Dear Daughters,
When we first get married there is usually a honeymoon time – a time when we’re thinking this marriage is going to be a Happily Ever After marriage. A time when we think that he will leave all his single lifestyle behavior behind and things will be different now that we’re married. Typically that honeymoon period doesn’t last too long. The excitement, romance and idyllic ideals wear off and the blunt truth of real life sets in. The normal response to this period of time is “What’s wrong with him, why doesn’t he try to make me happy?” In other words, “I would rather not take the responsibility for making a good marriage.”
I’m sorry to admit it, but those were precisely the thoughts I had early on in my marriage, which brings us directly to the second Wilderness Mentality that Joyce has gleaned from her study of the Israelites in the desert.
Somebody Else Needs to Take Responsibility
If you remember, the trip from Egypt to Canaan was only an 11 day trip, but it took the Israelites 40 years to make that short trip. The reason for that long, wandering journey was their poor attitudes. Amazingly, or maybe not so amazingly, we have the same attitude problems today. Human attitudes and behavior now are really no different than they were for the people living during ancient times.
In the desert, Moses did a lot for the Israelites. He did their praying, he did their repenting (interceding and struggling with God to save their very lives several times). They had been slaves in Egypt their entire lives so didn’t know how to walk as free men and women. Moses tried to teach them, but they just continued to whine, complain, and murmur whenever anything went wrong. It amazes me that even though the Israelites saw the 10 plagues before they left Egypt, witnessed the Red Sea split in two so they could go across on dry ground, watched the manna (free food) fall every day – still they became complainers and worriers anytime a problem came up.
You would think that they would remember that God had always provided for them in the past, so would thank Him in advance for how He would provide for them again. But no, they moaned and groaned, murmured and complained, wishing they were back in Egypt. Life was just too hard in this land of freedom.
Kinda sounds familiar, doesn’t it? Even though we see the faithfulness of God with the sun coming up every day, the beautiful seasons continually appearing each year, our abundance of food, clothing, jobs, and places to live, still we find things to complain about. And often they are so trivial – our husband doesn’t agree with us, he say things that offend us, we don’t have the stuff that others have, we think someone else’s spouse would be better for us than the one we have, and on and on and on. I am amazed how patient God is to put up with our lack of gratitude and trust.
The verse Philippians 2:14 is really a tough one for me. “Do everything without complaining or arguing.” Everything?? I looked but could find no exceptions in that verse. The word everything really covers it all. That includes letting go of the petty arguments, forgiving again and again and possibly again. Being the first one to apologize…..saying those difficult words I was wrong. The first time I said those three words in succession I almost choked on them, but with practice it has become a little easier. Practice, every day practice is what it has taken me – years and years of continual practice to change my attitude from one of finding fault to one of gratitude.
There are many things in life that can be delegated. Personal responsibility, however, is not one of those. You are the only one who can take responsibility for your attitudes and I’m the only one who can take responsibility for mine. I’m not saying it’s easy or sometimes even desirable, but God will bless your obedience.
Try to remember all that God has done in the past, His faithfulness, His provision, His care and His love for you. Then pass it on to your husband.
Love, Mom
I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.
3 John 4
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