Dear Daughters,

Once again Christmas is past, New Years has been celebrated and here we are in a new decade, with emotions ranging from anticipation to anxiety, fear to hope, wonder to boredom – depending on our circumstances in life.  Along with many other folks this time of year, I have made some goals for the year/decade.  One of the areas I would like to work on has to do with the words I speak. 

Have you ever gotten home from being with someone or a group of people and rewound the conversation in your mind?  Do you ever wish you could take back some words you have spoken and replaced them with better, kinder words?  Yeah, me too – more often than I like.

I’ve been listening to myself as well as others and have noticed that many people live after the but. That is, the word “but.”  If you listen carefully to others (or yourself) you will find out what they really believe after the but.  It doesn’t matter what they say first, what they truly believe comes after the but.  Someone may say,

I really like Charissa, but she’s kinda gossipy.  She didn’t call me when she knew I was having a hard time.

Oh yes, Nathan is so funny, but did you know he had a temper tantrum after he didn’t get the deal he wanted?

Mara is so beautiful, but did you see the look she gave me when I mentioned where I shop?

I really like our pastor, but he never visited my mom when she was sick.

It’s good and healthy to express honest emotions, but most people live in the world after the but.  It doesn’t matter what someone says, you’ll find out what they really believe if you listen to what comes after the but.  We say things like:

I know God loves me, but I feel so abandoned.

I know God promised to provide for me, but I don’t really have what I need.

I know God promises me wisdom, but all I feel is confusion.

When we talk like that we live only in the present circumstance.  The only hope we have is for a change in our feelings or in our current state of affairs.  If we trust solely in our emotions or what is happening around us, we can easily fall into despair.  Satan doesn’t care about our talking about God as long as we put Him before the but.

Dan Stone writes about something called The Holy But.  It’s putting God after the but, where He belongs.  When Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane, the night before he was killed, he prayed something like this (a paraphrase of Dan Stone).

Father, I don’t want to be separated from you.  If it’s possible please let me out of it.  In fact, this is so heavy on me right now that my soul feels very depressed…

…Yet

…nevertheless

…BUT

…not as I will but as You will.

Jesus was emotionally honest, he spoke freely about what he felt, how hard it was, how he was suffering, but he was willing to submit to His Father’s will. 

King David, one of the main writers of the Psalms, was painfully honest with God.  In Psalm 13 he laments:

How long, O Lord, will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?

How long shall I take counsel in my soul,

Having sorrow in my heart all the day?

How long will my enemy be exalted over me…. (verses 1-2)

Many of us think these things but would never dare say them out loud.  David, however, not only spoke them but wrote them down for people to read thousands of years later.  And the interesting thing is God doesn’t mind our honesty.  In fact he desires it. But the fascinating part of this prayer of lament is the way David ends the Psalm,

But I trust in your unfailing love,

My heart rejoices in your salvation.

I will sing the Lord’s praise,

For He has been good to me. (verses 5-6)

That’s an example of the Holy But.  Nothing had changed in David’s circumstances, but his perspective changed.   It moved him from where he was stuck – in despair and sorrow – and into faith. 

Even though your life may look hopeless at this moment, you can choose to remember how God has been faithful throughout your life.  And if, as on those categorically hard days, you forget about the good things in your past, you can look to the stories in the Bible about how He always keeps His promises, always brings good out of evil, and promises to never, ever, no not ever abandon us.

Remember the stories of Abraham,

Jacob,

Joseph,

Daniel,

Ruth,

Esther,

Rahab,

and the list goes on….

The Holy But is able to change your situation from concentrating on the external issues in life to the internal – your spirit.  You take all those emotions back to the Person dwelling in you and get God into it.  Then you can experience peace even in the midst of the storm.

All fear is but the notion that God’s love ends ~  Ann Voskamp

Welcome this new year and consider letting God bless you in the days ahead by using the Holy But.

The year ahead looks daunting, but I know You are holding me with Your everlasting arms.

I feel like a loser today, but I know You love me anyway.

The world happenings are causing me fear, but I know You are still the King of the earth, King of me and I trust You.

Lord, life is going by so fast!  It frightens me unless I remember your eternity.  We are as rootless as tumbleweeds and will be blown about all our lives unless You are our dwelling place.  In You we are home.  What I have in You I can never lose and will have forever.  I praise You for this unfathomable comfort.  Amen. ~  Tim Keller

Love, Mom