It’s So Hard

Dear Daughters,

Joy.  It’s such a wonderful emotion when I have it, but at times it seems to be slippery and elusive in my life.  Just when I think I have joy it slips through my fingers and disappears.  It only takes a word, a phrase, a hurt look in someone’s eyes or a casual observation of people around me.

I’m sure you all know those sunny-side up people who seem to always have a smile on their face and a twinkle in their eyes.  I am not one of those.  I have to deliberately choose joy because it otherwise subtly turns into a vapor and vanishes.

The other day I was talking with a friend and lamenting that it’s so hard to choose joy because of how I feel physically.  For years I have struggled with chronic fatigue – some days are better than others – but it is too often a frustration to me. Then my friend wisely said,

Maybe it’s hard because you keep saying it’s hard.

Those words stopped me in my tracks.  Whaddya mean it’s hard because I say it’s hard?

Turns out that those words I stated as a fact – It’s so hard to choose joy – had taken me captive and were robbing my life of the joy I have been seeking.  It was hard because I said it was hard.

I think I learned this once or twice before, just like I’ve learned, forgotten and re-learned many other important things in my life.  Things like

Be grateful

Live this day as if it were your last

Love others as Jesus loves me

Search for beauty

Forgive those who hurt me

Because I have lots of time on my back, I had plenty of time to look up the song JOY! – performed by the group for King and Country that my above-mentioned JOY friend forwarded to me.  Since then I have probably watched it 10 times, enjoying the lyric video, then the Official Music Video, the behind the scenes video, again and again.  I need to get this message tattooed into my soul.

I am once again learning to say – It’s easy for me to choose joy. Yes, sometimes I almost choke on those words, but I open my mouth and say it anyway.  No matter what I feel like.

It’s easy for me to choose joy.

Being a teacher for decades, I have taught others some excellent ways to live:

Practice makes better -not perfect – but much better.

Joy is a choice.

Joy is God’s perspective on life.

Because my life is in His hands, I can trust him and get my eyes off myself.

There’s nothing wrong with hard

But you know what?  It’s a whole lot easier to teach this stuff than to do it myself.  I’m working on it but it’s definitely a work in progress.

I am so impressed by the Australian brother duo who call themselves for King and Country.  I had heard of them before but had never paid them much attention until this song stepped into my heart and took hold.  Then, as I often do when I learn about a new music group I research them, read their history and get to know them as if they are my friends.  I watched interviews, behind the scenes stuff…

Anyway, Luke and Joel Smallbone are the little brothers of Rebecca St. James, who is also an incredible singer/songwriter.  Those boys are gifted beyond measure.  Their creativity, humor, lyrics and music have propelled them quickly to become my – as well as many others’ – favorite singers.

So, if you haven’t already heard of this group, enjoy and be encouraged.  And above all, choose joy even when life is not happening according to your hopes and dreams.

Love, Mom