Musings on Marriage

Tag: Wonder

Wondering…

Dear Daughters,

I just got back from a short walk outside, a few ice crystals flitting through the air and catching light from the house windows, sparkling in the darkness.  I often sing as I walk, and tonight my song became I Wonder As I Wander.

I wonder as I wander out under the sky,

That Jesus our Savior did come for to die,

For poor, ornery people like you and like I.

I wonder as I wander, out under the sky…

 It has long been a favorite of mine – the minor key, the wondering why, the haunting melody, the pensive mood of the entire song.  Wondering is good to do.  Remember when we were young?  We used to take time to wonder, think and ponder.  Grandpa has been one who has encouraged me to renew that discipline. He often sits outside in the sun, studies the clouds, the jets overhead – wondering where they are headed – paying careful attention to his windsock and all the levels and layers of the clouds, as he pets his dog and three cats lining up for attention.

Lately I have been wondering and pondering the seemingly upside-down kingdom of God.

Our American culture of busyness tells us to

hurry up and get things done

be productive to prove yourself valuable

try to control your small world

figure life out all by yourself

not depend on anyone else

be wary, because you’re on your own

seek approval from people

worry at all times

keep on carrying that heavy burden yourself

 …and hopefully after all that we will be loved – loved by people, perhaps even be loved by God.

But the exact opposite is true if we really believe God means what he says.  For starters,

He says He dearly loves you, just as you are

He says you are intrinsically valuable

He tells you to rest.

Yes, to do your work, but also take time and be still

To love those who are around you every day

To be honest

He tells us to seek Him for direction because He possesses all wisdom.

He tells us to wonder, to marvel at the life he lived while on earth.

He promises to live inside us supernaturally when we open the door of our heart

To trust that no matter what bad things happen to us, God will use them for good.

To cast all our care on Him.

And yet we are such ornery people, as the song says, that we often choose the former list instead of the latter. The logical outcome of the former is devastating for everyone involved.

I know because I have lived it.

When we seek people’s approval instead of believing God’s love is enough, we tend to put unrealistic expectations on the relationships we have.  No human being can fulfill our deepest desires, no person is able to carry such a heavy responsibility.  Although many relationships will be harmed, one of the more obvious casualties of those expectations in relationships is marriage.

If we were told before entering a room that we were going into a honeymoon suite, then walked into a typical Super 8 Motel room, we would be upset and possibly outraged.

On the other hand, if we were told the room we were about to walk into was a jail cell, and it looked like a Super 8 room, we would be elated.

Expectations kill relationships, says Ann Voskamp.

Our ornery human selves are self-centered, always thinking about me, me, me – what will make me happy?  Who will give me the strokes I need?  I need to watch out for #1 – Me.

The author Dan Stone says:

Marriage is meant to press you into God, not to provide you bliss.

Press me into God?  Now that is certainly not the reason I got married.  I was under the impression that marriage was supposed to provide me with a person who would fulfill me – physically, emotionally – and most of all – to make me blissfully happy all the day.  But It didn’t take long to see the false hopes of that happily ever after dream and watch it vanish.

It turns out that what I thought – and what our general culture believes – is directly opposed to God’s view of marriage.  If I put my own desires and needs in the center of my world, expecting my husband to fulfill me in every way, marriage is sure to disappoint, cause quarrels, disillusion my view of romance, and expose my ugly self-centered nature.

Tim Keller gives an interesting analogy:

Our solar system has a sun at the middle with many planets orbiting around it, beautifully and orderly.  Consider what would happen if each planet suddenly desired to be the center of the universe, becoming jealous of the sun.  Can you imagine what kind of chaos would ensue?  In a short time there would be destruction and annihilation as each globe demanded to be the center of attention.  Gone would be the order and beauty, gone would be the universe.

When we follow Jesus’ example and learn to love and serve others instead of putting our self at the center of life, we can rest, quit striving and trust that when others fail and disappoint us, He is there to fall upon, to lean on, knowing that the story isn’t finished yet.  The best is always yet to come.  We can learn to be content to orbit around the Son, teaching others to do the same.

The wonder of His love for we who are ornery is so amazing.

Fall on your knees, let God love you so you can love those around you.

Love, Mom

The Wonder of Rain

Dear Daughters,

Last week it rained for 3 days straight…a rarity in Idaho.  We live in what is called high desert which translates to about 11 inches of rain per year.  During this three-day rainy season we received 1.75 inches and many people were rejoicing because it meant several feet of snow in the surrounding mountains which means more melt in the springtime to fill the reservoirs and aquafers.  Can you tell I’m a farmer’s daughter and not a skier?

The gently falling rain brought to mind an article I had read a few years ago by John Piper about an interesting verse in Job:

He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted.

 He bestows rain on the earth; He sends water upon the countryside.  Job 5:9-10Rain

Rain?  Really?  I had never before considered that rain was a wonder and a miracle.

In the past I had experienced rain, especially when we lived in Michigan, to be too much of a good thing.  Because I grew up in the much drier West, it was wonderful not having to water the lawn in the summer time, but rain often hindered planned activities like weddings, open houses, and picnics.

While we lived in Kansas we learned to measure rain not by inches or tenths, but by hundredths.  Most people dry farmed there so rain was the only moisture available for the crops and every hundredth was celebrated.

Anyway…have you ever considered rain to be a wonder and a miracle?  If not, read on……

Think of how it was in the time of Job in the Middle East.  There were no irrigation pipes or pivots, plus the people were far from any lake or stream.  If the crops were to grow and the family to be fed, water would have to come from the sky.

So, how does water come out of the clear blue sky?  It would have to be carried from the Mediterranean Sea over several hundred miles and be poured onto the field.  So how heavy is rain?  If one inch of rain falls over one square mile of farmland we are talking 206,300,160 gallons, which equates to 1,650,401,280 pounds of water (that’s over one billion pounds of water.)

Now how does more than 200 million gallons of water get up into the air to be transported?  Evaporation – when water quits being water for a while and rises up into clouds so it can come down as rain.

So it goes up, now how does it get down?  Condensation happens when the water starts becoming water again by gathering around little dust particles between .00001 and .0001 centimeters wide.  That’s really small.

Also, if you remember, the Mediterranean Sea is salt water, which would ruin the crops if it came down as salt rain.  So somehow the salt comes out of the evaporated water during that 300 mile journey where it gets dumped on the farm.

Now what would happen if a billion pounds of water just dumped onto the square mile farm?  All the wheat would be crushed and ruined.  So the rain comes down in tiny droplets.  The drops need to be big enough not to evaporate as they fall the mile or so from the clouds, but small enough to keep from crushing the wheat.

Wow.

Now I understood why Job wrote that rain is a wonder and a miracle.

If our amazing God has made such a seemingly ordinary happening as rain to be an amazing miracle, what love and creativity has he visited upon human beings – those He has fearfully and wonderfully fashioned in His image?  And if we as human beings are so complex and intricately created, how He must tenderly value marriage, relationships and the keeping of vows between a man and a woman for life?  Fall (11)

For several years I have been keeping a gratitude journal (thank you Ann Voskamp) but in the past few months I have neglected it.  As Thanksgiving season is coming around and I pondered the wonder of rain, I pulled the journal out again to keep on recording those everyday miracles that happen every minute of the day.

The howling wind outside the window

The dazzling  starry night as I take my walk down the darkened laneTopmatoes

The aroma of dehydrating tomatoes

The delight of chatting with my neighbor Ruth, and her precious son, Jacob

Visitors for afternoon tea

The playful antics of our kitten

Sweet, sweet sleep

A sliver of a moon

Jacob bringing me flowers from his garden

Piano students, even when they haven’t practiced

The indescribable longsuffering of Jesus

A beautiful rose

Freshly mown hayRose (6)

I have learned that if I don’t give thanks for the little things in my life, I will criticize.

If I don’t focus on what God has given, I will ponder upon what He has not given.

If I don’t go out every day and take a walk, searching for the beauty and wonder around me, I will find my husband deficient, and my stay at home job mundane.

Jim Elliot (the missionary who was killed in Ecuador in 1956 at age 28) wrote with such wisdom:

A wife, if she is very generous, may allow that her husband lives up to perhaps eighty percent of her expectations.  There is always the other twenty percent that she would like to change, and she may chip away at it for the whole of their married life without reducing it by very much.  She may, on the other hand, simply decide to enjoy the eighty percent, and both of them will be happy.  Accept positively and actively, what is given.  Let thanksgiving be the habit of your life.

I encourage you, my daughters, to keep on giving thanks for the little things, the minute everyday gifts in your life.  Lift your eyes to the beauty all around you, and consider the goodness of the Lord Jesus Christ and His immense compassion and artistry.  Give thanks, even in the hard to give thanks times, trusting that He will work out all things for your benefit.

Love, MomFall (13)

 

I Wonder as I Wander

Dear Daughters,

Last night I was taking a short walk after dinner when the spring night was clear, crisp and cool.  It is not officially Spring according to the calendar but it certainly feels like it here in Idaho.  Typically I look down at my feet as I walk in the dark making sure I don’t trip on a tumble weed or a little critter scampering across my path.  Tonight, though, I looked up into the starry, starry night and the song I Wonder as I Wander came to mind.Weed

I wonder as I wander, out under the sky,

How Jesus the Savior did come for to die.

For poor, ornery people like you and like I

I wonder as I wander, out under the sky.

Just before I left the house I made a snide remark to Dad about some trivial thing he did to annoy me.  Then as I was looking into the sky I suddenly heard the thought

Get out of your own little world and open up to the Big Story that God has for you.       

 Far too often I get caught up in what I can see directly around me, in front of me, and to the side.  Then I wonder about Jesus our Savior who came for to die.  Certainly He wouldn’t have come to live, suffer and die, his only intent being to give his followers a ticket to heaven.Rainbow

During this season of Lent, a time of waiting and pondering the suffering of Jesus Christ, I am drawn to this statement of His: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.  For whoever wants to save his live will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.”  Matthew 16:24-25 In marriage it is so important to lose our life because that is distinctly how we will save it.  Being annoyed by trivial comments, complaining about dirty socks on the floor, arguing over what movie to watch are simply distractions to keep us in those lesser, smaller stories.          

 Knowing the Bigger Story in which we are living certainly makes our lives and our choices more significant.  Almost everyone has a longing to be part of something bigger than their own little sphere of influence.  There must be more to life than the day in day out grind of work, tending children, eating meals, changing diapers, watching basketball games, looking for hearing aids….

Philosophers call this longing to be a part of a Bigger Story transcendence.  It is the desire to make a difference in the world, to be bound together in some heroic purpose with others of like mind and spirit.  John Eldredge in his book The Sacred Romance, writes so eloquently about God’s incredible pursuit for people who will take a step into a larger story, a story that will consume all their life and desire. SacredRomance That story is the narrative of God pursuing His people, and His people responding by letting their hearts be turned toward and molded by their loving Heavenly Father.

We all love a good story – fairy tales, romances, epics, biographies – any adventure story is worth telling.  The Bible is full of stories about people who have loved, hated, obeyed, rebelled, worshipped, lamented, grieved, rejoiced, failed – people who have experienced every emotion that you have.  You will find that the people who are the most memorable, the ones who have the finest stories are those who understood the Bigger Story.

Consider Joseph.  Sold into slavery and forgotten by his brothers, he became the best slave that he could.  Wrongly accused by his boss’s wife he was thrown into prison for years, and he became the most honorable prisoner that he could.  He knew and believed that there was a Bigger Story of which he was a part.  Because he knew and trusted the Hero of the story, he was free to forgive and wait patiently on God to do whatever He saw fit to do.  Later, God’s story became evident when Joseph was appointed second-in-command over all Egypt in order to save many from starvation during the famine that was to come.

Many people in the Bible knew that they were a part of a Bigger Story.  Others were simply caught up in their own small stories of control and gratification. For many years I struggled to control our family, to make you all do things that I thought were best.  Inevitably God let those plans disintegrate because He wanted me to step into the larger story, giving you daughters and Dad to Him.  God, the Hero of the Bigger Story, has immeasurably greater plans that far surpass anything I could ever imagine for all of you.

I used to think that I needed to be the answer woman and have all the right words for everyone, including you girls, but now my favorite phrase is “You better ask God for wisdom about that one.”  My greatest desire is that each of you will seek God on your own, looking for your place in the Bigger Story, listening, learning and loving.  I can point you to God’s heart, His love of forgiveness, reconciliation, compassion, helping the oppressed, and then I can stand back in awe, watching each of you making those choices that will bring you into the Bigger Story.

I am constantly amazed that Jesus came to die for poor ornery people like you and like I.  He loves us just as we are, but has plans for so much more – because Heroes are just like that.

Love, Mom

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