Nothing is Wasted

Dear Daughters,

Last week Dad and I went to the Hagerman Flea Market on Highway 30, just outside of town. As we were browsing through the canned jams and jellies, t-shirts, and antiques, we came upon Ronda, the designer of many attractive, striking hats.

Since it is often over 100 degrees here in Idaho, I have been looking for a brimmed hat to help me endure the heat. Ronda had displayed various creative hats of all colors and styles. When I asked about them her face lit up and she began to tell me stories about all the different old jeans, woolen shirts, and colored canvas fabrics she had found or been given from her family and friends. She loves to recycle and reuse, so started the hat enterprise Sew Adorable.

I was amazed at every single square inch of jeans that had been used in her hats, the frayed hems, the well-used riveted pockets, even the worn-out flies. Ronda spoke with such affection, telling the stories of fabrics she had used. She encouraged me to touch the rough and scratchy textures of the wool and other piece goods I had never felt before.

Articles of worn out clothing that others would see as trash, Ronda saw something new, attractive and necessary for living in Idaho. Seven of the hats she had made just the night before, she mentioned with pride. She told about Barbara Streisand standing on a ship in the movie Funny Girl, wearing a hat that had been an inspiration for one of her creations. Many other movies gave her encouragement for a wide variety of hats. I listened in awe to her love of sewing and her joy in designing beauty that she and others can enjoy.

I tried on a few cute denim caps but quickly took them off because I was not happy with my large pointy ears sticking out. Ever since high school they have been hidden because our school secretary told me one day, as I was wearing a pony tail, that my ears were not at all attractive and they would be better covered up. Funny how we remember things like that.

Anyway, I found a good large-brimmed hat that fit well and covered my ears. Ronda taught me to roll up certain sides of it to evoke different moods and styles. Not that I do any of that evoking, but it was interesting nonetheless.

As I was walking out with my new purchase, God reminded me that he loves to recycle and reuse as well, making good out of the almost discarded.

There were many days that I felt like my marriage was old and worn out, not worth much and possibly ready to be tossed. There were too many disagreements over raising children, money, movies, food – any subject you can name. On most topics Dad’s and my opinions were the polar opposite of the other’s.

Going into marriage I hadn’t a clue how to talk calmly and resolve a conflict. I would either shut down and grumble in my mind or do the hit and run thing – shouting out what I thought was the right thing to do, then leave the room. I had no idea how to agree to disagree.

I’m sure you remember one night when I came home from teaching piano in Muskegon. It was Dad’s turn to put you all to bed and he did the unthinkable (in my mind). He let you go to bed with wet hair and I flipped out at him, ranting that by morning the pillows would be moldy, there would be fungus growing on your faces and who knows what else. Dad stood there stunned and speechless. Then I walked away.

As I look back on that incident, I’m quite certain that it must have happened on one of my PMS days, but even so it was quite an irrational accusation.

Throughout the years I’ve learned that every conversation ending poorly or well, every time I got angry about insignificant details, was a stepping stone in the process of learning to converse with grace and respect. Of course there will always be disagreements, but they are necessary so we can learn how to resolve conflicts peacefully.

It has taken us many years to learn the skill of stating our opinions, needs and desires calmly and humbly. Of course there are still times when I get riled up about something and do not express myself well, but I’m learning.

As my friend Joyce says:

I’m not where I need to be but thank God I’m not where I used to be. I’m OK and I’m on my way.

It takes a lifetime for two strong-willed people to love one another. It takes time to learn what’s really important, to sit down and talk through differences without attacking one another.

In my earlier years I became fixed on my failures, feeling so stupid for things I had done, wishing they could have been deleted. Embarrassment, shame and humiliation, would be heavy on my mind. I would think of those failures as a waste, having no worth at all. Now I see them and other times that I’ve messed up as the means to drive me to Jesus. I simply cannot do life well on my own.

God knows we are going to blow it with our husbands and children. No matter what we say and do, we will be misinterpreted, tempers will flare, words will be shouted in anger….and every one of those sins we commit are opportunity for apologies. Apologies to our husbands and confession to God.

Nothing, nothing is wasted. As Paul says so eloquently:

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

That little word all is so important. It’s not just the inspiring actions we do or the pleasant words we say that God loves. It’s the times when we say the offensive words and do what we don’t want to do, that give us opportunity to humble ourselves. How God loves humility and the restoration of relationships.

Because God looks on your past with mercy and uses all things for your good and your growth, so you can know for certain that nothing in your life is wasted. He makes all things beautiful….in His time.

Love, Mom