Tag: Suffering

How Old Are You?

September 13, 2017 / Shari Baar / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

How old are you?

A seemingly simple question, but lots of options for answers. I could state the obvious – the number of years I have lived on this earth – or use it as springboard for something more. The other day I heard it asked as an open-ended question, so I decided to answer it for myself.

I’m old enough to know I cannot change anyone but me.

I wish I would have learned this one decades ago. For far too long I have tried to change people, which is, in effect, criticizing God’s creation – thinking that I know better than Him. Sounds like some dangerous ground to tread upon.

In Galatians 5:23, the last fruit of the spirit listed is self-control. It is not husband-control or child-control, but self-control. The only person I can change is myself and that is more than enough to keep me busy for a life time. I still struggle with changing only myself, and I can tell it will be a life long journey.

I’m old enough to know that the most valuable things in life cannot be seen with the eyes.

There were times when I have been envious of what others have – homes, cars, jobs – but I’ve learned that the most valuable things in life are not my income, my college degree, where I live, what I wear, but relationships, peace of mind, love of family, a good marriage, having a handful of close friends, knowing that God loves me.

I’m old enough to know that bitterness keeps me in a deep prison, but forgiveness sets me free.

I’ve tried the bitterness road, and it is a deadly dead end. If I want to be miserable, I will continue to replay the hurts, scenes of rage, words of anger, and any other injuries committed toward me. But if I desire freedom, I need to forgive – today, tomorrow, next week, the following year, and most likely for the rest of my life.

For me, forgiveness has not been a one-time deal, but a lifestyle. After forgiving a person, and giving him to God, I become free and find that a huge burden has been lifted.

I’m old enough to know that self-centeredness ruins relationships.

Being a people watcher, observing relationships and what makes or breaks them, it doesn’t take long to see that selfishness is the prime destroyer of marriages, business relationships and friendships. If I think the world is all about what makes me happy, I will become miserable and be the loser. But….. if I care about others’ needs and seek to bring hope and encouragement to them, I will be surprised by joy.

I am old enough to know that God answers prayer.

He doesn’t always answer it the way I think is best. Sometimes His answer is yes, sometimes it is no, and sometimes it is wait, but He always hears and answers.

I am old enough to know that 1 Corinthians 13 has the best definition of love in the world.

Love is patient

Love is kind

It does not boast, it is not proud

Love is not rude, self-seeking or easily angered

It keeps no record of wrongs

Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in the truth

Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.

…and Jesus Christ is the personification of Love.

Now I’m not saying I am able to love like this, but it has become my life’s goal.

I’m old enough to know that suffering is not something to be avoided.

I read the most interesting analogy of the good found in suffering the other day by Eleonore Stump in her book Wandering in Darkness:

Imagine aliens who somehow managed to tap into a video feed from earth, but all they could see was the hospital delivery room when I was being born. And they watched as the doctors forcefully told my mom to do things that made her scream in pain. And then when she could take no more, the doctors got out a knife and cut right into her stomach. They took me out – blood everywhere – and even though my mom was reaching out for me and screaming for me, they immediately rushed me away from her.

What would the aliens think? If all the aliens saw were the first few moments of life, they might think the doctors were utterly evil. They might also conclude that bringing a child into this world is a terrible crime. Only from a fuller perspective would they be able to see that the doctors actually cared for my mother extremely well, and in fact saved my life. Only from a fuller perspective would they be able to understand why many of us are in fact grateful to our parents for having given us life.

Taking time to study the big picture of life – the celebrative, the suffering and everything in between – teaches me that I need all kinds of experiences on the spectrum of life to live my life to the fullest.

I’m old enough to know that God still works wonders and miracles today.

There are miracles of physical safety, like homes and people kept safe from wildfires, hurricanes and tornadoes. There are also the everyday miracles like a baby being born, the sun rising and setting, an eclipse, the wonder of beautiful, vibrant colors of autumn.

And then there are the miracles of people being transformed from selfish, mean, complaining, self-destructing and bitter, to caring, encouraging, loving and compassionate. In the past few months I have heard stories from three close friends about how Jesus has transformed hearts – changing a sister, a mother and a husband. As my friend Gail summed it up:

It is the biggest miracle on the face of this earth.

I’m old enough to know that the unseen world is much more real than that which we see with our eyes.

We struggle not against people, but against the spiritual world – the enemy of our soul. This is no athletic contest that we’ll walk away from in a day or two. It is a life-or-death fight to the finish against the Devil and all his angels.

I’m old enough to know that the sun still shines above the clouds.

Far too often on an emotionally cloudy day I forget many of the blessings that have happened in my little circle of life. I am learning to remember that even though all I see may be dark, Jesus is still doing his work, slowly and faithfully.

I’m old enough to know that giving thanks is medicine for the soul.

Following the example of Ann Voskamp, I continue to write in my gratitude journal. Every day I find it is as important as eating a diet of healthy food – writing line upon line those things in life for which I am grateful. Even though it is something as simple as seeing a hummingbird or a rainbow, tickling a tiny tummy and hearing those baby giggles, or something as big as a wonderful night of sleep, I give thanks. I am slowly learning to give thanks for the difficult struggles in life as well.

I’m old enough to know that God is good and his love endures forever.

And because of that I can face tomorrow without fear.

I hope you are a faster learner than I, and that it doesn’t take you over six decades to learn all these facts of life. But remember that if it does, Jesus will still be patient with you as He has been with me.

Love, Mom

The Tea Cup Story

May 3, 2016 / Shari Baar / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

After I watched Charlene spin her projects on the potter’s wheel several weeks ago, I was reminded of a simple story I received via email a few years back. A dear friend sent it to me when I was at one of the lowest physical and emotional times of my life. It arrived shortly after I had to quit my teaching job mid-year because of illness and I was at home day after day, lying on the couch alone most of the time and lamenting my lot in life.

The questions raged in my head: Why wasn’t God healing me so I could teach? Didn’t He care about me anymore? Had He forgotten that I still existed, hanging by a thread? The verse `God grants sweet sleep to those He loves’ mocked me day after day as I was haunted with doubts and nights with little sleep. I had so many questions, but all I heard from God was silence.

The story from my friend goes like this:

There was a couple who used to go to England to shop in the beautiful antique stores. They both liked antiques and pottery and especially teacups. Spotting an exceptional cup they asked, “May we see that, we’ve never before seen a cup quite so beautiful.” As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the teacup spoke:

You don’t understand. I have not always been a teacup. There was a time when I was just a lump of red clay.

My master took me and rolled me, pounded and patted me over and over and I yelled out, `Don’t do that, I don’t like it, let me alone.’ But he only smiled and gently said, `Not yet.’

Then WHAM! I was placed on a spinning wheel and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. `Stop it, I’m getting so dizzy. I’m going to be sick,’ I screamed. But the master only nodded and said quietly, `Not yet.’

He spun me and poked and prodded and bent me out of shape to suit himself, and then…..and then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I yelled and knocked and pounded at the door. `Help! Get me out of here!’ I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as he shook his head from side to side. `Not yet.’

When I thought I couldn’t bear it another minute, the door opened. He carefully took me out and put me on the shelf, and I began to cool. Oh, that felt so good. `Ah, this is much better,’ I thought. But, after I cooled he picked me up and brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible, I thought I would gag. `Oh please, stop it, stop it!’ I cried. He only shook his head and said, `Not yet.’

Then suddenly he put me back into the oven. Only it was not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I knew I would just suffocate. I begged, I pleaded, I screamed. I cried. I was convinced I would never make it. I was ready to give up. Just then the door opened and he took me out and again placed me on the shelf where I cooled and waited and waited, wondering `What’s he going to do to me next?’ An hour later he handed me a mirror and said, `Look at yourself.’ And I did. I said, `That’s not me; that couldn’t be me. It’s beautiful, I’m beautiful!’

Quietly he spoke, `I want you to remember.’ Then he said, `I know it hurt to be rolled and pounded and patted, but had I just left you alone, you’d have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped you would have crumbled. I know it hurt and it was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn’t put you there you would have cracked. I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn’t done that, you never would have hardened. You would not have had any color in your life. If I hadn’t put you back in that second oven you wouldn’t have survived for long because the hardness would not have held. Now you are a finished product. Now you are what I had in mind when I first began with you.’

Somehow that little story brought me peace. I could maybe, possibly, believe that things would not always be this hard, life would get better.

I love to read stories, funny stories, fantasy stories, sad stories, real life stories. The Color of Grace by Bethany Williams is a real life story I read recently about the brokenness, agony and depression she survived after a painful divorce. After years of therapy, healing, and counseling, Bethany has become the founder of Exile International, a ministry devoted to former child soldiers and children orphaned by war in Africa.

The stories of these children are brutal, beyond my comprehension – rape, witnessing their families being murdered, sometimes being forced to do the dastardly deeds themselves. But the hope, the joy in eyes that were once dark with hopelessness, the dancing and laughter that is the result of new life they have received from Jesus Christ, is simply astounding. There is no longer bitterness or darkness. No blaming God for their lives of horror. In Bethany’s words;

…in witnessing their [the children’s] strength, I realized in our American quest for comfort, our resilience muscle has been weakened. In our desire to have things “quick and easy,” we have atrophied our ability to thrive and survive. So we now have quick, and we now have easy, but we have less strength to cope with life when it becomes difficult.

In our quest for comfort, we have weakened our ability to be uncomfortable. Funny how we think we are the strong ones. I have found the strong ones. I am surrounded by them.

My pain is real pain, your pain is real pain. But there is a certain beauty that comes from sitting close to and parking with our pain. When we run from it we fail to see what God is working through it. But if we embrace it, knowing that God is walking with us it can become a beautiful thing.

Every one of us has pain, whether it be a broken relationship, a broken body or a feeble mind, secrets we keep out of fear, grief over death. Whatever it is, know that your Heavenly Father catches your tears, weeps with you. He will not remove all pain, but he has promised to walk with us giving us his peace.

There are many days I would love to have physical healing, I have prayed for it for years. My dream is to be able to walk a mile. Apparently God has something better in mind for now, maybe to show His strength in my weakness. Whatever the case, I will trust Him to do what He deems best. I encourage you to trust Him with your pain as well.

Love, Mom

Trees

January 21, 2015 / Shari Baar / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Over 20 years ago Biosphere 2 was built outside Tucson, Arizona. A vast, enclosed ecosystem of 3.14 acres, scientists set out to study Earth’s living systems in a controlled environment. Trees grown in Biosphere 2 grew quickly, more quickly than their counterparts out in the wild. The scientists were mystified though when the trees became thin and weak with underdeveloped root systems, many of them falling over before they reached maturity. Finally it was discovered that there was one element in Biosphere 2 that had not been included – wind.

When trees are in the wild they are subject to strong winds which are necessary to develop stress wood , strong fibrous wood that enables the tree to become stronger and vastly improves the quality of life for the tree. Without stress wood a tree can grow quickly but not sustain the weight that accompanies the height.

Joyce Meyer’s Wilderness Mentality #3, Please make everything easy, I can’t take it if it’s too hard, embodies this very idea. When the Israelites were taking their journey through the wilderness they deplored the difficulty of crossing the desert. They whined that everything was too hard, but God loved them enough to lead them through the desert the long hard way because He wanted them to grow up and mature.

The main questions the Israelites repeatedly asked were: Why, God, why? When, God, when? How, God, how? They wanted to know the why, the when and the how before they would trust Him, but as they learned, God didn’t answer all those questions, He simply asked them to trust and obey.

Your marriage right now may seem to be too hard and you would like this business of loving your husband to be a whole lot easier. But you know what happens when things get hard? You find out that you need God more than you thought, you find out that by yourself you cannot love the way you should. I know you have been hurt, offended, and sometimes it seems that your husband is driving you crazy with his annoying habits. Through all of these hardships God is trying to get you to spend more time with Him, lean into Him and receive more grace from Him.

It’s a struggle, a fight to not complain, not fall into the bitterness mode, but it is not too hard because God’s strength is always available. And you know what? The good thing is that through these difficult times in your marriage you are becoming stronger, more loving, more patient. You are also becoming the woman of God that you are meant to be. Our way in life becomes too hard only if we think it is too hard.

I love Paul’s reminder to us:” And let us not lose heart and grow weary and faint in acting nobly and doing right, for in due time and at the appointed season we shall reap, if we do not give up.” (Galatians 6:9) I have had to read that verse many times, fighting to believe that God’s word is true and that we will reap what we sow.

True character is always shown in adversity. Anyone can be happy when things go their way, but the true test is seeing how we act when things are not going our way. Are we still able to trust God and do good in spite of how we are feeling? God wants us to be stable in all circumstances because that proves that we trust Him. Unfortunately we can only learn trust through trials and difficulties; times when we really need Him (which for me is every single day).

A few years ago Dad and I went through a difficult time in our relationship. (Even at 36 years of marriage they still happen). Initially I wanted to shut down, blame him and walk away. Then I remembered these letters I’m writing to you girls and figured I better take my own advice, forgive him, acknowledge my own sin and let it go. I had to fight for it but after a time I was able to say “Thank you God for allowing this to happen to us, and I thank you in advance for how you will use it to strengthen our relationship.” Let me tell you, it didn’t come without tears and agony, but those words did come and I thank God for the grace that enabled me to say them. Gratitude, not resentment, is the wisest response to these hard times.

One last interesting fact about trees: You may remember many years ago that our family visited the Sequoia National Park near Visalia, California – those huge trees that live for thousands of years, grow over 300 feet tall and are thick enough to drive a car through. Sequoias are amazing because they actually have shallow roots, only 10-13 feet deep, then spread outward horizontally up to 300 feet. Sequoias are able to stand firm by growing wide roots, then interlocking roots with other trees. They don’t compete with each other for resources, instead their huge root systems fuse together as they share resources. Their strength comes from supporting each other and standing together. What a beautiful picture of marriage that trees provide, the winds of struggle making us strong, roots interlocking and standing firm.

Love,

Mom

Tag: Suffering

How Old Are You?

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Trees

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