Tied to the Mast

Dear Daughters,

It was a cloudless, beautiful evening in Seattle aboard the MV Skansonia, a retired ferry on Union Lake.  Parents, grandparents, aunt and uncles, cousins and friends of Chris and Julia came thousands of miles to witness a 30 minute ceremony of words, watch them exchange a bit of metal and stone, rejoice with a little music and square dancing, feast on scrumptious food.

A wedding, the celebration of the beginning of a marriage, is a time for joyous celebration.  Promises made, all of us looking on, cheering, smiling, remembering earlier wedding ceremonies of our own.

When all the bridesmaids, groomsmen, parents and favorite dog processed to their places, Chris stood next to the pastor, his face eager with anticipation to see his beautiful bride.  The look of pure joy and desire on both Chris and Julia’s faces was priceless. 

After the vows were promised and the rings exchanged, the parents encircled the newly married couple, hands clasped and praying for them during the song Be Thou My Vision.

Vision. 

Ever since I turned 40, my eyes have not focused as they used to.  I had to buy lenses in order to see clearly.  I could have continued on with no help from the magnifying lens but my life would have been drastically curtailed – unable to read books, music or computer pixels.

In the same way, seeing marriage through the lens of God is truly the best way to make a marriage thrive and grow.  Since God is the inventor/idea maker of marriage, it would only make sense to read what He has to say about this unique institution so we can have His clear vision of the meaning of marriage.

Think about buying a car.  When we purchase something that is completely out of our realm of understanding, it is certainly wise to see what the owner manual says about treating and maintaining our vehicle.

All of us see marriage through distorted lenses of our own experiences.  Some who come from a family with a sound marriage will be shocked at how difficult marriage actually is if our parents dealt with their differences behind closed doors.  Others, having come out of a dysfunctional home, will have little idea of what a healthy nourishing marriage looks like.  In either situation, young lovers will have to deal with selfishness and self-centeredness that is at the core of every human being.

During a short reading from C S Lewis’ Mere Christianity during the wedding ceremony, we were reminded about the difference between romantic love and true committed love.  It’s easy to feel ecstatic, floating-on-clouds emotion for a time, but life-long, unwavering, committed love, especially during difficult times, is what will ultimately lead to mature, selfless, true love.

…Love, in the Christian sense, does not mean an emotion. It is a state not of the feelings but of the will; that state of the will which we have naturally about ourselves, and must learn to have about other people…

Pastor JJ reminded us that marriage is a reflection of God’s love.  When the world sees a sound, committed marriage, the goodness of God is shared with everyone who witnesses such a love.  In our culture today it is a rare delight to see a married couple still enjoying one another after decades of living with each other.

When the Bible speaks of love, it is measured not by how much you want to receive, but how much you are willing to give of yourself to someone.  Marriage is to be a covenant love – seen through the lens of God, a love given with promises.  Too often today, love is seen through the lens of the world and becomes a consumer love – only living to take what it can get for the lowest possible price.

Tim Keller, in The Meaning of Marriage, tells about a story in Greek mythology. There were creatures called Sirens (half bird, half woman) who would lure Ulysses and his men to destruction with their beautiful songs as the men sailed by their island.  Because Ulysses knew of the power of the Sirens and the temporary insanity it would cause him and his men, he instructed the men to plug their ears with wax, tied himself to the mast, and told his men to keep on their course no matter what other instructions he might give. 

Ulysses was wise in looking and preparing for the future, knowing that temptations would certainly come, and come with a vengeance.  But he also knew that he didn’t want to succumb to the luring voices of the Sirens and be destroyed.

In marriage vows we too declare a mutually binding promise of future love, not merely of the present love that we are feeling.  Our public wedding promises, made before many people, are similar to being Tied to the mast.

I’m quite certain that Chris and Julia will stay Tied to the mast of their promises.  As they partner with God, their love is built on a firm foundation and will weather the many storms that are bound to come.

I thank you, my daughters, for also staying Tied to the Mast of your promises made on your wedding day.  Jesus is doing a beautiful work through those promises.

Love, Mom