What Do I Do?

February 28, 2023

During the snowstorm last week I was thinking about Grandma as she was nearing the end of her life.  It’s been over six years since she’s been gone, but the memories are still vivid in my mind.  I learned so much from her as she lived in weakness and confusion…

September 15, 2016

Dear Daughters,

The other night Dad invited Grandma to dance with him after dinner.  Almost every night after we have cleared the dishes she asks “What do I do next?”  And almost every night Dad’s answer is “Dance with me.”

So he put his arm around her shoulder and started doing the quasi-Rockettes kick while she stared at him in disbelief.  Grandma looked over at me and said “You live with this guy?  I think I’ll send you a sympathy card.”

The same after-dinner conversation happens often, but of course she doesn’t remember that it happens often.

Grandma asks many times every day

What do I do, what do I do? 

She simply needs direction and instruction about what comes next in her day since she wanders if left on her own. 

One day I came into the den when she was waking from her nap.  She was almost in tears saying,

Lord, what do I do, what do I do?

Confusion reigns in her mind as it has become tangled and disobedient to her commands and desires. But as I was walking away I thought,

What a beautiful picture of what we should be doing every minute of every day.  I cannot live my one life well unless I am connected with Jesus, always asking Him,

What do I do?

when I am confused, frustrated and unsure of how to respond to a hurtful word or a discouraging day.

Whenever I ask God

What should I do?

the answer is typically

Trust Me.  Give thanks because I am working for your good,

even when it seems there is darkness is all around.

During the day I have many tasks for Grandma to do: water the flowers, empty the dishwasher, put tomatoes on the dehydrator trays, walk down to the road, fold clothes, set the table, take a shower, play the piano, whistle her favorite songs.   When I instruct her to do the work she is usually eager, although with a few moans and groans now and then.  But if there is no direction from me she has no idea where to go or what to do.  If I am out of her sight for more than a few minutes I hear her calling

Help! Help!

Grandma’s confusion has recently taken a new twist.  She is often quite mixed up about the time of day.  Yesterday I heard her walking down the hall at 2:00 in the afternoon (when she is usually napping), shuffling in her bathrobe and slippers and wearing no dentures.  She apparently woke from her nap early and somehow thought it was close to bedtime so proceeded to get ready.

I stopped her in the hallway, asking why she was in her pajamas.  She matter-of-factly said “It’s almost bedtime.”  I suggested that we go back and change into her clothes since it was a long time until bedtime.  I tried showing her the clock and reasoning with her, but she still wouldn’t believe me, continually insisting that it was bedtime.

Normally she is quite compliant and will cheerfully do as I say.  But yesterday she adamantly said

I don’t want to change my clothes, just let me do what I want to do.

Hmmm, now that sounds exactly what I say to God now and then.  I get tired of waiting for Him to answer my prayers the way I want Him to.  Sometimes I get weary of doing what is right, of being responsible.  Some days I want to whine and complain, throw a pity party.  I am tempted to give up and pray no longer.

But the same verse always comes to me – the time many of Jesus’ disciples turned back and no longer followed Him when life started getting difficult.  Jesus asked the Twelve “Do you want to leave too?”  Then Peter answered him,

Lord, to whom else shall we go?  You have the words of eternal life.

Yep, that’s the bottom line.  Who else but the Creator of your soul loves you and is looking out for your good and your growth?  So I cut short my pity party, continue to be faithful and responsible, keep on praying and giving God thanks.   They are simple disciplines, but important.

Grandma teaches me so much these days.  Even though her mind is foggy and forgetful, Jesus speaks through her life into mine.

Look to the weak people of the earth,  wisdom is there for us all.

Love, Mom