Dear Daughters,

Tonight, for the first time ever, Grandpa needed help to go to bed.  Just a month ago he was able to do the bedtime routine on his own but now he needs an oxygen machine to take his every breath.  Dad and I follow him down the hall, Dad pushing R2D2 and me carrying the tubing.  In the short time of a single day he forgot what to do next in getting ready for sleep.  The familiar words

What do I do next?

What do I do now?

What do I do?

echo back in my mind as Grandma would say the same phrases toward the end of her time here on earth.  The world seems to be a scary and confusing place right now for Grandpa, his words come out in a whisper when I ask him if he needs anything else.  His legs give out, he falls, we help him up – oh how difficult life is for him whose eyes have seen so many sunsets. 

My mind goes back to my young, strong dad – working in the barn, the fields, in his workshop – always working with his hands.  Then I think about my decades older dad when he still worked in his shop, pulled some weeds, drove his Gator around, picked apples, fell in the garden and simply rolled over and stood up again. 

Today Pastor Gary and Arie came to serve communion to Grandpa, Dad, Aunt Rhonda and I.  Gary is so thoughtful, remembering to bring a coffee cup with an attached lid containing grape juice since Grandpa’s tremors prevent him from using a small cup. 

I’m not sure I’ve ever celebrated a more precious communion. Here we were sitting with our Pastor, all of us encouraging, suffering and grieving with Grandpa who is so ready to be with his Savior.

Love, faithfulness, friendship, family and communion – especially near the end of life, there are no greater gifts given than these.

Everything is different now.  After I put him to bed last night I went back to my own bedroom and wept.  Tears of weariness, tears of sadness, of seeing a life slowing down and coming toward a close. 

Hospice is a beautiful group of friends, of people who love and care for Grandpa as much as we do.  They walk through the hard, sad times alongside us with joy.  I am grateful.

We are meant for eternity, and for eternity we shall live.  It’s just that the door to our heavenly place is uncharted territory and difficult to walk through.  But walk we will, and we trust Jesus to bring us all safely home in His time.

Love, Mom