Dear Daughters,
Last year I bought a beautiful puzzle for Grandma, a picture of a little girl playing the piano. After we completed it we noticed there was one lonely piece left over. It was an exact duplicate of another piece, so someone somewhere must have wondered why they were lacking one.
I have had that extra puzzle piece taped to my bedroom wall for the last year thinking there must be something significant about an extra piece of a puzzle.
Sometimes I feel like an extra puzzle piece, like I just don’t fit in, like the puzzle is finished and I’m on the outside looking in.
I remember being at a wedding reception where there was open seating – for me it is the horror of no pre-planned places to sit, so one has to move around from table to table trying to find a place to belong. This was during a time when I was extremely fragile emotionally because of life during that season. Dad and I went to one table full of laughter and smiles, knowing some people there, but they said the empty places were being saved for someone else. So we traveled on to another but there too, reserved for others. Finally at the fourth table there was room, but by that time I was nearly in tears so we went through the buffet line, wrapped up our meals and left. I think Dad gave some excuse that I wasn’t feeling well. True Story.
Do you ever feel like that, thinking that you are the only one struggling, the only person who doesn’t have it all together, crying on the inside but forcing a smile on the outside while everyone around you seems to be happily traversing through life?
Many years ago I remember looking at other couples thinking they must have such carefree marriages, simply because they were physically attractive or so personable to everyone. Then I started getting to know some of these beautiful people, talking honestly with them, and found out that heartaches occur in every marriage, rich or poor, glamorous or not. There are no exceptions.
A few weeks ago Saeed Abedini, a prisoner in Iran for over 3 years, was finally released. Since he and his wife, Nagmeh, lived in Boise, Idaho, there was lots of publicity in our area, public prayers and rallies for his release. His wife was an avid participant in many rallies for several years. Many people were shocked when five days after his release last month, Nagmeh filed for legal separation from her husband. Apparently there has been abuse in the marriage for years, and she finally became open and honest about it. I’m praying that the abuse will be dealt with, repentance and forgiveness will become a reality. But I remember thinking in the past that their marriage must be ideal because they’re a missionary couple.
I don’t care how good couples or singles look at the party, church, or family gathering, what goes on behind closed doors can be another story.
We were created for Eden and when we don’t experience perfection, or near to it, we grow frustrated and upset. There is a reason we are disappointed. God set eternity and perfection in our hearts and when it doesn’t happen we become downright angry.
God has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men… (Ecclesiastes 3:11)
Then we go on Facebook and see all the smiling faces, beautiful family pictures and perfect Pinterest ideals. But I know enough of the back stories of those photos to realize these pictures do not portray reality. They simply show a moment in time when there are smiles for the camera. What words were said and attitudes displayed before and after the camera shutter closed are not revealed, but we know those smiles do not continue through all moments of every day. Unfortunately, pictures seem to make us think they do.
Life is never going to be like our dreams, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t good.
In his book Bold Love, Dan Allender asks the questions:
Do I live for heaven?
or
Do I live demanding that life be like heaven?
The way we answer those questions will have a great deal to do with our attitude in life.
If we live for heaven, understanding that….
This world is not my home, I’m just passing through
My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue
The angels beckon me from Heaven’s open door
And I can’t feel at home in this world anymore
….then we can accept imperfections, disruptions, heartache, or feeling like a piece outside the puzzle. If we believe that this life on earth is temporary and we have an eternity before us, we will trust God with the disappointments and sorrows of our days. We will fight for good and against evil, and give thanks for the good gifts God so liberally gives, joyfully looking toward the time when there will be no tears.
But if we live demanding that life be like heaven, we will be forever disgruntled, blaming others for our unhappiness, becoming crabby and selfish. We need to be honest about our disappointments and heartache, knowing that in this world we will have trouble, but also that Jesus is our comfort and consolation in a world gone senseless.
There are many aspects of life that I would not have chosen – strained relationships, suicide, fatigue, dementia, insomnia, death, distance from those I love, arguments – yet without those experiences I would not have needed Jesus. I would not have been able to learn to love.
I’m certain every one of you have at times felt like that extra puzzle piece, simply because this is a fragmented world. But if we can learn to be content with the partial, remembering that this life isn’t supposed to be carefree and stress-free, we can perhaps live without clenched fists and anxious thoughts. Jesus knew our lives would be challenging so that we would lean into him and admit our need for a Savior. He wants us to grow up, to mature and become more like him. And of course there is no better way to grow up than to go through some tough perplexing problems that we cannot figure out on our own.
So be honest about your less than perfect marriage, your sometimes not obedient or respectful children, and invite Jesus into your mess. Ask him for strength to love, for perseverance to carry on, for faith to put your feet on the floor in the morning. Be thankful for the partial, the good in the darkness, and the hope for the future.
Love, Mom
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