Musings on Marriage

The First Time

Dear Daughters,

Tonight, for the first time ever, Grandpa needed help to go to bed.  Just a month ago he was able to do the bedtime routine on his own but now he needs an oxygen machine to take his every breath.  Dad and I follow him down the hall, Dad pushing R2D2 and me carrying the tubing.  In the short time of a single day he forgot what to do next in getting ready for sleep.  The familiar words

What do I do next?

What do I do now?

What do I do?

echo back in my mind as Grandma would say the same phrases toward the end of her time here on earth.  The world seems to be a scary and confusing place right now for Grandpa, his words come out in a whisper when I ask him if he needs anything else.  His legs give out, he falls, we help him up – oh how difficult life is for him whose eyes have seen so many sunsets. 

My mind goes back to my young, strong dad – working in the barn, the fields, in his workshop – always working with his hands.  Then I think about my decades older dad when he still worked in his shop, pulled some weeds, drove his Gator around, picked apples, fell in the garden and simply rolled over and stood up again. 

Today Pastor Gary and Arie came to serve communion to Grandpa, Dad, Aunt Rhonda and I.  Gary is so thoughtful, remembering to bring a coffee cup with an attached lid containing grape juice since Grandpa’s tremors prevent him from using a small cup. 

I’m not sure I’ve ever celebrated a more precious communion. Here we were sitting with our Pastor, all of us encouraging, suffering and grieving with Grandpa who is so ready to be with his Savior.

Love, faithfulness, friendship, family and communion – especially near the end of life, there are no greater gifts given than these.

Everything is different now.  After I put him to bed last night I went back to my own bedroom and wept.  Tears of weariness, tears of sadness, of seeing a life slowing down and coming toward a close. 

Hospice is a beautiful group of friends, of people who love and care for Grandpa as much as we do.  They walk through the hard, sad times alongside us with joy.  I am grateful.

We are meant for eternity, and for eternity we shall live.  It’s just that the door to our heavenly place is uncharted territory and difficult to walk through.  But walk we will, and we trust Jesus to bring us all safely home in His time.

Love, Mom

22 Comments

  1. Sally

    Prayers for you as you walk through these last days with your dad. What a blessing to serve him in that way.

    • sbaar231@charter.net

      Thank you, Sally. It has been a blessing to many of us as we’ve walked with him.

  2. Janelle

    Thank you for this Shari…Terry just shared with me tonight how shocked he was with Lous appearance after your meeting this morning…you’ve been a good and faithful daughter and I know your dad loves all you girls!

    • sbaar231@charter.net

      Yes he does, and he is so grateful for all we do. Your soup was delicious, and we still have a few leftovers for tomorrow:)

  3. Jolene

    My Dear Shari : Thank you for your lovely use of words to express such a real experience of life. May the Lord strengthen you and Larry and your entire family . I will be praying in the background .

    Jolene

    • sbaar231@charter.net

      Thank you, Jolene, for your prayers and your beautiful visit today!

  4. Linda Richard

    So sorry for the pain of this journey. It comes at such a difficult time in our world right now! So thankful for your abiding faith. May God bless each member of your family with grace sufficient for each day’s needs as they come!

    • sbaar231@charter.net

      Thank you, Linda. Life is difficult, yet when others share the pain, it lessens.

  5. Judy

    Beautiful memories-beautiful words. Sending love and prayers to all of you.

    • sbaar231@charter.net

      Thank you, Judy.

  6. katy alderink

    Oh Shari that was beautiful! I Love your Dad! I pray for the comfort and peace as you and Larry walk through these days with him. Give him a hug and kiss from me:)
    katy

    • sbaar231@charter.net

      I will, Katy, thank you!

  7. Donna Lownds

    Without saying so, you are doing the very thing that God would have you do at this time in your journey through your life. Your prayers are heard. Our prayers are heard for you and those caring for your father. You are loved Shari. 💗

    • sbaar231@charter.net

      Thank you so much for your beautiful words, Donna.

  8. Jerrine Laudert

    Such a beautiful tribute to the near ending times, each day with your dad is a precious time, a gift from our loving God💞 I also had the gift of spending the last several months of life with both my parents (each in separate households or care centers) and I wouldn’t trade those times or memories for anything💞 Love and hugs to your precious dad and whole family, you’re all in our hearts and prayers, Love, Jerrine and Gary

    • sbaar231@charter.net

      Thank you, Jerinne, these are difficult yet beautiful times as you well know.

  9. Henry & Loie Hoekstra

    Thank you for your honest, sad, yet beautiful words. You will be in our prayers.

    • sbaar231@charter.net

      Thank you, Henry and Loie.

  10. Darlene Neal

    We lift you, your dad, and your family up in prayer. Thank you for sharing these loving, sweet, and sad emotions, at this difficult time you are all going through. Your dad is very special to so many. We pray for comfort and peace, but also joy. Take care and be blessed. Love, Tom, Darlene and family

    • sbaar231@charter.net

      Thank you for your beautiful words, Darlene. There are many emotions, and all of them necessary.

  11. Diana Verhoeven

    This is so very beautiful, I’m sure both Louie and Carol are smiling down from heaven with love for all their girls.

    • sbaar231@charter.net

      Thank you, Diana. It’s going to take some adjusting to become the next generation…

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