August 2012
Dear Daughters,
Since I had to quit teaching school six months ago I haven’t written you girls because I have been listless and unable to do much. Thankfully I’m still able to teach piano and take care of the house, but even that’s been a stretch.
In the past year or so I’ve been listening to a lot of Joyce Meyer on CD. A friend gave me her library of Joyce’s CD’s and she has been an excellent teacher and encourager for me in these months that have been so difficult and lonely. She teaches on many different subjects but the one that has influenced me the most has been The Battlefield of the Mind. I recently finished Joyce’s book by that name, so I have decided to use some of it as my focus for the next while.
As you remember from the Old Testament, when the Israelites left Egypt after 400 years of slavery they wandered in the desert for 40 years before entering the promised land of Canaan. What I had never known before is this: If they had just gone straight across the desert it would have taken only eleven days. So…why all the 40 years of wandering? It’s something Joyce calls “Wilderness Mentalities.” I knew that a big reason for their wanderings was their constant grumbling and complaining, but Joyce has studied the travels and attitudes of the Israelites and has come up with “Seven Wilderness Mentalities.” Seven reasons why they continued to wander for 40 years. Surprisingly enough, we still struggle with these very same mentalities thousands of years later. I used to think that I was a bit more advanced in my thinking than those silly Israelites who never seemed to learn, but the more I studied these mentalities the more I realized that I’m really not much different than they were, even though I have their story to learn from.
Wilderness Mentality #1 is “My future is determined by my past and my present.” All the Israelites had ever known was bondage in Egypt. They had no positive vision for their lives. As Proverbs 29:18 says “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” They knew their history as slaves, living under harsh taskmasters, and could not fathom their lives being any different. The same is true for us. We know where we have been in our marriage, the annoyances, the playback of past hurts, dashed dreams of the ideals we had for our marriage. Our adversary often feeds us the lie “Your marriage will always be like this, nothing will ever change, don’t even try.”
Anyway, back to the Israelites who grumbled and deplored their situation, accusing Moses and Aaron for their circumstances. The Israelites got free food falling from the sky every morning, their clothes and shoes never wore out, continuously they saw the cloud above leading them throughout the desert, yet still they complained. They were never thankful for how God miraculously provided, but always critical – nothing was ever good enough, negative words all the time. They simply did not trust that God loved them enough to take care of them. My, how familiar it all sounds.
We need to get a new mindset and believe that with God all things are possible (Luke 18:27). Asking for your marriage to flourish without God is like asking a rose to bloom without sunshine and water. Yes, we all lose heart in our marriage now and then; it’s a battle to keep on loving, keep on forgiving. I remember several times just wanting to walk away, give up, call it quits. But I didn’t. I made another meal, washed another load of clothes, prayed, listened and talked with Dad, asked God for help to love when I could not.
Memories are hard to forget, especially memories of how your husband has offended you, embarrassed you, hurt you. As you all know Dad has offended, embarrassed and hurt me, and of course I have done all those things to him as well (I will spare you the details). But what has happened in your marriage previously is not a prediction of what will happen in the future. It’s not too late and it isn’t too hard because with God all things are possible. He makes all things new if we simply allow Him to help us. 
You may think that you are both too set in your ways to change and have a good marriage but remember the only one you are responsible to change is yourself. Marriage is not about your happiness, but about you becoming more like Jesus. Then He will do the unexpected, as you trust Him for those quiet miracles.
There’s a song I sing every morning before I get out of bed – out of necessity – because I know I can’t do life on my own.
Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I’ve been through, use it for your glory,
Lord, I offer my days to you, all of my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice, Lord I offer you my life.
What do I have that you have not given?
And what do I have that is not already yours?
You are the one who makes life worth living
And that’s why I come to you Lord.
~ Claire Cloninger
Love,
Mom
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