I Wonder as I Wander

Dear Daughters,

Last night I was taking a short walk after dinner when the spring night was clear, crisp and cool.  It is not officially Spring according to the calendar but it certainly feels like it here in Idaho.  Typically I look down at my feet as I walk in the dark making sure I don’t trip on a tumble weed or a little critter scampering across my path.  Tonight, though, I looked up into the starry, starry night and the song I Wonder as I Wander came to mind.

I wonder as I wander, out under the sky,

How Jesus the Savior did come for to die.

For poor, ornery people like you and like I

I wonder as I wander, out under the sky.

Just before I left the house I made a snide remark to Dad about some trivial thing he did to annoy me.  Then as I was looking into the sky I suddenly heard the thought

Get out of your own little world and open up to the Big Story that God has for you.       

 Far too often I get caught up in what I can see directly around me, in front of me, and to the side.  Then I wonder about Jesus our Savior who came for to die.  Certainly He wouldn’t have come to live, suffer and die, his only intent being to give his followers a ticket to heaven.

During this season of Lent, a time of waiting and pondering the suffering of Jesus Christ, I am drawn to this statement of His: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.  For whoever wants to save his live will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will save it.”  Matthew 16:24-25 In marriage it is so important to lose our life because that is distinctly how we will save it.  Being annoyed by trivial comments, complaining about dirty socks on the floor, arguing over what movie to watch are simply distractions to keep us in those lesser, smaller stories.          

 Knowing the Bigger Story in which we are living certainly makes our lives and our choices more significant.  Almost everyone has a longing to be part of something bigger than their own little sphere of influence.  There must be more to life than the day in day out grind of work, tending children, eating meals, changing diapers, watching basketball games, looking for hearing aids….

Philosophers call this longing to be a part of a Bigger Story transcendence.  It is the desire to make a difference in the world, to be bound together in some heroic purpose with others of like mind and spirit.  John Eldredge in his book The Sacred Romance, writes so eloquently about God’s incredible pursuit for people who will take a step into a larger story, a story that will consume all their life and desire.  That story is the narrative of God pursuing His people, and His people responding by letting their hearts be turned toward and molded by their loving Heavenly Father.

We all love a good story – fairy tales, romances, epics, biographies – any adventure story is worth telling.  The Bible is full of stories about people who have loved, hated, obeyed, rebelled, worshipped, lamented, grieved, rejoiced, failed – people who have experienced every emotion that you have.  You will find that the people who are the most memorable, the ones who have the finest stories are those who understood the Bigger Story.

Consider Joseph.  Sold into slavery and forgotten by his brothers, he became the best slave that he could.  Wrongly accused by his boss’s wife he was thrown into prison for years, and he became the most honorable prisoner that he could.  He knew and believed that there was a Bigger Story of which he was a part.  Because he knew and trusted the Hero of the story, he was free to forgive and wait patiently on God to do whatever He saw fit to do.  Later, God’s story became evident when Joseph was appointed second-in-command over all Egypt in order to save many from starvation during the famine that was to come.

Many people in the Bible knew that they were a part of a Bigger Story.  Others were simply caught up in their own small stories of control and gratification. For many years I struggled to control our family, to make you all do things that I thought were best.  Inevitably God let those plans disintegrate because He wanted me to step into the larger story, giving you daughters and Dad to Him.  God, the Hero of the Bigger Story, has immeasurably greater plans that far surpass anything I could ever imagine for all of you.

I used to think that I needed to be the answer woman and have all the right words for everyone, including you girls, but now my favorite phrase is “You better ask God for wisdom about that one.”  My greatest desire is that each of you will seek God on your own, looking for your place in the Bigger Story, listening, learning and loving.  I can point you to God’s heart, His love of forgiveness, reconciliation, compassion, helping the oppressed, and then I can stand back in awe, watching each of you making those choices that will bring you into the Bigger Story.

I am constantly amazed that Jesus came to die for poor ornery people like you and like I.  He loves us just as we are, but has plans for so much more – because Heroes are just like that.

Love, Mom