Dear Daughters,

I just got back from a short walk outside, a few ice crystals flitting through the air and catching light from the house windows, sparkling in the darkness.  I often sing as I walk, and tonight my song became I Wonder As I Wander.

I wonder as I wander out under the sky,

That Jesus our Savior did come for to die,

For poor, ornery people like you and like I.

I wonder as I wander, out under the sky…

 It has long been a favorite of mine – the minor key, the wondering why, the haunting melody, the pensive mood of the entire song.  Wondering is good to do.  Remember when we were young?  We used to take time to wonder, think and ponder.  Grandpa has been one who has encouraged me to renew that discipline. He often sits outside in the sun, studies the clouds, the jets overhead – wondering where they are headed – paying careful attention to his windsock and all the levels and layers of the clouds, as he pets his dog and three cats lining up for attention.

Lately I have been wondering and pondering the seemingly upside-down kingdom of God.

Our American culture of busyness tells us to

hurry up and get things done

be productive to prove yourself valuable

try to control your small world

figure life out all by yourself

not depend on anyone else

be wary, because you’re on your own

seek approval from people

worry at all times

keep on carrying that heavy burden yourself

 …and hopefully after all that we will be loved – loved by people, perhaps even be loved by God.

But the exact opposite is true if we really believe God means what he says.  For starters,

He says He dearly loves you, just as you are

He says you are intrinsically valuable

He tells you to rest.

Yes, to do your work, but also take time and be still

To love those who are around you every day

To be honest

He tells us to seek Him for direction because He possesses all wisdom.

He tells us to wonder, to marvel at the life he lived while on earth.

He promises to live inside us supernaturally when we open the door of our heart

To trust that no matter what bad things happen to us, God will use them for good.

To cast all our care on Him.

And yet we are such ornery people, as the song says, that we often choose the former list instead of the latter. The logical outcome of the former is devastating for everyone involved.

I know because I have lived it.

When we seek people’s approval instead of believing God’s love is enough, we tend to put unrealistic expectations on the relationships we have.  No human being can fulfill our deepest desires, no person is able to carry such a heavy responsibility.  Although many relationships will be harmed, one of the more obvious casualties of those expectations in relationships is marriage.

If we were told before entering a room that we were going into a honeymoon suite, then walked into a typical Super 8 Motel room, we would be upset and possibly outraged.

On the other hand, if we were told the room we were about to walk into was a jail cell, and it looked like a Super 8 room, we would be elated.

Expectations kill relationships, says Ann Voskamp.

Our ornery human selves are self-centered, always thinking about me, me, me – what will make me happy?  Who will give me the strokes I need?  I need to watch out for #1 – Me.

The author Dan Stone says:

Marriage is meant to press you into God, not to provide you bliss.

Press me into God?  Now that is certainly not the reason I got married.  I was under the impression that marriage was supposed to provide me with a person who would fulfill me – physically, emotionally – and most of all – to make me blissfully happy all the day.  But It didn’t take long to see the false hopes of that happily ever after dream and watch it vanish.

It turns out that what I thought – and what our general culture believes – is directly opposed to God’s view of marriage.  If I put my own desires and needs in the center of my world, expecting my husband to fulfill me in every way, marriage is sure to disappoint, cause quarrels, disillusion my view of romance, and expose my ugly self-centered nature.

Tim Keller gives an interesting analogy:

Our solar system has a sun at the middle with many planets orbiting around it, beautifully and orderly.  Consider what would happen if each planet suddenly desired to be the center of the universe, becoming jealous of the sun.  Can you imagine what kind of chaos would ensue?  In a short time there would be destruction and annihilation as each globe demanded to be the center of attention.  Gone would be the order and beauty, gone would be the universe.

When we follow Jesus’ example and learn to love and serve others instead of putting our self at the center of life, we can rest, quit striving and trust that when others fail and disappoint us, He is there to fall upon, to lean on, knowing that the story isn’t finished yet.  The best is always yet to come.  We can learn to be content to orbit around the Son, teaching others to do the same.

The wonder of His love for we who are ornery is so amazing.

Fall on your knees, let God love you so you can love those around you.

Love, Mom