Branches and Trees

Musings on Marriage

Tag: Thanks

Nightbirde

August 12, 2021 / / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Have you ever heard of a bird who sings in the dark?  I recently watched Jane Marczewski (known as Nightbirde) on AGT and was blown away by her authenticity and joy even as she suffers so much as a young 30-year-old.  Jane is an amazing singer and songwriter – which is not an unusual vocation – but it is her story that is so rare.  Nightbirde has suffered more in her three decades of life than most people suffer in 70 years. 

Having been through three cancer treatments during the past few years (spine, liver and lungs) she expresses with raw emotions the pain she still suffers.  Her husband of four years left her, so she deals with abandonment along with a body not functioning well.

Jane chose the stage name Nightbirde because one morning around 3 am she heard some birds in the tree outside her window singing as if the sun were arriving, quite unusual for birds.  She then thought, If birds can sing in the dark, so can I.

 Here’s a few of her words:

I am God’s downstairs neighbor, banging on the ceiling with a broomstick. I show up at His door every day.

Sometimes with songs, sometimes with curses.

Sometimes apologies, gifts, questions, demands.

Sometimes I use my key under the mat to let myself in. Other times, I sulk outside until He opens the door to me Himself. 

I have called Him a cheat and a liar, and I meant it.

I have told Him I wanted to die, and I meant it.

Tears have become the only prayer I know. Prayers roll over my nostrils and drip down my forearms. They fall to the ground as I reach for Him. These are the prayers I repeat night and day; sunrise, sunset.

Call me bitter if you want to—that’s fair.

Count me among the angry, the cynical, the offended, the hardened.

 But count me also among the friends of God.

It’s not the mercy that I asked for, but it is mercy nonetheless. And I learn a new prayer: thank you. It’s a prayer I don’t mean yet, but will repeat until I do.

For I have seen Him in rare form. I have felt His exhale, laid in His shadow,

squinted to read the message He wrote for me in the grout: “I’m sad too.” 

I have heard it said that some people can’t see God because they won’t look low enough, and it’s true. Look lower. God is on the bathroom floor.

Allison Potoka

Yes, God is on the bathroom floor.  He inhabits our groaning, our temper tantrums, our questions and our tears.  He is sad with us, yet has promised to never leave us, even when others have.  He can handle our bitterness and our cynical words, He simply wants us to talk to Him.  He is Immanuel, God with us.

Love, Mom

You can’t wait until life isn’t hard anymore before you decide to be happy.  – Nightbirde

Thanksgiving at the Table

April 9, 2020 / / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

This week I have been meditating on how Jesus spent the last few days of His short life here on earth.  I find it quite astounding that the day before he was brutally murdered, he celebrated the Jewish Passover meal with his 12 disciples. 

In Israel, over 2,000 years ago where the Last Supper was celebrated, people walked most everywhere they traveled.  It was common in those days after coming into someone’s home to have a servant wash the guests’ feet.  The dusty roads in first century Israel made it imperative for feet to be washed before a meal since people usually reclined at a low table and dirty feet would be quite evident.

What was surprising the night of this meal, was that Jesus already knew that his traitor, Judas Iscariot, was just about ready to leave and collect his 30 pieces of silver – a reward for betraying his teacher.  He knew Peter was soon to deny that he even knew Jesus, and the other ten disciples would scatter in fear.  Yet, Jesus knelt down in humility and servanthood, took a towel and stooped before each one of those disciples. He washed their feet, all 24 of them, dried them, then walked back and took his place at the table.

I have heard this story many times, so many in fact that in years past I had skimmed over those facts, not paying much attention to them.  But somehow, this year the whole story simply stuns me.  Why would Jesus, the Creator of the world, stoop down and be so kind and generous to his friends who often argued among themselves who would be the greatest in this new Kingdom? 

And then, even though he knew all of the beating, mocking, whipping and nails that were soon to unveil, he took the loaf of bread in front of him and gave thanks.  Gave thanks??

What was there to give thanks about?

 A group of friends who were going to run away in a few hours? 

Give thanks for the Roman soldiers who would soon flog him? 

Give thanks as he listened to his own people shout for his death?

I was just rereading the story of Aslan’s death in The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe.   CS Lewis portrays the time before the killing of the great Lion:

A great crowd of people were standing all around the Stone Table and though the moon was shining many of them carried torches which burned with evil-looking red flames and black smoke.  But such people!  Ogres with monstrous teeth, and wolves, and bull-headed men; spirits of evil trees and poisonous plants…Cruels and Hags and Incubuses, Wraiths…

Then the Witch gave a wild, fierce laugh.  ‘The fool!  The fool has come.  Bind him fast.’

For many people in that day, and even today, what Jesus did was utterly foolish.  What kind of King would let his people treat him as they did?  A King who loved his people so much he was willing to die in their place.

As Ann Voskamp wisely writes:

God is love – thus He only gets to define love.

And He defines love as cross-shaped, cross-formed, stretched out, formed into a reaching givenness that leaves the heart breathtakingly vulnerable.

True love is willing to open oneself to hurt and heartache – all the while thanking God in spite of all the betrayal, lies and fear showing their ugliness through people in our lives.  We have all hurt others, we have all betrayed friends, we have all told lies to make ourselves look better.

Yet we are all welcomed to come to Jesus, the bridge between God and man. 

If Jesus was able to give thanks on the eve of his death, focusing on the needs of others before his own, surely I can give thanks during this week as we live in a time of pandemic, uncertainty of the future, and lessened contact with those I love. 

Giving thanks, in both times of joy as well as times of anguish, gives voice to the fact of our certainty and belief in the love of our Savior.  Although the world has changed, our Savior has not and is as close as He has always been.

Love, Mom

Fly Away on a Goose?

March 26, 2020 / / 2 Comments

Dear Daughters,

Last week I was walking outside and saw three groups of geese, flying in their typical V formations, each following the other.  Because it had been a hard day – Grandpa is failing and the extra care that entails, the pandemic which is affecting us all – I longed to hop on one of those geese and fly away into the beautiful blue sky.

I remember when caring for Grandma at the end stages of dementia over three years ago, I had the same thought – wanting to run away from responsibilities, flee from the hard stuff, fly away and be free of trouble, heartache, aging and death.

So, last night I watched the movie Winged Migration thinking I could imagine the carefree, flying-high life of a bird.  It’s a lovely 2002 film chronicling the migration patterns of storks, swan, geese, eagles, sage grouse, terns, penguins and other feathered friends I had never heard of before. 

I had no idea that many of these birds travel from 1,000 to 2,500 miles every year.  Now I know there are lots of good wind currents available for flying up above the earth but that’s still a lot of wing flapping and energy exerted as they fly from one continent to another.

While watching the movie I learned about the many obstacles migrating birds face as they fly on their yearly journeys. 

*They often endure hostile weather conditions, storms which may blow them off their intended path. 

*Their vulnerability to predators, both human, animal and other birds of prey, is considerably worse than what I imagined.

*Collisions with objects like tall buildings, airplanes or wind turbines can be an unexpected danger.

*Inadequate food supplies can lead to starvation of the birds.

After watching the movie and learning about all the hazards these winged creatures face during their travels, my desire to fly away on one of their backs lessened considerably.  It often seems like other people or creatures have it easier than me, and sometimes I become a bit discouraged.  But the other day I heard a quote by Katherine Wolf:

The obsession of a pain-free life is a ridiculous idea.

Spoken from the mouth of a woman who is 38 years old and in a wheel chair because of a brain stem stroke suffered 12 years ago, I was struck by the fact that she lives with such joy.  She was pursuing a career as a model when her life took a totally unexpected path.

Katherine and her husband, Jay, have weathered months in hospital and rehab centers yet have together written a book called Suffer Strong.  One of their favorite verses is:

…we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character, and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.    Romans 5:3-5

We will suffer in this life, and anyone who tries to tell us that we should never suffer is setting us up for depression and despair.  It’s not what we suffer, but how we respond to suffering which is the most important.  Yes, life is hard – it has been in the past, it is now, and it will continue to be so.  But when we trust God and give Him thanks, even in the hard times, we can have the joy He has come to give.

So, even though we are limited in what we can do, I know God has put you and me in the places we are for such a time as this.  He has called us to suffer strong, give thanks, and trust that He is working all things together for good. 

I’ve given up the desire to hop on the wings of a goose and fly away into a better life.  I will be content now, enjoying the joy God sends every day of my life.  I’ll continue to help Grandpa with his oxygen, give him the breathing treatments he needs, wrap his swollen ankles and give thanks for life, for the difficult stuff now, and the good things that are yet to come.

Love, Mom

Help, Thanks, Wow!

August 1, 2019 / / 0 Comments

Dear Daughters,

On Sunday my friend Shari, who spells her name the same as I, gave a children’s message at church.  The subject for the day was prayer.  Being a teacher for decades, she obviously knows and loves children well and is able to speak simply yet profoundly.  Shari taught the children there are basically three kinds of prayers. 

To be honest, I am amazed that God hears every person, knows every heart – all the emotions in every life – and actually cares about every single one.  And in a world containing over 7 billion people, that in itself blows my mind – but it is true.  And since He’s the one who created us in the first place, it makes sense that he would know us intimately and love us compassionately.

Borrowing some wise words from Ann Lamott, Shari taught the children about these three types of prayer:

Help

Thanks

Wow

Unfortunately, the prayer Help is probably the most common prayer of all.  It’s the basic cry of our heart.  Many of us try to live our lives on our own, thinking we are wise and knowing the best way to go about relationships, business decisions, and any other details we happen to come across.  Then, inevitably, our world takes a hit here or there or everywhere and we cry out Help. You have heard the proverbial fox-hole prayer, a prayer commonly heard from the trenches of war,

Lord, if you get me out of this mess, I’ll do what you want me to do.

So He does, but often we don’t. 

…Until the next problem comes up and we cry Help again.  And again, in His astonishing patience and faithfulness, he listens and helps again.  It reminds me of those Israelites in the wilderness, wandering around for 40 years, trying to do life on their own, grumbling when things aren’t to their liking, messing up in their words and deeds, asking for mercy, and amazingly receiving mercy from their and our Creator God. Yeah, it’s completely astounding.

I am not unlike the Israelites, having soul amnesia when it comes to God’s goodness, so I continue to cry Help in my times of need – which is typically every day, every hour, and often moment by moment.

Then there’s the second category of prayer,

Thanks

This type of prayer has become my favorite mainly because of reading Ann Voskamp’s book One Thousand Gifts about ten years ago.  Ann found joy out of despair, peace from fear, and learned to see life through a whole new lens – a lens of thanksgiving.  She learned that simply giving thanks for everything changed her whole perspective on life.

The act of giving thanks to God for the many gifts He has given us enlarges our life, creates joy in living, and bolsters the trust and faith we have in Him. 

Once, while in my own pit of anguish, I started a gratitude journal and began a search for beauty.  As a matter of survival, I started listing the gifts from God that were all around me, everywhere I looked – when I took time to look. Monarch butterflies, raging red sunsets, softly drizzling rain, sunshine yellow daffodils, brilliant red leaves, spotted ladybugs , the extraordinary variety of mushrooms, reading glasses, the veins in my hands, the ripples on our lake.  Eventually, I learned to give thanks for the hard times in life – gray hair, a move to another state, hot humid days, illness, watching my mother die.  When we give thanks, we begin to see circumstances as God sees them – little steps in developing our character, knowing and trusting that He does indeed work all things together for good.  Not that those things are good in themselves, but He uses them all for good. 

Giving thanks brings peace. 

Giving thanks brings joy… even in heartache.

The third type of prayer is Wow.

Wow prayers are when you see something in the world which is absolutely amazing.  Of course these could also fall into the category of Thanks, but the Wow prayers are even more astounding, spectacular and incredible.  They are the breathtaking sights and living creatures which take us by surprise, the unexpected beauty as we turn round the bend in a road, the exquisite, the gorgeous. 

Jesus loves it when we talk to him, make Him our best friend, surrender our lives to Him.  The best thing of all is that He’s available night and day, in bad weather and good, during our snarky times and during our joy-filled moments.

Help

Thanks

Wow

Those three simple words aptly summarize all of our conversations with God and I am grateful they are available all the time, eternally and forever.

Love, Mom  

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