drowning in shame, he hung himself.

Peter, succumbing to peer pressure, spoke words he thought would never come out of his mouth – denying his teacher and friend. And then the rooster crowed. I’m sure both Peter and Judas felt like they were drowning in fear and consumed by shame.  One reached out and took hold of restoration and forgiveness; the other chose to condemn himself. 

 A thousand years before Jesus even walked on the earth, King David wrote about this undeserved forgiveness and freedom from condemnation, because he had experienced it after committing both adultery and murder. 

He does not treat us as our sins deserve, nor does He repay us according to our iniquities... As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:10

 Thank God we don’t get what we deserve, otherwise we’d all be dead. There’s always a second chance, a third, a fourth…His mercy never ends.

Next time you listen to that rooster’s accusation, remember – always remember, that’s not the end of the story.  The Son is rising and His forgiveness is a free gift to all.

We worship the God who turns tragedy into triumph

Sorrow into singing

Who turns brokenness into beauty

Death into Life.

            David Platt

Love, Mom

Remembering…

Dear Daughters,

Today I started cleaning out Grandma’s closet.  Shoes, black snow boots, her favorite fuzzy slippers, tee-shirts with musical notes embroidered, pants with elastic waistbands, a shoe stretcher, her fluffy pink bathrobe –so many of them causing me to remember when she wore them and what she did while wearing them.   Her lovely blue jacket when she played piano at recitals, and her old work clothes for gardening, walking shoes….

 

Almost three months have passed since Grandma has walked the halls of her home.  It’s lonely walking down the lane by myself.  When I play the piano I have no audience to listen, to clap when I’m finished playing a song, no accompanying whistler as I play.  I’m growing accustomed to life as it is now, but it is different.

I know Grandma is rejoicing in heaven and I’m celebrating with her, yet her memories will continue to be with me every day for the rest of my life.

How can someone forget their mom?

A few days ago, Mariah sent me a poem she had written about Grandma.

 

Remembering You

 I am nothing to you

Not now anyways 

 

For all you know

I am simply another person

Living somewhere

Out in the world

 

You used to remember 

Who I was

And where you were

 

You used to play 

Everyday

And whistle

As though it were

Your second language

You used to go on walks

And water the flowers

 

You used to be

So full of life

And energy

And happiness

 

But now

You’ve forgotten

How to talk to the birds

Your hands 

Have left the ivory cold

And the plants you watered

Are beginning to wilt

 

The road you once walked

Is now empty

Devoid of life

The doors you opened 

Are now closed

 

But no matter

Where you are

Or how you have changed us

I pray

That the birds won’t forget

Your songs

Your call

Nor the piano 

Your music

 

I pray

That the roads you have traveled

Will remember your journey

And the closed doors

Are never forgotten

 

But most of all 

That the people you met

Will never forget you

The legacy you left behind

The music you gave us

The memories you were a part of

 

So

Grandma

Thank you

For all you’ve given us

For all you’ve left behind

Thank you Grandma

Thank you

~ Mariah Potoka, age 14

 

Thanks, my dear granddaughter Mariah, for reminding me once again how important each one of our lives are.  Even though we may think of our life stories as insignificant, the decisions we make today will affect others tomorrow, next week, next year – and to generations beyond.

It’s not the big impressive things we do, but the thousand unremarkable steps we take every day that make a beautiful life.

Ann Voskamp calls it living a life of holy redundancy – showing up faithfully day after day in the seemingly little things. 

That’s what Grandma did.  She loved the same man for 66 years, walked down the lane and beyond with a plastic bag in hand picking up trash from the ditches.  She played and taught from her beloved piano for hours, bringing pleasure to herself and thousands of others.  Every day she would faithfully make meals for us – my favorite macaroni and cheese, and my gagging worst – liver with onions, which I would slip to the dog under the table.

I know some days you feel like walking away from responsibility, turning your back on those who have hurt you, who haven’t appreciated all your sacrifice and love.  But Jesus sees your heart and is there cheering you on.   He will never leave or forsake you and will give you the strength to carry on yet another hour and then another day ….

You have probably heard of the ripple effect.  Throw a small stone in a calm pond and watch the ripples expand incrementally to the very boundaries of that pool of water.  That’s what Grandma’s life did.  She lived quietly, unassumingly, simply, thankfully, and because of that her life has touched many people, including you and me, for which I am extremely grateful.

Your kindness, your choice to forgive, your obedience to God, your faithfulness and perseverance will also go out as ripples to many you may never meet –and  will be remembered far beyond today.

Live your one life well.

Love, Mom

Trust in the Lord and do good…. Psalm 37:3

Remember

Dear Daughters,

In the den we have a large Sun Remembrance Calendar to keep track of days filled with sunshine.  Grandma laments so quickly when we have just one gray day, so I decided to decorate the calendar with reminders of the sunny days. At the beginning of February there were several dismal, dreary days in a row and she continued to grieve the loss of the sun.  So now I direct her to the Calendar to see the many bright, filled-with-sunshine days that we have enjoyed.  She seems to be encouraged by the visual of all those yellow-sun-blue-sky days, even on those that are gloomy.Calendar

As I was finishing up yet another (16 days in a row) sunny day marking I started thinking about how quickly we forget the sunshine and faithfulness of God in our lives.  We receive abounding mercies every day that grace our lives, yet when a disappointment comes we cry out in surprise and hurt, thinking God doesn’t care.

I have recently finished a most excellent book on marriage entitled Love and War by John and Stasi Eldredge, a fitting title for marriage, don’t you think?  The Eldredges have been married for 30 years and have been on the brink of divorce several times.  Interestingly, they begin the book with the following two sentences: Marriage can be done.  And it is worth it.

LoveWar (2)             All of us who have been married experience surprise and shock when we discover how hard it is.  The feelings that lure us into marriage – romance, love, passion, sex, companionship – often seem far from the actual reality of married life.  I think most of us dreamed that our husbands would perpetually try to please us, constantly cheer us on when we have hard days and be that rock of stability we have always desired.

Dad and I went into marriage with no premarital course, no Engaged Encounter weekend. We simply discussed with our pastor how we wanted the wedding ceremony to be – and of course my main goal was lots of good music including The Hallelujah Chorus as we were exiting the ceremony in the beautiful month of May.  Because we were both Christians, we (and apparently everyone else) thought we’d sail through our marriage so smoothly.  But let me tell you I certainly wasn’t singing The Hallelujah Chorus when October came around.  Dad was so stubborn, selfish, and unbending in the most peculiar areas.  Of course, it took years for me to see the same things in myself.

In Chapter 1 of Love and War John and Stasi encourage us to remember what we originally longed for in marriage, the desire to be known and loved for who we are.  But who in the world actually knows who they are when they get married?

If only some older woman would have warned me what typically happens in marriage, saying something like this: “Listen, Shari – you’re a fine young woman and Larry is a wonderful guy but you are both deeply broken people.  All that brokenness will be coming to the surface as soon as you say `I do.’  Don’t be surprised, it happens to everyone.  It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong, but don’t ignore what surfaces.  God is going to use your marriage to bring up the issues in your life that He wants to address.  Each of you have devised a way of making life work and those ways will collide sooner rather than later.  Don’t run away from this stuff when things get difficult.  Get some help, read some books, talk to some older couples who have wisdom and vulnerability.  Above all don’t give up.  Marriage is worth the fight.”River (3)

I find it interesting that Adam and Eve, even though they had the perfect parent, made a mess of the lives they were given.  After they were finished with the initial blaming and hiding God came looking for them.  “Where are you?” (Genesis 3:9)  As they were running away, God pursued them and He continues to pursue us in our marriages today.  He wants us to remember the desire, the dream that we had when we first fell in love.  He understands the sorrow, pain and rejection that we have experienced in our marriages, and He offers life to us if we will invite Him into our relationship. My desire, decades ago, was that I could be known and yet still loved and valued.  I wanted to share my life, my joys and my sorrows with Dad because life can be hard, cruel and often dangerous.  I longed to go on an adventure with him, just like in the fairy tales I had loved as a child.

All those things have happened in the past 38 years, but not as soon and certainly not how I envisioned they would.  It took a lot longer than I ever dreamed because I had no idea how broken both Dad and I were.  There were times we lost heart, yet we both remembered what we had desired in our marriage and we continued to trust God to teach us, lead us, and give us His love for one another.  We certainly were not capable of loving each other on our own.CherryBlossom

As John Eldredge says “Asking for your marriage to flourish without God is like asking a tree to blossom without sunshine and water.”  But letting that Life into our marriage is like opening all the doors and windows of our house in the spring time and letting the Son shine in.  He brings real love, genuine companionship, joy, long suffering and a shared mission.

Remember, never forget those desires that were planted in your heart long ago, don’t lose heart, and trust God to make them come to life – in His time.

Love, Mom

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