Dear Daughters,

I shall not want. 

Do you ever have days when you are content, at peace, all is well, and the world is as you think it should be? 

Or are more of your days filled with disappointment, frustration, wishing life would be peaceful and simple?

Three thousand years ago King David wrote The Lord is My Shepherd, I shall not want.  It seems that if the first part of that sentence is accurate, then the second part would become true as well.  I have recited those words hundreds of time, they are in the hard drive of my mind.  But how often do I actually experience them?

 

I have many days when I do not want anything more than what I already have, especially when I read about refugees in Syria and Iraq, living for years in tent camps, waiting, always waiting for a day when they can return home.  When I think about persecuted people around the world I tend to ask, Why do I have life so easy? 

Then there are other times when I get focused on my wants, my desires, my hopes and dreams that have been dashed and mostly forgotten. 

Because I have spent many more hours in bed than what I would have chosen during the past two months, I have been reading more.  I started rereading The Lord of the Rings, and I love being caught up in the adventures of Frodo and Sam, Gandalf, the dwarves, elves, the ring-wraiths, the armies of orcs, Saruman, and various other characters of good and evil.  I became immersed with their lives fraught with so much danger and uncertainty, struggles and battles, yet always faithfully walking forward toward their goal of delivering the Ring to where it belongs. 

Sometimes the Fellowship of the Ring have plenty to eat, other days they tighten their belts and move on. Many days they walk near a sparkling stream, but they have intervals when they have to carry more pounds as they must pack canteens. 

Yet they journey on because they have an important job to do.  Yes, they occasionally have reprieves from their hardships as when they come to the Elves peaceful abode.  Those are simply gifts given at a time when they absolutely need time to rest, to be restored in order to carry on with their assignment.

We are all on this journey called life. There are days, maybe weeks, when we are content – and then something happens that disturbs and annoys.  An unexpected phone call or an unkind remark takes us down.   Then what?

In order to truly say The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want, we need to be convinced about the character of our Shepherd.  If we honestly believe Jesus is gracious, full of compassion, slow to anger, abounding in love and living inside us, then we can rest in peace, knowing He is doing all things well.  We will struggle at times, just like Frodo and his fellowship, yet our Shepherd is always faithful and will continue to guide and walk with us on the journey.

But sometimes life circumstances shout louder than God’s voice.

A few weeks ago I was not at all content.  I wanted health, I wanted energy and healing from a virus that knocked me flat for over a month.  There were days I wondered if I’d ever be able to stay out of bed for more than a half hour at a time without wilting in fatigue.  For a few days I began to doubt that God cared about me, I felt like I had been abandoned…again.

Over the years I have had skirmishes with such thoughts, but was hoping those days were gone. When our bodies don’t run properly it is easy to let our minds follow and believe our emotions over the facts we know are true.

One day during this dark time I received a package in the mail from my friend Ruth. In it was a picture she had painted, the stump of a tree with a green shoot growing out of it. I saw it and cried. It’s amazing how that one piece of art gave me hope again. I felt as though I was that cut off stump, yet with a little life still growing slowly but surely.

I had not been forgotten, God had been by my side the whole time.  I had simply succumbed to self-pity and hopelessness instead of looking at the truth of who He is.

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

If those words are true, then I shall not want – not ever.  I love how Lysa TerKeurst puts it:

Your job is to be obedient to Me.  My job is everything else.

All Jesus asks is that we trust Him.  We don’t have to figure everything out, try to control those around us or work to manipulate our circumstances.  He is good, His love endures forever, He has promised to never leave us or forsake us.  And that is the Truth.

Now that I am climbing out of yet another dark pit of illness, I have been reminded once again to always trust and not despair. 

The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want,

I shall not want,

I shall not want. 

Let that be my mantra, even in the dark.

Love, Mom